A Tragedy, and a Perfect Match
"Kaoru. Kaoru, wake up!"
I hear a voice in my ear. I pull the covers over my head to try to block out my brother's voice.
"Kaoru, this is important, wake up now!"
This time his voice sounds slightly angry, yet there is a slight sound of sadness in his voice too, as if he is about to break down and cry at any moment. I realize whatever it was, it must be serious. I pull the covers off my head and sit up.
"What is it Hikaru?"
Hikaru sits down on the edge of the bed, and puts his head in his hands.
Those words. Those two words, I'll never forget. Our sweet, wonderful mom, who we took after the most, had been battling lung cancer (from being a smoker) for almost a year now, though she has been doing well for several months now. The chemo seemed to have done the trick, and she seemed much better.
"What?" My voice cracks.
"The cancer, it's spreading." My twin says, his voice trembling.
My heart sinks. It feels like I have been stabbed. I get up quickly, not thinking, just moving. I race down the hall, headed towards mom's room.
"Kaoru! Wait!" I can hear my brother shouting at me from the other end of the long hall.
I keep running until I reach her room. My hand is shaking as I reach for the doorknob. Slowly I turn it and walk inside.
"Mom?" I call, looking around.
It's empty. The room is completely empty. My brother enters the room. I look at him, puzzled.
He clears his throat. "Mom has been brought to a top-rate hospital."
"What're they going to do with her there?" I ask.
"Kaoru….." he starts. "Oh Kaoru, she doesn't have much time left!"
My heart skipped a beat. Our mother, our loving, caring mother, was dying.
I announce our mom's fate, tears running down my face. Kaoru looks like he's about to pass out. He stumbles to the couch, puts his face in his hands, and starts sobbing. The sound of his racking sobs breaks my heart. I go to him, and literally pull him into my lap. I can feel water start seeping through my shirt from the tears that just keep flowing from Kaoru's eyes. He has his arms around my waist, and his head against my chest. I have my chin resting on the top of his head, and I'm rocking him, just like a baby, back and forth. Tears are silently streaming down my face.
We go about the rest of the day not doing much of anything. We read a bit, but we can't bring ourselves to eat much of anything. We don't really mention it, but we're both hoping for news of mom.
"Kaoru," I say (around 9 PM), remembering I'd forgot to tell him one crucial fact. "They say mom had a major relapse. They think the cancer has been spreading for some time now, but the results have only showed in the past day. They say she only has about two weeks, at the most to li-"
"Stop! Shut up! I don't want to hear it! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He's crying again.
"Kaoru," I say again, but this time I'm slightly agitated because he needs to accept the fact that our mother is dying. It's a horrible thing to think about, but it must be accepted. I'm surprised that he's acting this way, because he's always been the more mature one, and the one able to control his feelings much better, but then again, he is also the more sensitive one. "I know you don't want to accept it, but you must eventually. And it's better to accept it earlier than later."
"I know…it's just so hard, because I don't want to accept it." He whimpers quietly.
Once again, I go to him. I put my arm around him and help him up the stairs of our mansion, to our bedroom. It's getting late, and I think Kaoru needs to rest. As we climb the stairs, several maids bustle by. We have a nanny (even though we're too old for one). She sees us climbing the stairs, and stops us.
"Boys. Please tell me, are you alright?"
We nod even though we aren't alright.
"I know this must be very hard on you. I'm so sorry. Please tell me if there is anything I can do to help you."
With that, she kisses each of us on the forehead, and gives a quick hug.
"Thank you, we will." We say in unison.
Then we quickly make our way up the rest of the stairs to our room, so we can escape everyone else, and escape to sleep. We open the door and proceed to our beds. We say our goodnights, and shut off the lights. I hear Kaoru start snoring slightly, and eventually I too, drift off. Suddenly I wake up. I look at the clock: 1:07 AM it reads. For a moment I wonder what awoke me. Then I realize it was the sound Kaoru quietly weeping. I get up, half-asleep and walk over to his bed and look over him. He feels my presence and looks up. His eyes are red and puffy from crying.
"Oh, I'm sorry Hikaru. I didn't mean to wake you."
I don't say anything, but he can tell I don't mind. I scoot him over a little bit and lay down. He turns over, so he is facing me. Once again I hold him. His head against my chest. My head against his head. My nose is buried in his red hair, that is identical to mine. He smells like strawberries. Eventually, we fall asleep in each other's arms.
I wake up feeling warm and secure against my twin. I can tell he's already awake, and he probably has been for awhile, but he stayed with me, so he didn't disturb me, and so that I didn't wake up all alone. I'm grateful for that. I look at him and he looks back. We smile at each other. I feel odd for a moment. It's a good odd though. I think nothing of it and we get up. We get dressed and head downstairs and basically repeat what we did yesterday, waiting for a call telling us how our mother's doing, and when we can see her. Nothing happens for the first few hours. Then at 2:00 AM we get the call.
"Hello?" I answer the phone.
"Hello, is this one of the Hitachiins?" is the reply.
"Yes, it is. Is this the hospital?"
"Yes, I am your mother's doctor. I have news for you. Bad news."
I froze for a minute, unable to move. It felt hard to breathe.
"Hello?" comes the voice again.
"S-sorry. Now what was it you wanted to tell me?"
"Unfortunately the cancer has gotten worse. We operated yesterday just to see if there was any possible way we could save her, but all we found was cancer, cancer, and more cancer. So we just sewed her back up, and we have her on a morphine drip to ease the pain. I'm afraid although I said originally that she has about a couple of weeks, it has gotten so bad that she could die any day now. I advise you to come in to say your goodbyes."
It takes all my strength not to break down right then.
"Thank you." Is all I manage to whisper. Then I hang up.
I don't need to tell Hikaru. He had his face pressed against mine the whole time just so he could hear the conversation. I hug him, and I feel like I never want to let go. We then proceed to make arrangements to go to the hospital immediately.
"Bring the limo 'round front please." Hikaru says to our nanny.
"Of course." She replies.
We slide in, side by side, and feel my hand creeping towards Hikaru's. I lock my fingers with his, and we sit like that for the rest of the ride. After what feels like forever, we finally arrive. My heart feels like it's going to pound right out of my chest. We walk in the building, and silently down the hall to the room. We enter slowly. My heart sinks. There she is, lying on the bed, looking frail and thin. As if the tiniest amount of pressure applied upon her would make her break. All her beautiful red hair (same shade as ours) is gone from chemo. There has to be at least a dozen tubes sticking out of her, from every which way. She has on an oxygen mask and was wheezing. Our mom, once so full of life, was wasting away in front of our very eyes. I hear Hikaru gasp next to me. I grab his hand, and pull him forward, towards our mom.
"My boys." She wheezes. "My handsome, talented boys." She beckoned for us to come to her.
"Mom!" we exclaim at the same time. We break apart, and go to her, kneeling on either side of her bed. We each grab one of her hands gently. We stay like that, rocking ever so slightly to the tempo of the life monitor. Suddenly the tempo starts to speed up, and we can feel mom's hands tense up. We know her time has come.
"Kaoru, Hikaru, make me proud." She says, with the last of her remaining energy.
"We will mom. We love you." We say in unison.
We hear the constant, non-stop "beeeeep" of the monitor, and know she is gone.
I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Hikaru gets up and starts swearing .
"Damn it! It's not fair! It's just not fucking fair!"
I just sit there. Unable to be angry, unable to cry, unable to do anything.
One Week Later:Hikaru's P.O.V.
It has been one week since our mom died, and we're still just as torn up as we were when it happened. The funeral went pretty well. We saw all our friends from the Ouran Highschool Host Club, whom we hadn't connected with since the end of the semester. They were very comforting and gave their condolences.
My brother and I just ate dinner. We don't manage to eat much, and we don't talk much, but that's okay. We headed straight to our rooms which is where we are currently. Kaoru's just standing next to the window, looking out. At that moment, I realize how beautiful his silhouette is, beautiful his hair is, how beautiful he is. I know we're identical twins, but for some reason, I feel plain compared to Kaoru, who I think is more attractive somehow, yet I don't know why. I guess it must be his personality. Now it dawns on me. What I've been feeling. It isn't part of our brotherly love act. I realize I love my twin. But as more than just a brother. More like as a lover. I'm lost in my thought. And then he speaks.
"Hikaru, I need a hug."
I am more than willing to give this beautiful, wonderful person a hug. I cross the room and embrace him gently. We pull back for a moment and look at each other, and I get lost in his honey-colored eyes. Suddenly I can't control my body. I pull him close to me and our lips meet. Kaoru gasps, but doesn't pull away. I savor the moment. Then I let our lips break apart. Then, Kaoru speaks.
"Hikaru, what-" I cut him off with these next words.
"Kaoru, I love you. I'm in love with you."
He stares at me for a moment, shocked. Then his expression changes. He starts to smile. Then he cups my face in his hands and kisses me.
I feel like the happiest person on earth. I don't care, that it is "forbidden love". All I care about is Kaoru. I love him, and he loves me. I can tell, it was meant to be.
We break away for a brief moment, and Kaoru says,
"I love you too Hikaru. And I always will."
Then he pulls me down for another kiss.