LSE // 7-29-02
(Confectionary Lingerie)
rated: R - adult language, situations, humor
shounen-ai/yaoi (AU, lime)

Confectionary Lingerie

With a sigh, Duo pressed against the window, his breath making a
cloud against the chilly glass as he stared into the shop. Inside the
shop, hundreds of flowers awaited his arrival, each one bouquet more
beautiful than the last. He eyed a large arrangement of red roses
before turning away with another sigh.

A light snow tumbled down from the sky, the flurries swirling around
in the brisk February air before connecting with hot cement or skin.
Duo tucked his scarf around his neck and walked away from the flower
shop. Heero wouldn't appreciate flowers, and he didn't especially
like chocolates. A card wasn't special enough, and jewelry was for

What did boys give another for Valentine's Day? More specifically,
what would the Perfect Soldier want?

Duo kicked angrily at the curb, knocking a small pile of snow into
the street. This would be the year he told Heero of his feelings, it
was one of his New Year's resolutions, and what better day to admit
feelings of love than Valentine's Day?

He joined the crowd near the bus stop, huddling up against the meager
shelter to block away the rapidly increasing wind. Presently, his bus
arrived and he boarded it without paying much attention to who he
ended up next to.

"Hello, Duo, what brings you to this side of town?"

Turning at the familiar voice, Duo broke into a grin at seeing Quatre
sitting there. He flopped into the seat beside the blonde and gave a
shrug. "I was only doing some window-shopping," he laughed, "since
everything here is way out of my price range."

Quatre smiled, cheeks flushed from the weather. "Valentine's Day

Duo nodded glumly, "I'm sure you can guess for who." He'd already
asked Quatre for advice dealing with Heero. Advice in general, but
also over his feelings for the Japanese boy.


"Whatever," Duo said as he tried to peek into Quatre's bag. "What did
you get? Something for Trowa?"

Quatre turned a different shade of pink and held his bag firmly
closed, "Yes, as a matter of fact. I got him a new turtleneck."

"That's so boring!"

With a shrug, Quatre whispered, "Well, that's not all..."

Startled violet eyes blinked twice and Duo burst into laughter,
causing passengers to stare and Quatre to turn a deeper red. "Let me
see, Q, is it sexy underwear?"

"No, it's personal, and I'm not playing than game with you," Quatre
said, trying to look as if he wasn't embarrassed.

Pondering the matter carefully, Duo asked, "Does it make noise?"


"Is it fuzzy?"


"Is it smooth?"

Quatre cleared it throat and looked out the window, exclaiming
loudly, "Look at all that snow! How much snow did the weatherman
predict, Duo?"

"So, it's smooth... It is hard?"

"Because I wasn't paying attention at breakfast when they said how
many inches of snow..."

"Is it long?"

"Then again maybe it'll stop snowing pretty soon, it doesn't look
like it's sticking..."

"So, how big around is it?"

"I think they said six inches, but you never know with the weather..."

"Six inches! Wow, Quatre, I knew you guys were adventurous, but
that's just crazy!"

Suddenly realizing exactly how horribly Duo's questions and his
ramblings had collided, Quatre sunk low in his seat and tried not to
think. Duo nearly fell out of his seat laughing, and soon Quatre
chuckled and said, "It's not that funny!"

"All right, no need to get so defensive," Duo said with a grin.

Quatre shook his head and muttered, "Baka," in an almost perfect
imitation of Heero.

Which brought them all back to the core of Duo's troubles. Heero.
"Seriously, Quatre," Duo said, lounging back in his seat. The lady
across the aisle looked at him oddly and moved her feet aside to
allow him more room to stretch. "What should I get Heero?"

"Have you thought about flowers?"

Duo looked up thoughtfully at the ceiling and played that idea out in
his mind. He'd give Heero the flowers and say, "Happy Valentine's
Day, Heero."

Heero would take them warily, as if they were about to explode, and
look at the card, which would read, "Be my..."






"Be my pleasure."

With a shrug, Heero would throw the flowers over his shoulder and
grab Duo, their mouths locking into a lustful kiss. Then, Duo would
rake his hands through Heero's hair and Heero would slide his...

"Duo? Are you listening?"

Looking away from the ceiling and casting the wonderful fantasy aside
for later, Duo stared at the blonde beside him. "I don't think Heero
would like flowers."

"Maybe you could get him a box of chocolates?"

Looking back up at the ceiling, Duo carefully ran that scenario
through his head. He'd hand Heero the heart-shaped box and bat his
eyelashes at him prettily and say, "Heero, I think I..."

Like you?

Love you?

Want to sleep with you?

Want to have your man-baby?

Want to be your slave?

"I think I want you, you sexy thing..."

Heero would take the chocolates and shrug, throwing the box over his
shoulder and grabbing Duo by the collar. Their bodies would lock
together in passionate embrace as Duo slid his hands up Heero's shirt
and Heero kissed a trail down his...

"Duo? Is there something on the ceiling?" Quatre asked, peering

Duo carefully kept from blushing and looked down at the boy beside
him, "I don't think Heero would like chocolates."

"You know, you don't have to buy him something."

Resisting the urge to look up at the ceiling, Duo instead focused on
the street outside and let himself fully play out the possibility. He
would be waiting in Heero's bed, naked, wearing nothing but a whipped
cream thong.

Heero would enter the room and stare at him with a lustful passion,
Duo would waggle his fingers with a "come hither" look and say,
"Heero, let's..."

Sleep together?


Do the horizontal mambo?

Shake the walls?

Make Quatre and Trowa jealous of our awe-inspiring love noises?

"Heero, let's have some fun."

Heero would come over with a shrug and kneel before Duo in homage to
the true sexiness that only a naked man with a braid wearing a
whipped cream thong could have. Duo would purr in satisfaction as
Heero would lower his lips, tongue darting out to lick...

"Duo? Do you see something there that you like?"

Slowly, Duo turned his head from the window and looked at Quatre
sitting beside him. "I just don't know. Heero's impossible to shop

Suddenly, Quatre pointed out the window, "Look, there's Wufei! How
odd. Do you think he's shopping, too?"

"I can't imagine who Wuffie would be shopping for..."

Wufei got on the bus and stopped dead when he saw Quatre and Duo
sitting there, looking placidly back at him. He nodded once in
acknowledgment and started to sit near the far, far back next to the
homeless person passed out across the seat clutching a butcher's
knife. Anything would be better than...

Duo grabbed Wufei's hand as he passed and practically dragged the boy
into a neighboring seat. "Wuffie! Sit, take a load off, tell us who
you're shacking..."

"What?" Wufei screeched, frantically trying to flee, but Duo held on

"Come on, Wuffie, what's in the bag?"

"What bag? I have no bag!"

Duo and Quatre both looked to the Victoria's Ambiguity clutched
desperately in Wufei's captured hand. "Then what's this?"

"None of your business," Wufei said, pulling his hand free. Shooting
glares at Duo, he firmly held the bag in lap and stared straight
ahead, trying to ignore the slow trickle of blood from one nostril.

"Is it for... Lady Une?"

The blood went from a trickle to a gush, "No," Wufei snapped,
releasing his bag to fetch a tissue from his pocket.

"Is it for... Noin?"

The tissue soaked through and Quatre offered out another, which Wufei
gratefully accepted. "No."

"Is it for... Trieze?"

Blood exploded out from his nose and Wufei desperately tried to
staunch the onslaught with the crimson tissue.

When he didn't reply, and Duo gave a victorious shout, "It's Trieze!"

"Shut up, Maxwell!" Wufei snapped, "Don't you know anything? You
can't get things for men at Victoria's Ambiguity."

Quatre's eyes slowly widened and Duo burst into laughter. Wufei
flushed and started stumbling over his words, "Not that I know, or
anything, it's just common...would you stop laughing, Maxwell?"

"It's for Relena, isn't it?"

Lifting the tissue from his nose, which immediately stopped bleeding
at the mention of Relena, Wufei said, "No, and you can asked her
yourself." He said, nodding his head towards the bus door, which
opened to admit Relena with Dorothy in tow.

Dorothy nodded crisply towards the three boys, and barely hid her
disappointment when Relena sat down across from the three. Dorothy
sat primly beside Relena and set their shopping bags in her lap.
"Hello," she said coldly.

Quatre smiled, "Hello, Relena. Dorothy."

Duo's lips twitched with a giggle as he looked at the shopping bags
with a curious eye. He could see a bit of black lace sticking out
from the top of one.

Wufei stared hard at Relena to make a preemptive strike against a
nosebleed. With Duo distracted, he grabbed his bag and made a dash
for the back of the bus. Fortunately for Wufei, Duo had more
important matters than discovering if Wufei really did have a sex

Specifically, discovering if Relena really did have a sex life...

"Aren't these shops a little out of your price-range, Duo?" Dorothy
asked in a voice dripping of friendly pleasantries.

"Oh, yes, but you never when they might have a get-rid-of-everything-
before-I-snap-and-kill-you sale..." Duo replied, with a grin.

Relena leaned over and whispered something in her companion's ear.
Dorothy preened and reached out to caressing Relena's thigh. Quatre
politely looked away and the two girls began to go tonsil fishing,
but Duo leaned forward, scrutinizing their every move.

Further down the bus, Wufei frantically searched for a tissue.

When the bus finally stopped in front of Duo's apartment, he hopped
off after saying good-bye to Quatre and informing the girls to, "Get
a room."

The day had been a complete bust, and he only had a few minutes
before Heero would be coming over for dinner. At least, that was what
he used as bait to lure the boy into his home.

With a sigh, Duo opened his apartment door and stepped inside, then
stood there, frozen in the doorway. All the lights were off, but
white candles formed a row along the floor, back towards the bedroom.
Rose petals were scattered like snow all around the apartment.

Taking a deep breath, Duo dared to hope this was all Heero's work. He
followed the trail of candles, trying to be as quiet as possible. In
the dim light, he could make out a body laying across his bed.


In a whipped cream teddy.

"Dammit, Sally, what are you doing here?"

"Duo?!" Sally Po cried, face turning beat red, "Where's Wufei?"


"Wufei! Isn't this his place?"

"Sally, Wufei's apartment is number forty, mine is fourteen."

Sally jumped off the bed and grabbed her robe, throwing it hastily
over the confectionary lingerie. "Oh, dear, I'm sorry. Well, it was
nice seeing you..." Sally let her words trail off as she made a mad
dash for the exit.

Duo stood there for a moment, staring at leftover canister of whipped
cream on the nightstand. Walking over, he picked it up and
experimentally sprayed a good amount into his mouth. Tasty stuff,
that whipped cream, he thought, spraying another mouthful.

"Omae o korosu."

Duo whirled around to find Heero standing in the bedroom door,
staring at the braided boy as he coughed and nearly choked on whipped
cream. "Heero! What are you doing here?"

"You invited me. You plan on serving more for dinner than whipped
cream, don't you?" Heero asked, eyeing the candles and rose petals.
"Rose salad, perhaps?"

Duo hid a blush and set the whipped cream back on the table, "I
swear, this isn't what it looks like. Uhm, why are you going to kill

Heero all but shoved a card into Duo's hands. "Baka."

With a very confused look, Duo opened the envelope and took out the
card inside. Baffled, he flipped it over, trying to find what the
purpose was. "Heero, this card is blank."

"They didn't have any with a suitable message."

Inspiration struck. Duo quickly grabbed a pen off the nightstand and
scrawled something on the inside of the card. Straightening, he
handed the card back to Heero, "Happy Valentine's Day, Heero."

Heero took the card, a scowl plastered across his face as he opened
it up and read what Duo had written. "Close your eyes," he read
aloud. "What?"

"Just do it," Duo said, gathering his courage.

Heero closed his eyes.

Duo sprayed whipped cream all over his face.

"Arrgh!" Heero shouted, opening his eyes and lunging for Duo, who
pulled away with a laugh. "Baka, omae no korosu!"

Duo made a break for the door, but Heero tackled him from behind and
they hit the rose-scattered floor with a thud. Giggling madly, Duo
flipped Heero onto his back and pinned the enraged Heero. Quick as
could be, he ducked his head down and licked some of the whipped
cream off Heero's cheek.

Shocked by the warm feel of Duo's tongue on his skin, Heero stopped
struggling and stared up into the violet hues above him. Without
breaking the gaze, Duo pressed his lips against Heero's. His heart
gave a happy leap when, to his surprise, the boy beneath him deepened
the kiss.

Heero scrambled to his knees, sliding out from under Duo without
breaking the kiss they shared. Duo let himself slip into the bliss of
passion as he reenacted his earlier daydreams by raking a hand
through Heero's hand, tilting his head to accept Heero's tongue...

Stretch out an arm, Heero grabbed the object atop the nightstand he'd
been reaching for. Pulling away from Duo's eager lips, he sat back on
his heels and quirked a rare smile.

And sprayed whipped cream all over Duo's face.

"Argh!" Duo cried, his arousal drenched away with the shock of the
fluffy sweetness attacking his face. Whipped cream threatened to clog
up into his nose.

"Happy Valentine's Day, baka."

Duo ran a finger through the whipped cream on his face and offered it
out to Heero, who gently licked it off.

With a shrug, Heero tossed the canister over his shoulder. Duo stared
at him for a moment, then slapped his cheek to make sure it wasn't
another daydream.

As he and Heero snuggled against the bed for some deep tonsil hunting,
Duo made a mental note to thank Sally Po next time he saw her. Even
though he'd have nightmares for months over Sally in a whipped cream

//I wonder how Heero would look in a whipped cream teddy...//


Author's Notes: 1+2, R+D, 3+4, 5+S Complete silliness! YAY! This
started out as an angsty, serious 'fic, but when I got Duo on the bus
and with poor Quatre and Wufei... Well, it just went downhill from
there. I have this odd habit of throwing Sally and Wufei together...
If any brave soul wants to draw Sally Po in her whipped cream teddy
I'll personally beat them with a metal porcupine after glomping their
creative genius. Then I'll stab my eyes out with a fork. Now, Duo in
a whipped cream thong, on the other hand...
Victoria's Ambiguity is my attempt to save myself from even more
copyright infringement...
baka - idiot
omae o korosu - I will kill you

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