Car Keys, a Glee oneshot
I do not own Glee. I've spent forever on this, so please, reviews are greatly appreciated. Enjoy!
Fawcett's Antique Toy Museum (Waldoboro, Maine)
Kurt watches his boyfriend bounce on his heels as they approach a display of Disney animation cells. He can only hope he doesn't bounce too high and break something. Getting kicked out of the first stop on their road trip would just be bad luck.
Besides, they'd probably have to pay for it, and they weren't exactly the two richest kids in America. The only reason they could afford the trip in the first place was because their parents had paid for it. It was much better than the reindeer sweater his dad had given Finn. (Granted, there was a fifty dollar bill in the pocket, but the look on his face was priceless.)
It had taken three cumulative Christmases of saving. Gas, motel, food, admissions. That stuff wasn't cheap. There was no spot in the budget for Blaine's hyperactivity.
"Pookie, calm down before you break something." He sets a hand on his shoulder.
He really hopes he isn't going to be this hyper the entire trip.
World's Longest Candy Counter -Chutter's (Littleton, New Hampshire)
One hundred twelve feet of sugar.
Looking back, this may not have been the best idea. It's making his stomach rumble. He knows that if he caves it's all going to his hips.
Still, they have licorice balls.
And boy, does Kurt love licorice balls.
"Squirrel Nut Zipper," Blaine reads. "Squirrels have zippers?"
"Well something has to protect their nuts."
"Kurt, there are children present."
"Acorns, Blaine. Get your head out of the gutter." He grabs a bag and opens the jar of licorice balls.
Blaine holds the bag open for Kurt. "Right. So, can we get some salt water taffy too? I'm starving."
"As long as you promise not to spend all day picking out the banana ones like last time we bought candy." He closes the jar.
Blaine's jaw drops. He knows him too well.
Ben and Jerry's Factory Tour and Flavor Graveyard (Waterbury, Vermont)
Kurt pulls a napkin from his pocket and dabs at the corners of his eyes.
"What's the matter?" Blaine asks, wrapping his arms around his waist.
"Rainforest Crunch. My mom craved it when she was pregnant with me. I remember even after she'd share it with me, taking out all the nuts because she thought I'd choke on them." He tucks the napkin back in his pocket.
"Oh Kurt." He rubs his back. "How about we just get out of here, huh? We can get a head start to Massachusetts."
Kurt sniffles, shaking his head.
"Not until I get my Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz. They only sell it at the shops. And Mercedes said it is divine."
"Then it's a perfect match for you."
Because Kurt Hummel is definitely divine.
Dr. Seuss National Memorial Garden (Springfield, Massachusetts)
The heat is making his palms sweat, but Kurt finds he'd rather be holding Blaine's hand (which is also sweaty) than not.
"Look, it's the Lorax! Cooper and I used to read that story all the time."
"Want to take a picture for him? Show him what an awesome time we're having on our vacation?" Kurt digs his phone out of his pocket.
Blaine shakes his head. "Nah. Then we'd look like tourists."
"We are tourists. Besides, it's just one picture. Not thirty like Mr. Flash Happy over there." He points his thumb at a fatherly figure taking a series of pictures of his daughter in front of the Yertle the Turtle statue. She's getting antsy.
Blaine agrees to stand next to the Lorax.
"Smile," Kurt orders, pressing the shutter button. Blaine blinks.
This is so going to be his new caller I.D. picture.
Roof Dragon (Providence, Rhode Island)
There's a slight chance that they may be too old for this.
"Maybe we should have brought a kid with us," Blaine says as he looks up at the dragon on the roof. "It is a kids museum after all."
"Yeah, but then we couldn't do nearly half the things we've been doing in the motel rooms."
"I thought so."
"We can just check out the museum artwork. Adults can do that." He opens the door and lets an excited pair of twins pass.
They're talking about mazes and time travel and float boats, all the while grinning like two idiots.
"Then again, it would be a waste of admission money to not check out everything," Kurt leads.
"Race you to the counter?"
Blaine lets Kurt win.
Little People Village (Waterbury, Connecticut)
Well this was disappointing.
"Stupid teen vandals, ruining the village," Kurt mumbles.
"The throne is still intact. Care to sit King Hummel?"
He crosses his arms. "You kidding? Legend has it I'll die in seven years if I sit in that thing."
"Isn't legend just another word for fable?" Blaine sits down. "It doesn't feel dangerous."
"Are you crazy?" Kurt reaches his hand out to pull him up. Instead, he gets jerked down into Blaine's lap.
Blaine kisses the tip of his nose. "Of course I'm crazy. I'm sitting on a throne in some abandoned woods village, miles from home. On a positive note, if we both sat in the chair, and legend happens to be true, at least we'll die together."
"Only you could make this romantic."
He secretly loves that about him.
Circus Drive In (Wall, New Jersey)
Kurt folds his hands on the table.
"Y'know, I used to have a slight fear of clowns." A fly lands on his nose and he swats it away.
The waitress sets down two hamburgers in front of them. Blaine sets a napkin on his lap.
"Thank you." He picks his burger up. "You don't still have a fear of them, do you?"
Kurt grabs a napkin for himself. "Right now my only fear is how much weight I've put on from this vacation. I'm going to be eating salads for a week."
"I happen to think you look just as fabulous as always. But whatever makes you happy." He takes a bite.
"Candy, iced cream, fried food. It's a miracle my pants-"
He stops mid-sentence. Blaine swallows.
"What about your pants?"
"There's a clown in your pants?" He raises an eyebrow.
Kurt points past him to the table behind them. There stands a clown, making what appears to be a balloon dog.
Blaine sets down his burger. He places a hand atop Kurt's. "I thought you said you were over your fear."
"For the most part."
And even though he ends up losing a pickle to the ground, he eats his giant burger with one hand, never letting go of Kurt's.
It's things like this that matter.
Fountain of Youth (Lewes, Delaware)
For a fountain, this thing sure is bone dry.
"So much for the ultimate anti-aging solution."
"Yeah, but it wouldn't be fun to be young forever. All our friends would grow up and have kids and we'd be stuck as two twenty somethings for the rest of eternity." Blaine leans against the gazebo.
Kurt takes his hands. "We'd have each other."
Blaine leans in and kisses him.
"You wouldn't get sick of me?"
"Never." He kisses him again. "But on the bright side, all of my fantasies about growing old with you are still accurate."
Blaine chuckles. "You dream about growing old with me?"
"You say that like it's silly."
"I'm just glad your plans match mine. Now I don't have to worry about holding you hostage."
"You're kidding right?"
Museum of unNatural History (Annapolis, Maryland)
Here he was at a Renaissance festival, and all he could think about was how good his boyfriend looked as a peasant.
He was just glad that he hadn't decided to stay in the knight costume he had been in earlier, because those tights were way too tight.
That's not to say he didn't take delight in helping Blaine yank them off when he got stuck.
They had finished Act Two of A Midsummer's Night Dream and were now walking around wondering what to do. That is, until he saw it.
"Genuine specimens of elves, dragons and fairies. Think it'll be better than that Little People Village we checked out in Connecticut?"
"Only one way to find out." Blaine pays for their admission.
And this time, it's Blaine who gets scared, and it's Kurt reaching for his hand.
Because that's what boyfriends do.
Madame Tussauds Wax Museum (Washington, DC)
There's something a bit creepy about walking around with every American president staring at them. Especially when they can't blink because they're made of wax.
It's like they're judging them.
Judging the way the hold hands, swaying slightly with their gait. Or the way they squeeze against each other to make room for the people that want to pass, lingering a second too long?
Or maybe that kiss on the cheek he had given Blaine in the parking lot?
No, wax presidents don't have super sonic vision. They don't even have vision.
"Oh look, it's Beyonce," he says as they move onto the music stars. "Take my picture?"
Blaine slips his hand out of Kurt's to take out his phone.
"Now don't blink."
"I'm pretty sure she can't," he responds.
Board Game Art Park (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)
It's as though he's shrunken down to the size of Tom Thumb.
"It's as if you chose the oddest places in America to visit."
"That's a matter of opinion." Blaine places his palm against the freakishly tall domino as if he can knock it over. "I chose the most interesting, affordable places. And you helped."
Kurt pulls out his phone.
"Alright, you win. Wanna pose with as many pieces as possible? Finn will be so jealous. He loves giant stuff."
"Why?" he asks, smiling as the camera goes off.
"It makes him feel like he isn't a Frankenteen."
Blaine nods, swiping the phone from Kurt. "Maybe he should just stop hanging around short people."
Kurt poses in front of the Monopoly wheelbarrow.
"How ever will he be my best man at our wedding then? You wouldn't be able to stand at the altar at the same time."
"I'm sure we could make an exception. Y'know, for true love and all." Blaine kisses him.
It starts to rain. He kisses him harder.
It's not like they can take the pictures now anyway.
Parade of Squirrels (Olean, New York)
It's the last stop on their road trip before the five hour drive home.
And here they are, wearing down the soles of his sneakers as they check out all of the painted squirrel statues.
"Tell me again why we came here instead of Niagara Falls?"
"Cooper said that when he went it was all run down and his motel room smelled like ketchup and onion rings." Blaine scrunches his nose.
Kurt checks the map. "It's more about the waterfall than the motel rooms. Think of how romantic it would have been."
"The idea of making love to the smell of McDonald's does not seem all that romantic to me." He takes the map and strikes his pen across. "Speaking of which, Ronald McSquirrel."
"Thank goodness we'll be in our own bed tonight. We won't have to worry about the neighbors knocking on our door again." Kurt continues on.
"That was one time."
"You blamed it on the Pay Per View."
"You answered the door in your boxers. I'm pretty sure they knew."
Creek Running Under a Bar (Lewistown, Montana)
After the success of the first road trip, they both agree to go for another round.
In this case, a round of beer.
"I'm limiting you to one drink," Kurt says, running a hand along his husband's arm.
"Trust me, the last thing I want to do is get drunk. I came to look at the fish." Blaine wraps his hand around his bottle.
Kurt grins at him. "Good. I don't need you going home with anyone that isn't me tonight."
They both look down to the floor where they can see the fish swimming under the plexiglass.
"Oops, I'm sorry handsome," a blonde girl says as she shoves her cleavage in Blaine's face.
"Um, not a problem." He keeps his eyes on the floor. It's not until she puts her hand on his chest that he looks up.
She snakes her arm around the back of his neck. He stiffens. "Wanna get out of here? My place is just up the street."
"No thanks. I'm married."
"Hasn't stopped me before. She doesn't have to know."
"He already does." Kurt sets his bottle on the bar. "And he is not happy about it."
The girl huffs in disgust and walks away.
"You are so hot when you're jealous."
Kurt cocks his head at him. "Wanna get out of here? My motel room is just up the street."
Now this is an offer he can accept.
And he does.
Tall Latte Cup-Shaped Espresso Drive Thru (Maltby, Washington)
He drums his fingers on the steering wheel.
"You are way too excited about this," Blaine notices.
"I'm getting a coffee from a building shaped like a coffee cup. How can I not be?" He sticks his hand out the window to retrieve their coffee.
Blaine takes his and puts the other in the cup holder.
"I think your coffee addiction has gotten worse."
"I know it has. But I need caffeine to make it through the day. Work is insanely busy."
"Which is why we're on vacation, remember?" He takes a sip of his coffee.
Kurt pulls out onto the road. "I thought we were on vacation so we could shirk all our obligations to talk to our friends and family and not get interrupted while we did important stuff."
Blaine chokes on his coffee.
"I'd tell you, but I'm not having you choke on your coffee again."
The Hat Museum (Portland, Oregon)
It's as if he died and went to fashion Heaven.
"This may be the best thing we've done on this vacation so far," Kurt whispers.
"All we've done is get beer and coffee so far. Of course it's better," Blaine whispers back.
The tour guide points to a hat. "And this one was worn in Chicago."
Kurt contains a squeal, tugging at his husband's shirt.
She prattles on, but he's too busy checking the hat out to hear what she's saying. He grabs Blaine's hand out of excitement.
"It's times like this I wish I was a girl so I could wear these amazing hats."
"I'm rather happy that you're not." He squeezes his hand, and Kurt catches the meaning.
When the tour guide isn't looking, he steals a quick kiss.
They'll finish this later.
Idaho's World Famous Hot Pools (Lava Springs, Idaho)
He takes it back.
This is better than the hats. Not by much, but it is.
"Despite the fact that it is really hot outside, this hot spring is really comfortable." Blaine pushes his sunglasses up his nose.
"Maybe we should have just spent the week here instead of touring the northwest." Kurt sinks farther down into the water.
Blaine sinks down with him. "Yeah, but there's webcams broadcasting our activity to anyone who wants to watch us on the internet. That kind of limits my options, now doesn't it?"
When his fingers grace the waistline of Kurt's trunks, he understands exactly what he means.
"Puck and Santana would have a field day with that," he agrees, pushing his hand away.
Blaine lifts his hand completely out of the water and runs it through his hair.
"Yes, because two men kissing in a hot spring is the most entertaining thing in the world."
"It is when you're one of the two men."
He can't argue that.
World's Largest Active Geyser (Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming)
Kurt takes a bite of his sandwich.
"Please don't tell me these sandwiches are from the day we packed." The peanut butter sticks to the roof of his mouth.
"I left them in the cooler. And it was either this or the bananas."
Kurt wipes his mouth. "Why didn't we eat the bananas then?"
Blaine takes a sip of his water before answering.
"Sort of. Yesterday's heat kind of made them into piles of mush." He takes the lid off the cooler and peers in. "See?"
Kurt looks in, and his head bumps Blaine's. He kisses it in apology.
"Oh no." He covers his mouth.
"What?" Blaine looks around. Nobody else is in the area. So what could possibly be wrong about kissing the top of his head?
Kurt moves closer. "I may have gotten peanut butter in your hair."
He can only imagine explaining this to Carole when she asks to see the pictures of the geyser.
Lawrence Welk Birthplace (Strasburg, North Dakota)
It wasn't until recent that he found out who Lawrence Welk was.
Now he's at his homestead, wandering freely. "So who exactly is he?"
"Musician, band leader and television impresario. Had his own show for almost thirty years and was named one of the top fifty greatest stars of all time in 1996," he recites.
"Some day, you're going to be on that list. And then everybody's going to visit Lima, Ohio to say they stood where the greatest man ever did." Blaine ruffles his hair.
Kurt fusses to fix it. "I wish."
"I've been in one off-Broadway production. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make me qualify."
"You're still young. Besides, I'll still think you're the greatest."
That's a promise.
Storybook Land (Aberdeen, South Dakota)
South Dakota is definitely a step up from it's northern counterpart.
Right now, he's on the yellow brick road, tapping his heels together. Except he's not wearing ruby slippers, and there's no way he wants to go home.
"I know what I said about acting like a total tourist, but I'm making an exception today." He twirls around in a circle.
Blaine notices that Kurt's hair is still messed up from the tornado simulation. It's so adorable that he decides not to tell him.
"This place is pretty fantastic." He wraps an arm around his waist. "But we haven't even touched the other half of it."
"We will, I promise. I just want to enjoy Oz a bit more before we visit Humpty Dumpty." He lifts his head to the sky.
Blaine looks over at him.
How could he be so lucky?
St. Joseph Tower Assisted Living (Omaha, Nebraska)
He could be on a gondola right now. They could be riding through Omaha, being very romantic and such.
Anything but being in a dark grotto next to a mental hospital.
"What happened to riding the gondola?" He clings onto his husband's arm.
"Well, we could have either eaten lunch or rode a boat. I kind of thought lunch was more important."
"If you would have packed the peanut butter and jelly jars rather than making the sandwiches ahead of time, we could have done both."
Blaine sighs. "I told you I was sorry. And anyway, you're just upset because you're scared to go in the grotto."
"It's a pitch dark grotto next to a mental hospital. Should I not be scared?"
Blaine twirls a flashlight in his hand.
"Not when I have a flashlight." He accidentally drops it.
"Maybe it's best if I hold our only light source."
Carousel of Happiness (Nederland, Colorado)
Back on the road, they decide to explore the southwest states.
And even though they are way too old for this, and have no kids to call their own (despite spoiling their niece Barbra to no end) they go for it anyway.
"Blaine, I think she wants to ride the frog." A little girl looks up at him with doleful eyes.
He frowns. The frog sits next to the zebra, which Kurt has claimed as his seat. Still, he'd hate to see her upset.
"Here. You take the frog." He unbuckles himself and moves to the cow behind Kurt.
"Thanks Mister," she says, showing off the gap where her front tooth should be.
He nods in response. "Hey cool! Kurt, it has a rainbow tail."
"I love you so much right now." The sheer childlike wonder and generosity of his husband is too cute.
"Back at you."
The little girl giggles.
Kurt doesn't know if it's the fact the ride is starting or if she's laughing at them. But when she grins her gap toothed grin at them, he has a feeling it's neither.
She's laughing with him.
So there is hope in the world after all.
Ride the Dinosaur Photo Op (Jensen, Utah)
Kurt saddles up on the dinosaur, waving at Blaine.
"I didn't even know you were into dinosaurs," he calls up to him as he blocks the sun from his camera phone lens.
"I'm not. Well, I'm not anti-dino, but I'm not all gung ho for them either."
Blaine snaps the picture. "Then why'd we come here?"
"Because the Roller Mills where Kevin Bacon danced for Footloose closed last year." He leans forward against the neck of the brontosaurus.
"So the next best thing was to ride a giant dinosaur?"
"You're just jealous."
"Of the dinosaur?"
Kurt throws his head back and laughs loudly. "I meant of me. Why, are you jealous of the dinosaur?"
Blaine scuffs his shoe across the ground.
"Oh honey, you'll have your turn later." He climbs down to whisper in Blaine's ear. "And I don't mean on the dino either."
He blames his blush on the heat.
Glow in the Dark KISS Golf (Las Vegas, Nevada)
They've agreed not to lose a dollar to gambling.
But there's not much else to do, so they agree to go mini golfing. Mainly because it has the word kiss in the title, and Kurt thought that there would be actual kissing involved.
Never did it occur to him he'd be putting at Gene Simmons head.
"There is nothing fun or romantic about his tongue," he comments as he aims.
"Now Kurt, you're holding your putter all wrong. Try this." Blaine envelopes his husband in his arms.
Kurt relaxes. "I may have been a bit wrong on that romantic part."
"Mhm," he murmurs in his ear, pulling the putter back.
They sink the shot.
And when Blaine promises that if Kurt wins he'll show him just why tongues can be fun and romantic, it's only obvious that he's going to win.
He wouldn't have it any other way.
Anaheim/Orange County Walk of Stars (Anaheim, California)
Blaine's freaking out because of a star on the sidewalk.
If they weren't in California right now, he'd find this incredibly bizarre.
"It's Walt Disney's star!"
"Sweetie, it's just a star."
Blaine puts his hands on his hips. "A star dedicated to one of the greatest people of all time. I grew up on his stuff Kurt."
"I proposed to you while watching Peter Pan."
"I was not expecting you to show me a ring when I said I wondered what his treasure was."
Blaine rubs the back of his neck. "Neither was I. There was this big plan to ask you on Christmas, but I couldn't wait three more days. So I saw the opportunity and grabbed it."
"I'm pretty sure what you grabbed was not opportunity."
"It's not my fault I can't keep my hands off of you."
Kurt kisses him right then, and Blaine proves his point.
Kurt likes when Blaine proves points.
Bridge to Nowhere (Yuma, Arizona)
There are some things that stay unfinished.
For instance, this bridge.
"Who doesn't finish a bridge?"
"It was complete at one point. It was the only way to cross the river until they rerouted traffic."
Blaine scratches his head. "Still doesn't explain what happened to the bridge."
"Some idiot lit a campfire on it."
Kurt shakes his head. Then, he grabs Blaine's hand.
"Sorry to have ruined your philosophical view on the bridge. I guess some things are better left unknown."
"Like what?" He leads him to the gate.
Kurt follows. "Like why I love you. If I were to tell you, then you'd never change or grow. And that's no fun."
Besides, it's not like he can pinpoint one specific reason why.
That's what makes love so fun.
Area 51 Museum Alien Zone (Roswell, New Mexico)
There is something delightfully odd about this place.
He crawls into the space saucer, pulling his knees to his chest.
"Do you really believe that there's other life out there?" he asks.
"I don't know. I'd like to think we're not alone in the universe."
Kurt comes back out. "We're not alone. We have each other."
Blaine feels his heart thump.
"Yeah, and we both know you're out of this world."
"You better believe it."
As if he ever doubted it.
Zoo Theme McDonald's (Dallas, Texas)
He stares up at the menu.
"Um, two Egg McMuffins without the cheese." He takes out his wallet to pay.
When he gets to the parking lot with his to go container, he finds that Blaine is back from getting gas.
"Filled up and ready to go."
"I cannot believe you almost let it go to empty." Kurt unrolls the bag and pulls out a sandwich.
Blaine takes the other. "Road trip music can be very distracting. Especially when you have a demi-god singing along next to you."
Kurt smiles, leaning back into his seat.
"Did I tell you they have an elephant guarding the bathroom door?"
"Man. Had I known that I wouldn't have used the one at the gas station."
"You used a gas station bathroom?" Kurt takes a bite of his sandwich.
Blaine wipes his hands on a napkin and starts the car. "I'd rather not talk about it."
Kurt respects that.
Mini-Statue of Liberty (Sapulpa, Oklahoma)
Living in New York, he has taken a trip to the see the real Statue of Liberty.
Difference is, when Blaine stands next to this one, he actually doesn't look short for once.
"This has to be one of the weirdest things we've done yet."
"Well, the large peanut in Durant was a bust, and I thought we should make something good out of Oklahoma." Kurt shows him the picture.
Blaine climbs back in the car. "I'd rather just get to our hotel. We still have three and a half hours to drive."
Kurt buckles himself in.
"We can turn on the radio."
"We both know what happened last time we drove with music on."
"I promise to watch the gas tank, unlike somebody."
Ramada Inn (Hutchinson, Kansas)
There are kids running around the hotel pool area, ignoring the calls from their guardians to be careful.
But in a space themed water park, who could notice?
Blaine splashes him with water.
"Oh, it is on Mister Anderson."
"You know, that doesn't really work when we're both Mister Anderson." He jerks back as water comes his way.
Kurt dodges a miniature wave. "We really aren't setting a good example for the children."
Blaine stops, leaning against the wall.
"Should we continue this war in the privacy of our room?"
"Yeah. I feel awkward flirting with you when that astronaut keeps staring at me." He hoists himself out of the water. "And with it being the afternoon, and everyone being out doing touristy things, we don't have to worry about the neighbors."
"You're never going to let that one go, huh?"
ArtsPark Sculpture Walk (Indianapolis, Indiana)
It is entirely possible that he's spent the car ride here searching the web for houses.
Someplace to call their own that doesn't have nosy neighbors always coming to borrow their sugar.
If only he knew how Blaine felt about this.
"How does one live in such an odd shaped house?" The roof is twisted so it lands on the ground.
"You make do with what you have."
Kurt stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Like we do?"
Blaine loops his arm around him, pulling him close.
"As much as I'd love to have a house with you, working in New York City doesn't give us much to work with. But, some day we'll retire and I'll buy you the best house ever built."
"As long as I'm with you, it doesn't matter where we live." He wipes a bead of sweat off his face. "As long as it has electricity and running water. There is no way I'm bathing in well water."
He shoves the handkerchief back in his pocket.
They move on from the twisted house. "I can do that."
And he will.
Cube of One Million One Dollar Bills (Chicago, Illinois)
The country is how many trillion dollars in debt, and here in front of him is a cube of one million dollars.
"If I had a million dollars," Blaine sings lowly.
"Don't even start." He did not want that song stuck in his head.
Crap, now he's humming the song.
He doesn't want a K car. He doesn't want an exotic pet. (The idea of waking up to a llama chewing his slippers does not amuse him.) And he sure as anything does not want the bones of John Merick.
"I think I'd have to donate some of it to the McKinley music program so Principal Figgins would never have to cut it."
"Figgins retired last year."
"Right. Well, I'd donate it anyway. Magical things happen in that chorus room." He grabs Kurt's hand.
He isn't wrong.
Cruce's Cabooses Bed and Breakfast (Windsor, Missouri)
They've slept in some pretty weird places in their travels.
"I don't know whether I should be excited or concerned," Kurt says, plunking his bag on the ground.
"Air conditioning, continental breakfast. What's to worry about?"
"It is awfully hot out here." He fans himself with his hand.
Blaine closes their trunk. "Exactly. And how many chances in life do you get to sleep in a caboose? You have to admit it's pretty awesome."
They carry their bags into the caboose.
"It's only awesome because you're with me."
He can deal with that.
Hitchcock House (Lewis, Iowa)
Years ago, slaves were passing through here.
Even as a free white man, he can feel the chills running down his spine. And they're not the pleasant ones he gets when Blaine whispers dirty things in his ear.
"Doesn't it disgust you?"
"That somebody would help free somebody who deserved it?" Blaine keeps his voice low as to not disturb the tour.
Kurt shakes his head. "That they weren't free to begin with. Think about it. If we were still pro-slavery, Mercedes and I wouldn't be friends."
He feels his hand get squeezed.
The tour continues on, and he can't help the tears pooling in his eyes. He knows how it feels to get shoved around. He got it because he was gay.
But to get it because their skin wasn't the right color?
Some things were not right.
Little Courthouse Creatures (Minneapolis, Minnesota)
There was something terribly cute about the whole thing.
"When we get our own house, we should decorate our lawn with these things."
"Specifically these ones? I think they belong here Kurt."
He pulls out his phone to take a picture.
"We can replicate them. Maybe get the artist to make us a set."
They come across a set of little creatures mowing the lawn. "If he's still around then. If we wait until we retire to move like we said, he'll be gone."
Kurt smiles at him.
"Then I guess we can't wait too long to find a home, huh?"
As long as he's with Kurt, he'll always be at home.
M. Schettl Sales Inc. (Oshkosh, Wisconsin)
While the last stop's lawn ornament were cute, most of these are just off the wall.
"If the little creatures don't work out, we could always get a giant King Kong." Blaine checks the price tag and makes a face.
"I was more interested in the giant hand chair we saw."
"The only hand that going to be on your butt is mine," he huffs.
Kurt turns red.
"We're in public."
He glances from side to side to make sure no one is paying attention. "Later, when we get back to the motel."
Blaine's going to hold him to that.
Singing Sands Beach (Bete Gris, Michigan)
It is so magical.
He places his palm down on the sand and the sound resonates.
"That is so cool."
"Too bad it doesn't work once the sand leaves the beach," Blaine agrees, pressing his palm down.
Kurt nods. "What do you think would happen if I just threw myself on the sand right now?"
They look at each other.
"Biggest sound wave ever."
"We shouldn't," Kurt says sullenly.
Not that Kurt's one to always follow the rules.
He lays down and nothing happens. "I think you have to press me down like we did with our hands."
Blaine kneels down and kisses him.
The beach resonates.
Dalton Academy (Westerville, Ohio)
The door opens with ease.
"I can't believe they keep it unlocked during the summer."
"They don't. But the janitors are cleaning it for when school resumes." Blaine takes his hand.
Kurt walks with him to their staircase. "We're not supposed to be here, are we?"
They reach the base of the stairs.
"Don't worry. I called ahead."
"And they remembered you?"
Blaine smiles. "Not at first. It has been a decade y'know. But they checked the yearbooks and saw that I went here."
"And they let you in?"
"Uh, no. We could get caught at any minute."
He rests his hand on the banister. "I'm kidding."
Kurt breathes a sigh of relief.
Standing on these stairs again, he can still feel his heart skip a beat.
Abbey Road (Walnut Ridge, Arkansas)
He cannot believe he is stepping where John, Paul, George and Ringo had.
"When you weren't telling me what we were doing in Arkansas, I did have my doubts. But this is, this is wow."
"I thought you might like it. You're always singing 'All You Need is Love' to our daughter."
Kurt takes out his phone. "My mom always sang me the Beatles when I couldn't fall asleep. Speaking of which, I wonder if she's up from her nap yet."
Blaine snatches his phone from him.
"Hey, your mom's taking care of her. Let her enjoy her week off from her dads." As much as he misses his adoptive daughter, they promised this week was going to be about them.
"Alright. But remember, we told her we'd take pictures. So smile." He reaches into his bag to grab the camera.
They take the photo, and when Blaine blinks, they take another.
"We are such tourists."
"As long as we don't start wearing socks with sandals, I'm okay with that."
Anything for that bundle of joy back home.
Shack Up Inn (Clarksdale, Mississippi)
Yes Pippa, this is your dads standing outside an old shack.
It may look boring to her when they show her the picture later, but that's because she didn't see what happened after the photo op.
They have plenty of other pictures from the Sunflowerfest. So many pictures of blues and gospel musicians they'll never see again. Pictures that would have to be sorted through to make sure they were appropriate for her young eyes.
"Is there some unspoken rule that we don't stay in nice hotels?" Kurt asks, tugging off his shoes.
"No. We just like affordable, quirky places to sleep." Blaine sits on the bed.
"Promise me if we ever go to Hawaii, we skip the quirks and go for the luxury."
Blaine pulls his shirt over his head. "It's going to be a long time saving before we can do that. I'm sure Pippa will be upset if we don't bring her along."
Kurt sets his shoes by his suitcase.
"We can take her to Alaska."
"You want to go to Alaska?"
"I thought we were going to hit all fifty states."
"Fine, but we're flying."
Britney Spears Museum (Kentwood, Louisianna)
He feels a bit foolish, being one of the few men in the museum.
"This brings back memories," he says bending down to get a good look at something.
"When Brittany got kicked off the Cheerios and started freaking out?"
"I was going to say when I insisted we do Britney for the homecoming assembly and everyone was hallucinating because of Carl the dentist."
Blaine looks confused. "We're not talking about the same Britney week, are we?"
Kurt stands back up.
"'Fraid not. Somehow we both managed to miss seeing each other singing Britney. Not that I got a solo."
"You can give me a solo performance later."
He rather likes this idea.
Anchorlight Bed and Breakfast (Cullman, Alabama)
They're sleeping in a lighthouse.
Well actually, right now they're returning from their ride on Maggie the Tug.
"I am so glad I did not drop the camera in the water," Kurt says as he steps into their room.
"Why didn't you just leave it here?"
"A promise is a promise." He takes the dead batteries out.
Blaine opens his suitcase and takes out two fresh batteries. "Like when you promised never to say goodbye to me?"
Kurt drops a battery on the floor.
"You remember that? That was junior year."
"Of course. I always remember important things."
"Like when you couldn't remember where you left the car keys yesterday?"
"I hate it when you're right."
I Dream of Jeannie TV Town (Cocoa Beach, Florida)
Kurt pulls the car over.
"So, we're in Florida, and we're not going to the beach?" Blaine unbuckles himself.
"It's too hot to lay in the sand. Too bad, since you brought your swim trunks."
Blaine takes the camera out. "At least we didn't come out just for the beach then."
Kurt checks for traffic and slides out of the car.
"Right. Carole will greatly appreciate this picture. She loves I Dream of Jeannie."
They take a picture beneath the street sign and get back in the car. Kurt merges back into traffic.
"We're a couple of hours ahead of schedule. We don't have to be to our motel until tonight."
"We can stop at a coffee shop and pull up the Jacksonville sites up on the laptop. Maybe there'll be some giant object we can pose next to for Pippa. You know how she gets excited about that."
"I think she picked that up from Finn."
Kurt eyes him. "I'd rather she take after you."
That makes Blaine smile.
Center of the World (Hartwell, Georgia)
He points to the sign.
"We're in the center of the world."
"I didn't need a sign to tell me that." Blaine snaps the picture.
Kurt rubs his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You're the center of my world. Wherever you are, so is the center of the world."
"You love it."
Gay Dolphin Gift Cove (Myrtle Beach, South Carolina)
He's been here an hour, and they haven't even seen half the store.
"Did you come here solely because of the name?" Blaine asks, setting a mermaid back on the shelf.
"Yes." Kurt cringes as a little kid steps on his foot. "I thought Brit and Santana might get a kick out of it."
Blaine picks up a resin lighthouse. "I don't doubt it."
Kurt runs his hand along the edge of the shelf.
"There has to be something in here to get Pippa."
"Good things come in time."
"Don't I know it."
He locks eyes with Blaine.
Virginia Safari Park (Buffalo, Virginia)
If his car can get through this, it'll be a miracle.
"Who's bright idea was it to go to zoofari?" Kurt asks, letting his window down.
"Pippa's. She thought we'd have fun."
"I can't believe you bought a bucket of feed."
Blaine shrugs. "Might as well get the full experience."
Kurt holds up his camera. The camel gets closer.
"It sneezed on me!" he screams. He takes a napkin out of the glove box and wipes the camera lens.
If he didn't know any better, he'd swear that camel was smiling at him.
Sharp's Kissing Bridge (Slaty Fork, West Virginia)
Curse his romantic instincts.
"I dropped the camera."
"Did you at least get the picture?" Blaine asks, pulling away from him.
Kurt picks the camera up. Switching to review mode, he checks.
"We're a fuzzy blob."
"You're a very attractive fuzzy blob."
"We need to retake the picture."
This time he only kisses Blaine's cheek.
He wouldn't want to get carried away again.
Nia Center (Louisville, Kentucky)
The lights illuminate the stone archway in the dark.
"Whoever made those has some wicked talent." Blaine packs the camera back in his bag.
"Two giant clasping hands. Think they ever get tired of holding onto each other?"
Kurt finds his fingers being intertwined with his husband's.
"Nah. I know I could hold your hand forever."
"How would you go to the bathroom?"
He thinks he may have ruined the moment.
Great Smoky Mountains National Park (Elkmont, Tennessee)
They're in the dark again.
"It's so beautiful," Kurt says, watching as the fireflies blink in sync.
"Imagine capturing them in a jar and using them as night lights."
"For Pippa, or for us?"
Blaine leans his head against Kurt's shoulder. "We don't need a night light."
Kurt puts his lips on his ear.
"Think of how romantic it could be."
"We can't do that kind of stuff when Pippa's home. We both know I have problems being quiet."
"You finally admit it."
Mystery Hill (Blowing Rock, North Carolina)
It's the last stop on their trip.
And here he is, encapsulated in a bubble.
"Make sure the flash is off. You don't want to burst my bubble."
Blaine takes the picture. "Now may I burst your bubble?"
"Yes, you may."
He wipes his face as the residue sticks to his cheeks.
"Ready to go check out the house? We can try and beat the gravitational pull and be straight," he suggests, checking their list.
"I'd make some terrible joke about being straight, but I'd rather just kiss you."
So he does.