(I do not own Persona 4, nor do I own any of the characters.)
Debilitate In Drugs
There I was. With a needle knee-deep in my own arm. I thought I'd be better than this. Why did I turn to this? This cancer…these drugs…
At this rate, with all the usage, I'll surely die.
Without a doubt, soon finding myself hooked up to some machine and in a coma. It's been years...or at least it felt like it.
After Souji left, it felt like all the life was; I was drained of everything.
Yosuke breathed heavily and flicked his eyes open. Everything was white. He was once again, in the hospital. He wouldn't lie that this was getting on his nerves that he keeps ending up being 'saved'.
In his thoughts he needed no savior. He just wanted freedom. Freedom from the hellish planet called earth; the place he resided on. He was tired of everything, after Souji, people started picking with him in school; his last year.
My last year of school.
I fucking hated it, I hated everything and everyone that dealt with the school; the teachers, the students, everything!
I contemplated on shooting the whole school up, making sure I'd hit my targets. How would I get a gun? And where?
Then, there was that first time I turned to self-harm…it felt good at the time. And I still haven't dropped it; instead added more pain to my body.
It was good pain though…
"Yosuke!" Chie ran to his side immediately. His hand twitched slightly. He didn't want her to see him like this, it pained him, but not as much as it did her.
It didn't take long for Chie to notice, well that I started smoking crack and shooting myself up.
Even when I found, remote locations I knew people would never go; she still found out.
Maybe I was doing it all wrong.
Then there was when she found me half-dead on some field.
I had a needle. It was stuck in my arm, and when she found me I wasn't responsive.
She called the cops, ambulance, and almost half the whole gang; except Souji.
He never picked up…
That hurt me the most; to know that my partner, my best friend wasn't able to be there in person.
So, I decided that each time he'd call me, I'd lie to him. I would I was doing good…
In truth, I was killing myself slowly, but surely.
Tears ran down her face. She tried to wipe them away, to stop crying. "Why the hell are you doing this?!"
Yosuke stared at the ceiling. He didn't dare to look Chie in the face, for he knew it would break his own heart.
Kanji walked over to Chie and clasped a hand on her shoulder; his way of showing comfort.
"Yo-kun you're so stupid!" Yukiko yelled from his right-side. She was really loud, didn't care who heard. He looked her in the eye for a slightly second, they burned with sadness and hatred.
He could understand; not even he would want to see a friend in this position. "Naoto said she's on her way over…"
Rise came into view beside a very upset Yukiko. Her expression was the most agonizing. Even though she showed no hate, nor sadness; he knew deep down she was pained by his physical appearance.
"The fuck were you think' man?! You tryin' to joke us?!" Kanji held his fist up with a hostile look upon his face. But he was really angry…he was hurt deep down. Sad and scared for the life of his good friend.
"I'm so sorry…" Yosuke muttered to himself. He closed his eyes shut as burning tears formed up. He didn't want this weak side to show, yet he would rather his friends' see him hooked up to some machine?
I cannot pin point the exact time I went wrong.
Maybe my birth was wrong? Then that only leads to one question…
What would be going on? Certainly not me drugging myself up like some hobo.
Damn, speaking of which, they'd probably say I was throwing my good life away; and for what? Nothing?
I have my reasons just as well as any other.
Chie told me once, that god did not put us on this earth for no reason.
That he didn't put us here just to kill each other and ourselves.
I ask, "What is our reason then?"
She replies, "We just have to go day to day living, until our specialty finds us"
Chie's sobs were heart wrenching. Yosuke knew well all of their thoughts were meaningful, but he never knew it would pain them this much.
"W-why? Why would you do this Yosuke? To yourself? To us?" Chie's sobs grew heavier. She walked closer to his bed-side and buried her face into his chest, "I told you, that I'd always be there for you. That you could count on me…"
Yosuke bit the bottom of his lip. He stomach had twisted and turned; like he was going to puke any moment.
Yeah, that's what drugs do to ya.
They feel fine when you first try, but continue down the road and you'll find yourself dying each and every use of it.
"Did I do something wrong?!" Chie looked at him. She was desperate for any answer. Yosuke began to cry loudly. He couldn't take the pain any longer and wanted out.
He struggled against the needles that was stuck in his arms and found himself to be strapped down. He began to panic and scream curses, "WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU LEAVE ME BE?! I JUST WANNA DIE! I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS HURT, THIS PAIN! IT'S KILLING ME…"
Yukiko ran out of the room crying her heart out. Teddie pulled to the side and hugged her tightly. Rise had walked out also with her face in her hands. Teddie walked Yukiko over to Rise and hugged both of them. Kanji held Chie against his chest, as she cried out into his chest.
The nurses and doctors came rushing through the room. They asked Kanji and Chie to leave so they could sedate him. Yosuke kicked his legs and screamed at the top of his lungs.
But slowly he loud screams came out as loud snores. It took at least three doses of sedations to keep him quiet. First his vision was going slightly blurred and then his words began to slur; finally he was out like a light.
I'd say Teddie started noticing the changes in me before everyone else.
The stupid bear didn't know what to make out of it…
He was still learning though, I can't be too hard on him.
He's like a little brother…but I wouldn't be a fit big brother to him.
Kanji was more of a man than I would ever be, and never would I find myself admitting this.
Naoto came rushing in through the double doors. She took the quickest way to get to his room.
As soon as the elevator stopped, she bumped into a nurse who was entering. This caused her to delay her arrival at Yosuke's room.
"I am so sorry…" Naoto quickly helped the lady pick her papers up. The nurse also began grabbing at the papers spread out on the floor.
"It's alright, I understand. Emergency, is an emergency right?"
Naoto nodded thoughtfully. She finally finished and handed off the papers to the young nurse. Bowing quickly she muttered her apologies.
The nurse snickered to herself and watched as the nicely dressed young man move further away from her. The other nurse nudged her a bit and winked, "Found someone, eh?" They began to laugh to themselves and talked.
Kanji stormed passed Naoto. "Hey! Wait where are you going?!" she grabbed his arm; only to receive a glared. Not just any old glared, his eyes were red and puffy.
"If you're lookin' for the dumbass, just take a right on the first corner." Kanji yanked his arm away and walked to a nearby restroom.
Naoto frowned as she continued forward. She hoped and prayed deep down that Yosuke was alright, even though she didn't talk to him much she still considered him a close friend. A comrade, and a role model.
Rise looked up from where she was seated and threw herself into Naoto's arms. "Thank god your hear Naoto!" she buried her face into Naoto's chest. In response her arms wrapped around her friend, warming her.
"Come now, stop crying Rise-chan…" Naoto muttered into her friends' ear. She looked up at Teddie who was comforting Yukiko.
"Chie is inside, if you're wondering…" Teddie said faintly. Naoto nodded as she held Rise close to her. "He was doing that bad thing again…"
Naoto was caught off guard by Teddie's muttering. She continued to hold a crying Rise to her as she listened in on what the blonde boy had to say.
"Chie-chan said that Yosuke was doing some really bad things." Teddie smiled sadly. "She would explain to me though, so I had to research it on my own…and ask people…"
Naoto's heart sank as Teddie tried hard not to allow his emotions to escape his being. "When I found out…these things…this disease, I- I didn't know what to do, how to feel…but now…" at tear slid down his once cheerful face.
"Now, I understand…but why? Why would Yosuke do this? Is it me…? I don't understand…" Teddie's emotions that flooded him, flowed out through each hiccup that came from his thin frame. He was now a broken man, once happy and cheerful; now hurting on the inside.
The day had end horridly. Naoto was able to get a glimpse of Yosuke, but was unable to take the scene as she had begun easily sickened to her stomach by the sight of her sickly friend. When Kanji walked away to go to the restroom, he never came back to them, they guessed that he went home. Chie had pleaded with the doctors to let her stay. Teddie walked Rise and Yukiko home and then made his way back to his and Yosuke's house.
"…I never expected to see Hanamura like this…" Naoto muttered. Chie had a tight grip on the Yosuke's limp and weak hand.
"Why didn't he come for help? No matter how busy I am, I would have been glad to be there for him through the rough times…" Naoto sullenly looked down at the hospitals floors. This was a place of birth, and could also be a place of death.
She never wanted to see any of her friends here. Not even the relatives or parents of her friends, it saddened her deep down even though she would never show.
Chie kept silent. She was not afraid of speaking, yet she was deeply horrified that she might say something stupid and begin crying again. Tears formed to her eyes once more. Staring at the scars that marked Yosuke's arms. If she wasn't mistaken Naoto was also staring at them too.
"He…" Naoto started off. Yeah, she found out and Chie didn't even want to know what her expression was like. She had fallen silent again, unable to keep her emotions under tight watch; she cried.
It was the first time Chie had heard Naoto cry. Chie moved her hand to hold Naoto's small hand. She knew how she felt, for that was how she reacted the first time she found Yosuke in the field that first time.
Who was she kidding? She couldn't even contain her own emotions and yet she tries to comfort her young friend?
"I feel so helpless…" Naoto choked on her heavy sobs. She raised her free hand to wipe her tears away, only to have more flow. "How could I be so wrapped up in my job to ignore a friend…? I'm such an idiot…I should have-"
Chie squeezed her hand and shook her head. "No, it's not your fault…it's no one's fault, not even Yosuke's." Naoto looked at her from the corner of her eye.
"None of us would have known…" Chie exclaimed wistfully. They remained quiet, with the sounds of their sobs echoing through the hospital room.
Naoto was the only one to stay with Chie until her silent cries turned in to soft snores. She had left quickly after that, she knew that if she drove while angered and sadden, that she would do something reckless on the road. She forced the thoughts to the back of her head, to worry about them later.
The Following Day…
It was 6 in the morning, and the doctors and nurses came by routinely. Yosuke would practically beg them to loosen up the straps that held him down, but they would refuse saying that they had done with the last patient and he had wounded up killing himself hours later.
The only thing Yosuke could do was play with the bed adjuster and sigh from minute to minute. He hate the sight of the four white walls of the hospital, and he could hardly remember what happened yesterday.
Naoto left him a note. It was a nice one, yet there was much name calling, worrying and heartbreaking things. Yosuke never really thought Naoto would care much for him, but this situation proved him wrong.
Yosuke tried his best stroke Chie's hand gently. It was the least he could do for making her cry so much, though he knew she would ask for steak. He felt her hand twitch under his and smiled, "The best friend you could ever have…"
"Huh…?" Chie stirred groggily. Yosuke stared at her with a smile on his face. He was deathly pale, but he still had that same stupid smile that Chie loved. He shook his head discarding what he muttered.
He turned the television down with the same remote he used to mess with the controls of the bed. "So, Naoto came pass…"
"Oh…" Chie looked him in the eye, "Yeah…she did. She was, quickly thrown off by your appearance…"
"You haven't told her about my appearance…?"
Chie gripped his hand tightly causing him to wince. "You really expect me to throw her off balance like that?! Yosuke you are so fucking heartless. You don't even give a shit about how we feel…" she began sobbing once again.
Yosuke knew she was not much of a crying girl, but this changed his whole view on her. No matter how tough she acted, she was still a girl. A fragile young lady with feelings like any other. Even though it was rare for him to witness her cry, she was still a girl and he had to keep that in mind.
"C'mon, now you know I care for you guys…" Yosuke was cut off by Chie's yelling. His heart sank, it was like it came in contact with his stomach.
"NO, you DON'T care! Or else you would have talked to one of us…I even told you, when you were being bullied at school, that I could comfort you if you needed it…"
He stayed silent, not wanting to answer her. Or more like he was lost on what to say to her. He wasn't Souji, he wasn't a cuddle bug or a comforter. He was just Yosuke. The Junes kid, a loser at everything he does. He would have no hopes in trying to be just like Souji; it wouldn't suit him.
There was a knock at his door before Chie could finish chewing him out. Teddie opened the door and smiled, "I was able to convince them to let me see you early…I told them you were my big brother."
Yosuke's heart warmed up with high hopes of Teddie enlightening the atmosphere. He was sadly mistaken. Teddie's eyes had dark circles under them and his eyes were extremely red, Yosuke was definitely sure he was crying.
Teddie wrapped his arms around Chie and rested his chin on top of her head. "You two didn't have too much fun without your bear around….did ya…?"
Yosuke laughed inwardly, "Course not Ted…who could have fun without your silly ass…"
Chie stayed silent refusing to say anything to both the men. By now she would have shoved Teddie and did one of her trusty spin kicks on him, but alas she was defeated in every way possible.
"Heh…" something was bothering the blonde boy, it didn't take a genius to notice. "I'm sorry I came here a mess. It was just…I had a hard time getting sleep, the house was too quiet…it was bear-y painful."
Chie reached one of her hands up to awkwardly pat Teddie on his forearm. "It's alright Ted. Your human, you have to cry every once in a while…it hurts but it's just the way it is."
He was now frowning. He felt guilt, because he was there. Guilty because he didn't say anything to the others. Guilty because he did not get help for someone who let him into his life. Chie felt something wet drop on her hand. He was crying.
"Yosuke…" Teddie lifted his arms from off of Chie's shoulders. He wiped the coming tears, "I'm sorry I didn't get you any help early…if only I had spent more time researching, so I could understand. I would have been more ready!" Teddie could hardly catch his breath now. His sobs were from the heart and he was hurting badly.
It took about over 10 minutes for Teddie to calm himself down. He pulled up a seat next to Chie and stared at Yosuke. "Ya know, I got a call from Kanji this morning."
"He said, he needs sometime to himself. He said he couldn't handle seeing you like this and that once he got home he broke down crying and broke his fist against a stone wall while he was making his way inside his house…"
Yosuke sighed, Kanji was never really good with his emotions. He constantly blushed when Teddie was in his bear costume, and for what reason? Only cause he wanted to feel how soft it was. And when Naoto would ask one thing from him, he would go off the deep end, blushing like a mad man.
"See, you really don't care how we feel…" Chie scowled at him. He cringed slightly and shifted, if that was even possible for him. "Don't you trust us Yosuke…?"
Yosuke snapped at her, "Of course I do Chie! Dammit, you think I'm a fucking heartless jackass? Just let your fucking feelings out already! I told you I was sorry, and I cried…" Chie went silent along with Teddie.
"I fucking cried! You think I don't think about how you guys feel?!" Yosuke's gritted his teeth. "You just don't understand…I don't want to be in this world Chie. I don't want to. I wanna go, to leave this hell for ever…"
"Taking your life is just going to send you to hell!" Chie yelled back at him. She stood over him. "You really are stupid you know that? You are doing what God doesn't want you do this, Yosuke you're doing what the devil wants you to do."
"Who ever said I believe in God or the Devil?" Yosuke tried to play off as if he really never cared. Deep down he did, and Chie knew this all too well.
Chie frowned at him and shook her head. She went for the door of his room. 'You really don't fool me Yosuke. I know you all too well…'
"Where you goin'?!" Yosuke asked loudly. Chie brushed him off and closed the door behind her. Teddie watched the change in Yosuke's facial expression and rested his chin in his hand. He sighed heavily.