Okay. So I think it's kinda obvious I'm not happy with the original version of this story. And by the lack of reviews, it's clear you aren't either. I'm not sure exactly what happened to my writing, whether it's just the length between updates that killed it or I've lost my touch. Either way, the way BWITKYT was going was terrible. One of the problems was that every chapter seemed disjointed and a separate thing, rather than a flowing story. I also don't like the whole flashback thing anymore, they were terrible.
So... With all this in mind, I decided to rewrite this story. I also changed the name to 'But what if animals did talk?' Cause honestly, 'But what if they kill you too?' Was a terrible title.
So anyway... To those that don't know me, I reply to every review I get at the start of each chapter. I also love detailed and constructive reviews that tell me what they like/dislike and about characters/plot than those that just say 'good update!' Or whatever. But all reviews are welcomed. Now... I've thought up a plot for the start of BWIADT. As before, every chapter will be in the view point of one of the four humans - Louis, Josh, Mystery or Laura.
But anyway... This chapter's a very different start than the original, so I hope you enjoy this... Unique.. Thing. It's only seven (half of them) animals, so.
Heavy rain crashed against the filthy ground as the street lamps flickered on, lighting up the dark alley with a dim and miserable glow. Three humans hurried past under a large umbrella, two adults and a young child. A young kitten peered out from beneath a dustbin lid from the torn sheets of a make-do bed. The excited voice of the little human eventually drifted away, leaving her alone once more. A brown patch of fur covered one or her eyes, and Purrl clutched her teddy close to her chest, shivering from the cold.
A purple squirrel cried out in anguish as he struggled against the strong police bull's thick arms, eyes wide as he watched the scene. A pink squirrel looked back at him with sad, innocent eyes as she entered the police car. Tears fell down Static's furry face as he watched his little sister get taken away, never to see her again. The words of his parents' death rang through his ears, and the bull let him go, muttering some useless attempt of comfort. He fell to his knees, and the stupid animal eventually walked away. Sara's face peered through the window at him, and he watched as the car drove away, his life vanishing with it.
Sirens blared around the young puppy as he stood away from the paramedic team. His heart thudded in his chest as a third attempt to revive the young cow failed. The lights of the ambulance on the field high above Bones' head continued to flash as another pair of animals carefully descended, carrying a stretcher. Bones continued to sob as they pronounced Tulip dead and loaded her onto the stretcher. It was only when the police arrived that Bones looked away from that same spot.
The wolf's eyes followed the overweight frog as he walked by, whistling merrily. The words of his uncle rang in his ears, along with the stupid command he was now forced to carry out. He took a deep breath, before silently emerging from the shadows, following the oblivious amphibian. Wolfgang drew a gun from his pocket, aimed it directly at the back of the yellow frog's head, and fired.
The school ground was noisy as the young, chubby cat wandered nervously around. She straightened up her dark uniform self-consciously as she looked at the numerous teenage animals and humans chatting to each other and laughing over the latest gossip. Rosie gasped in surprise as she bumped into a tall zebra, which immediately turned and sneered down at her. Rosie's heart fluttered in her chest as she backed away shyly. As the bullies laughed at her meanly, she kept her fond eyes fixed on the zebra, even as they pushed her to the dirt and laughed at her weight. The zebra was still a nice animal... They all were really. Even when they treated her with scorn over being raised by humans... They meant well.
The white mouse looked nervously back at her companions, who returned the expression in their terrified eyes. The mission was clear, Dora thought to herself with a gulp. She continued to crawl through the tight and narrow tunnel, one paw and arm at a time. And once they'd reached the end, Dora and two of the other mice with her would sneak into the human building and steal anything useful. Then they'd hurry back and give it to the leader of their group, only mice. And then, a few weeks later, the process would repeat. Dora gulped a second time.
The knocking on the glass caused the sleepy rhino's eyes to open wearily. He groaned as he sat up, wiping the sleep from his eyes with a flick of his hoof. He scowled in anger at the excited humans outside the glass of his enclosure, goggling at the human-like rhino wearing clothes and standing on two feet. Tank's eyes narrowed, and he lowered his head, a death glare in his tiny eyes. He then charged at the glass, causing the children to scream in their stupid high-pitched voices and run away. Tank's horn rebounded off the glass and he fell backwards, darts immediately firing at him. He roared in fury as he felt himself losing control of his body. His eyes remained open as he watched the scared kids return to state at the captured animal. The freak of nature.
Honevray had always been one of the free towns of the animal kingdom, always a refuge to the darker places of the world. The towns at the edge of the border were full of humans, with animals as slaves , or worse. Some even befriended the cruel men and women that lived there, earning themselves a good and equal life at the expense of those who were not so weak.
But every so often, an animal would get loose and find sanctuary by the sea, in Honevray or neighbouring towns. After a live of serving humans as a slave, Purrl eventually ran away and arrived in Honevray, emaciated and weak. Her beauty and fashion was the one thing she had, mistaken for over confidence and snobbishness by the other residents.
After their parents' death, Sara was taken to a cruel orphanage away from Static, who was considered old enough to look after himself. He ran away to join his friend Wolfgang in Honevray, anxiously looking for a way to find his sister. After the accidental death of his best friend, Bones was eventually found unfairly guilty by the police and arrested for murder. After spending sixteen months there, however, a stranger now known as Dora broke him out and he fled to Honevray.
Wolfgang, once babysitter of Static and Sara, after joining a life of crime and murder to survive the humans and rich animals' cruelty, eventually forced himself out of the city and went into hiding, choosing Honevray as his unaware home. Rosie came from one of the human and animal civilisations, a place full of order, education and money. She was raised by a rare kind human, who treated her as if she was his own. Going to a school shared by humans and animals alike, she was tormented for her association with humans, being bullied into losing weight and eventually leaving, coming to Honevray.
Dora came from a town similar to Purrl's, except she was lucky enough to be a mouse, and thus was recruited by the mouse-only organisation that fought back against the humans in secret. Having been there for years, she became one of their top agents, leading several infiltration missions and attacks against various human companies and offices. After the leader was captured and killed, the remaining mice fled town and became a secret organisations that helped bring justice and helped those in need. After her last mission resulted in many of her friends' deaths, she fled town and came to Honevray.
Tank was also from one of these towns, never lucky enough to spend one moment of his childhood free. Born and raised under human captivity, he was an attraction of a disgusting human-run zoo that put up these walking talking animals on display to curious and ignorant humans that would drug and harm him whenever he disobeyed. Eventually, after a group of mice managed to break the security systems (unfortunately resulting in their deaths), Tank and every animal in the zoo escaped, Tank coming to Honevray.
Every animal in the town had a story... And nearly every animal had a hatred for some humans. Although The Organisation worked to destroy all humans, there were those that came to accept the ignorance of man, and bore no grudge against humans who had done them no wrong.
A/N: Wasn't sure how to end it, so sorry that was a bit abrupt. So now you know the basics of how Purrl, Static, Bones, Wolfgang, Rosie, Dora and Tank came to Honevray.
Whose story do you think was the saddest? Did any make you just roll your eyes from clicheness? :P
And what are your opinions on humans now in this corrupt world, haha?