Chapter 1

There was something odd about this murder scene but Skulduggery couldn't quite put his bony finger on it. Maybe it was the fact that there was a toothbrush in one of the victim's mouths or that there was a big blue box that appeared out of nowhere and people were getting out of it. Skulduggery got close enough around a corner to them to hear what they were talking about. "It says meet us here, we need help- oh", the man with the sticky uppy hair saw the scene, "whoever they are or were", he turned to the woman with the huge curly hair, "we were late."

Skulduggery braced his hand around his gun, "Who are you?"

The man was slightly stunned at the look of Skulduggery, "Well, how does that work?" he asked, "but, but, but" the man started to point at Skulduggery's jaw.

The woman apologized, "Sorry, sometimes he just doesn't get it. Now sweetie" She started to whisper in his ear.

"Ohhhh…" he started sniffing Skulduggery, "Of course"

The woman continued, "Sorry, I'm River Song and this is the Doctor… just the Doctor."

"Right and what are you doing here?"

"Well, it's kind of a long story. I got this message and we were a bit well -uh- late."

"And this message…?", Skulduggery half-asked.

"Wait, we're in Ireland aren't we? That's marvellous! I haven't been here in a very long time."

"Yes, Ireland is marvellous but what does it have to do with them?" Skulduggery pointed to the victims.

"Oh- well, them", Doctor took a deep breath and was interrupted by River, "We don't actually know… I thought your species is extinct?"

Skulduggery was a bit startled, "My… species?"

River retorted, "Yes your species aren't you from Exoberlice 11?"

"Exoberlice 11?"

"Yes, the planet. The one with the red sky and the gelatinous ground."

"Wait… You think I'm from a different planet? Sorry, I haven't been my normal brilliant self but you have me quite confused. What are you talking about?"

The Doctor came up close to Skulduggery and started looking from eye socket to eye socket. He then got a green flashy light thing and pointed to Skulduggery with it then looked at it. He turned to River and showed her the thing. "Oh…" She murmured, "Now that's weird."

"I told you his molecular structure was of Earth."

"Well, how do you explain him… staying… together?"

"Give me a second; I haven't quite worked out that bit yet."

Skulduggery was even more confused he had assumed they weren't mortal but it seemed they were. It didn't make much sense to Skulduggery either. Were these mortals mad or just… alright he couldn't think of something else they could be.

"How about I bring you two down to the sanctuary? Wait, where is Valkyrie?" Of course, she hates murder scenes. Skulduggery motioned for them to stay there while he got Valkyrie.

She was waiting in the Bentley. "You got all the information you need yet?" Valkyrie by the looks of it was not amused.

"Yes and suspects."

"Where are they then?"

"Someone's got they're grouchy pants on today."

"Shut up. Who?"

"They're completely mad. They call themselves River Song and The Doctor."

"Doctor Wh-"

"Just the Doctor."

"Right. Well, go get them."

Skulduggery walked back to the wackos. "We can explain everything at the sanctuary now come with me."

River hesitated, "Hold on, we don't even know your name."

Skulduggery would have sighed right then if he could. "My name is Skulduggery Pleasant."

River turned to the Doctor, "What an odd name for this age and on Earth. Better check," River turned to Skulduggery, "What year is this?" Skulduggery started walking to the Bentley. River -shortly followed by the Doctor- followed. "The year is 2013." Yep definitely mad.

They met Valkyrie sitting in the front seat. "Oh, you must be River and you are the Doctor."

"Yes we are." River responded.

"...Nice belt."


They got in the Bentley. Valkyrie and River looked like they got on a bit too well and too easily. Which was odd since Valkyrie doesn't normally get along with people that easily and by the looks of it, neither did River.

Skulduggery's gun must have been in view.

"What is this?" The Doctor took his gun and put it in his pocket.

Skulduggery wasn't pleased. "Give me that back. That is my favourite."

"Sorry, I can't do that. I do not allow violence in my presence and even if you try my pockets are too bigger on the inside for you to find it."

Valkyrie gave a look at Skulduggery.

"Did you just say your pockets were bigger on the inside?" Valkyrie asked.

River answered, "Yes," she reached over into the Doctor's pocket and pulled the gun out, "and here Skulduggery. I do believe in violence." She handed Skulduggery the gun.

Skulduggery gave her a quick nod and started the engine.