Chapter 20

'Did you love him?'

Christian is standing in the doorway when I turn over to where his voice came from. I don't know how long he has been standing there listening to me cry, but I do know that I cannot lie. Barely a whisper escapes my lips…

'Yes'

'Do you love him still?'

'Christian…I…'

'WHAT DO YOU WANT ANA?! ME OR HIM?!'

'YOU!'

The word comes out as a violent scream from deep within me replacing the whispers.

'It's always been you Christian can't you see that?'

Exhausted from screaming, I sob as I turn over in my bed, ashamed of my own internal weakness when it comes to Christian Grey.

'But you said there hadn't been anyone else'

'I haven't slept with anyone but you Christian and that is the truth'

'Bullshit Ana!'

The anger wells up inside of me now. He really doesn't understand that he is it…he is everything…my first love, my only love, the father of my child, the man I would leave and go to the other side of the country for…he is my fifty.

'You think I didn't want to move on? You think that I didn't try to love another? Well I did try and I failed because you were always with me Christian no matter how far I went, no matter how hard I tried to avoid anything that would remind me of you I still couldn't stop loving you! I couldn't stop feeling your fingers through my hair, your breath on my skin…everytime I tried to be with Alex I couldn't because all I could see was YOU! The day we met…that was the day that no other man stood a chance against you'

He looks as if he is going to cry and before I can say anything to him I am in his arms. He holds me close to him, looks down at me with a loving boyish grin and whispers…

'Of course no one stands a chance against me'