Total Drama vs. WWE

Rated T

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series, nor do I own the WWE of any cases. It's been a long time since I wrote a wrestling fic, and I'm back! So, here it is!


Chapter 1: Ezekiel, The Ignoramus

The RAW theme song starts to play throughout the arena as the fireworks began to go off on all of the arena. Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler began to commentate.

"Hello, and welcome to Monday Night RAW, live from Madison Square Garden in New York City! I'm Michael Cole and right beside me is always Jerry 'The King' Lawler! And King, this is gonna be something special! I can assure you that!" Cole said right to the King.

"Agreed! Tonight, we have ourselves a special treat, as the stars of the famed Total Drama series are here in the building, and they're gonna be taking on against the best wrestlers from RAW and Smackdown there ever is! This is gonna be phenomenal, Cole!" King exclaimed to Michael Cole, who let out a scoff.

"In your dreams! They're nothing but kids! This is gonna be nothing more of a snorefest." Michael Cole said with such annoyed optimism.

"Oh, please. Your announcing's nothing more than a snorefest..." The King said down on Cole.

"I'll pretend I'll never heard that. Let's go to ringside for the introductions." Michael Cole said to the camera as the ring announcer Justin Roberts began the introductions.

"Ladies and gentleman... welcome to Total Drama vs. WWE!" The ring announcer said with a very huge ovation to the fans. "To perform America The Beautiful, allow me to welcome... from The Simpsons... Ralph Wiggum!"

"You gotta be kidding me... this little kid is actually gonna sing the national anthem?" Cole said with a scoff and an eyebrow, "His brain must be the size of a toy truck!"

"Oh, come on, Cole! At least give the kid a chance!" The King scowled at Michael Cole as inside the ring, Ralph Wiggum took the mic and began to sing his little heart out.

"A, B, C, D, E, F, G... How I wonder where you are!" Ralph sang a bit stupidly as the rest of the fans all scratched their heads, "Thanks, everybody!"

As Ralph waved to the fans, every fan sitting in the audience booed at Ralph's pitiful attempt to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner". As a result, one of the fans threw a tomato at the kid.

"WAAAAAAH!" Ralph cried as he felt the force of the tomato and ran out of the ring.

"HAHAHAHAHA! He so got it with the tomato!" Michael laughed at a crying Ralph as the boos were louder just like when Vickie Guerrero came out like every WWE event.

"That wasn't funny, Cole. At least he tried!" The King said, just scowling at Cole for laughing at Ralph, knowing that he didn't deserve it.

"Boo-hoo, cry me a river. Let's see who'll compete for the Total Drama team!" Michael Cole exclaimed as Beck's "Loser" played all throughout the arena with an amount of cheers from the crowd itself. Justin Roberts approached the mic.

"Ladies and gentleman, this contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way down the aisle, from the redneck side of Canada, weighing at 187 pounds... Ezekiel!"

"Look at this crowd today just giving out cheers to this youngster!" The King said referring to Ezekiel, who got into the ring a bit nervously.

"I bet he would be the first competitor to lose here tonight. He's nothing more than a hick! He looks like he could be a cast regular on Honey Boo Boo!" Cole said with a joking manner as he was making fun of Ezekiel.

"He is not. Sure he may be the first one voted off in every Total Drama season, but at least he's known to make an expression! Just you wait and see, Cole." The King talked down to Michael Cole again as Ezekiel took the mic.

"Hey, everybody! This one is for all of the lovely ladies, eh? The Zekemeister's gonna make a believer out of all of you, eh? Let's do this!" Ezekiel said to everybody as he took the mic back to the ring announcer and began to steady himself for his first opponent.

Somehow, the words "Hallejujah" all spoke all around the arena as a man with a dark-blue bathrobe began to come out. He looked pretty much arrogant and blue-blooded as far as his beard was concerned.

"And from Palo Alto, California... weighing at 243 pounds... The Intellectual Savior of the Masses... Damien Sandow!"

As the smug athlete began his walk to his ring, he began to speak on the mic that he had in his hand.

"Allow me to beg your indulgence for a moment..." Sandow said to the rest of the fans as they booed him, "My name is Damien Sandow. And for the last several months, I have attempted to enlighten all of you. As your Intellectual Savior, I pledge to this day that I can not, nay, I will not abandon all of you. However, I will not be focusing on the masses, but I have decided in my infinite wisdom, that I will be redirecting my efforts and sharing my knowledge with all of you on an individual basis."

The rest of the boos began to irritate him more.

"Silence!" Damien said to a fan who was booing him as The so called Intellectual Savior had entered the ring and faced the homeschooler known as Ezekiel, "And I see we have a outkast who wears a toque resembling one of The Monkees. Ezekiel, let me ask you something. How would you like me to enlighten you here today?"

"Um, I don't know..." Ezekiel said being a bit clueless.

"Let me make this easy for you. Just so you can save yourself from being humiliated any further, instead of a match, I'm gonna quiz you on three questions that prove your intellectual enough, despite your cluelessness from the outside." Sandow said in an attempt to break Ezekiel from the inside. "Question number 1, what is 4 x 4?"

"16, eh?" Ezekiel said on the mic. Sandow looked a little impressed.

"Very good." Damien said with such approval, "Question number two, what are the colors of the flag of Ireland?"

"Green, white and orange, eh?" Ezekiel said on the mic again in response to Damien's question.

"You're pretty smarter than you look." Damien said on the mic, feeling impressed again by Ezekiel's sudden intellect. "Okay, question number three, what kind of poetry did the Japanese use as a form of three lines?"

Somehow, Zeke's brain went off just like that. He was now in a clueless state.

"I don't know, eh? I never went to school..." Ezekiel said on the mic as he rubbed the back of his head in an embarrassing manner.

"You ignoramus!" Sandow shouted sternly right at Zeke on the mic. "The answer was haiku! Congratulations, no wonder you were homeschooled for the rest of your life! How stupid did you possibly become? My advice to you, go back to school and interact with the people that can be most associated to you, mostly smelly indecent pigs and downtrodden hicks in this state."

Somehow, Ezekiel felt a little saddened by Damien Sandow's statement. The boos were now getting into his head. Sandow was now getting annoyed.

"SILENCE!" Sandow shouted to the rest of the fans as he turned back to Ezekiel. "You should never be in Total Drama in the first place! So here's my last advice to you: Leave this ring, you are dismissed!" he said once again as Ezekiel put his head down and slowly began to walk by the ropes. He began to talk again, "Leave my ring, leave this arena, leave this state, leave this United States of America, and leave the great state of Canada right behind you every step you take!"

As Sandow turned his back on the homeschooler, he smiled to the rest of the crowd, who had felt a taste of displeasure of what they saw. He was very proud of himself, but he didn't notice that Ezekiel had a very mad look in his face that Sandow would berate him like this. So he went under the ropes and went up the apron. As Damien Sandow felt proud of this little spectacle, he closed out his statement with this:

"You're welcome!" Sandow exclaimed on the mic to the fans as from out of nowhere...

...Ezekiel springboarded off the apron and dropkicked the back of Damien Sandow's intellectual noggin, much to the delight of the WWE Universe, who saw Sandow get what was coming to him. Zeke soon got up and felt the southern homeschool fire burn inside him like a case of wildfire. The referee began to signal for the bell to ring on this match.

"And this match is underway!" The King exclaimed as Michael Cole felt a bit upset that Sandow's moment was just ruined by a springboard dropick a la Ezekiel.

"What in the hell did Zeke do that? What business did he have to crash right into Sandow like that? That's not sportsman like! That's just an ounce of disrespect!" Michael Cole replied angrily as Ezekiel was taunting Damien Sandow, just to get up.

"Well, to me, it's called justice!" Jerry Lawler said right to Michael Cole as Damien Sandow got up as he was in trouble getting his bathrobe out of the way...

...only to be rolled up by Ezekiel in a schoolboy pin. The referee looked at this and acted real fast.

"1... 2... 3!"

The rest of the crowd erupted in cheers as Ezekiel pinned Damien Sandow, much to the Intellectual Savior's shock. The announcer now announced the result.

"The winner of this match... Ezekiel!" The announcer said as Ezekiel celebrated like crazy raising his fists in victory. Michael Cole couldn't even believe what he just saw.

"I can't believe it! Ezekiel just beat Sandow in pretty much record time!" Michael said, still being appalled, "He's gotta lose it right now!"

"Well, he got what he deserved for opening his mouth too much, and look what it cost him!" Lawler chuckled as Damien Sandow was busy arguing with the referee in such annoyed rage.

"I still can't believe Zeke beat him! This is just a travesty!" Cole said without any pity whatsoever.

"Sorry to hear that, Cole!" The King exclaimed with a chuckle.

"Let's just go to Matt Striker backstage who's with our winner." Michael Cole said bluntly as Matt Striker was awaiting for Ezekiel to come out of the curtain so that he could thank him for his victory.

"Hi, guys! I'm standing here backstage with our winner Ezekiel, who just pulled the shortest pinfall victory of his life!" Matt said as the homeschooler appeared alongside Striker. Zeke was still psyched as ever, "Ezekiel, how does it feel to earn the first victory for the Total Drama team?"

"It feels so exciting, eh! I told you this was for all of the ladies who was watching me! I did a dropkick, a powerslam, a suplex, a piledriver, and a chair shot..." Ezekiel said, just boasting a little bit until Matt Striker decided to step in.

"Um, I'm pretty sure that's not what happened..." Striker said with such a clueless tone until he was cut off by Ezekiel.

"Shut it, eh? You're ruining my moment!" Ezekiel said just shutting Striker's mouth as he began to boast, "And then I took Sandow down with an elbow drop, a knee drop, a bodyslam through the table, eh? And then after that, I..."

As Ezekiel began to talk, Striker turned right to the camera.

"I guess I don't wanna ruin this little moment of his, we'll be right back to Total Drama vs. WWE. I need a drink..." Matt Striker said out of groaned pity as he left Ezekiel's sight, who was still celebrating his victory.


What an excellent start for Total Drama vs. WWE! What did everyone think?

Next up is the uber-gamer himself, Sam? Who will be his opponent? Find out until the next chapter after you read and review! WINNING!