A/N: Hey Folks! Professor Fart Burger here, welcome to my Mass Effect Fan Fiction! I'm a relatively 'noobish' author, meaning I write for fun and not as a job. I try my hardest to correct grammar/punctuation errors, but I know I'll miss a few.

Now, a few things to know:

1st: this is a self-insert Fan Fiction [I know, there are a bunch, but bear with me, I've always liked how creative they can get, and thought I'd give it a try.] but I'll be giving it my own spin, such as [Redacted]'s and [Redacted] events. As well, there will be many OC moments, as I've got to fill the void between ME 1 and ME 2 somehow right?

2nd: I'd like to credit many of the Mass Effect Self-Insert authors [Herr Woezeck, Mockingbird79, Sarge1999, claihm solais, to name a few] for being my inspiration for the story, and for actually gathering up the courage to try this.

3rd: This is the first time I've written in First Person, so bear with me as I get used to the style.

4th: 'My' name I use in the story is just a pen name, don't get excited. XD

5th: Nickels.

In case you're a slight bit impatient, or have no interest in a story revolving around the [Spoiler] universe, you can jump ahead to chapter 4, that's where we jump into Mass Effect, but I'd reccomend against it, as the chapters before it are important to future events, but, it's just a suggestion.

This was more or less the beginning for me as a FanFic writer, and as a writer in general, so there will more than likely be mistakes and things I've overlooked throughout. (Thankfully I've got a bunch of kickass reviewers who point this stuff out to me and help me improve) So please bear with me as you read on, it does get better as you move through the story. [Not perfect {I'll never claim that} but definitely better.]

Anyways, I hope you enjoy the story! And reviews are always appreciated!

Have a nice day!


My Name's Christopher McGraw, today I'm turning eighteen. You know, it's actually pretty darn hard, describing yourself without sounding like an idiot, or an ass, or a dumbass; I'll try my best though.

I'm relatively tall [By my standards] I hit the 5'9" mark a few months ago, and I stand over my parents by a good four or five inches, they keep urging me to continue growing, as if I control it, but I understand why they do it: We're a short family, my sister's sixteen and she's only five feet tall, my dad's in his early forties and he's a few inches shorter than me, and my mom's just as tall as my dad.

Anyways, I'm relatively tall, and I've got shoulder-length brown hair, that's pushed back from constant passes with my hand, and it gets more wavy as it lengthens. Many folks [Most prominently those in the Explorer program] insist I get it cut, but I like the look, so I keep it the long, but not too so. My eyes are dark blue, and my skin is relatively pale white. I tend to wear jeans, a T-Shirt, and a leather fedora my father bought me at Mayhem festival 2012 [Much to the contempt of my sister, who all but demands - thrice a week - that I 'update' my wardrobe; in response, I buy a new pair of jeans and a T-Shirt.] as well as a pair of boots that I received from my aunt when I graduated and became an 'Official' Fire-department explorer. They're the most comfortable things in the world, and haven't degraded in the years I've had them. My t-shirts tend to contain internet or video game jokes that most won't understand, but that's the best part, getting the stupid looks. [I'm currently sporting a shirt with a picture of Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z, with the numbers '9001' underneath.]

Moving on, I've got some hair on my face, but like all men on my dad's side, it tends to grow uneven in most places, and most fully on my chin and lips, so I tend to shave my cheeks and grow the goatee as much as I can, though I'll have to shave that off when I join Rookie School in the fire department.

Now, as to my personality, I tend to be a laid back kind of guy, a self-described nerd - because Nerds can take a punch, geeks can't, - and I like to crack jokes whenever I can. I play video games in my spare time, and write my sci-fi novels when I'm not playing those. My favorite games tend to be any of the Mass Effect games, Call of Duty: World at War [The Wild Cats mission in that game was fucking amazing!] and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 [The only Modern Warfare game that I felt was decent enough to earn my money. COD 4 just felt too.. Bad.. After I played MW2, and MW 3 was just a rehash of MW 2, so I refuse to call it 'Modern Warfare 3', instead choosing to call it 'Modern Warfare 2.5'.], and the Half-Life games, [Though it's been a while, I still remember the general plot: Gordon Freeman saved our lives, and the G-Man screwed his.] I also play a lot of Zelda games, but since Nintendo is trying to become more 'hardcore', with the Wii-U, and hasn't released a quality Zelda game since Skyward Sword, I've stopped spending money on Nintendo stuff. Anyways, I also read a lot, mostly Tom Clancy novels, the Harry Potter series, the Dragon Lance Fantasy Series, and anything that seems good; I read a lot, but not as much as I'd like.

When it comes to my friends, I tend to be strictly loyal to those who will tolerate me; I'd give the clothes off my back and the food from my [Parents'] fridge to one of my friends if they needed it. I've only ever once been betrayed, but I never had to do anything to her, as my two best friends [Toby and Rikku (A/N: Not their real names)] gave her an earful before I even got to her. I'd do anything for those two, and I'm pretty sure they'd do the same for me.

"We're here!" My father announced, from the driver's seat of my mom's Toyota. My father's voice was deep, but naturally so, and it contained that slight 'whine' that made it loud too, I compare it too Steve Urkel, from that show 'Family Matters', but no where near as annoying, or high pitched. You can hear the whine, and tell it's there, but he does a very good job of hiding it, and I do a very poor job of describing it.

"Ugh, finally! Why did you drag me here, anyway!?" Demanded my sixteen year old sister, from the seat next to me. Her voice was womanly, and betrayed her 'stereotypical teenage girl' syndrome, that means that she challenges [Our Parents'] authority whenever she can, and can rarely be reasoned with. She takes even less shit from people than me, though those people have to be really 'douchey' to her for her to start mouthing off.

"Because I want to torture you at a video game museum." I teased, she gave me the 'Death Glare', as I called it. The Death Glare was named so, as if you were on the receiving end, and weren't prepared for it, you most likely would get a heart attack. My voice was pretty deep, and if I didn't do anything consciously to change that, it stayed that way; however I tend to purposefully lighten my voice considerably, so as to sound more friendly, and to make a point when ever I was angry, and threw caution to the wind, and started screaming.

"Because, Nicole, we're not going to take a trip to DC without bringing you, and besides, you never know what you'll find here." Said mom, as dad parked the car in a parking garage, several blocks from the National Mall. That was my birthday present, I wanted to visit my nation's capital, and go to the several museums that adorned it. I spent hours updating my iPod 5's camera just so it would take a damn good picture of the Washington Monument. If I haven't mentioned it before, I'm a very patriotic person, I believe in my nation and the people fighting for it, but I won't shove it down your throats with a million political stamps and the Red White and Blue plastered all over my stuff, though if you asked me what I felt, I wouldn't lie. I feel that you can still love and support your nation without having to scream it to the world. Despite this, I had no plans to join the army, I loved my nation, but I'd made the decision long ago that I'd only die for it if need be; that's not to say I don't honor and respect those who will fight and die for it, I'm just saying that, if given the choice, I don't quite want to. Anyways, I turned eighteen in June of this year, and my parents wanted to celebrate before I went to Rookie School in the Fire Department, so here I am.

"But couldn't you have left me at the hotel?!" Demanded my sister, in that whiny, drawn out tone she always adopted when she wanted you to know she didn't like her current situation.

"Nicole, I swear, we're trying to do something for your brother. We're here, now drop it!" Said my dad, silencing my sister. We all promptly got out of the car, and made our way outside.

Our first stop was the Smithsonian American Art Museum, my parents said we'd spend two and a half hours here, and told Nicole and I to keep our cell phones switched on. Nicole made a bee-line to wherever we weren't, and I moved to the directory, to see what was here.

Holy crap, they've got a hall on video games! This I have to see.. I thought, before I turned to mom and dad, who were also looking over the directory. "I'm heading to the video games exhibit, I've got my phone and my iPod." I told them, I received the general 'Okay' response from my dad, and the 'Be careful' from my mom, and like that, I was off.

It took me a few minutes longer than I'd expected, but I was mesmerized by the many awesome sculptures and painting I saw on the way to the subject-area I knew best. So when I finally got there, I felt like I'd returned home. I saw quite a few people walking around, looking at the exhibits, reading the small articles, and wearing clothing much like mine, internet-meme shirts, odd hats, and even a few Slenderman memorabilia. I smiled, and made my way through the museum.

After many minutes, I found myself in the Playstation Three section of the exhibit, and I found myself looking at the entry on Brütal Legend, a game that really surprised me when I finally got to playing it; it really bummed me out when I heard they weren't making a sequel.

"Excuse me, fine sir." Said a light, shaky voice from behind me. Odd, that voice sounded quite familiar.

"Oh, sorry sir." I said, moving to the side, but not taking my eyes off of what I'd been reading. It was superfluous really, I knew all there was about the game, but found myself glued to the article that summarized it anyhow.

"I always… Enjoyed that game.. Brutal Legend.." Said the man, I was able to tell he was in his late-early to middle ages, just by the sound of his voice, but the possibility existed that he was much older, his voice was very shaky and raspy, and he placed emphasis on odd syllables, and over pronounced the letter 'S'; I can't shake the feeling that I know him. I decide to give him my attention, and look at him.

"The tale of a man… Torn from his home and from all he knows… Only to find himself in an unknown land and situation, thrust into a war that he had little to do with." Said the man, he looked familiar too! "So many tales are based around that outline.. And I admit, I've always enjoyed that as well." He said, I could not shake the feeling that I'd met this guy before! He was tall, probably six, or six and a half feet tall. He wore a non-descript blue suit, with a white shirt underneath, and a dark red tie. He held a brief case in his right hand, though I had no clue why he'd need something like that in a museum.

"Yeah.. That's practically the basis for most games now a days.." I said, there's no reason to act like an ass to the guy, I mean, he's just making small talk! "But Brütal Legend and Half-Life did it best." Half Life..

"Hmmm… Yes…" Responded the man, before he adjusted his tie, and abruptly walked to his left, and eventually out of sight, towards the X-Box 360 exhibit.

Damn it, that's where I was heading next.. Oh well, what's the chances that he'll run into me again? I'm certainly not seeking him out. I finish reading the Brütal Legend article, and move to the X-Box 360 exhibit. When I entered the room, I saw the guy reading the Halo 3 stand, I decided against going there, so instead made for the Mass Effect 2 stand.

I'd become addicted to the Mass Effect series, ever since I'd bought Mass Effect 2 on a whim for my Playstation, last year. I'm damn glad I did buy it, I definitely got my money's worth, after ten playthroughs.

Commander Christopher Shepard, War Hero, Spacer.. Savior of the Galaxy.. Didn't shoot the Catalyst in the face.. No matter how much he fucking wanted to. I thought, as I looked at the default Shepard's face on the picture. I'd never been one of those guys to boycott the Mass Effect 3 ending, I didn't quite care. Yeah, I was slightly hurt that they left it so open ended, but I liked the ending for what it was, and the Extended Cut only improved it. It's the journey, not the destination, right?

"I agree…" Came the light, shaky voice.

Jesus Christ! I thought, repressing the urge to jump three feet to the right, and plant my foot in the man's larynx. Wait, where's the larynx? Fuck it, I'll knee him in the groin.

"Can I help you, sir?" I asked, stressing the title. "Or is this a really bad coincidence?" My hand slowly, surreptitiously lifted itself and went to my pocket, which contained my phone. Wait.. didn't he say he 'agreed'? Agreed to what? Was someone talking?

"I merely have a few.. Questions.." Said the man, murdering the word 'Questions' with the way he broke it up into two different sub-words.

"Um.. My mommy told me not to talk to strangers." I said sarcastically.

"Your mother.. Was a wise women." Okay, I may be reading too far into things.. But I'm damn sure he just said was. My silence beckoned him to continue.

"Tell me.. Are you employed? Mister…?" Asked the man, in his shaky voice. It was now I got a good look at his face, his head was square shaped, with close-cut, but not buzz-cut hair, and a widow's peak. He had wrinkles, which told me he was aged, and his eyes were some shade of green, more dark than light.

"McGraw.. And I'm joining the New Orleans Fire Department in a few months." Said I.

"Aren't you going to college… Mister McGraw?" Okay, the way that guy said 'Mister McGraw' sounded not only strikingly familiar, but it also sent chills down my spine.

"Start-out salary is forty K a year.. I'll work there for a few years, save up some money, then get to college." I said, though I had no clue what I'd study or major in.

"Okay…" Said the man, before he tore his eyes from the 'mural' of Commander Shepard, and looked directly into mine. I swear I've seen this guy before..

"Tell me.. Of the possessions you currently have.. Which two would you wish most to keep on a trip?" Asked the man. I decided to play along.

"My phone and my iPod.. What did you say your name was?"

The man ignored my question. "I see… Would you please.. Follow me? I have an.. Offer you cannot refuse." Said the man, before he turned around, and walked to the Modern PC exhibit.

Okay, I can either humor this guy, and scream 'Rape' if he does anything, or I could just turn around and walk the fuck out, and never have to deal with his shaky-ass voice again.

What the hell. And I followed him.

After we entered the Modern PC Exhibit, he guided me to the Half-Life 2 entry, and when I saw the enlarged version of one of the many, many wallpapers released for the game, my jaw almost hit the ground, and my heart skipped a beat.

Staring at me, menacingly, from a small corner in the poster, only visible if you looked for him, was Half Life's G-Man. Standing next to me, visible to the world, was the spitting-image of the same person, right down to the fucking brief case!

I took one large step to my left, away from the G-Man, and looked at him with a facial expression of fear, amazement, and confusion; but mostly fear.

"Doctor Freeman had much the same reaction… When he found out who.. I.. Was.." Said the G-Man. God, even the way he speaks is just like he did in the game! Why the hell didn't I notice that sooner?

"You… You… You… Said.." I stammered.

"That I have a proposition for you? Yes.." He elongated the 'S', just like the real G-Man would!

What the fuck is going on here? I demanded of myself.

"You see.. My.. Employers.. Have recently gained a.. Technology.. For lack of a better term.. That allowed them, and, by proxy.. Me.. To travel between dimensions. Imagine their… Surprise when they learned of the 'True Earth'.. From which they were.. Created." Said the G-Man, I can't believe I'm saying that! "However.." He interrupted himself. "They visited other.. Universes.. And realized things were in a much more.. Dire.. Situation than previously expected.. And currently recorded. And.. Seeing as how… Doctor Freeman, and Corporal Shepherd are tied down at the moment.. We had to look to new recruits.." He looked at me, with that weird.. sadistic grin of his.

"So… They came to me.. And asked that I… Recruit." His grin turned into a full-blown smile, and I finally got what he was hinting at.

"You're trying to recruit me? Some skinny.. Punk kid from Nawlins?" Asked I, not believing my [Lack of?] luck.

"Well.. Trying.. Is the operative word. You see.. Like everyone.. I shall offer you a choice." He paused, inhaled in that odd.. Wet? Exaggerated? Way he does it. "You can either come with me.. And be under my jurisdiction.. Or… Well.. I can offer you an.. Event.. You have no chance of surviving." He said, in the same tone he'd offered Gordon Freeman the battle at the end of Half Life one. As if answering my unasked question, he continued on to say, "You see.. The.. Terrorist organization.. Al Qaeda? They have been.. Planning an.. Event.. For quite some time now. And what better place than to strike in a heavily populated… Museum?" He looked past me, still smiling. I whirled around, and saw what he was looking at, a man in non-descript clothing, carrying a huge frigging back pack. I tried to scream, shout, or do anything to warn the people in the immediate vicinity, but time slowed to a halt around me.

"Your… Family.. Will be spared your fate.. Given you refuse." Said the man.

"And if I accept?" I asked, remembering the phrase Wikipedia had used to describe this situation: A Hobson's Choice.

"You'll be placed under my jurisdiction… And trained.. For what? I cannot say. The Explosive will turn out to be a dud.. Such is the penance of crafting high-explosives in a cave in the desert.. Then drowning them to get them into the country. He will be tackled to the ground by a retired Marine.. And the museum will be evacuated. Crisis… Averted." Said the G-Man, as a spherical, green portal ripped straight from Half-Life One appeared right next to him. "Given… You… Accept." He said, menacingly. "If you're interested just… Step into the portal and I'll take that as a yes. Otherwise.. Well.. You know." He looked at the terrorist again.

God damn.. And I thought he was an interesting asshole when I played the game. Despite the rising urge, I find myself unable to laugh at this situation.

Electricity arced from the portal, "Time.. To choose!" Said the G-Man. Not an instant passed, and I found my legs carrying me into the portal.

A shock-boom later, and I heard "Wisely done.. Mister McGraw. I will see you up ahead.."

Another shock-boom later, and I found myself in a desert area, standing a few meters away from - - Army guys?! Where the hell did the G-Man drop me.. Call of Duty?

"Welcome to pull the trigger 101" Said a deep, commanding voice.

Good god.. I was kidding. I thought, as I looked up and saw two men, both in full combat-gear, standing behind a table with an M4A1 Rifle sitting atop it.

"Private Allen here is gonna do a quick weapons demonstration to show you locals how its done." Said the African-American standing to the right of the man behind the rifle. Allen picked up the rifle, chambered a round, and waited for instructions.

Call of Duty? Really? I was fucking kidding! Were the only things moving through my mind as I watched the opening moments of Modern Warfare 2 play out right before my eyes!

"No offense, but I see a lot of you guys firing from the hip and spraying bullets all over the range. You don't end up hitting a damn thing, and it makes you look like an ass!" Said Keith David, or, I mean, Sergeant Foley. Damn, that's going to take some getting used to. "Private Allen, show 'em what I'm talking about. Turn around, and fire at the targets." Commanded Foley.

Private Allen nodded, turned around, and only barely aimed - looking just like an overpaid Hollywood Actor in the process - and fired at the targets as they popped up. Needless to say, he missed a lot.

"See what I mean? He sprayed bullets, all over the damn place!" Declared Foley, exactly as he would in the game. "You've got to pick your targets by aiming deliberately down your sights, from a stable stance!" He explained. "Private Allen, show our friends here how the Rangers take down a target. Crouch First, then aim down your sights at the targets." Foley said 'Rangers' with a level of pride I'd never heard before.

As Allen did as instructed, with a deliberate slowness so he could demonstrate what he was doing, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, and saw a man looking at me.

"Hey, McGraw, come on, General Shepherd wants the Pit set up for Allen over there." Corporal Dunn - as the nametag on his uniform suggested - nodded to Allen, who was picking down targets, and burning through the bullets in his magazine. "So I'd like you to come down and help.. Me.." He slowed down as he looked at me properly. "What the hell man, see a ghost? You okay?" He asked.

Oh shit, think fast Chris! "Uh.. Yeah.. No! No, I just.. This reminds me of my first days." I said, pulling words out of my ass until I felt I made a good point.

Apparently, the Corporal didn't notice, though this didn't surprise me, whenever I played the campaign, Dunn would always run right in front of me as I shot, so that had to translate into his IQ in the real world. "I know what you mean man.. Anyways, come on down and help me out with the course. Still got your Deagle?" He asked.

I looked down to my right hip, and saw a large gun sitting comfortably in it's holster. "Yup." I said simply.

"Alright, come on then, we're giving Allen a bunch of guns and we can't find the training one, so we're using yours." Dunn said, patting me on the back and gesturing for me to follow him.

Fuck me, this is going to be an interesting few weeks. I thought, as I followed the Corporal.