A/N hey guys. Sorry for the wait! I know I was a bit evil with the cliffy but you know deep down you love them. That won't be for a while yet but I will let you know sooner to it. Sorry for not updating I was a bit busy. Hope you all like this chapter! This story will mostly be in Bella's POV but I may change around with it. Forgot to write:
Disclaimer: I am in no way afflicted with Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any characters, storyline etc etc!
I continued on with my life. I had to. For Charlie and Renee's sake if not for my own. Death would have been an improvement over how my life is right now but I owed it to them to stay alive. Maybe if I knew he still loved me I could let him go. But he doesn't and I don't know how to deal with that. It is eating me alive. The pain is just so much. I have tried everything to contact them but it is turning out almost impossible. But they are vampires and if they don't want to be found there is nothing that I can do. I went to the post office to find a send on address for their mail but there was none. I rang all their numbers and sent e-mails to them all but they all returned to sender. I have talked myself into giving up hope but I can't help harboring a small bit of hope that someday one of the Cullens will return or I will get through to them. It is a very dangerous thing to do as I am already in a fragile state but I will completely lose it if I give up that hope completely. I didn't know that this type of pain was possible but when you love someone you give them everything including the power to break you and I have been broken beyond repair. I may get married and have kids in the future but that will be for appearances and to appease my parents. I will always be and empty shell of my own self. Void of life. I didn't know I was missing this from my life. I thought I was complete until I met Him. I couldn't say or think his name. Just shows how messed up I am. Charlie tried to talk me into going to therapy but I can't. If I told a word to anyone about Him or the rest of the Cullens I would be committed. And if I made up some lie therapy probably wouldn't work. You are supposed to be truthful for it to work. I decided to help myself by writing letters to Him. He will never get them but that doesn't matter. It makes me feel closer to him.
The grief is bewildering. I can barely function. The only thing stopping me killing myself is the knowledge of Charlie and Renee grief if I died. I don't have the option of suicide anymore. Other than that I would be dead long ago. Can you please come back to me. I need you so much. I still love you with all my heart. Just come back even if you don't love me just let be able to see you once more. I'm begging you. You completed me. You were more to me than you could ever imagine.
Days passed into weeks and I still couldn't move on. I kept writing letters but nothing had changed. He still didn't love me and I was still lost without him.
Why did you stop loving me? I know I am only a pathetic human but if you really loved me at all how could you have thrown away all the memories we shared? I still love you with all my heart. Please come back. I need you and will never stop needing you. You are my soul mate and I know that I will never move on even though you probably will. Just please come back to me.
But I knew I needed to make more of an effort to fool my parents into believing I am ok so I have decided to make plans to go out with Angela as I can't deal with Jessica right now. I may never heal but I need to make it look that way. The pain will never fade.
There you go! Please review as it encourages me to update sooner. But I'm not a needy person who won't update until i get reviews. They will just make me update sooner!