A/N: I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me with no choice. Here comes the Felix/Calhoun smut. *If you get the reference, you get a cookie :D or a candy cane, whatever you prefer*

Anyway, just in case you were wondering, (which you weren't) I'm not new, I just made this account for my M rated fics. It's too complicated to explain in an author's note…

I can't believe no one's written this yet, it's actually kind of bothering me how there's no smut for the one actual pairing in the movie. If I don't write this, I may just spontaneously combust. Oh well, enjoy this completely distorted version of Disney magic :D

His First Time

First of all, Felix had never imagined he'd find love. Not in a million years. Sure, he thought it'd be nice to have a special someone, but it wasn't a priority of his. But then again, it'd also never been a priority of his to change the dynamic between himself and Ralph. His personal motto besides "I can fix it" used to be "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Now he looked at things a bit differently.

Everything had changed for the better after Ralph had gone Turbo, and Felix was one of the most thankful for it. It's only been a few months and his world was opening up like nothing he'd ever experienced before.

And tonight was no exception.

He could imagine that it'd been a long day for his dynamite gal. A couple of "champion gamers" had come into the arcade and played Hero's Duty since the doors first opened all the way until closing time. They'd collected what they called "a shit ton of medals" and hadn't let anyone else take a jab at the game. He knew even Calhoun must have been getting tired—at least tired of these obnoxious players. How did he know? He could see her face from his spot in the roof occasionally throughout the day. She may be able to fool her men and even the players, but he could look past her programming and see how she truly felt.

Anyway, he usually didn't enter her game, but it usually didn't take her more than five minutes to get out of her armor and meet him in Game Central Station. He'd told Ralph and Vanellope to go ahead and game jump without them, anticipating that Calhoun may want to have a quiet evening with just the two of them.

He'd anticipated correctly when he thought she'd want to be alone with him that night. But a quiet evening, however, was not at all what she had in mind.

The second he'd entered her office, she'd closed and locked the door behind him, like she'd been waiting for him. She then promptly pulled him up to her height by the shirt collar and pinned him to the door, her chest tightly pressed against his, her lips capturing his mouth in a possessive kiss. His immediate reaction was shock, her displays of affection not usually this aggressive, if you can believe that. Before he could regain the ability to think straight, let alone kiss her back, her lips moved down to his ear, and then his neck. By then, his face was red, his skin hot to the touch. She noticed and stopped her ministrations to look at him. She laughed playfully at the bewildered look on his face. He looked into her eyes and gave a nervous smile.

"Y-you nearly gave me a…a heart attack, ma'am." He managed.

Her smile widened ever so slightly. "Sorry there, soldier." She leaned forward so that her lips grazed his ear again. "I've been wanting you all day."

His eyes widened at her words, having been spoken so sensually. The range of feelings going through his body just then was incredibly terrifying. He was nervous for a number of reasons, having never been intimate with anyone before, above all a woman as stunning as Calhoun. How was he supposed to tell her that he had no experience with this kind of thing? What would she do? Would she be disappointed? But besides being nervous and a bit apprehensive, he was incredibly aroused, realizing somewhere between Calhoun unbuttoning his shirt and carrying him to her cot that his jeans were much too tight for his liking.

His hat, blue shirt and tool belt having been hastily discarded, he could feel Calhoun's strong hands un-tucking his white undershirt. Before he could say anything, she thrust it over his head and threw it aside, going for his shoes next.

"Ta-Tammy." He managed, his tone of voice coming off as a bit weaker then he'd intended, but it got her attention. She looked up at him, concern in her eyes.

"What is it? Something wrong?" She asked, her hands still working his shoe laces.

He took a deep breath, trying to analyze the situation with a clear mind. He was half naked and sprawled out on an army cot, the love of his life looking amazingly horny in her tank top and sweat pants. What was he supposed to say to this?

"Nothing's wrong." He said finally, sitting up and shaking his head.

She rolled her eyes and abandoned his shoes, bringing and hand to his chin and raising his eyes up to meet hers. She could see the innocent nervousness there, the fear that he couldn't give her what she wanted. She gave a small smile of joy and amusement, unable to believe that she could possibly love him more. She wanted him all right, all of him, but she wasn't going to put him through something he wasn't ready for.

"Tell me the truth, Felix. What's wrong?" She said softly. She wanted him to be able to voice his fears, and then maybe she'd be able to exterminate them; make him stronger for it.

He sighed, standing up so that they were more or less at eye level with each other. He shivered immediately, his skin no longer as hot as it had been, the cold air of Hero's Duty finally getting to him. His jeans were still very uncomfortable, but he had to tell her the truth, no matter how difficult it may be in doing so.

"I've never…done this before." He finally said, face turning red again, their eyes never breaking contact. "Of course I want to, if you want to. I mean, I've always wanted…I just…I just want what's best for you, and I'm not…well, I'm not anything special…" He hoped he got the point across, because he really didn't want to get into specifics.

Calhoun shook her head slightly and smiled. "You moron."

He relaxed somewhat, knowing that name calling was a sign of endearment. Before he knew it, she enveloped him in her arms and held him close. She pressed her lips against his hair for a moment before speaking. "You are what's best for me, in every way. Nothing else matters." She pulled away to look at him, arms still encircling his waist. "And as for you being a virgin…" her smile grew mischievous, "I can fix that."

He immediately blushed like he'd never blushed before. Who knew that his programmed motto could be turned into something so erotic? He was half afraid that every time he said the phrase after this, all he would think of is Calhoun's sexual innuendo. It kind of turned him on, actually, though he was sure he was as turned on as he could get.

Wrong again, apparently.

Calhoun made him lay down again, but didn't do so herself. Instead, she sat up and stretched, bringing her tank top with her. He nearly averted his eyes on impulse, but quickly remembered that this was what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to do what he only did in his dreams, which was marvel at her naked body. Though, she was only nearly naked at the moment, it was practically the same difference here. Her programmers must have been young, horny men, because her breasts were huge. Upon further examination, everything about the proportions of her body were exaggerated, her hips, legs, her tiny waist. Realistically, she shouldn't even be able to lift herself upright. He then supposed, neither should he with size of his head compared to the size of his neck. Why was he rambling on about all of this?

Oh yeah, he was still nervous.

And she was taking off her bra.

And slowly.

"Are you trying torture me?" He heard himself say. Wow, where had that come from?

She eyed him in slight surprise, of course having wanted that response, but not expecting those exact words. Especially from him. She leaned down, still holding the garment up to her chest until she was nearly lying on top of him.

"Would I do that?" She asked almost entirely seriously, which almost convinced Felix of her sincerity. Before he could say anything, however, she reached up and raked her fingers over the bulge in his pants. He yelped in surprise and squirmed underneath her.

"Yes! You would!" He replied breathlessly.

She smiled wide. Had she always been turned on by sheer adorableness or was it just Felix? Was adorableness even a word? (Apparently it is, spell check said so.) Seeing him like this, so trusting of her, so red in the face, and so honest about his feelings, she realized that loved him like she'd never loved anyone before, and technically, she'd never loved before. Brad was just a memory. So…did that mean she was a virgin too? Well if she was, she wasn't going to let him know that…

And everything she was doing to him assuring her that he was unaware of the fact.

Having discarded her bra, she lowered her upper body onto his, skin meeting skin, igniting a fire in both of them. She kissed him, and this time, he was right enough to kiss back. This, at least, was something he was used to, and somewhat good at. He wrapped his arms around her neck, pulling her closer while also taking his gloves off and throwing them aside. It wasn't long until she began to kiss lower, this way making it to his collar bone. He moaned, and she could tell by the nervous tension in his stomach muscles that he was immediately embarrassed by the sound. She knew the feeling, but wanted to encourage him.

"Let it out Fix-it, lets me know that you like what I'm doing." She murmured against his chest, moving to the other side of his neck, trying to find another sweet spot. She heard him moan again, this time a little louder. She smiled against his neck. This was turning her on, but enough with the foreplay, she wanted to show him some real action. She was kissing lower now, and faster, her hands moving with her in firm, purposeful touches. She felt him slightly tense when she reached his abdomen, and for good reason. Her pace was probably a bit too fast for his mental capacity at the moment, but she kind of wanted to shock him. She wanted to give him the most pleasure he's ever felt.

And before he knew it, she'd unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans with her teeth, flung his shoes off the side of the bed and was now in the process of sliding his pants off. He almost felt like a Cybug at her mercy, only she had much less fatal plans for him. With his pants out of the way, she slid off her own, leaving Felix' boxers her next target. She looked up at him then, her eyes silently asking him if he was really ready for this. Knowing how much he loved this woman (and knowing how hard he was), he finally embraced his lust for her and verbally complied.

"Please, Tammy." He breathed. "Take me."

That did it for her. She practically ripped his boxers away and immediately wrapped her hand around his member. He gasped at the contact, completely taken by the sensations coursing through his body. His toes curled, his breathing grew a bit shorter, his sense of reality may have even been a bit skewed. Calhoun was surprised by his size, which would be average for an average sized man, but on him, it looked downright huge.

"Nothing special, huh?" She teased, twisting her hand around his shaft and slowly beginning to pump. He was too immersed in pleasure to speak, she could tell, but that didn't stop him from trying, however futile the attempt.

"Tammy…oh Tammy…"

Calhoun was taken aback by how his moaning her name was affecting her. It melted her heart, but drove her to want to fuck him senseless…and, well, he wasn't going to complain. "Shut up, short-stack…" She said, sealing her lips over his, pressing him further into the mattress as she did so. She could feel his hands on her, at first cupping her face, then traveling lower and brushing the sides of her breasts, making her moan into his mouth unexpectedly, and to his secret delight. She decided to fight back, her hand still gripping his swollen member. She unraveled her digits a bit and pressed her thumb against the head of his shaft, making his entire body writhe, having him nearly scream.

After a few more moments of deep kissing and deliberate touches, Calhoun separated from him and sat up, straddling Felix's hips. She couldn't take it anymore, she needed him. Without a second thought, she maneuvered him inside her, speechless as to how well he seemed to fit. On the flip side, Felix was nowhere near speechless. Though no actual words came out of his mouth, he was the louder of the two, which he would later realize was a rare occurrence.

Both having easily adjusted, Calhoun was ready to give him no mercy. She began thrusting in earnest, at a pace Felix was nowhere near accustomed to, though he was no longer in shock. He was in heaven, completely drowning in a pleasure he'd never thought existed until now. But it wasn't only physical; it had to do with the fact that it was Tammy, his Tammy, making love to him because she loved him. It was the best feeling in the world, being loved. He only wished he didn't feel like he was going to explode right then and there. He knit his eyebrows together, hands gripping the bed sheets, concentrating on hanging on a little while longer. He wanted her to come first, she having been the one to jump him that evening. It was only right.

Calhoun looked down at her boyfriend—still thrusting—completely taken by the concentration in his face and the death grip he seemed to have on the sheets. When their eyes met, she immediately knew what he was trying to do and loved him for it. But she knew it was inevitable, his coming before her, he being the least experienced virgin of the two. So she bent down, her lips closely hovering above his ear, her hips moving just a tad slower. She contemplated telling him the dirtiest thing that she could possibly think of, but quickly settled for something she knew would get him off. Her natural self.

"Come for me soldier, that's an order."

And she was right. Within seconds he was over the edge, gasping her name and gripping her shoulders, pouring himself into the depths of her. Just seeing Felix's face triggered her orgasm, the passion in her thrusts only increasing as she rode it out. After that breathtaking moment of sheer ecstasy, they sank down from their high, their foreheads together and chests heaving. Calhoun eventually slumped down next to Felix on the cot, enveloping her lover in both arms and curling her legs around him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. His exhaustion was complete and totally evident, not having moved a muscle after his climax for a few minutes.

She was about to doze off when he swerved his head up to look at her and his hands moved to place themselves over hers. "Tammy?" he said quietly. His voice even sounded tired.

She hummed a reply, opening one eye to see that he was still slightly blushing.

"You…you liked it?" He said, sounding a little self-conscious. Just a little.

She shook her head and opened both her eyes. She put placed a hand to his face and smiled. "I love it. I love you." She kissed him on the lips then, a sweet, lingering kiss. She pulled away slowly. "Now go to sleep, you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow."

"Why's that?"

Calhoun smirked. "Those champion gamers playing Hero's Duty today, they said that they were hitting up your game next."

"Oh my." Felix replied. After a moment, he grinned. "Well, does that mean I get to stay in the penthouse and jump you tomorrow?"

She laughed. "We'll see about that."

Praise, flame, whatever. I'd actually appreciate a little constructive criticism, this is my first published smut fic. Anyway, hope this didn't scar you for life, and if it did, you're free to complain. Thanks for reading.