Yes! Back home, again, and Happy New Year!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because Neji is dead, and NejiTen was never canon. I still love NejiTen though.
Chapter 4: Lost and Found
They were definitely lost. As lost as little half-human and humanoid boys could get.
"Seriously, Zetsu, you said that you knew the way!" Obito spat accusingly, glaring at the green-haired plant-child. Zetsu, in turn, shrugged his pale shoulders, upper body bare because he didn't feel the cold. Meanwhile, Tobi studied the thin layer of snow that had collected on the frosted grass, also unaware of the temperature. This only led to more agitation on Obito's part, seeing as he grumpily pulled his jumper closed.
"I do know the way," the green-headed boy answered defensively.
"Aren't you supposed to be one with the land?" continued Obito, good eye spinning with a menacing three-tomoe Sharingan (he was rather proud of that third tomoe that had quickly popped up with the Mangekyo—though, the reason for his Mangekyo remained a taboo subject most times) that flared dangerously.
"I don't know the entire world," deadpanned Zetsu bluntly.
"I don't expect you to," Obito growled. "I just expect you to know the way back!"
"Well, it's not my fault that you wanted to go see—"
"We should hitch a ride."
The arguing duo abruptly turned to Tobi, who was now pulling handfuls of dying grass from the ground, one hand digging into the dirt while the other pointed down the road. Sure enough, a rickety wagon was steadily wheeling its way over, an old mare hitched to the front.
"No." Both Zetsu and Obito shot down Tobi's suggestion immediately, and the swirl-face went back to picking his grass, dejected. Madara had specifically told them to stay out of sight, even with strangers. Their runs in the market and Obito's one random disappearance that day were too dangerous, now. One of the Zetsu clones had spotted Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai camped out nearby once, in the midst of their mission traveling.
Obito recalled this vaguely, as did Zetsu. But, despite this, Zetsu had no idea where they were compared to the night he found the small Konoha three-man team.
"Can't you just Kamui us back?" suggested Zetsu. Obito made a face—partially because he wished he thought of this himself, and partially because he didn't want to.
"No, as in I'll Kamui myself home, and you guys can stay here."
Tobi glanced up at him, with what would've been a dejected puppy face.
"Actually, I'll bring Tobi with me, but not you." Obito jerked his thumb at Zetsu, who scowled, sharp teeth glinting.
The swish of a tail and the soft clatter of the old mare's unshod hooves on the cobblestone trail signaled the arrival of the wagon. Obito grabbed Zetsu by the arm, fisted a handful of Tobi's too-large sweater, and sucked them into the Kamui dimension.
"I thought you said you weren't bringing me."
"Well, I can't have you staying out there, either."
"You sound like the old man."
"Shut up, Tobi."
"Tobi is a good boy, Tobi would never do that."
"Oh really? Even if I dared you to?"
"Well, Obito, you'd just Kamui away if anything happened."
"Who cares. So, will you do it, Tobi?"
All three boys jumped at the fourth voice, one that came from directly behind the swirl-faced one. Madara glared down at all three of them, particularly Obito, because he knew full well that the boy was usually the mastermind behind everything. Somehow, anything he said was twisted by Zetsu, who then came up with another plot.
"Nothing," Zetsu said quickly. Obito kicked him under the table for being so straightforward, but he ended up kicking the table leg, shaking the entire structure.
"What are you doing?" demanded Madara, annoyed now. He really began to fear for his sanity, the little bit of it he had left, ever since he decided to adopt three of the world's most troublesome sons. Two made from Hashirama's cells, and devastatingly polar opposites of the sensible, level-headed Senju, and one angst-filled Uchiha teenager.
Madara recalled his teenage times.
Then he recalled Uchiha Kagami's sass.
He needed no more of that, but yet here it was. It was as if his nightmares had fallen straight from the sky—oh wait, they had.
"They wanted me," Tobi began, gesticulating wildly. He waved his hands and then pointed to himself to emphasize me. "To go and steal one of Bakakashi's books!"
Obito and Zetsu would've strangled Tobi, then, had Madara not turned his omnipotent glare on them. The old Uchiha thought, in the corner of his mind, what would've happened if children nowadays had a glimpse of Uzumaki's Mito Death God Glare. They would've peed their pants before disintegrating into ashes.
"Don't be stupid," Madara told them flatly. Obito harrumphed, earning a smack to the back of the head, which he pretended didn't hurt. Madara never had a son, and if he did, his son would be well-disciplined and obedient—totally impossible, but still—and Obito was just the opposite. Then again, if Madara had a son, it would probably be Obito anyway. The fact that the boy's hair had grown out to wildly fan down his shoulders and back in a spitting image of Madara only supported that idea.
"It wasn't my idea," mumbled Obito.
"He speaks the truth, for once," drawled Zetsu sarcastically. He dodged a punch swung his way.
"Tobi is a good boy," whimpered the swirl-face, the only one currently aware of Madara's angrily spinning Sharingan. The ancient Uchiha patted the boy on the head and nodded.
"I know you are, but these two aren't."
Sometimes, Tobi was annoying, and other times, he was an angel. He was an angel right now. Madara had his hands full with the two other devils, most of the time. When the devils dragged the angel into the fray, well…the angel just became a regular idiot, and the devils became bigger idiots. They were worse than Kagami three times over. (They didn't just hide his fan, they split it into fifty pieces and hid it around the hideout.)
"I'm getting tired of you two," Madara sighed.
Tobi feared for his friends' lives.
And so that's how Obito and Zetsu were sentenced to sock darning. Where the socks came from, no one would ever know. And then they were setting out some of Obito's laundry outside, because they never did laundry outside, and for some reason, in the dead of winter, Madara decided to let them do it. More like he wanted them to freeze their clothing and suffer the consequences, but let's just say he allowed them to do as they liked for once.
"Shoot, my shirt!" Technically, it wasn't a shirt, it was his traditional blue-orange half cut jacket that he always wore, emblazoned with a proud Uchiha crest on the back. It was an incredibly light article of clothing, and it flew away on the winter wind harboring signs of an incoming blizzard.
What did they do?
Why, they chased it, of course. Obito's precious memento of a shirt could not be left behind, after all.
"Where are we, Kamuiland?"
"No, we're back on the road, you idiot." Obito continued glaring at Zetsu. He'd swept them away and allowed the travelers in the wagon to pass, and now they were back on the trail. With no progress, after an hour of searching for Obito's dang shirt.
"Dude, why didn't you just bring us home?" asked Zetsu, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes.
"Because we are finding my freaking shirt before we go home," hissed Obito, crossing his arms.
"Can't you just stick with this?!" Zetsu gestured to the black sports jacket that Obito was wearing, the one that was hardly sufficient in this subzero weather. Obito was only surviving because of half his body was made of artificial cells.
"No, of course not!" snapped the Uchiha angrily. Call him unstylish, but that thing was comfortable, and a precious memento. Sort of.
"What sort of ninja wears blue and orange?!"
"A good ninja!"
"Are you sure, because you stand out a lot!"
"Ninjas don't need to be color-coordinated!" (He would remember this conversation upon meeting Uzumaki Naruto, a boy even worse in the fashion department than Obito ever was…)
"So we don't need your stupid jacket!"
"Yes, we do!" And they searched for two more hours, Obito half-freezing away, luckily without any frostbite. Tobi burrowed himself a hole and proved useless, while Zetsu muttered to himself, tossing over rocks and climbing trees, trying to find a glimpse of the elusive clothing.
"It's been three hours, Obito, we're not finding it," Zetsu shouted at the Uchiha down the road, looking through the bushes.
"I don't care, we're not going home until we find it!"
"We're even more lost, now!"
"What if a group of Konoha shinobi comes along?!"
"I'll Kamui us away!"
"Then can we go home?"
"NO!" Obito was dead set on finding his belongings; he wasn't the type to let of things easily. His first year at the academy, he lost his winter gloves, and had cried all night. Then, he lost his eraser, and cried all night. Crybaby or no, Obito loved everything he owned. Hey, he still had the extra, clean portions of the gauze wrap that Rin had fixed him up with the time a shuriken stabbed his hand.
"WE'RE GOING HOME!"
"NO WE'RE NOT!"
"YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE STUPID THING!"
"Wait, were you guys looking for this?"
Again, both boys whipped around to glower at Tobi. The swirl-face produced a suspiciously blue and orange article from his eyehole, easily slipping it out from whatever was under that swirl. He shook it out, holding it before them. Lo and behold, an Uchiha crest.
"TOBI YOU IDIOT!"
The boys tackled the swirl-face.
Tobi, the good boy, kept a mental note not to pick up random things in trees anymore.
Haha, something random that I churned out in a short time. Hope you like it ~
Hey, it's my half birthday! (lol random)
I love Naruto SD, even though it's completely crack. This week was NARUTOCEPTION. LOL that just made my day, seriously.
I wouldn't be surprised if Obitopede appeared there, next.
...if you know that reference, then *hug*.