Update: March 18th, 2013
Huge thanks to my amazing Beta-Goddess, Irritable_Grizzzly, and my incredible pre-reader, Vican. I adore them both for always making me better.
Charlie was laughing. Loudly. So was Emmett. They bandied words about football, and point spreads, and dissected the technical skills of grown men who played with odd-shaped balls for a living.
I didn't roll my eyes. I didn't scowl. In fact, I smiled amiably and acted like I wasn't calling on the self-control of Gandhi to prevent myself from launching across the table and defiling Bella in several hundred perverted ways.
My performance was Oscar-worthy.
As angry I was being forced to endure this situation, I accepted responsibility for having been rude to Charlie and Esme, and was determined to not let it continue. Come hell or high water, I'd look like I was having a good time.
Beside me, my mother whispered, "I'm sorry."
I gave her my most loving and sincere smile. "You will be."
She took my hand and squeezed it. For the past hour, her thoughts had been sympathetic and remorseful, but if she thought this stunt was going to go unanswered, she was sorely mistaken.
Contemplating my revenge, I extricated my hand and ate the last few bites from my plate. It was only my fourth course, but I was full. Well, not full, but hungry for something other than food.
I swallowed and glanced over at Bella. She refused to even look in my direction. Clever girl. I adjusted myself under the table as she polished off another course like she was starving. Seeing her attack her food like a wild animal was beyond arousing. I was so mesmerized, everything went into slow motion. I held my breath as she scooped up a huge forkful of pasta and shoved it in her mouth, then watched in fascinated awe as she sucked up the long strands and coated her chin in sauce. My dick ached to be that spaghetti.
"Chief?" Jasper said in a strangled tone as he fought to control his power. "Can I get you anything else, or are you done there?"
Charlie shook his head. "No, thanks. I'm good. Everything was delicious, Mrs. Cullen. Thanks for the invite. Now that Bella isn't spending as much time at home, I don't get much home cooking."
A guilty look passed across Bella's face, but it didn't stop her from shoving nearly an entire breadroll into her mouth. I'd never found ingesting baked goods sexy before.
Beside me, Jasper whimpered.
"You're welcome any time, Charlie," Esme said as she patted Jas's shoulder and cleared plates. "Bella's like family, and by extension, so are you. We need to take care of you. Are you sure I can't get you anything else?"
"No, thanks. I should really head home. Got some stuff to catch up on before heading into work tomorrow. I'm sure my deputies are going to make me pay for being away for a week. Best be prepared."
"Well, if you're sure."
"I'd ask my daughter to give me a ride, but I'd hate to drag her away from her food."
Bella stopped chewing and looked up. "You wanna go?" she asked, mouth half full. She looked over at me, and a channel of heat slammed into me with such force, I thought it might knock me off my chair. Bella swallowed and blinked before dragging her attention back to her father. "Uh ... sure, Dad. Let's go."
No. She can't leave. Not even for short time. No way. There's a limit to my control, and that's it.
Panic hit me like a storm. I kept my calm facade in place, but inside I was raging.
"I'll take the Chief home," Jas said with an edge of desperation in his voice as he stood. "Alice and I were going to head out to a late movie anyway. It'd be no problem. We could go right now. Like, immediately. Right, Alice?"
The glazed look Alice had been wearing for the past few minutes cleared, and she nodded. "Oh, definitely. Right now. No problem. We'd love to get out of here. I mean, give you a ride. Are you ready to go? I'll get the keys."
She disappeared into the kitchen, and Jasper followed. We all stood as the Chief dropped his napkin on the table and made his way to the front door.
As I moved to escort Bella, need and desperation had replaced the blood in my veins, and I struggled to maintain my composure as I gently placed my hand in the small of her back.
She inhaled and leaned back into my touch. Apart from my fingers curling into her, I stayed strong, but my control was fraying rapidly. The magnitude of what would be released when it finally snapped frightened me. Flashes of old insecurities lit my brain. The last time I lost control, I buried my teeth in Bella's neck. I cracked ribs. Broke her spine. Killed her. That night I felt the same tremulous thrill I was feeling now. The edging toward release of restraint and responsibility, and giving myself over to primal urges so powerful, I had no idea of their consequences.
As Charlie and my parents exchanged final pleasantries, my anxiety about being alone with Bella increased. My body was getting warmer by the second, and I genuinely feared something was wrong with me.
"Edward," Alice called from the kitchen, "I'm low on gas. Can I take your car?"
"Yes." Anything you want, just get the Chief out of here, STAT.
"Where are the keys?"
"On the hook by the basement door."
"Uh, can you come show me?"
Her tone told me she already had the keys but needed an excuse to talk to me.
"Back in a sec," I whispered to Bella and headed into the kitchen.
Jasper had his head down on the counter and wasn't looking well.
"You're killing me, bro. You really are. First with the lust all through dinner and now with this ... this ... God, I don't even know what it is. Your emotions are like a bipolar hurricane. have a migraine from trying to process it all. I didn't think it was possible for vampires to get migraines."
Alice touched my arm. "What's going on? You look even more intense than usual, and that's saying something. Should I get Carlisle?"
I raked my fingers through my hair and paced. "I don't know. How I'm feeling ... This need I have for Bella. It's beyond anything I've felt before. Like I've imprinted on top of my mating bond."
"It's hideous," Jas muttered.
"This intensity keeps building, seemingly without limits. God, Alice, I feel like I want to consume her in so many more ways than I did when I was a vampire, and that scares the hell out of me. Have you had any visions of us?"
"No, but I work very hard to avoid getting flashes of my brother getting his freak on with his girlfriend. It's wrong and gross."
"Please, Alice, try. I need to know if I'm going to hurt her."
She sighed. "Sometimes being in this family is so screwed up."
"Like Esme inviting Charlie to dinner," Jas said and groaned.
"Or the time Edward went through that whole life-threatening transformation and made us believe he didn't remember who he was. Or Carlisle pretending he was dying." Alice rubbed her temples. "Or my brother asking me to check on his imminent sex marathon. Yep. Nothing wrong with this picture." She concentrated then sighed. "I'm not getting anything. Edward, decide to be rough with Bella."
I closed my eyes and concentrated. Imagined releasing my inhibitions and letting whatever lusty beast now lived inside me have its way. In my fantasy, I shredded clothing. Grasped and kissed and sucked. Gave my hands permission to grip her. Guide her onto me. Thrust until all the pleasure that was screaming in every cell was finally satisfied.
Beside me, I heard a thunking sound. I was pretty sure it was Jasper banging his head against the granite counter.
"I'm trying. Nothing's happening."
She exhaled. "It's no use, Edward. I'm not even getting flashes. I'm sure if you were going to hurt her, I'd get something."
"Or maybe what's left of the wolf blood in my system is blocking you."
"Can we please go now?" Jas said miserably.
Alice patted his back. "Sure, honey. Then we'll go for a nice long drive so you won't have to be around these two for a while. Maybe to Canada."
She rubbed his back, and he straightened and grabbed the car keys.
"Alice, wait ..."
"Edward, I know you're paranoid about hurting her, but don't be. Follow her lead. She'll let you know what she can and can't handle. Plus, if you are too rough, she's strong enough to lay you on your ass. If you don't trust yourself, then trust her."
I nodded and followed them back to the front door. Bella was wringing her hands and for all the world looked just as anxious as I was.
Poor Jasper was turning paler every second.
Emmett and Rosalie didn't waste any time saying good-night to Charlie, and after my parents said their farewells and Bella hugged her father, I shook his hand. He leaned in and said, "Take care of my daughter, Mr. Cullen. And maybe get your father to check you both out. I'm not a medical type, but you both seem to be running pretty serious fevers. Don't let her get sick."
I nodded and shoved my hands in my pockets as he followed Alice and Jasper out. I was nearly trembling with anxiety, and when I glanced at Bella, she was still avoiding looking at me. A light sheen of sweat lit her forehead.
"Well, Bella," Carlisle said, turning away from the door, "your father's a very nice man. I'm glad we got to spend time with him."
Bella nodded, her shoulders hunched and tense. "Me, too. And as much as I've loved spending time with him, and of course, you guys, I really need you all to leave. Now, please. Sooner, if possible."
Esme laughed and hugged her. "Of course. I'm sorry I kept you from Edward for longer than necessary."
Bella squeezed her. "Oh, you will be." As usual, we were on the same wavelength.
Emmett chuckled. "Yeah, Bells. Show her who's boss."
Esme stepped back and fixed Emmett with what he frequently called her 'bitch brow.' Emmett shrank away and grabbed Rose's hand. "Uh, forget I spoke. Gotta go. See you guys later. Have fun with the sex."
They disappeared, then Esme hugged me and told Carlisle she'd meet him outside. As he turned to leave, Carlisle said, "Don't forget to hydrate, you two. Stay healthy. Be happy. Condoms are in the bathroom."
He closed the door behind him and finally, after a thousand years of frustration, Bella and I were alone.
She turned to me but still wouldn't look directly at me. She took a few steps back, hands clenched at her sides, looking down, and the frown on her face worried me.
"Edward, I feel really weird."
"Really ... feral. Out of control. It's been getting worse all night. The food was a distraction, but now ..." I stepped forward and her hands tightened. "Don't touch me. I don't know what I'll do."
"Is it? Feeling like this is ... disturbing. I was going to talk to Carlisle about it before he left, but that would have meant not being alone with you for longer, and at this point, I really wouldn't have coped with that. I need you. But ..."
"I need you in really ... brutal ways. I feel like unless I do things to you, and have you do things to me in return, my skin is going to burst off. It's like I have all this energy and unless it's released, I'm going to go insane."
"I know how you feel."
I stopped in front of her and kept my hands by my sides. If I touched her, whatever strange energy that was crackling between us would explode, and I had no idea what the resulting fallout might be. I needed her to lead this. I was used to suppressing my primal urges. She wasn't.
"What do you want, Bella? Tell me, and I'll give it to you."
She lifted a trembling hand and hooked a finger into the waistband of my jeans.
"What if I wanted you to let go? To just ... take me, the way you want to. Not careful. Not gentle."
I clenched my hands and closed my eyes. Oh, what I'd give right now to just let loose, but I couldn't. The risk was too great.
She grunted and shoved me hard in the chest. I slammed back against the door, surprised and winded.
"Edward, don't say no," she said, her voice filled with quiet fury as she moved toward me, still not looking me in the eye. "Our whole relationship has been based on you holding yourself back. Being terrified of your power. I don't want you to have to do that any more. I want all of you. Every rough, animalistic part."
"But, if I hurt you ..."
She slammed her hand into the door, and it splintered the wood. "Goddammit, you won't! I'm practically indestructible now, or did you miss the memo?"
Her voice was getting louder. Her movements more erratic. She was like a wild animal, unpredictable and dangerous. I'd never been more aroused in my life. The burn of my lust was now a raging inferno.
She paced in front of me. Desperation colored every step. "While I was away, I explored the limits of my new body, and let me tell you, there weren't many. I did things I never thought possible. I ran, and leaped, and punched, and threw really big rocks a really long way. Whatever the wolf blood did to me, I'm celebrating it. I've never felt more alive. Ironic that it took you killing me to get here, but now that I am, I don't want either one of us to have to be careful any more. That was the point of the change, wasn't it? For us to be equals? To make it so you couldn't hurt me again? Well, you can't. But I'd really like to see you try."
She put her hands on my chest and curled her fingers into the muscles. With some effort, I resisted slamming her up against the wall.
She trailed one hand down, over my abs. "You think I don't know what's going through your brain? That I can't see you shaking with the effort of not fucking me roughly?" She reached down to the bulge in my jeans and squeezed firmly. I felt the growl rumbling in my chest before I registered the noise. "Well, here's a news flash: I want to be fucked roughly. Very roughly. Nothing would turn me on more than seeing you become the beast I know you are."
"Bella ..." I grit my teeth and planted my arms by my sides. My fingernails gouged into the wood at my back.
"If you keep doing that ..."
"What are you going to do? Get angry? Lose control?"
"Good. Do it."
I stepped around her and walked into the living room. Her body heat and scent were unstitching me. I tugged at my hair and tried to calm down. In a flash she was in front of me, her hand on my chest again as she pushed me back to the wall. "Stop fighting it, Edward. This is what we are now. Don't you get it? Stop trying to deny your instincts for once. Aren't you tired of always censoring yourself?"
My back hit the wall and within a second, Bella had grabbed the neck of my t-shirt and ripped it open to the waist.
Then her mouth was on me, and I threw my head back with such force, it embedded into the plaster.
"Jesus ... Bella ..."
"Edward, I want to go slow," she said before gripping my hips and kissing my chest. "To touch and stroke you until you think you're going to explode, then calm you down only to torture you all over again, but I have zero patience left."
One hand slipped between us to stroke me, and I couldn't keep my eyes open any more. My mind was swirling, red hot and desperate. If she wanted to strip me of reason and logic, she was doing a bang-up job. I struggled to find a reason to not bend her over the back of the sofa and fuck her, and came up empty.
"Just let go, Edward. You know you want to."
I did want to, more than anything. I was just so used to having to hold myself back, and the thought of giving in to my urges filled me with fear.
"You're so hard. Wouldn't you feel better buried inside me?"
"We can do gentle and loving later, but for right now, I need hard and fast. I need rough. I need urgent, and desperate, and bestial. Please tell me you can give me that."
In half a second I'd pushed her away from me and grabbed my phone out of my pocket.
I held up my finger to silence her then shot off a quick text to Esme. It read, "Sorry about the house. I promise to fix everything."
As soon as it was sent, I threw the phone down, tore off the remains of my ruined shirt, grabbed Bella, and shoved her against the wall so hard, the plaster cracked.
Her eyes shadowed with lust and she moaned in approval. "Is that the best you can do?"
"Then give me more."
Every dark, animalistic instinct I'd been holding in check all day burst forth with savage glee.
My voice was rough and low when I replied, "With pleasure."
I kissed her with an intensity that had us both breathless within seconds. Her taste and smell intoxicated me. Made me blind and ravenous. I tore at fabric. Gripped skin. Kissed down her neck and sucked the thrumming pulse on her neck.
"Bite me," she ordered quietly.
I bared my teeth while reminding myself they were no long razor sharp and coated in venom. I bit down and felt savage satisfaction, powerful and unexpected. Bella moaned and gripped my hair. I added suction, and within seconds I was flat on my back on the floor with her straddling me. She kissed and sucked my neck. Nibbled my chest. Ran her tongue across me until I couldn't take any more and turned the tables.
I shoved her onto her back and pressed heavily between her legs. God, the pleasure. I grabbed her hands and slammed them into the floor. She snarled and struggled. It excited me even more.
I came out of the lust haze long enough to register how fierce she looked beneath me. Eyes wild and bright. Lips swollen. Shirt in tatters and bra exposed. I leaned down and ripped the bra off with my teeth. She gasped and wrapped her legs around my waist as I ground against her and devoured her breasts.
My erection ached fiercely, hard and hot against her. I'd never longed to be inside her more than I did right now. It was more than lust. More, even, than need. It was imperative. Compulsory.
I wrapped my arms around her and lifted to carry her to the living room. My goal was the couch, but I didn't get that far. She bit down on my shoulder, and I slammed her into the bookcase in reaction. It shattered, showering us in novels and expensive knick-knacks. I stumbled until my back hit the wall. Bella's thighs squeezed me so tightly I could barely breathe. I turned so I could press her into the wall and lay my full weight on her, loving how strong and resilient she felt beneath me.
She wasn't frail any more. Far from it.
"Edward ..." She moaned my name in the most desperate way. It made me go into frenzy. I tore at her clothes and ripped them out of the way. She did the same. My jeans came off in pieces. Frantic hands moved quickly, and we rid ourselves of everything between us. When I finally felt only skin beneath my hands, I yanked her leg up to my hip and thrust into her. Not gentle. Not loving.
I groaned as my hips connected to hers, the length of me finally part of her. One ache replaced with another. I froze as the fever of lust was briefly overcome by intense, brain-numbing relief.
She gazed up at me with wide eyes. She felt it, too. It had never been like this before. There was something else between us. An extra layer of electricity. Neurons fired on impossible levels. Pleasure vibrated in every cell. Even staying perfectly still, I was building to release.
She writhed against me, trying to get me to move. I couldn't. I could barely breathe without fear of climaxing.
I shoved her wrists against the wall and gritted my teeth. "Stop."
She did. I exhaled and closed my eyes. Tried to calm down. I wanted this to last. To make her come. A lot. That was going to be difficult if I orgasmed within thirty seconds.
When I'd pulled myself back from the brink, I began to move. Short thrusts. Back and forth. God, how she felt. The slick warmth. Strong muscles, gripping and squeezing.
Driving me crazy.
"Do you know what Kegels exercises are for?" she asked, her voice strained as she lifted herself and wrapped her legs around my waist.
"Yes." I palmed her ass. Gave myself more leverage. Lengthened my thrusts.
"Did you know I've been doing them three times a day since I left?"
"Did you know they can drastically increase the ... oh, God ... amount of sexual pleasure for a woman, and by extension, her lover?"
This conversation really wasn't helping my staying power. I was building again, fast. I tried to distract myself by dredging up everything I could remember about Kegels.
"I studied it in medical school. Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles can ... uh ... lead to more powerful vaginal contractions during orgasm." Fuck, she felt like heaven. "The assertion is that ... the accompanying muscular undulation is also highly pleasurable ... Jesus ... for the man while he's ... thrusting."
My thrusts were becoming deeper. Harder. I couldn't help myself. It felt too good.
She pushed down on to me. "Would you like to confirm that theory?"
"Oh, dear God, yes."
She contracted her inner muscles, and sweet Jesus, I'd never felt anything like it. My hips jerked and my legs went weak.
She did it again, and I hissed as I concentrated on not coming.
"Feel good?" she asked, panting.
"Too good. Do it again."
She did, and I reached between us, determined to have her come before I did. I found the spot that made her grip me and cry out, and I circled my fingers with slow determination.
For the first time all night, she looked me in the eye. The power of the emotion in her expression was incredible.
"Edward," she said, breathless. "I love you. God, I love you. I've missed you. I never want to be away from you again."
My throat was too full of emotion to speak, so I kissed her. Showed her my love as I increased my pace. I was rewarded with short, sharp moans, a sign that she was close. Like me, she was racing to the top of the mountain at breakneck speed.
My heart beat for her. My blood rushed, and my body hardened. All for her. Only for her. The soft spark of her skin engulfed me, and I reveled in the burn. She unleashed and enticed me. Called my name with every sinuous movement and low, desperate noise. Brought my whole life down to a tight spotlight that began and ended with her.
My mind couldn't hold coherent thought. My body existed to do her bidding. My soul was knitted to hers in the most permanent of patterns, and the start and end of all things was shackled to the ache and slide of our interlocking bodies. Outside of us was void. Between us was a universe of sensation that defied definition or explanation. A rightness. Stark, brutal perfection. Pleasure and compulsion and insatiable, clawing need.
I wrapped my fingers in her hair and yanked her head back. Attacked her throat. Grunted as she raked her fingernails across my shoulders. And still, I couldn't get enough. Every thrust was accompanied by a jolt of pure ecstasy. Our hunger for each other was boundless. Vicious, deep, and infinite. I was lost in her. Hands everywhere. Mouths orbiting, exploring. Always drawn back together like the waves returning to the sea.
The power she had over me was complete, and I was grateful for my servitude.
I thrust hard and fast until everything inside me tightened to the point of pain, and then, I felt her come.
My brain checked out. My body went into overdrive. She spasmed so strongly, every single pleasure receptor inside me exploded like a metric ton of fireworks. This was an orgasm like I'd never known.
A supernova of sensation.
I buried my fist in the wall as the whole world expanded into a maelstrom of white-hot pleasure, and I was barely aware of Bella moaning my name as my body screamed through so many layers of satisfaction, I couldn't comprehend them all.
I thrust one last time, joining us as deeply as possible as the contractions weakened and died. I slumped against Bella, boneless and spent. She tensed once more before collapsing onto my shoulder. Her breathing was ragged and loud.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. Time was a blur. All I could hear was our rough exhales and the thundering of our hearts.
When I finally felt I could move without falling over, I got us over to the couch. The leather squealed against our sweaty flesh, but neither of us cared. I was still inside her. She was still wrapped around me. Nothing else mattered.
The spark of lust ignited again, and we made slow love on the couch. Then, slightly faster love on the stairs.
After that we got our second wind, and a coffee table, three chairs, and Esme's antique Norwegian sideboard were soundly destroyed. The marble countertops in the kitchen were smashed. The stainless-steel fridge, dented. Three of my bedroom windows were shattered. My door, splintered. The porcelain vanity in the bathroom was reduced to a sharp-edged pile of pieces on the floor.
I was rougher with her than I'd ever imagined I could be, and in return, she punished me with her hands, and teeth, and tongue.
Each time was beyond incredible. Each orgasm, debilitating. The lust between us didn't wane or diminish. Our new bodies barely needed any time to recover.
It was official. Being a hybrid was amazing.
It was only when the sun streamed through my broken windows, that we considered rest.
We showered, wrapped ourselves in clean robes, and crawled into bed.
Bella snuggled against me and yawned. "That was ... unbelievable."
"You could say that."
"You are ..." She shook her head. "I don't even have words. There aren't enough adjectives to describe you. I'm going to have to start making up words, 'cause the ones I have are too lame to encompass your all-powerful amazingness."
I chuckled. "I'm all powerful?"
"Oh, you have no idea. Sweet Holy Mother of Mind-blowing Orgasms. I have to say, this hybrid thing definitely has its perks. I thought we used to have great sex when you were a vamp."
"We did have great sex."
"Yeah, but not compared to this. Now, it's ... once again, I have no words. Plus, you know how you've gotten … bigger, since the change?"
"Well, everyone, including your father, keeps reminding me, so, yeah."
"Well, let me just say, your biceps aren't the only muscles that have increased in size."
I frowned. "What?"
She nodded and ran her palm over the rapidly swelling bulge in my robe. "You heard me. As if you weren't already impressive enough. Thank God I have super-human healing abilities, or let me tell you, I wouldn't be walking straight tomorrow."
I laughed and kissed her before pulling her back to my chest. "For the love of God, don't tell Emmett. He's already champing at the bit to go next. If he knew there were penile size advantages, we'd never hear the end of it."
"Don't worry," she whispered as she stroked me, "I'm keeping this baby all to myself."
I kissed her again and brought her hand back up to my chest. Despite my penis having the stamina of a Kenyan marathon runner, I was failing fast, and I stifled a yawn as Bella snuggled into me.
"Can we do that again tomorrow?" she asked, voice heavy with sleep.
"Yes. And every day, if you like."
"I like. I very much like."
She pushed a hand under my robe so it rested over my heart. I sighed. "I like, too. In fact, I love. You. Forever."
She murmured something unintelligible, but which I took to be, "I love you, too," then her breathing slowed into the steady rhythm of sleep.
I looked down at her. She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. My chest tightened with emotion, and for the first time in what seemed like a very long time, I was utterly and completely happy. No pain. No bloodlust. No regrets.
After so many years of destruction and torment, I was finally living the life I'd dreamed of. Blood in my veins. Love in my heart. Joy in my soul. The woman I adored was lying peacefully in my arms, in zero danger of me tearing out her throat and drinking her blood.
I pulled Bella tighter against me as I fantasized about all the adventures that awaited us in our new lives. Travel. College. Epic daily lovemaking. The possibilities were endless.
It was only when I was on the verge of drifting off that something Carlisle said earlier went on like a neon sign in my brain:
"Condoms are in the bathroom."
Hmmm. I wonder if the morning-after pill works on hybrids. Carlisle should Google that.
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