First Arc; Awakening

My standard form of writing applies.

" " - Spoken

' ' - Thought

( ) - Commentary. You should know how this goes by now. We see things, I have snarky smartass comments, you want laughs. I see a mutually beneficial deal here.


Chapter 2 - Oh, the bitch came back, the very next day, oh, the bitch came back; Thought she was a gonner, but the bitch came back; She couldn't stay a-way, oh no...

ToaDM, FTW! (Theory of a DeadMan! I love that band) This is a remix of The Cat Came Back, a disturbing, creepy children's song, done by Fredd Penner.


After my extremely provocative taunt, we left the training field and made our way to Ichiraku's, at Naruto's behest. Kakashi was still smoldering at my comment, so I made sure to stay out of arm's reach, otherwise he just might do his best Homer impression, with moi involuntarily starring as Bart. (I don't own The Simpsons)

Well, while we sat and chowed down, making small talk, my pervert-senses started tingling.(It feels like someone tickling my happy-sack with an ice cube. You CAN NOT ignore it)

Trying to look nonchalant while my back shot ramrod straight and my whole body shuddered, I looked right, then left, and caught sight of what tripped my radar. There, in the the distance, was the visage of Team 8, with their red-eyed sensei trailing behind her students; one of which was very enthusiastic, whilest the other two were far more reserved. Hm.

Thinking quickly, I leaned backward, waving. "Oy, over here, guys!" Plastering my innocent-enthusiastic-grin to my face, I called them over, guessing that they themselves had just finished their own genin test. Well, judging by how the three genin looked a bit rough, covered in grass stains with leaves in their hair, I was fairly confident in my guess.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Kakashi was staring at me, as were my two teammates. I said nothing, just kept my grin in place. I was sitting next to Naruto, and there were only six seats. Mwahahahahahahahaaaa! There were two empty places to my left, Kakashi was directly to Naruto's right, whereas Sakura was on Kakashi's right, next to the right-side wall.

Kiba immediately started approaching, his face scrunched up in puzzlement. Kurenai likely went with it since she figured a ramen stand would be cheaper than an actual restaurant.

Anywho, when they got closer, and they saw exactly who had been waving, needless to say, Kiba was shocked. Hinata was blushing and staring at her feet, while Shino was unperturbed. I think Kurenai was curious as to my sudden heel-face turn, but she said nothing.

"Sasuke?! Is that you?" I grinned, using my- Sasuke's, good looks to my advantage.

"The one and only. You guys just finish the genin test?" This got enthusiastic/proud nods from all three, but Hinata went right back to staring holes in her sandals.

"Yeah! But what's with you? You seem, uh, Different." He sniffed at me, which would've been weird if it was anyone else.

I just shrugged lightly at his comment. Kiba had come over, taking a seat next to me. Shino had followed suit, but Hinata hesitated. Time to set the hook. "Nah, I just pulled my head outta my ass." I made sure to then notice Hinata, standing there looking uncomfortable.

"Oh! Ah, sorry, Hinata. Have my seat, I can stand." I grabbed my half-empty bowl, standing up and stepping back, keeping my innocent-grin in place. Of course, Kurenai immediately noticed that it was far too innocent, and stared at me a little more intently.

"Oh, ah, y-you don't have to..."

I waved her off with the words, "Nah, g'head. I need to stretch my legs anyway. Kakashi-sensei didn't give us much of a workout." I swear to crap, I could FEEL the vein pop in his temple.

However, Kakashi noticed my intent, I think. Anyway, he stood up, pulling his mask back into place, stepping away from his seat, motioning to Kurenai to replace him.

"Kurenai, how'd your team do?" He distracted her, long enough for me to quietly move away, standing next to Sakura, who looked at me as I ate.

"Sasuke-kun, what are you doing?" She was quiet, of course. The Jounin heard, but didn't react, instead focusing on their own conversation.

I simply grinned. "Watch."


Hinata shakily came over, taking the seat I had vacated, her face a dark shade of pink.

"Hi, Hinata-chan. So you guys passed the genin test?" Naruto greeted her, his constant happy-go-lucky grin firmly in place.

Both of Hinata's teammates watched out of the corners of their eyes, wondering what would happen. I could tell, Kiba was preparing to crack up laughing.

"H-h-hello N-naruto-kun. Y-yes, we d-did." Her stutter was nearly as blatant as the blush on her face, but I knew the best was yet to come.

"That's good to hear! Congratulations, Hinata. I look forward to working with you!" Of course, his over-enthusiastic nature got the better of him. Or, well, It got the better of Hinata.

Her face resembled a tomato, before her eyes snapped shut, and she started to cascade backwards, about to collapse onto the ground. Of course, Naruto's good-sumeratin nature didn't let him sit back and watch. He dived over, catching her before she fell off her seat in a dead faint. Kiba busted out laughing the moment he saw she wasn't about to get hurt.

Shino didn't react. Wierd...O. Heheh.

So there Naruto was, over-balanced, barely holding onto Hinata while he was nearly falling off his own seat. It was fairly funny to see, really. Sakura giggled, as Kurenai looked practically homicidal. Kakashi merely watched with disinterest, wondering what would happen next.

"Uhh, a little help here? Please? I dunno how long I can stay like this!" I could see his rump starting to slide towards to edge of his seat, chuckling as I caught sight of the climax.

Hinata's eyes started to flutter, before finally opening, those lavender orbs slowly focusing on the blonde boy supporting her.

And when she finally realised she was nose-to-nose with Naruto and in his arms, of course, she fangirled out on him.

"EEEEEEEAH!" *Thumpk-Clunk-Whump!*

Kiba and myself both busted out laughing, as both blushing tweens landed in a heap on the ground, Teuchi himself laughing along with us, while Sakura and Ayame giggled at today's events.

Kakashi chuckled as he restrained Kurenai from coming over and murdering Naruto, who was currently on the ground, one of his feet caught on his stool with Hinata on top of him, her breasts smooshed against his face.

Oh, dear kami, this was glorious. Her face was two shades more red than a firetruck as she passed out on top of Naruto. He was comically floundering about, flailing his arms around trying to get Hinata off of him.

"MMM! Mmnph! Mm-Mmph! Mmn-Mmph! Mnummphm!" (Translation; Guah! Help! Can't breath! Help me! I'm suffocating!)

Kiba fell out of his chair, laughing his ass off, and Shino actually chuckled.(He actually CHUCKLED! An emotion!) After ten seconds of this, Naruto's flailing slowed down, and I figured it was about time to save him before he actualy died via mammary suffocation.

I gripped the passed-out Hyuuga clan heir's shoulders and lifted her off of Naruto, as he heaved in fresh air.

"Huuuuh! Gah! What the hell! I was nearly suffocated by- By, uhh..." And that was when he realised just what was cutting off his airflow. I nearly dropped Hinata, I was laughing so hard.

His face turned tomato-red and a trail of blood leaked out of his nose, before his eyes rolled back and he collapsed, joining Hinata in dreamland.

"Bwahahahahahahaaaa! They're made for each other! Ahahahahahahahahaaaa!" Kiba panted, laughing his ass off as Akamaru seemed to join him, barking something that sounded suspiciously similar to a snicker.

Kurenai finally stomped over, as Kakashi was too busy laughing to stop her, and she picked up Hinata, about to start stomping on Naruto when I stepped in her way, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Aww, leave 'im alone! Ain't his fault he's irresistable to shy stalker girls!"

Oooh, Kurenai practically growled, but Kakashi stepped in, wiping a tear from his eye. "I'll deal with him, Kurenai. You might want to get her looked at."(Frankly, I was amazed that he could keep an even tone) Of course, Kurenai stomped off while her other two students followed, their meals mostly forgotten. (Shino finished his, but Kiba only got a few bites. Kurenai hardly touched her own, and of course, Hinata didn't even get to order her food)

Heh, the moment those four were out of earshot, Kakashi, Sakura and I all busted out laughing again.


It took a few moments, but we all eventually calmed down enough to check and make sure that Naruto was still breathing. He was. So, I whipped out some red ink and got to work.

Five minutes later, he woke up, looking groggy. "Huh? Wha-?" He looked around, then up at us.

"Heya, Naruto. Looks like you're finally awake. By the way, Kurenai cut off your, you know. Said she'd give it back after you married Hinata." I kept my face completely, utterly, and believably serious. I could tell Kakashi was trying not to smirk, but Sakura looked away, knowing her face would give away my prank.

Naruto's face turned into a mask of pure horror as he slowly looked down, and saw the massive red stain on the groin of his trousers.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Okay, going deaf was totally worth it to see the look on his face. What it was not worth, was seeing him immediately shove a hand down his pants, frantically groping for his genitals.

Well, when he found it, he sighed a breath of relief before glaring at me. I was cracking up, laughing my ass off as he fondled himself in public.

Yeah, pretty funny. Kakashi chuckled along with me, and Sakura giggled as she shouted at him to stop playing with himself.

After he removed his hand from his trousers and stood up grumbling, I said, "Aw, don't take it personally, you got a nosebleed and that's where it landed. I just used it for a laugh. By the way, Hinata's got a major crush on you, mate."

He did a double-take, before grabbing his neck as if he had mood whiplash. "Whoa, ow! Wait, what?! She has a crush on me? Yeah, right!" He scoffed, myself and Sakura staring at him as if he was an idiot. I wonder why. (Duh)

"Uh, yeah, she does." Sakura nodded, staring at him. Maybe this was her chance to finally get him to stop asking her out.

"No way! She'd have said something if she did." Kakashi, being above such petty drama, stayed out of our conversation as he happily read his smut.

I raised an eyebrow. "Dude, she is in love with you. She follows you around in her off time, stalking you. She's insanely shy, and that's why she faints around you. She blushes just from being within ten feet of you, man!"

He rolled his eyes. "Nice try. She's probably just got a fever or something." Oh, I considering gibbslapping the blockhead, as he deserved it. Then again, considering I just told him Kurenai chopped his dick off, I suppose he has a right to be doubtful of me.


Heheheh. Anywho, Kakashi dismissed us, saying he wanted us to report to the same training field tomorrow at eight o'clock sharp, for our first day of missions.

"Sensei, if you're late, I swear to Kami and Jashin I'll burn every one of those books. Then I'll hunt down Jiraiya and make him stop writing them." Kakashi blinked, staring at me.

But he had to ask. "And just how in the hell would you do that? He's a Sannin, one of the most powerful ninjas in the world."

I grinned my most wicked, macabre grin. The kind that would creep out Ibiki. I swear, the Jounin shuddered.

"There is only one thing he fears more than responsibility; Tsunade. And I know how to enrage her to the point of strangling the sannin with his own intestines." My entire team stared at me, thoroughly creeped out. The worst part? That is entirely TRUE, and plausible.

I morphed my evil stepford smirk back into my happy-go-lucky grin, tilting my head in a You can trust me kinda way. "So don't be late, sensei, otherwise the Kyuubi attack will only be the second-worst thing you bear witness to."

Ohh, all three of them were creeped the fuck out. So, instead of sticking around, I turned and left, walking away while they were still in shock/awe.

It makes for one hell of an impression, to say the least.

So as I stalked off, whistling a cheery tune, I wondered what I should do.

Plans, plans, plans.

Plots, schemes, cons. Hm.

Well, I still need to get used to this body, so there's that. I should also try to get a head start on chakra control, since scarecrow will be teaching that way too late for it to be of any use in the Chuunin exams.

Hm. Think I'll go back to the training field and start on treewalking, practice my own hand-to-hand and see if this kid's physique is up to par for it. After that, maybe I'll practice some of the jutsu Sasuke learned before I wound up in his place. Speaking of which, I wonder where he is. In my own body?


At this point in time... A different place, a different life, a different destiny, in a galaxy far, far away.

Sasuke sneezed, still unused to this body. It was too big, too clumsy, and nowhere near as flexible as he used to be. He felt so strong, yet so weak; he couldn't even call upon his chakra.

But at this very moment, he didn't care. He wouldn't even want to kill his brother if he were in the same room. Because at this very moment, he was getting a blowjob.

. . .

Ohhhhh, yeah. There is no man alive who, while getting oral for the very first time, can think of anything other than the sensation engulfing his penis.

He didn't even know the girl's name; he just woke up, feeling like he was on Cloud Nine. When he looked towards the source of the ecstacy he was in, he was shocked to find a beautiful woman he'd never before seen, sucking his penis. He didn't even recognize himself; his entire body felt like one huge callous, covered in scars and heavy muscle.

Not that something so miniscule meant anything to him, nor the girl who was so dilligently swirling her tongue-

"Oooohhh..." Sasuke involuntarily moaned, as a shudder ran hos his spine.

The girl was naked and had very tan skin, large, buxom breasts, and short jet-black hair. Her body was toned; she obviously worked out and kept herself in shape. Perhaps she was a ninja? She released his member with a *Pop!* and started stroking the shaft, licking her lips.

"Yeah, baby? You like that? Say my name... Scream it." Shit. If there was something Sasuke knew about women, they were verrrrry peculiar about remembering their names. He had to tread carefully with this; he didn't have but a moment to answer, so he went with something he knew would work.

"Eheh. Babe, I can't even remember my own name right now." She stopped jerking him, her eyes widening slightly, blush darkening. Uh-oh. He fucked up. She was gonna bite his dick off, he knew it.

Now he was screwed.

"Baby, I am going to fuck you SO hard... I'm gonna make you scream." 'He's soooo cuuuuuute!' She thought, her fires lit.

*Beat* (Wait for it)

Really screwed.

'If this is a dream... I don't wanna wake up.'


Back to our originally schedualed program.

Well, in the midst of my internal monologue, I hadn't been paying much attention to where I was going, and walked flat out into something. Two somethings. Two very soft, perky, yet firm somethings. In the process, I knocked whoever those somethings belonged to, or were attatched to, onto the ground. I blinked, registering what had just happened. And registering the feeling of a pair of breasts being pressed against me, even if only briefly.

I looked down to the girl on the ground, who was looking up at me with an annoyed expression.

"Ah, sorry! You a'ight?" I offered my hand, taking in the girl's appearance.

Tall for her age, close to my own. Maybe a year older. Dark brunette hair, slight scent of jasmine perfume, light pinkish top, very chinese in design. Topped off with milk chocolate eyes and two buns on top of her head.

Tenten, I do believe.

She glared up at me. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" Instead of taking my offered aid, she stood on her own, and I found that she was a bit taller than me. Kindof off-putting, that, considering her glare.

"My apologies, miss Tenten. Had my head in the clouds."(Or the gutter, in this case) I kept my friendly smile in place, wondering how long she would hold me up with her ranting/complaining.

She blinked, her expression going from irate to confused. "Huh? Sasuke? Wait, how do you know my name?" Hm. I have three responses to this;

We've met before, don't you remember?

Heh, I make it a point to know ALL the pretty girls' names.

My sharingan can read minds.

Option that is least likely to get my ass kicked and balls bricked?

I raised an eyebrow, smiling. "Some say that the sharingan can read minds; I don't discourage them."

She folded her arms, looking decidedly unimpressed. "Uh-huh. So what am I thinking? Or better yet, what's my surname?" I blinked.

"Well, I never said it was perfect. Now if you'll excuse me, I've tasks to complete. Good day." With a quick side-step, I got around her, moving in the direction of the training field.

Of course, she's the stubborn type, and followed me. Great, now I've got a tsundere fangirl who's in denial. That's just bloody lovely.

"And just what tasks is the great, all-powerful Uchiha taking on?" Snarkass.

"Training. Now why are you following me? I just ditched a dozen rabid fangirls not half an hour ago, and I don't need another one."

She scoffed, saying, "Training? Since when does the genius Uchiha need to train to get stronger? And who says I'm following you? I just happen to be going the same way." I was about to give up and ignore her, but I had one last shot.

"You didn't deny the fangirl bit. And the last thing I need is another tsundere fangirl, so in advance; no, I'm not looking for a date, a mate, a fuck or a suck. Go away." I could practically feel her glaring at me, eyes narrowed and dangerous. Note to self; do not piss off women who have sharp, heavy, pointy objects on their person.

"Well, aren't you sexist?" I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn't see it. Force of habit.

"I've nothing against anyone for being male or female, as I hate everyone equally. I just can't stand bimbos that lust after me for the image they have in their heads without even bothering to learn who I am, or anyone who makes assumptions about others based on appearances. Take yourself, for example. You're a weapons specialist, so you must have a huge collection of toys. Or Naruto; he wears orange, so he must be a loud, blockheaded idiot. Or moi; I have dark hair and eyes, so I must be emo." I maintained my pace, moving quickly. Hopefully she'd piss off and leave me be.

But of course, I'm not that lucky. "Naruto IS a loud, blockheaded idiot, so that proves nothing. I've never seen you smile until today. That counts as being 'emo.' And whattaya mean by toys?"

I smirked, my own crude sense of humor shining through. Time for the killer blow.

"Sex toys. Y'know, dildos, vibrators, anal beads and such." Oh, damn. I could FEEL the blush and scowl she was now sporting, line of sight or no.

"I-I have no such things!"

I snickered at her embarrassed denial. "And yet you know what they are. And when did I mention plural? Besides, that stuff's just the basics. After all that, there's whips, chains, candles, ropes and such. I'm sure you're very familiar with those." I had to hold my mirth in check, as her spluttering was fairly funny. She even stopped walking, red in the face. Score!

Heheheh. Uchiha 1, and-

...Damnit, what IS he last name?


After I finally gave her the slip, I made my way to the training field I'd been in earlier, already planning out my routine. I needed to work on chakra control, so I'd start with treewalking. I tried my damndest to think back to the training segment in the anime, about how to manipulate chakra.

Hm. It's like, having an extra muscle, one inside of your brain. You simply focus your mind, and then direct it throughout your body. By concentrating it in my chest and using the handseals for a fireball jutsu, I breathe in, then blow that air outward once it feels like it's gotten hot enough. The problem is that greater amounts of chakra require more concentration, though not as much as making the chakra finer, or more dense.

In other words, it is a simple matter of practice. And that, I can handle.

I set in, cracking my neck and knuckles, staring down my first victim; a massive oak tree. With the utmost care, I concentrated that untrained part of my mind, focusing on the soles of my feet. I could feel it; energy, power flowing through my body. It felt amazing, invigorating, empowering, even. As if I could tear that tree from the ground itself.

After a quick double-check, I started walking towards it, placing my foot flat on its trunk, and walking straight up. (I was walking because it took greater control, and forced me to use my strength, instead of momentum)

I got three steps, before the bark cracked beneath my feet, and I kicked off, shifting my weight to backflip through the air, landing on my feet-


And unceremoniously collapsing on my ass. Ow. Guess I still wasn't used to the balance of this body just yet. My own was slightly top-heavy, due to rigorous training and weight-lifting; this one was too light, and lacked the poise I was used to.

Standing back up, I dusted myself off, and started again. This time, I took five steps before I slipped, nearly landing on my head.

Thiiiis might take awhile.


Well, two painful hours later, and I had it down. I could walk the entire way up the tree, with only slight cracking of the bark. It would do for now, but it wasn't as good as I'd like.

After kicking off the tree, I landed in a handstand before flipping myself backward a few times and back onto my feet. I was still damned good as an acrobat, unfamiliar body be damned. In fact, this lighter body made parkour much easier.

I stretched out my sore muscles, and thought on my next exercise.

Well, I do need to work on chakra control, so I need a way to do that while multitasking. Hm.

. . .

Heh, I do have an idea. Might be nothing, but it's better than twiddling my thumbs.

Taking a seat on the grass, relaxing my body, I focused my mind.

With some effort, I concentrated my chakra, building as much as I could, until it hurt. When this happens, the area where the chakra has gathered stings something awful, like carpal tunnel, or a pinched nerve, almost.

Anywho, instead of releasing it, I tried to get it to move. To flow like water, using my chakra network as it's canal, cycling it throughout my entire body. It was difficult, at first. Once it started moving, it was easy to keep it in motion.

It felt strange, but wonderful. As though I was in tune with myself and my surroundings, if you wanna be poetic about it, that is. It felt slightly uncomfortable for a moment, until I tried to adjust how fast it flowed, and kept it in time with my heartbeat.

That was when it felt, ah, right. Natural, even, as if it was something that had been missing my whole life, and I had just now reacquired it.

Pretty fuckin' wierd, but awesome.

So here I sat, legs crossed, hands in my lap with eyes closed, meditating. It took a few moments, but I noticed something.

There was someone else here, watching me, I could just feel it. I inhaled deeply, hoping to catch the slightest whiff of a scent, and I did. Perfume. Light, but it was there.

And it was jasmine scented.

"Yes, Tenten?" I spoke loud enough to be heard, but didn't move.

I was rewarded a second later, when I heard a muffled curse and leaves ruffling, followed by footsteps.

"How'd you know I was there?"

"I was aware of your presence the moment you came within fifty feet. Stay downwind of others if you don't want to get caught. Better yet, don't wear jasmine-scented perfume when you're in an area that isn't indigenous to them." -Basics of concealing your presence.

Pretty sure she was perplexed, judging by her voice. "The hell...? Are you an Inuzuka?!"

With a snort, I responded, "No, there just isn't any jasmine growing around here. Kinda tipped me off. Plus Sakura is the only other girl who would follow me this far, and she wears perfume that smells like cherry blossoms. I still wonder if she wears the stuff because she likes it, or for her name."

Tenten sighed, walking closer. When she didn't go away or say something for several minutes, I asked, "Is there something you want, or are you just bored?"

Cloth rustling; she shrugged. "It was this or listen to Lee and Guy shouting back and forth."

Okie-day, point taken. "Fair enough. Care to join me, then?"

"Uh, okay. Just what are you doing, anyway? Meditating?"

I smiled. "Something like that. I'm practicing a new chakra control exercise; cop a squap and I'll explain." I expected her to say no and leave, but she came over, sitting next to me. Hm.

"Build up as much chakra as you can, to the point of pain, but don't release it. Maintain and try to shift it. First in your hand, and get it to flow to your other arm, and from there to your legs, one at a time. It's easy to keep it moving, just don't let it stop, 'cuz it's a pain in the ass to get it moving again." I looked at her from out of the corner of my eye.

This girl is rather cute. She didn't say a word, but had a look of concentration on her face for a few moments. A bead of sweat formed on her cheek, but a few moments later, she relaxed, breathing again.

"Huh. Feels... Strange." I shrugged, the first movement since I'd sat down.

"Get the flow in time with your heartbeat and it feels perfectly natural."

At my words, she turned to look at me. "Who told you about this, anyway?"

Shaking my head, "No one, I came up with it an hour ago. I'd prefer if you didn't tell Neji about it, though; not yet, anyway. The guy's head is big enough as is." She gave me a puzzled look.

"I can understand not wanting to share training methods, but why Neji? Granted, he's a bit stuck up, but-"

My expression soured. "Not just stuck up, he's got a bloody telephone pole up his ass. Until the day he extricates his head from his colon, I'm not helping him. Not gonna give him another reason to think he's better than others. Condescending prick."

She blinked, hard, staring at me. "You're one to talk. Have you even MET him?"

"Once. Other than that, I've seen and heard all I need to. I'd say it'll be around eight months until he figures out that the 'destiny' he keeps preaching about is a load of horseshit. There is no fate but what we make." (True enough. Terminator 2, Sarah Conner. Which I do not own, of course)

She blinked again, before responding, "And how do you know that?"

"I realised it when I thought on my reason for living. I was going to kill Itachi, and restore my clan; I had nothing else to live for. I thought long and hard on that, and realised I hadn't smiled in half a decade. That I hadn't been happy once in all that time. It took some soul searching, but I figured out that killing my brother wouldn't make me happy, and that even if I resurrected the Uchiha, I still wouldn't be happy. I would only be doing what others expected of me." I paused for breath, which she took as an opportunity to make an observation.

"You found that you were just a tool in the machinations of others."

I smiled, nodding. "Yes, that, and I was sick of being called the emo duckbutt. I was living for the sake of a man I hated; I finally realised I didn't really want that. From that moment, I wanted to live for myself, not following the trail left for me by others. So I broke free of my fate, and vowed to live for myself, and for those precious to me. It's rather freeing, really, when you cast off the forced obligations of others."

She smiled. "You want to enjoy your life. You had an existential epiphany, eh? My dad once told me to live for today, but look forward to tomorrow, and don't forget to smile. Heh. Your moment of clarity makes mine look like figuring out I shouldn't stab myself in the foot."

I raised an eyebrow. "So what was it? Or would you rather not tell?"

With a shake of her head, she replied, "No, I should. Only fair if I do. I figured that Neji has, something keeping him from having the realisation you did. That he's living for someone else, and not himself." I raised an eyebrow.

Again. "So you like him. You asked him out and he blew you off, I assume?"

She gave a slight nod, looking sheepish. "Yeah. It took me until today to realise he wouldn't be interested. Not until he, as you so eloquently put it, pulls his head out of his ass."

I chuckled, thinking back on the segment where Naruto trounces Neji in the Chuunin exams.

"What's so funny?"

Glancing her way, an enigmatic smirk upon my lips, I asked, "Wanna know the future?" She blinked, but I continued before she responded. "Neji is going to learn the hard way that hard work trumps natural talent every time. And the one who will teach him, is the orange-clad blockhead we all know and love. I'll bet anything on that."

She raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Yeah, right! Care to put your money where your mouth is?" I gave her a tranquil smile.

"Of course. How much are you thinking?" I saw dollar signs in her eyes, before she said, "Fifty thousand ryo." Now, to us genin, this is a lotta coin. A D-rank mission is 5 thousand ryo, whereas a B-rank is roughly fifty thousand. A-ranks are 100 thousand and up, whereas S-rank missions are several hundred thousand ryo each, or several million. But when I consider the fact that I'm the heir to the entire Uchiha fortune-

Yeah, fifty grand is a drop in the bucket.

"Done. But if I win, I'd like a date with you." She blanched, before shouting,

"Wait, what?!"

I blinked. "You heard me. If Naruto teaches Neji the error of his ways, I'll take you out on a date. If Neji remains the same stuck-up snobby self after, say, the Chuunin exams, then I'll write you a check for fifty grand. Deal?" I held out my hand, smiling.

It didn't take long for her to reach out and take it, thinking, 'There's no way in hell that dork would ever get through to her teammate. And a free fifty thousand ryo to boot? This is too easy. And even if I lose, it's just some silly date with Sasuke. And he isn't bad looking, either...'

"Deal. Y'know, you're nothing like I remember. In the academy you were always stoic and cold to everyone."

I shrugged. "I got a rather harsh wake-up call. The thing that set off my little existential crisis was, well, shocking, to say the least. I can't explain it to you, but the long and the short of it is that politics suck, and history is written by the victor. Our entire childhood has been filled with lies that serve those in power, and the ones who suffered for it are still paying the price."

"Well, that sounds enigmatic." She sniped, her expression turning sardonic.

"As I said, I can't explain it to you. I will announce the truth to the entire village one day, but I lack the influence and favor to do so. Perhaps when Naruto becomes Hokage." I deadpanned, waiting for her reaction.

She busted out laughing. "Yeah, right! That'll be the same day I marry YOU!"

I stopped and sat there for a second, before busting out laughing, tears streaming down my face. Oh, the irony! My spleen!

"Huh? What? What's so funny?!" As I wiped the tears from my eyes and stopped rolling around, I sat up, still chuckling.

"Oh, what you said is so ironic It's killing me."

Tenten simply sat there, puzzled, staring at the cackling Uchiha.

After, neither of them said a word, sitting in amicable silence.


"Boosting: that awkward moment when you find two dudes hiding away in secret, doing sneaky, frowned-upon things that involve insertion."- Forgotten0285. I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist. I played a lot of CoD in my time, and this just made my day.


Religion is the single most destructive creation of the human race. -Money, Women, Religion. The three principle causes of WAR. (Women, Avarice, Religion)


"I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."

Abraham Maslow