A short one.
Not really sure what this is. . . storytelling time?
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because Rin is dead, and Neji is dead, and Deidara is dead, and ...yeah.
Chapter 6: We've All Gone Bananas
The wind is cold and unforgiving, the sleet falling furiously. The roads are slick, and the horses slip as their drivers urge them forward, desperate to reach their destinations. A man scrabbles along the frozen cobblestones, one hand clenching his scrappy cloak and the other gripping a flimsy blade.
"I have to make it," he mutters, "I am going to make it."
But it is closing in on him, and he can't possibly outrun it. There's simply no way, and at the rate he is going, it'll consume him whole before he can even say a word. The man prays, he prays to his wife and his children, to all of his family and friends. His toes, frostbitten digits poking through the worn soles of his old boots, feel nothing as he stumbles across the path, falling to his knees. A horse rears, breaks from its carriage, and thunders away. There is a sickening crack as it slips on the icy road surface and one if its legs snap beneath it, and the shattering scream emitted tears at the man's ears. There is no time, there is no time, he thinks.
"Hurry!" yells his comrade, extending a hand. "Stand!"
The man reaches for the other, but misses, and suddenly, he is being pulled backwards. There is no mistaking it. It has come upon him, ready to engulf him within its terrible maw, a cavern of malicious poisons and nightmares. It grabs him, and—
"Let me finish, stupid!"
"AND WHAT?! DID IT EAT HIM?! WHAT'S IT?!"
"I said, let me finish!"
"WHAT IF THE MAN SUDDENLY PULLS A MADARA AND—"
"Let. Me. Finish."
"—MAGICALLY STAYS ALIVE?!"
"I never said he died!"
"Both of you, shut up, or I'll Kamui you to Kiri!"
Obito glared at the two other boys, one overly eager swirl face, and the other a grassy-topped storyteller. The one-eyed Uchiha turned to Zetsu with an expectant glower on his face, waiting for the story to be continued. However, it seemed that Tobi's goal today was to prevent the story from finishing, because he began to scream ideas.
"IS THE IT A GIGANTIC SQUID?!"
"I KNOW! IT'S THE THIRD KAZEKAGE, COME TO KILL US ALL WITH HIS BANANA NO JUTSU, AND—"
"Wha—What the hell is a Banana no Jutsu?!" Zetsu demanded, shaking Tobi by the shoulders. The swirl-face got dizzy and promptly passed out, but Obito had the feeling he was faking it.
"Shall I Kamui him and stick him on the ceiling with some superglue?" suggested Obito.
"Nah, let's just see what happens if we pour the superglue down his eyehole," replied Zetsu with a snarky grin.
"Why is Tobi hiccupping?" Madara threw an accusatory glare at Obito, who whistled nonchalantly.
"Mm. Not sure. Allergies?"
"Weren't you allergic to superglue?"
"Wait, Tobi, you're allergic to superglue?" Deidara snorted. "That's pretty stupid. How did that happen, did someone like, pour it down your eyehole?"
Obito glared at the plant-man for instigating this entire conversation. As far as he knew, even Kisame was giggling, and a man like Kisame doesn't giggle.
"Hey, hey, Kakuzu, got any spare change for me to buy some superglue?" shouted Hidan across the way. Deidara snorted with laughter, and the two younger members of Akatsuki began throwing insults at "Tobi".
"As far as I know, he also likes to ski," mumbled Zetsu. Obito sent the plant-man a glare, and Black Zetsu sighed inwardly.
This would be a long, long plan.
—and it IS a gigantic squid, suckers slapping the land, its ugly eyes raking the terrain for prey. It grabs the man and viciously waves him in the air like a sack of potatoes, screeching in a declaration of war. The man pulls out his final trump card. If he was going to die, he'd die fighting. As long as his teammates completed the mission and escaped the apocalypse…
"BANANA NO JUTSU!"
"You are a terrible storyteller," Obito deadpanned. Zetsu sniggered, and Tobi just looked dejected. Obito turned to Zetsu. "So what was the real ending?"
"And you're telling me you're the savior of this world?" Yagura said, doubtfully. Despite being under Obito's control, it was rather boring just steering the puppet around, and conversation was a way to pass the time between village revolts and council uproars.
"I am," confirmed Obito. "With my almighty Banana no Jutsu."
Yagura stared at him, then.
"Banana no Jutsu?" Black Zetsu echoed suspiciously.
"It's more effective than the Frill-necked Lizard one," reasoned Obito.
"We might as well call this the Banana Eye Plan," muttered the dark plant man.
What is this nonsense. =3=