A/N: Couldn't resist writing this! Hope you enjoy :D
What You Feel
They break up for the usual reasons. He expects too much of her and pushes too hard. Feeling threatened, she closes down and he eventually tires of trying to trying to get through her shell. His words sting when he tells her that he can't do it anymore.
"I thought this meant enough to you to open up a little. I thought I meant enough to you. But I was obviously wrong."
She wants to tell him that he's wrong but the indignant part of her sparks and burns at his tone and she spews back, "And here I was thinking that you wouldn't run away the minute things got hard. Obviously, I was wrong."
He leaves without another word and when the door slams shut she cries. She hates that he can do this to her. She was never a crier before. Now she's like a leaky faucet whenever he leaves.
The next day at rehearsal Abby and Chloe announce the next gig for the Barden Bellas. Abby pauses dramatically before telling them all that the Barden Bellas and Treblemakers would be combining for a gig the next month. The rest of the group titters and preens while Beca stands there and thinks, "Just my fucking luck."
Abby asks her to work on a few song compilations and she welcomes the distraction, already thinking of different mash-ups that she would work out on her computer. She brings them in the next week and unhappily finds the Treblemakers lounging with the Barden Bellas.
"You're okay with this right?" Chloe asks, standing next to Bella as she pulls up the songs on her computer. Chloe glances back at Jesse and says, "I mean, with Jesse being here and all? I know you guys didn't break up too long ago-"
"It's fine," Beca interrupts. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. I'm totally fine."
She's not. She's a wreck and she feels it the entire rehearsal. Anytime she is moderately close to him she feels as if her skin is on fire and she has to remind herself to breath. For all intents and purposes, he seems entirely unaffected. While he doesn't talk to her, it's not a pointed avoidance. He naturally turns to one of his group members or jokes with one of the Barden Bellas. He effortlessly ignores her, which somehow makes it hurt more.
Her irritation builds until they are the last two gathering their things and she says sharply, "I see you're doing just fine."
He looks up at her with guarded eyes. "What?"
"You know what I mean."
He frowns and says, "Please Beca, be more cryptic."
"You're acting like nothing happened!" she throws back. "Your acting like the past three months were nothing!"
"How do you want me to act?" he asks, voice rising.
"I don't know," she says, throwing up her arms. "Like you care?"
He shakes his head, jaw tensing. "Like I care? Really, Beca?"
"You know what, never mind," she says, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She turns to leave but he follows her.
"I care, Beca," he says, taking a hold of her arm. When she turns he lets go and his arms hang limply at his sides. "No matter how much you push me away, I will always care about you."
"I have to go," she says, awkwardly adjusting the strap of her messenger bag on her shoulder.
"Okay," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Then go."
She means to move, she really does, but her limbs seem to have a mind of their own. Her feet stay rooted in their place as he holds her gaze. She doesn't know what he's playing at over there. His gaze is challenging. And then she gets it. He doesn't want to be the one to walk away this time. Have it be on her for once. Well fine, she'd give him what she wants. She'll walk away. She'll be the bad guy.
She means to do all of this but then she steps forward and he follows her lead, and before she can fully think through what is happening their mouths meet messily. His arms slide around her waist and she threads her fingers through his hair, drawing his mouth firmer against hers.
His mouth against hers again feels like returning home after a long trip. It's safe and comforting. When she thinks about it, everything about him is.
Someone clears their throat behind them and they pull apart, both breathing heavily. Amy skirts past them with a little smirk and says, "Don't let me interrupt the make out session. Just forgot my sweatshirt."
Beca laughs into her hand while Jesse rubs his chin uncomfortably. It takes Amy longer than anticipated to find her sweatshirt and when she finally finds it she says, "There you are, you nasty bugger."
When she passes the pair she says, "Carry on."
"So," Beca begins, looking at Jesse. "On a scale of one to mortifying…"
"Nearly there," Jesse returns. "So, this means…"
"I will be getting texts from all of them in about two minutes," she says, anxiously putting her hand to her forehead. "And…"
"What do you tell them?" he finishes.
"What are we doing?" she asks helplessly, dropping her hand from her head. "I mean. I know what we were literally doing, but…"
He moves toward her and takes her hands in his. When she doesn't pull away – which he half expects – he tugs her toward him. His arms slide around her waist again and his mouth drops to hers.
"This doesn't change anything," she says before his mouth reaches hers. "There are very real reasons we didn't work, Jesse."
"And there are very real reasons why I don't care anymore," he says.
"Jesse, come on."
"I don't," he says, removing his arms from her waist and reaching up to cup her face. "Because at the end of the day I'd rather have our messed up relationship than not have one at all."
She smirks and says, "You're such a weirdo."
"Yeah, so are you," he murmurs, leaning his head forward. She reaches up and wraps her hands around his wrists as she leans into the kiss.
A/N: Let me know if you like this! I have lots more Beca/Jesse up my sleeve ;)