Author's note!: So this is my first fic posted here but not the first I've written.

All dreams/flashbacks and things of that sort will be written in Italics.

Notes/letters/text messages and things of that sort will be written in bold.

Please feel free to review and tell me what you think.

"Everything is perfect." Jane thought out loud. "Maura should be home in about an hour. Table's set. Dinner's in the oven and should be done right before she gets home. Two dozen red and pink roses, Maura will love them. All there is left to do is write this damn letter-slash-note thing. I hate writing."

Jane sat at the kitchen table, a sheet of pristine white paper and her favorite black pen in front of her. Maura had bought Jane the pen as "Just Because" gift, Jane was always losing pens or they ran out of ink, the pen was black adorned with a silver plaque engraved with "My Hero". Jane glanced at the engraving, the irony of it. If Maura only knew.

Jane had been having a lot of problems with coping after her last encounter with Hoyt. When Hoyt threatened not only Jane's own life, but also Maura's, it sent Jane over the edge. She saw red and nothing else when she jammed that scalpel into Hoyt's chest. After Hoyt's death, Jane had been having a recurring nightmare.

She didn't kill Hoyt, he over powered her, made the small cut to her neck, then made the corrections officer hold Jane up while he walked to Maura. Maura was frantic, begging for not only her life but Jane's as well Hoyt slowly walked behind Maura, stroking her face, running his fingers through dirty blonde tresses.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" Jane would scream, "Get your filthy hands off her!"

Hoyt smiled, Jane was sure this is what happened to all the other couples Hoyt killed. He would tie one up, usually the husband, and make him watch while Hoyt first had his way with the man's wife and then kill her before killing the husband.

"God, please," Jane silently pleaded, "Do not let him rape her."

God didn't answer as Hoyt slipped his orange prison uniform pants down to his ankles.

"You fuck! I will kill you!" Jane yelled through gritted teeth as the CO jerked her head up, making sure she had a good view. "No! Get your hands off me. And her!"

Hoyt moved Maura so she was laying on the hospital bed. Maura was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably while Hoyt climbed on top of her and pushed her skirt up. Jane fought as hard as she could against the CO but he was stronger than her. At the very least, she wanted to turn her head, the CO made sure her eyes were open, every time Jane closed them, he hit her with the butt of his billy club.

With his final thrust, after the longest 5 minutes of Jane and Maura's lives, Hoyt pulled the scalpel from a nearby table.

"Say goodbye to the good doctor, Janie." And Hoyt slit Maura's throat.

Jane always woke up after that part of the nightmare. Just thinking about it now, made Jane cry. Her perfect white paper now stained with tears.

Dear Maura,
I'm sorry I called out today, I woke up feeling lousy which is also why I left a note and went back home. I cooked you dinner, Ma's vegetable lasagna, just for you. A bottle of your favorite wine is chilling by the sink. There's also dessert in the fridge, cannolis from Mike's on Hanover, I know they're your favorite. So, I want you to have nice dinner then when you're done with dinner, there's another note for you on the coffee table.


P.S. I hope you don't mind, I left Jo here, she loves you and I'm too sick to let her out.

Jane folded the note in half, wrote Maura's name on the outside, gave Jo Friday a pat and a kiss on the snout before picking up her off duty weapon, attaching it to her hip, and walking out. The drive home seemed to take a little longer than usual, her head filled with thoughts of Hoyt, Korsak, Frost, her brothers, Ma, and Maura. When she finally arrived home, she locked the door and headed straight for the bathroom. Maybe a nice hot shower could get these thoughts outta her head.