Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

In which the Avengers decide to hold interviews for another member of the team.

A/N: For those of you who are uncertain, torrone is this Italian honey nougat with nuts. It's delicious, though not as good as chocolate covered caramels with sea salt. In my opinion.

Also, there are OCs, but none of them will end up being the best friend/love interest of the Avengers, and their role will be purely for humor.

"Fury's being ridiculous." Tony stalked around the kitchen of Stark Tower. "Six is a magic number. We're not bringing a seventh Avenger in."

Steve decided to repress his comment about how seven was actually supposed to be luckier than six. "With any luck, there won't be anyone good enough."

"Look out there!" Natasha said, amazed, peering from the window. There was a plethora of people, ranging from young girls to old men to everything in between. There was a girl who's hair was dyed in rainbow colours and a man wearing a Stormtrooper costume. "Does everyone know we're holding interviews today?"

Thor held up a newspaper with a headline proclaiming, "Avengers to hold interviews for superhero position". "Yes."

Bruce read the headline, then slumped down on his chair, defeated.

"Hey, you okay?" Tony patted his friend's shoulder.

"I'm feeling angry," said a muffled noise coming from where Bruce's head was tucked into his arm. Tony looked concerned.

"We'd better bring all these hopefuls in," sighed Clint. "Only we better get someone to take notes."

"JARVIS can—"

"Sir, I am not equipped with a note-taking function, seeing as I have neither hands nor opposable thumbs. Or, for that matter, any thumbs whatsoever."

Tony stuck his head out the window. "Hey! Need an important job done!" A lot of people raised their hands, so Tony selected the person to be hired by pointing a laser pointer at them. The person who fell back clutching their eyes was a young woman with curly dark hair. "You! With the glasses! Kinda chunky! T-shirt with a platypus on it! Yeah, you!"

The woman came up to the doors and was allowed in. Clint shot anyone who tried to sneak in after her with tranquilizing darts.

"Hello." She extended a hand. "My name's Ann Salt and I—"

"Don't matter." Tony tossed a pen to her. "You're the scribe for the interviews. Well, you're my scribe. Everyone else pick a scribe or do it yourself."

Everyone else opted to do it themselves, rolling their eyes. Only Tony would be so lazy as to get a scribe.

"What about pay?" Ann Salt asked, sounding somewhat confused as to everything going on.

"What's your favorite candy?" Tony shot back quickly.


"Two truckfuls. And I'm only paying you cause it's around Christmas time and I'm nice like that."

Ann nodded and took a pad of paper offered to her.

In the first two hours they eliminated three people. One was a religious fanatic who was eliminated by mob rule as many people felt that she unfairly represented their religion and did not want to be remembered by her ideals. The other was a man who could turn invisible only when no one was looking. The last one was a little kid who burst into tears after one minute. Tony gave him an autograph, a piece of Ann's torrone, and a mini bow and arrows set. "Christmas," he explained.

Those who were going to have another interview was a man with a Packers T-shirt who posessed super-strength and a girl who was obsessed with Lord of the Rings. She didn't appear to actually be able to do anything, but claimed that she could talk to Frodo, Aragorn, and Legolas in her head. She managed to get into the next interview for no reason other than Tony thought that she might actually be able to do it.

"How'd it go?" asked Clint.

Natasha groaned. "I had to pull the religious woman and Aragorn there away from each other. Apparently Lord of the Rings promotes satanism or something. Girl there started crying, apparently the Frodo in her head heard that and had his feelings hurt or something."

Steve groaned. "Just what we need. A schizophrenic fangirl. Tony, no matter how much you like that book series…"

"Tony?" Clint glanced at him, where Tony was having an in-depth conversation with Legolas through the schizophrenic fangirl. "I pray that the Lord of the Rings girl gets kicked out. We won't be able to handle her and Tony."

"Let's send away anyone who looks a bit too, um, fangirly," decided Steve. Thor went outside and was informed to chase away the Stormtrooper.

The man wearing the costume sighed. Maybe they already had someone with shapeshifting powers, flight, super strength, and X-ray vision. He wouldn't be surprised if they did. He walked away mournfully.

The interview schedule was set up like this. Each day, they planned to interview a large number of people. Of those, several of them would be reconsidered and the rest sent away. At the end of the day, all of the Avengers would interview the few people who had made it through the first cut and select one. At the end of a week, those seven people would be all interviewed again and one would be picked.

"Come on, Ann," Tony called. "Your hand okay yet?"

Ann glanced at him from where she was soaking her hand in warm water with epsom salts, wincing. "The cramps have mostly gone. I think I can write again."

"Good. Try not to light the page on fire from friction this time."

"I'll try." Ann ate a piece of torrone.

One week later, the Avengers had their seven people.

There was the Packers fan, "Aragorn" (as the Lord of the Rings girl was called), a teenage girl with rainbow eyes who could do practically everything, someone named Bruce who had money and fighting skills, a teenage boy who swore that he had to keep his identity a secret but he'd actually show them what he could do later and he was part spider, a cat that communicated to Steve telepathically, and someone very surprising.

"Hello, Avengers," the someone-very-surprising had said, walking into the base. "So you want a new member for your team? I don't suppose you'll be very willing to accept me, but Thor decided that this was a good idea, so here I am."

Ann leaped from her seat and screamed. "It's him! That's that guy that—" she stumbled over the number of "that's" included in her sentence and was silent. The Avengers stared, shocked.

"Or, perhaps you would prefer me to introduce myself as this." The voice took on a more menacing tone. "I am Loki. Of Asgard…and I am burdened with glorious purpose."

A/N: Don't worry about Ann. She's not gonna do anything. She is as minor a character as I can make her, and she won't end up getting hired.

So, that was my first attempt at a cliffhanger/story hook. How was it? Shall I continue this story?

Oh, and don't worry about "Aragorn" either. The Lord of the Rings references shall be minimal.

If anyone wants to PM me about who they want to win this, or if they want no one to win this, then please feel free to do so! Please don't leave it in a review, though, and you certainly don't have to do it.

Well, review then, I guess!