Why was it so busy, the life of a speedster? On top of his normal day job, he had to save the world repeatedly. And now, he had to look after his niece. For the whole day. The only thing was, today was his shift.
So, Wally was looking for a responsible adult to help him out.
Superman would probably crush the baby when changing it's nappy or something. Off the list.
Wonder Woman. Wally REALLY didn't want to offend the fact that she was a woman. He might as well "send her to the kitchen" whilst he was at it. Off the list.
J'onn - did he even know what a baby was? Off the list.
GL was on duty with him.
Hawkgirl - refer back to Wonder Woman.
So, that crossed everyone off. Except for Batman. 'Hey, the guy has had Robins, right? They must've been babies once, yeah?'. He was grasping at straws.
"Batman! Bats, Batsy, Mr Dark Knight-"
"Get to the point, Wally."
"Okay. I need you to do me a favor."
Batman gave Wally a mini bat-glare. It was like a normal one, but less threatening. The kind reserved for friends and relatives.
"What favor would this be?"
At first, Wally hadn't thought that Batman had understood his rushed sentence, but then the man nodded and turned away again.
"Great. Seeya tomorrow, Bats!
The first rays of sunlight trickled through the blinds in Wayne manor's master bedroom, it's only occupant stirred sleepily. The sudden buzzing of an alarm clock woke the figure, and after an extended yawn, he got out of bed.
Bruce had considered staying in bed all day, which was very uncharacteristic of him. He just didn't feel like facing the world to day, especially as he was meant to be looking after a baby.
Why? Why had he agreed to look after Wally's niece? Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that Bruce had a huge crush on the speedster. Or maybe, he was just trying to prove something to himself. Maybe he was trying to prove he was a good parent, even after Dick had left him.
But at least if it all went wrong today, there was Alfred.
A ring on the doorbell a few hours later only heightened Bruce's anxiety. Seriously, what had he been thinking?
"Hey Bruce!" Wally grinning. He was holding a bundle of pink and was wearing a goofy smile, as usual. "This is Alice. Alice, this is uncle Brucey."
The pink ball of cloth in Wally's arms gurgled, and Bruce found himself thinking 'Hey, maybe this won't be so bad'.
After a quick explanation of when Wally would be coming back, and extended talking about babies, Wally left. But not before the moment of truth.
"Okay, here." Wally said, moving as if to put the baby in Bruce's arms.
"Whoa, what?" He replied rather dumbly.
"Uh Bruce, you kinda have to hold it. I'm not going to put her on the floor or anything."
"I don't really know how to hold babies."
A hurried example and lecture followed, and Bruce found himself repeating tips in his head.
When Wally finally passed Alice into Bruce's arms, he lent in so close it took all of Bruce's self control not to pull the speedster into a hug. He could smell the man's hair from here, and it was killing him. However, the soft lump of cloth in his arms suddenly distracted him, as he realized he was, in fact, holding a baby. And he was doing it correctly, of all things.
"Am I doing it right?"
"Yeah." Wally grinned, and Bruce swore the room lit up slightly. "Gotta go now. I'm already late, and you know what GL's like. I'll be back soonish, please don't accidentally kill the baby, my sister is kinda fond of her."
And Bruce was alone.
A pair of brown eyes looked up at him curiously, and Bruce suddenly felt under scrutiny. Was...was the baby judging him? Is that what babies did? What was going on in that tiny mind?
Bruce Wayne, Batman, intimidating vigilante, with the ability to take down Bane, scared stiff by an infant.
Thank god nobody from the League was here to see this.
For the first time feeding a baby, Bruce thought he was doing pretty well. Because Alice was too young for solid food, he'd had to get a baby bottle. He didn't know why he'd had one in the first place. Perhaps it had been his when he was a baby. He had washed it, just in case that guess was correct.
"C'mon drink the milk. Yum yum, food." He murmured, pressing the tip of the bottle to the baby's mouth. She didn't seem to want any more to drink.
Where was Alfred when you needed him? The butler had gone out shopping for specific groceries, as he always did, but this time he had chosen a really bad time. Bruce needed advice, because he didn't know why Alice was suddenly crying.
"Are-are you bored?" He asked, as if the baby could answer him. Alice just stared up at him, yelling with her tiny lungs.
"Do you want your nappy changed?" Oh god, he wasn't prepared for that.
"Sleep? Sleep?! Sleep." He concluded, more to himself than to the tiny girl.
Oh wait. He didn't have a cot.
He had beds. But no cot.
"Uhh..." He wandered aimlessly around upstairs thinking as he opened random doors. "I'm sorry, Alice, you're gonna have to sleep in a grown-up bed."
Bruce really didn't know the protocol for these things, but he knew that you never slept with a baby in the same bed. And because he didn't want to return someone's child with possible injuries, he realized that the safest thing to do would to be to watch over the child as she slept.
He awkwardly put her down, and pulled the covers up, tucking her in, and resigned himself to a chair in the corner of the bedroom he had chosen. Luckily, he had brought a book, so at least he could read if nothing else.
He found it hard to read, however, when someone's eyes were constantly on him. After twenty minutes, he'd had enough.
"Uh. Sleep. Close your eyes."
"Do I have to read a story or something?"
"At least you're not crying any more."
As if on cue, Alice started crying again.
"Having fun?" Said a certain speedster, who was standing in the doorway of the room, smirking.
Bruce had almost died of shock. "Oh holy sh-"
"No swearing! You'll taint her precious ears!"
"She doesn't even know what we're saying!"
"So, Bruce, how did it go?"
"Uh...good. Up until now. I didn't even have to change her."
"What?! Whenever I have to look after her, she needs changing about 4-5 times an hour!" Wally pouted, and picked up the crying baby, rocking her a bit to quiet her down.
"Why's she crying?"
"She likes stories."
"But she's a baby!"
"Babies like stories, what can I say?" Wally laid her back down on the bed and tucked her in again before reciting an obviously well-learned fairy-tale. Once he was done, the baby had fallen asleep quickly, her little chest rising and lowering slowly.
"Shouldn't it be me thanking you? After all, you looked after her for hours." Wally smiled at Bruce, and reached in for a friendly hug, which Bruce returned.
"Wanna go and eat something? I'm hungry. Let's order pizza."
"Wally, you're always hungry. And anyway, I'm the one who's been suffering with children, I should choose the food."