A/N: More on L. BB and A are here as well. More humor than angst in this chapter(I hope).


Whammy House Progress Form #1


#22 - L Lawliet Alias: L

Age: 13 Gender: M

Circumstance: Parents murdered by convicted felon.


Skill(s): intelligence, initiative, capoeira

Area(s) of improvement: social skills, diet, posture.

Note(s):Sits and walks strangely. Will only eat sugary foods. Seems to have developed insomnia. A good trait for someone who may need to be up for days at a time. Shows no interest in anything not intellectually challenging. Does not enjoy being around others. Showing several signs of sociopathy i.e. doesn't care about other people.

Recommendation(s): He would be great in the newest social program available.

Suggested candidate: #39 - Beyond Birthday Alias: Backup/B

Suggested profession(s): Detective

B watched as A nervously checked the clock yet again.

"I think we should go now. That way you won't be late." A said while he fiddled with his sweatshirt strings. B knew that A was worried about his meeting with Whammy but this was getting ridiculous. He had been saying the same thing every two minutes. The meeting wasn't for another 10!

"A, calm down. We'll leave for the office in five minutes and I'll still be early. I don't know why you're so afraid of me being late. The old mans not going anywhere." 'At least not for another 11 years.' B thought to himself with a smirk.

"You heard the instructors, one more infraction and you'll get a serious punishment. Being late is an infraction B." A gave him a rather serious look. Where as B just rolled his eyes. "What are they going to do? I don't have anything they can take, and if I could handle that class on information extraction, I can handle whatever they throw at me."

A looked shocked. "I thought that was a 'how to' class!?"

B smiled offhandedly. "It was. How to do it, and how to survive it. Where did you think the tip of my thumb went? Narnia?"

"I thought you cut it in anatomy!"

"No, that's when I cut the cadavers thumb off and put it in with your sculpting supplies. Remember?"

A grimaced. "How could I forget...but that's beside the point. What if they make it so were not roommates anymore? We share no classes so we'd never see each other again."

B wasn't worried. "I'd just sneak out and meet you at the hidden room like we already do."

A could only think of one more thing that B might take seriously."What if they take away your strawberry jam?"

I wouldn't let them." B said darkly with a cold look in his eyes."

A laughed and B's face returned to normal, his job done. Most people would probably be terrified when he acted like that but A knew it was just that, an act. Sometimes though, even B had to stop and wonder why it was seeming more and more like second nature to act creepy. Was he still acting? Ehn, it doesn't matter.

A stopped laughing when he caught sight of the clock. "B! We have to go now! Your meeting is in three minutes!"

B looked at the clock nonchalantly. "So it is. I suppose we can go now." Before B could take a step though, A had already grabbed his arm and pulled him out the door. B and A were running at a full sprint: A out of fear and B just to keep up.

A was huffing when they got to the door but B seemed fine. He had to do running training everyday in his physical skills class.

"See? We made it here in plenty of time."

You have less than one minute to get inside!" A said breathlessly. He never really ran.

"Yeah, plenty of time." A was really looking annoyed and B loved it.

"Fine. Just get inside please. I'll wait out here as usual." A turned around and checked to make sure no one was watching.

B chuckled at how apprehensive his friend looked. "Ok. If it seems this meetings gonna take too long I'll knock something over as a signal and you can leave. We'll meet up in the library later."

"Ok. Good luck." A said before B knocked twice and Whammy answered.

"Yes, come in B."

A hid as B opened the door and walked in. As the door was about to close though, Whammy spoke up.

"A, you can come in as well. You might as well seeing as it involves you as well."

A sheepishly shuffled in behind B.

"Now then, I've called you here today because of a new decision by the- B, why aren't you wearing your contacts?"

B's bright red eyes stared into Whammy's. "They're itchy, I don't like them."

"I thought that you learned to deal with that in advanced camouflage and disguise. If I remember, that was your best class."

"I can handle them but I don't like them. I'm proud of my eyes." 'My eyes make me different. Why would I hide my only difference?'

"Well they are very distinctive. It is best for you if you hide them or else they could become a major problem in the future. No detective should have an easily identifiable trait."

B grumbled to himself. He hated it when that got brought up. His eyes are an asset not a detriment. "Whatever"

Whammy let that subject slide before resuming his earlier one. "As I was saying, you are here because of a new decision made by the psyche counselor."

Whammy was unable to go on as B interrupted. "I've told you, I'm not unstable! I just act weird sometimes."

"He's telling the truth I swear! He's not crazy or anything. I'm with him all the time. He's normal."

Whammy had to hold back a sigh. 'This meeting isn't going to end anytime soon, is it. And I had really wanted to meet Roger for lunch.'

"That is not what this is about. You are here because you both show a reasonable amount of social behavior and it has been decided by the psyche counselor that certain students here will be paired with other students as friends."

B and A didn't quite understand what Whammy was getting at.

"So why are you telling us? We're already are friends. We don't need new ones."

"Well . . ." Whammy had to think on how to properly describe the situation. "It's because you two are friends that it has been decided that another student will become your friend as well."

B was the one to speak this time. "Wait, so some lonely loser we've never met is going to hang around us? Why would we do that. I am happy with just A as my friend."

"Yeah" A added.

Whammy had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Well that's good and all but it is a new program. You are to become friends with one of Whammy House's less socially adept students"

B of course had to ask, "What if I refuse? What will you do."

Whammy frowned. 'Why didn't I see this coming? This is Backup I'm dealing with.' "Well, first off, I can change your classes to accommodate for the fact that you are so resistant to authority and rules. Next, your refusal would count as an infraction, and if I remember correctly, that would be the tipping point from medium punishment level to drastic."

B however, was not impressed."Hmm, I think I can handle that."

Whammy had to think of something that would make B behave quick or else he would lose another child to the punishment camp. "Of course, since this is shifting towards drastic, you will be forced to work until your spirit is broken."

A looked on in fear as B continued to uncaringly aggravate Whammy. "I've heard worse."

'I need something better...' Whammy was running out of ideas. "You may even be kicked out of Whammy House and put into a detention center for average children."

B called his bluff. "They need all the kids they can get. They wouldn't kick me out if I killed someone, let alone if I just refused to make friends."

'One last chance. Backup's only soft spot.' Whammy was going to hate himself for this later but. . ."Well fine. Since I can't seem to make you care about punishments, maybe I'll let someone share them with you."

"You wouldn't..." B got truly cold for a moment. A was worried what would happen to his best and only friend. He didn't realize what Whammy was implying.

"Well if you won't take this seriously alone, perhaps your friend could help you see some perspective." Whammy winced internally at the look of pure hatred B sent at him. It was made even worse by the fact his eyes were currently a blood-red.

"A has done nothing wrong. There is no reason for him to share my punishments."

A's eyes widened in fear at the possibility of being at the mercy of the instructors. It is a fate he had avoided his entire stay at Whammy House, and he certainly did not want to start out at drastic level.

Whammy felt bad for the look on A's face but it had to be done. "You can avoid all that if you simply act friendly towards whoever is assigned you. Who knows, you might actually like them."

B loathed the fact that he had to agree, but A wouldn't survive a medium level punishment, let alone the camp. His hands were tied. "Fine. I'll be nice to the freak."

A sighed in relief. It was sad that B had to back down but he was so glad B did. It's good to know your friend cares about you.

Whammy too was glad B backed down. "Just so you know, I did not create this program. It was made by the councilor to give certain students social skills, and the instructors agreed because it can lead to many chances for lessons. From how to pretend you like someone to why you shouldn't trust people."

B discovered a loophole."What if they don't want to be my friend? Then it's not my fault right?"

Whammy could see that turning into a dangerous possibility so he thought quick to find a good response. "Well they will be aware that you are supposed to be friendly and will be told to share any reasons as to why they do not wish to be around you should such a thing happen."

B decided to just accept his fate. For now. "Fine. Who is it we will have to deal with?"

Whammy could actually feel the chill in B's voice."That information will be given to you tonight in an envelope by your door. If those are all your questions B, you can go. I need to talk to A some more though."

B stayed of course. There was no way he would ditch his friend after that meeting.

Whammy saw this coming and just carried on. "A, I am to inform you that your request has been processed and approved. So long as you continue to show proficiency in the arts, you can be an artist. Which means you can stop worrying about your observation and hand-eye coordination skills. Those will be just as valuable to an artist as they would have been to another, more dangerous career."

A sighed in relief and his face looked elated. "Thank you! I couldn't handle any of those classes B is taking."

B was happy for his friend. Sure A could spot any evidence left at a crime scene, an invaluable skill for a detective like himself, but he couldn't handle the gore it involved. An artist was a much better job for him.

"That's awesome A. Now let's leave before Whammy brings up anything else." B started pulling A to the door and Whammy only halfheartedly called out, "I didn't dismiss you yet," before they were behind the closed-door.

"Congrats on your transfer. We can celebrate back at the room with jam!" B said with an excited smile. A's smile rivaled B's and it didn't even matter that A hated jam.

"Let's go!" They ran for the door to their shared room. Both too excited to notice, they ran inside without seeing the envelope on the floor. It was probably for the best. If B were to see who would soon be joining him and A, it probably would have soured their happiness. It was just as well that B didn't discover it until the following morning.

"That bastard!?" B yelled as he read the name of who he and A apparently had to meet for breakfast.

A was surprised at his friends sudden outburst. "Who is it?"

"It's that know-it-all creep L." B fumed.

A was confused. "I've never met L. How do you know him?"

B glared at the paper as he answered."He takes all the same classes as me because he's training to be a detective as well. The guy's an absolute jerk too. He never studies or even pays attention yet he ace's everything that gets thrown at him. He acts like everybody is beneath him, and he never talks to anybody. Not even to his teachers! The worst part is that they don't even care! They let him do whatever he wants. He's always eating some dessert or another, and drinking tea that's more sugar than tea."

A took in all the information and came to a conclusion. "Are you jealous?"

B stared at A in disbelief. "Jealous? Of him? No way. I hate the guy."

A thought careful about how to respond."Well you can still be jealous of a guy you hate. And don't you like your foods on the sweet side?"

B just looked at A as if he were joking. "That's jam, and that's different. Just wait till you meet the guy. You'll hate him too. However, we could not have gotten stuck with a better kid. Five minutes and he'll never want to see us again; he'll probably complain about this more than we did."

"Well that would be an easy way out of this. Where are we supposed to meet?"

"The cafeteria in five minutes."

"Well then let's go! We can't be late."

"Why are you always so worried about being on time?"

A looked rather self-righteous as he answered. "Punctuality is very important in any future profession. Plus we should probably get food before we meet him."

"You're right, I'd hate to miss out on some toast because we need to meet L."

B and A left to the cafeteria. B excited for the food but completely against the meeting. A, although he'd never admit it, was a little excited to meet this L person. Once they received their breakfasts; toast with extra strawberry jam for B, a pancake and slice of bacon for A, they looked around to see where they should sit.

"So what does this L guy look like?"

"Well for one, he has longish black hair, it's always messy too. Plus awful posture, he sits like a gargoyle and is completely hunched over. He has super pale, white skin, I don't think he goes outside. He's really skinny even though he eats crap, and he wears the same thing everyday. White shirt and blue jeans. Both very baggy and loose."

A found B's description to be a little strange. "You seem to really notice the guy. Do you watch him or something?"

"No! I just get to know my enemies. If you find there strong and weak points before they even know you're enemies, you have the advantage."

"He really rubs you the wrong way, doesn't he? Any luck on the weaknesses thing?"

"Well I know he has no social skills."

"I see. Is that him over there?" A was pointing to someone who matched B's description perfectly. Said person was sitting in a bizarre position and poking at a strawberry.

"That's him alright. Let's get this over with." B started off towards where L was sitting. L turned around when they arrived and spoke.

"Hello. I am L."

B was just glaring and didn't speak so A introduced them. "I'm A and this is B."

L turned to B. "I recognize you from our classes. I am sure that you do not care for me and I assure you, the feeling is mutual. If you would please tell Whammy that you do not wish to be my friend, we can part and never have to deal with this again." L looked at them and waited.

B snickered and A spoke for him again. "We've already tried that. We were told that you must be the one to break it off if we don't want to suffer consequences."

L's didn't blink at the news. "That is what I was told as well. Only in reverse. It would appear that the only way for us to be able to separate would be if one of us were to risk punishment."

B finally spoke up. He could see where this was going. "Well it's not going to be us. We would both receive my drastic level punishment. I refuse to let A deal with that so it's going to have to be you."

L's face still refused to change. "I will not suffer a punishment that can be avoided. It would appear then that we are at a catch-22 situation."

B returned L's blank stare. "So it would seem. What are we going to do then?"

A decided to speak his mind. "Well, so long as we act friendly towards each other when others are looking, we can just go on as normal. B and I will hangout and you can...read a book in the same room or something."

B and L looked at each other with mutual feelings of distrust and discomfort. They grudgingly shook hands before sitting opposite each other. A of course sitting next to B. They all started eating in an uncomfortable silence.

A broke said silence. "If we are going to pretend to be friends, we will need to know somethings about one another. Perhaps we should ask questions?"

B and L just stared at A before L decided to answer.

"That is reasonable so long as there are little to no personal questions."

"That's fine I guess." B started. "How about our names? Mine is Backup."

A already knew the story but L couldn't help but be curious. "Why would you pick that strange of a name?"

B smiled at the memory. "Well on my first day, I was told to pick a name that started with my letter. The guy was completely in my space so I told him to back up and they stuck it as my name. The worst part is I don't know if he was stupid or a smart ass."

L almost found that to be funny. However he had long since trained himself to repress any unnecessary emotions. He simply turned to A and asked, "What is your name?"

A thought for a bit before answering. "When I first got here I refused to talk to anybody, so they picked a name for me. I don't like it so I just go by A, but my real alias is Asymptote."

"Otherwise known as the line you get ever closer to yet never cross." B loved to use A's name against him.

L just nodded and returned to eating.

When it seemed he wasn't going to share B confronted him. "Well? We shared, so what's your name story?"

L looked up and stated blankly. "I have no story. I kept my alias as L. That is it."

A and B looked at each other. It was supposed to be required to have a name. This was just another reason for B to dislike him and for A to feel just a bit more awkward.

A tried again. "Ok, how about favorite color? I like earth tones. Green, browns, etc. You?"

"I will never understand humanities obsession with such a frivolous thing as a favorite wavelength of light, that having been said, I do find the neutrals to be somewhat aesthetically pleasing."

A, being the artist he was, had to comment. "Ah, black to white and all the shades of gray in between. I can understand a liking of them, but that is a rather strange choice. I am slightly impressed that you knew they were neutrals and not colors."

"Of course I knew that. It is very basic knowledge." L actually couldn't see how someone would not know something as simple as that.

A wasn't quite sure how to react so he opted to poke B.


"You should share too."

B rolled his eyes but complied. "Fine. I like red. The color of my eyes and my favorite food."

"That's a good one too. What's your favorite food?" A looked at L and B expectantly.

L had lost interest in these questions. "Cake"

B likewise was more interested in his toast. "Strawberry jam."

A was having enough. "...screw it. I'm done trying. Someone else can try. I'm just going to eat my breakfast and leave."

B was surprised. A almost never got upset. 'I should have realized that A must be just as upset as I am with this situation. I suppose I can suck it up and play nice for a while. You better appreciate it though.'

"So L, why are you training to be a detective?"

L was startled at B's decision to talk, but didn't show it. "It was chosen by the instructors for me as I have a natural talent for it. You are also in the detective classes, why did you go into it?"

"It was the most popular choice, and figured it would be easier to blend in if I was surrounded by others."

"Why do you wish to blend in?"

A noticed they were entering some touchy territory now. This was one of B's most contradictory areas.

"Well it's hard to explain, and I don't know why I should tell you but whatever. I want to stand out. I want to be the best. I want everyone to notice me. At the same time, it's easier to succeed if others think you're no threat. The nail that stands out is the one that gets hit. I've always been that nail. Now that I'm here, I want to watch someone else get hit. I want to be noticed, but unnoticed at the same time."

"I see."

"Yeah. Well whatever. A why do you want to be an artist?"

"Well it's one of the safest jobs they train you for here for one, but mainly it's because I love art. I have an eye for it. Plus I'm also good at the classes they have for art. The art based ones of course, along with advanced geometry and money management based classes."

L was surprised at the thought of being an artist. He was so surprised, he couldn't help but let a little of it color his tone when he asked, "You can really be trained as an artist? What possible use is that to the government funding this place?"

A and B gasped before quickly looking around. B then glared at L with anger and the slightest bit of respect. "What are you doing?!" He whispered, "Don't mention the government, you'll get us all in trouble. We're not even supposed to know."

L just looked bemused. "A school of geniuses, and no one is supposed to find out? How ridiculous. I'll admit I thought it was just the military at first, but with the monthly visitors all showing signs of-"

He was cut off by Beyond's snicker. "What did I say that has aroused such a response?"

It was odd to see the change that had taken over L's table companions. Where they had been frozen in fear a moment ago, they were now both finding it very hard to keep a straight face. A broke first but was quickly followed by B as they collapsed into laughter."Seriously?!" B said between laughs, "monthly visitors and arousal? You've got to be joking."

"No, I do not joke. Why are you laughing?" L deadpanned.

A was also having trouble breathing at this point but did his best to answer. "Those words have different meanings from what you intended."

L just stared as he tried to figure out why his chosen words were so funny. When he remembered what arousal could be, he blushed and returned to his cake. B and A's laughter was starting to die down around the time L was finishing. B's face turned serious as he remembered the earlier discussion. "Seriously though, you need to keep it on the low down about the government, especially around A and myself."

"Why?" L, never one to blindly follow, asked.

"I'm not sure but any kid that gets too vocal about it usually disappears." B said with his most sinister voice.

On that note, the bell rang and it was off to class. B and L walking together towards the forensics lab, and A towards the art room. Upon noticing L with B, Whammy let slip a small smile. With as much resistance he had received, he was surprised how smoothly this was going. He was not the only one though, as he looked to his left he noticed one of the instructors marking things on a clipboard.

A/N: So I was told by FF like 15 times that I'm using complex words that should be simplified. I'm trying to type this as I feel a school of geniuses would talk. But if you would prefer simpler words, simply say so.