I'm not taking this 100% seriously, so you don't need to, either. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't. I'm writing this half out of spite and half because transformations are my quilty pleasure #1. Out of spite, because hell, if you're going to write a Kuroko transformation fic, of course Kuroko's going to transform into a dog! Kagami's scared stiff of them! And yet, I couldn't find a single one anywhere I searched, though there was one of him turning into an arctic fox and one where he had cat ears (I didn't read that one because I'm not a smut sort of person).

So, just enjoy. Give in to the lamest pleasures of your mind.

Kuroko was troubled.

He'd had an almost unusually normal Sunday, with a short trip to a cafe with Kise who'd said he wanted advice on something important (that'd turned out to be whether he should agree to do a shirtless photo shoot or not) and a dvd movie in the evening.

So he really didn't see a reason for him having turned into a dog, come monday.

That was what'd happened though. He quite thought this was more unlikely than a meteor falling on the opposing team's bench during the last quarter. It was an absurd situation. He'd woken up to his alarm, reached for his mobile phone to turn it off, and noticed his arm was an odd shape and size. He couldn't turn the alarm off with the paws he now had, and it kept going off every five minutes. He couldn't open the doors of his small apartment, he couldn't get food from the cupboards. He'd been walking a frantic circle around the kitchen for ten minutes now, he realized; the alarm had went off twice. It must've been quite a sight, a dog that looked completely devoid of emotions, repeating the same small circle over and over again; what a shame that no one had been there to see.

He really needed to calm down.

If Kuroko remembered right, methods to turn humans into animals had actually been developed in recent years. Supposedly they were medical, though he wasn't quite sure. So this wasn't anything supernatural, it was scientifically possible. He flopped down on his dog butt. The question was, though, how would an under-development, obscure drug have gotten into his digestive system?

Tetsuya #2 padded out of the bedroom and came to sit next to him. Apparently the dog still recognized his scent, since it didn't react like to a stranger, only tilted its head in confusion at its owner's change of shape.

It would probably be best to do something. Get out of the apartment, for example. If Kuroko didn't, he would eventually starve, and "eventually" wouldn't be far away, since there was no way he could open the stubbornly rigid door of his fridge in this shape.

Whether he could open his apartment's door was another problem. Never before had it looked so difficult to approach; the handle was so high above he'd have to jump to get to it, and simultaneously he'd have to turn the turning knob. Honestly, it looked like an impossible task. Kuroko sighed a dog-sigh, letting out an unexpected whining sound. (He made a mental note about being careful in order not to embarrass himself while in this state.)

He tried it, and failed miserably. He'd never supposed it would actually hurt this much to hang from a door handle, looking at how good #2 was at it. The handle did turn a bit, but he slid off it before even pulling it enough that a normal door would've opened, not to mention a locked one.

It would be an unpleasant morning.

In fact, it turned out to be a lot less unpleasant than he expected. After watching his efforts for a while, #2 pushed him aside and managed to open the door in one leap. Kuroko stared. #2 stared back, proud of itself, and he kind of wondered if that proudness had a shade of superiority in it.

If #2 was a human, Kuroko thought, it'd probably steal his place as a regular in the team. The dog had some crazy skills.

Once finally out in the staircase, Kuroko pushed the door shut, trying to tell #2 with his stare that it shouldn't leave home. He could only hope. His pet only ever seemed to do what it itself wanted. Turning to face the next obstacle on his way, he couldn't help letting out another whiny sigh. It was time to try and learn a whole new way of going down the stairs.

Kagami was eating his breakfast when the doorbell rang. Wondering who the heck would come to his apartment just before school, he pressed the button and listened to the bottom floor door opening and closing on the intercom. Opening his own door, he expected the elevator's button to light up in indication of someone using it, but nothing seemed to happen. Had his visitor decided to uphold their health by taking the stairs? Kagami waited, and was starting to get annoyed at whoever was prioritizing their fitness over simple politeness, when he heard quiet patter from the floor below. It wasn't the sound that shoes made on tile flooring, it sounded more like an animal…

A dog. It'd finally reached the last flight of stairs and was getting closer every second, like in some horror movie made especially with Kagami in mind. He was about to slam the door shut when the dog turned to face him.


The animal jumped weirdly at the name, causing an involuntary twitch in Kagami's muscles. He looked at it judgingly, and then pushed the door properly open again. The pup got in, looking up straight at his eyes as it passed by. Wasn't that aggressive behavior when it came to dogs? You weren't supposed to stare a dog in the eyes, right? Was #2 trying to rise above him in its own bizarre ranking system? There was nothing he could do anymore, with the creature already invading his home. #2 was okay for a dog, but Kagami definitely still wasn't comfortable with being alone with it. Had Kuroko let it escape? Or in fact, had Kuroko let it into the building in order to torment Kagami? It couldn't have pressed the right number on its own.

He decided to close the door, since there was no helping the fact that the dog was here now. Returning to his breakfast, he saw it staring at its reflection in the hall mirror. This was exactly why he didn't like dogs. What the hell went on inside their heads? Their expressions were so blank and they would get aggressive for no apparent reason.

After gobbling up his breakfast, he noticed the clock's arms were at an alarming angle already. Rushing to throw the necessary stuff into his bag, he wondered just what could be done with #2. He didn't want to leave it in his home, since the faster he got rid of it, the better, but he didn't have a leash, or any dog supplies for that matter.

He was going to be late for morning activities if he spent another minute thinking, and the coach would no doubt raise his workload if that happened. Oh god, he didn't know how he was going to deal with this.

He grabbed the dog and sprinted.

The puppy let out a startled yelp that caused Kagami to leap over five stairs on the way down. Luckily it didn't seem to be getting distressed in a way that would cause it to bite people, quite on the contrary, its face was like a stone mask beside its apparent discomfort, but carrying the thing was horribly stressful nevertheless. He sweated for reasons entirely other than the speed at which he was running. Quite a few of the people he passed on his way were probably even more afraid of the expression on his face than he was of the dog.

In the end, he reached the Seirin gym several minutes earlier than he'd thought he would, and after crashing through the doors back first, could finally put the dog back down. The other members, most of whom were already there, stared at him and the dog at a loss of words.

"Whoever gave you of all people #2 to look after?" Hyuga asked in an unbelieving tone. The dog shook itself, still wearing a distressingly neutral expression on its face all the while totally radiating displeasure.

"Don't look at me! Hasn't Kuroko come yet? He's here somewhere, isn't he?"

Questioning glances were exchanged and heads were shaken. "I don't think he's here. I came in alone and I'm the one who unlocked the door", the coach said.

Kagami felt a pat on his knee and looked down to see #2 leaning against his leg and hitting him with its other front paw, radiating killing intent.

He couldn't help himself, and no one could really blame him. Kagami jumped two meters back and several up, leaving the pup to tumble down on its snout. And as the unfortunate Furihata and Koganei had chosen just that moment to enter the gym, they were hit with 190 centimeters and 82 kilograms of raw teenager muscle and tendon as a welcome gift.

"AH!" a cry echoed in the gym. The senpais were there at the speed of light, pushing Kagami off the two latecomers. He was coldly tossed aside as Teppei and Mitobe rushed to help the victims back up.

"Are you two alright?" the coach asked. "Furihata-kun?" the 1st-year was rubbing the back of his head.

"I'm alright, I just hit my head and it hurts a bit." It looked like the coach was going to continue questioning him, but she was stopped by Koganei's sudden cry of "AH!"

"What is it?" she turned to look at him.

"Where did #2 go?" the hyperactive boy yelped, looking frantically around him. "We found it wandering in the streets and took it here with us, but then Kagami came flying, and…!"

"EH?" Koganei looked up to see everyone around him looking weirded out.

"But #2 was just brought here by Kagami! It was what startled him to jump like that, too!" the coach explained. "Whose dog have you kidnapped, Koganei-kun?"

"No, I'm sure it's #2! You can't mistake it for anything else, it looks just like Kuroko!"

"Speaking of things that'll disappear without warning, I don't see even one dog here at the moment", Izuki said. He was left to smirk at his own joke alone as his teammates rushed back out of the gym.

"#2! Come here, good boy!" Koganei yelled and sprinted to the right. Teppei and Mitobe ran after him, with Kagami, Hyuga and Furihata turning to the left instead. The rest were left behind, a bit too late in deciding what direction to take.

Kagami didn't have to run long before he found the dogs. There really were two of them. One was determinedly walking toward the hallway that connected the gym building to the school, while the other one was trying to stop it by blocking its way. The one playing defense looked up at Kagami and the others like they were rescuing angels as Hyuga rushed to pick up the other one.

"Geh!" he exclaimed, looking at the dogs' faces with an expression that said "I haven't slept enough to put up with this". "They both really look like #2."

Furihata picked up the defense dog, which didn't seem to exactly appreciate the gesture.

"Kagami, can you tell them apart?" he asked, standing next to Hyuga with the puppy in his hands. The redhead stared at the two dogs, searching for differences, and looked more baffled with every glance.

"No way in hell! They're identical!"

"Let me look!" Furihata said, and dumped his dog onto Kagami, who could only take it or drop it, and he had the distinct feeling that he'd be hated for his whole life if he did the latter. Instead, he held the creature as far from his body as he could without looking like a frightened nine-year-old. It wriggled uncomfortably and he was too scared of its possible revenge to bring it closer.

"It looks like we've found #2's long-lost identical twin or something", Furihata observed, leaning closer to the dogs. "What will we do? There's no way to tell them apart." And after a little pause, "Kagami, yours smells like vanilla."


The coach came and dragged them to practice after that, so they didn't have time to make any more observations, and then it was time to go to class. Though no one wanted to do it, the dogs were locked into the storage room for the duration of the school day, since they couldn't be taken to class and no one had the guts to skip school just like that.

Kagami went to class just to find that Kuroko wasn't at school at all. What was wrong with that guy? He had definitely left home that day, since there was no way that dog had just invaded Kagami's home on its own. He was pretty sure that the one that'd come to him was the real #2, but now there was no way to tell the two of them apart.

Ahhh, he really didn't want to have even more dogs in his life. Rather, he'd've been relieved if #2 had been given to a good home somewhere far away instead of being taken as the team's mascot, but it couldn't be helped. #2 was an OK dog, one Kagami was ready to tolerate, but now he couldn't even tell which one it was, so there was no way he was going to trust either of them.

He just wanted to go home

Notes #2

-Please be informed that I'm pretty sure turning humans into animals will never be scientifically possible.
-Apparently I can produce the most material when I'm not taking what I do seriously, so this will still continue.
-I'd be honored if you told me whether I should be callings animals "it" or "he". In my mother tongue, we even call humans "it" from time to time, and it's not demeaning in the least, but I don't know how it works in English. I used "it", in this case, because it helped me with language structure choices, but if it's incorrect, I'll go back and change it.
-I'd also appreciate information about whether "turning knob" is a legit English term and whether you understood what I meant.