1400 Miles from Seattle to Colorado Springs
"S'duna?" Brittany called with her toothbrush hanging from her mouth while she pulled her blonde hair back into a ponytail. "S'duna!"
Finally, Santana appeared behind her the bathroom mirror, she quirked her eyebrow in question.
Brittany's eyes met hers in the reflection, "Di ew pack my wedder?"
"Yes, of course," Santana said. She gave Brittany a once over, "Are you getting dressed?"
The blonde looked down at herself like she didn't know she wasn't wearing pants, "Affa bwushin."
"Okay," Santana tapped her watch, "Two and half hours, baby."
"I woe, I woe," Brittany gave her a wink. "Ids da wanedeer one dis year."
Santana nodded, "I got it. Elves was last year, alternate every year."
Brittany pulled the toothbrush out leaving toothpaste foam on her lips, "This year you get your very own!"
"Can't wait," Santana put on a big, cheery, and decidedly fake smile. "Not just taking the family portrait this year, I'll be right in there wearing a tacky sweater with a giant deer on it."
"That doesn't look like excitement, honey."
"I can't imagine why it doesn't?"
"Mom makes them herself, you know," Brittany told her. "So, you better act excited when you get it."
"Okay, Britt," Santana leaned up against the sink. "But that isn't really a secret, right? At Thanksgiving, she took my measurements and asked which was my favorite of Santa's reindeer."
"Mine's Dancer!" Brittany said with a giggle.
"Mine's Vixen," Santana admitted. "Your mother didn't seem surprised by that."
"I can't imagine why she didn't," Brittany teased before shoving her toothbrush back in her mouth. "Ids a famwee twadshun, er my wide na. Haffa do it."
"And yet I still married you knowing that this day would come," Santana said appreciating Brittany's panty-clad ass. She reached out and snapped the waistband just because she could. "Must have been your tremendous assets."
"Mussa in," the blonde said before quickly turning a placing a foamy kiss on Santana's lips. "Or you just really love me."
"That's kinda gross," Santana wiped the toothpaste off her face and backed out of the bathroom.
"You've eaten far less questionable things off far more questionable parts of my body, Santana!" Brittany called as she went back to brushing.
She could pretend like that wasn't true, but what would be the point. She'd eat pretty much anything that was semi-edible off any part of Brittany's body. She knew it. Brittany knew it. The neighbors whose bedroom just happened to be on the other side of the their bedroom wall knew it. She had a stupid smile on her face just thinking about the last time when she heard her phone buzz.
It's me. Sam. I'm at the door. Come alone.
Santana checked to make sure Brittany was still occupied before rushing to the front door of their apartment. Sam was standing there, big lips on display.
"Is it there?" she asked quietly.
"The eagle has landed," Sam replied in his own hushed tones.
"Stop it with the eagle bullshit and just tell me it's there, jackass."
"The mission proved to be possi-"
Santana leaned out the door, "I will throatpunch you and leave you for dead if you don't tell me in point two seconds."
"It's there!" Sam said quickly. "Put together and all set up."
"Thanks Samuel." Santana patted him on the face, maybe a little too hard. "We'll see you in a few days."
Despite his attempts to elongate the conversation, Santana shut the door in his face. She already had to hear him bemoan the tragedies of his long-distance relationship with Kurt for hours the night before while he sat between her and Brittany on their couch, eating their ice cream, watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on their television. At this point, just the thought of the sound of his voice was like drilling directly into her skull. Not pleasant.
By the time she had turned back, Lord Tubbington had taken the opportunity to plant himself between her feet and remind her that it was time for his morning feeding. She grabbed a bag of previously proportioned cat food and poured it into his bowl. Five pounds lost and counting, Lord Tubbington was going to be Lord Slimmington by Spring. She gave Tubbs a couple scratches down his back before heading to the bedroom.
"Did you already take Tubbs' overnight bag to Mike and Tina?"
"Yep," Brittany answered as she pulled on a pair of jeans. "I took it over last night and played with Alex for a few minutes."
"You played with Alex?" Santana stopped and snapped her attention to Brittany. "Where was I?"
"I snuck out while Sam was doing a replay of his last phone conversation with Kurt, I think you may have fallen asleep."
"And you didn't wake me up? Thanks a lot!"
"We both couldn't have gotten out, San," Brittany answered. "You were already asleep and feeling no pain. I did what I had to do."
"You left me behind, Britt! For better and worse, remember?"
"Sacrifices, sweet cheeks," Brittany said. She glanced up at her wife who had continued the task of packing up for their week away. "He's really cute."
"Alex?" Santana said distractedly. "Yeah, he's adorable."
Brittany pulled at the hem of her shirt and bit nervously on her lip, "I think he looks like you."
"Because he's Hispanic?"
"No, because he looks like you," Brittany said. "I think...that if you...well, we...but you...had a baby, that baby might look a lot like Alex."
"Yeah," Santana's head bobbed a couple of times. "Might."
"Just a thought," Brittany tried to throw in nonchalantly.
"We've been married all of six months, Britt Britt," Santana said as she sat on the large suitcase on the bed. "And while I'm not ruling out a little Alex, I'm kind of a fan of blondes. Come and zip."
"We can have both." Brittany zipped around Santana's dangling legs and then leaned forward on her hands. "A little you and a little me."
"We can...and we will," the brunette said as she snaked her arms around Britt. "Or I could have a lot of you right now."
Brittany searched the room for the clock, "While that's a great idea, we have a plane to catch in a couple hours."
"Damn," Santana said nuzzling the blonde's neck. "You think your mom would miss us?"
"I think my mom would kill us," Brittany said seriously.
While Santana knew this to be an exaggeration, it wasn't much of one. Susan Pierce was by all intents and purposes a sweetheart of a woman, but she took her family gatherings very seriously. And if Brittany and Santana didn't appear by dinner, there would be hell to pay. Okay, more like a couple of scolding looks and a good dose of mom guilt. Still, neither of them wanted any part of that.
The flight to Denver was pretty uneventful. Brittany stuck to her normal routine which was to pass out as soon as they were in air. She always fell asleep with her arm looped around Santana's and her head resting on her wife's shoulder about 10 minutes in. It was pretty enjoyable, though, because she would startle herself awake a good three or four times, sit up abruptly, and then look around wide eyed until she remembered where she was. Santana always laughed, Brittany always gave her a look and then went right back to sleep. Santana almost looked forward to the turbulence.
The airport in Denver was busy with holiday traffic, but it didn't take as long as they thought before they had collected their bags and were hearing the unmistakable bellowing of Paul Pierce.
Brittany's face lit up with the child-like grin she reserved for her father, "Hey Daddy!" she said as she jogged to him to give him a big hug.
Paul Pierce was a massive guy with a permanent smile and a deep, booming voice. He was well over six feet, balding, and had a belly that proved that he sampled a lot of what he made as a pastry chef. He also called his daughters by cute little dessert inspired nicknames. Santana found it pretty comical.
As soon as he released Britt, Paul set his sights on Santana, "C'mon over here, Cinnabunns."
Santana obliged and was soon lifted off the ground in one of their famous Pierce Embraces. One of the biggest challenges she faced when blending into her wife's family was the unadulterated affection they showed each other. Always. It used to make her a bit uncomfortable, but now, she kind of loved it. In fact, she hugged him back with as much vigor.
"Hey Papa Pierce," Santana said when he sat her back on the ground.
"Alright, ladies," he said as he put his giant hands on each of their shoulders and led them toward the exit. "I'm under strict orders to get you home ASAP."
The hour and a half drive to Colorado Springs was one they had both gotten used to. They made the trip to Brittany's parents' house a several times a year. Brittany had always been close to her family and their moving away from Seattle had been rough on her. So, they visited for holidays, birthdays, and sometimes a weekend just because.
Santana had also gotten pretty accustomed to Paul Pierce's subtle interrogations.
"Anything new?" he asked as they were traveling down I-25.
"No," Brittany answered from the passenger seat. "Nothing exciting has happened since Thanksgiving, Dad."
"Nothing exciting or nothing new?"
"Neither," Brittany said. "Tubbs lost another half a pound thanks to San."
"Good work, Santana," Paul said, humoring Brittany. "It's about time somebody put that cat on a strict diet regimen."
"She makes him jump through hoops," Brittany replied. When Paul chuckled, Brittany told him, "Really dad, she puts organic treats on the floor and he has to jump through real hoops to get them."
"I learned it on The Cat Whisperer," Santana said.
Paul seemed impressed by that, "So how's work?"
"Work is fine," Brittany answered. "We're working on a vacuum campaign right now."
"This vacuum really sucks!" Santana added. "She's amazing, just so talented."
"Thanks," Brittany said with a small smile. She looked up at her father who was also sporting a proud smile.
"You are good at what you do, Brittany," he said. "We made a DVD of all your commercials and sent them to the neighbors with our Christmas baskets this year."
"I'm sure they'll enjoy that," Brittany said sarcastically.
"So you're doing alright?" Paul asked after a minute. "No unforeseen expenses?"
"We're fine, Dad," Brittany answered.
"Santana?" the man looked at her knowingly in the rearview mirror.
"Everything's going great," she said to him. Apparently, that was the answer he was looking for because he gave her a wink and turned his attention back to the road.
She gave Brittany a look out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't seem to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Paul was always asking questions like that, so it didn't make Brittany suspicious, thank goodness.
"Your mother told me to make sure I got you away from the airport and any outbound planes before I told you she was forcing all you kids to go caroling tonight."
That made Santana's attention snap back to him, "What?"
Paul chuckled, "That's the exact reaction I expected, Cinnabunns."
"Fantastic," Santana mumbled under her breath.
"Oh, yeah, drat!" Brittany said as she unconvincingly punched herself lightly in the knee.
"You knew!" Santana stated with narrowed eyes.
"Noooo...no, absolutely not," Brittany said as she looked back at her wife. "Maybe, she told me las-Yes. Okay. I did. Drag it out of me, why don't ya."
"Not cool," Santana replied. "I thought we were on the same team."
"We are," Brittany said. "But I'm also on the same team as my mom, San. Sometimes with the offense and defense, I get confused and score a goal on the wrong side."
"That's true," Paul commented. "You should have seen her play basketball in middle school. Her stats said 10 points, but all together it was more like 25 points per game."
"I got skills," Brittany bragged.
"Unofficial all-time leading scorer of the Barlow Middle School Yellow Jackets Women's Basketball program, right here," Paul said as he and his daughter exchanged spirited high fives.
"Go team," Santana said with a snarl.
The Pierce home was one of those places where everyone just feels welcome. It's easy to feel like a part of something warm and gooey upon entrance. Santana felt at ease here and with Brittany's family. They accepted her into the fold immediately. She had been assigned a dessert inspired nickname and Mrs. Pierce referred to her as "one of my girls" along with Brittany and Jamie. The Pierce parents were easy to win over and it seemed like a breeze to stay in their favor. Jamie Pierce, however, she was a whole other story.
Jamie was quite a bit younger than Brittany. Nine years to be exact. She attended the University of Colorado, majoring in "anything that wasn't advertising" whether it was to spite Brittany or just because she was tired of comparisons was yet to be determined. They definitely looked the part of sisters. They had a very similar build, despite Jamie being an inch or so shorter. They had matching bright blue eyes, though Jamie's hair wasn't as golden blonde. In personality, they were as different as night and day. Where Brittany was bubbly, Jamie was bitchy. Where Brittany was sweet and ever the optimist, Jamie was sarcastic and cynical. In essence, Jamie Pierce was a whole lot like Santana Lopez. Which is why putting them in the same room was kind of like putting two pissed off cats in the same cage.
"Snickerdoodle!" Paul called for Jamie as they all entered the Pierce residence. "Your sister and Santana are here."
"Kitchen, Dad!" they heard Jamie's voice.
As they all filed in, Santana saw a familiar face sitting at the table. "Jake! You made it to a second Pierce holiday, I'm shocked."
Jake, who was munching at what appeared to be a popcorn ball, attempted to say something, but Jamie had other ideas.
"Yeah," Brittany's sister replied. "It's almost as shocking as when you made it to yours."
"Ha Ha!" Santana flicked her ear on her way by. "You're hilarious."
"Oh, 30 seconds," Brittany said as she looked at her watch before leaning down to give her sister a quick one-armed backwards hug. "That's a new record! Awesome, you guys."
"She started it," Jamie said instinctively.
"She started it," Santana mimicked in her whiniest voice.
"Honey!" Brittany said in that tone of voice that she usually reserved for Lord Tubbington or when Sam was being particularly stupid.
Santana shot Jamie a glare before raising her hands in defeat. "Sorry, sorry. Best behavior."
"Just for now," Brittany said and sidled up closer to her wife. "Later you can be bad again."
"Oh, gross," Jamie groaned. "Could you two please not start that shit already?"
"Watch your mouth, kid," Paul said as he grabbed a popcorn ball for himself. "Where's your mother?"
"She said something about volunteering for a couple hours at the food bank," Jamie said, then cut her eyes over the Brittany and Santana. "But with the lesbians here and all, it could have very well been the sperm bank."
"It was definitely the food bank," Jake said seriously.
"It was a joke," Jamie said to him.
"Oh," he looked around the room and then took another bite of the popcorn ball.
Paul sighed deeply, already resigned to the constant snark, and got up to leave the room, "I'll call Mom and tell her all the girls are here."
"Thanks Dad," Brittany said brightly. She lowered her voice when he was out of the room, "We'll just stay right here while I prepare Santana for insemination."
"Jesus, Britt!" Jamie complained. "I'm out!" she bellowed as she hotfooted it in another direction from her father.
Jake looked at the women for a second and then begrudgingly got up to follow his girlfriend.
Santana liked to think she made the most of every opportunity, so she was on those lips as soon as humanly possible. "Is it wrong to think it's so fucking hot when you piss her off?" Santana asked when she finally backed off. "Because I'm really turned on right now."
"A little, I think," Brittany answered. "But if this is how I'll be rewarded, I'll tell all her most embarrassing childhood stories at dinner."
"You always know just the right thing to say," Santana told her as she pressed her lips against Brittany's again. She threw both arms around her shoulders and pulled Brittany tightly against her.
Brittany's hands dropped to Santana's ass and lifted her and her legs had nearly made it around the blonde's waist when they heard a deep voice clearing his throat.
Brittany immediately dropped her wife and it was a damn good thing Santana was so agile, or she would have plopped right down on her butt. Instead she landed on her feet, staring at Brittany's dad while Brittany herself hid her face in Santana's shoulder.
"Susan is on her way," Paul said. He turned to leave, but paused and looked over his shoulder, "Oh, and Santana, you have some sugar cookie on your face."
"Thanks Papa Pierce," she said completely unsure of how else to respond.
It took absolutely no time after Paul called Susan, that Brittany's mom was flying through the front door at warp speed. She was the more energetic, louder, more smiley version of Brittany, but had all the attitude of Jamie. Her blonde hair had a bit more gray than she would have liked, but she was aging very well. Santana had made that remark to Brittany several times.
"Brittany Sue!" she called to her oldest daughter when she found her and Santana snuggled on the Pierce's couch.
"Mom," Brittany greeted her with a customary Pierce Embrace after untangling herself. "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas to you, too," Susan said returning the hug. "I trust the two of you had a good flight?"
"And a nice drive?"
"Of course," Brittany smiled.
"And already got caught by your dad making out in the kitchen?"
Brittany turned red, "He's got such a big mouth!"
"It was Jamie," Susan replied. "You know she's always lurking for some gossip."
"Should've known," Brittany said, looking around the room for her hiding sister.
"So, I have a fun evening planned," Susan told them, doing a little dance in place.
"Santana knows about the caroling."
Britt's mom stopped abruptly, "Who told?"
Susan eyed Santana who was playfully eying her back. "I knew Paul would try to warn you, but it looks like he already had you trapped."
"He did," Santana answered as she got up to hug her mother-in-law.
"I would have asked, but you're married to one of my kids, which makes you one of my kids, so I don't have to ask anymore," Susan shrugged. "Better practice your scales, girls."
"I've been warming up my lips already," Santana said with a smirk.
Susan laughed, "Then no excuses. Love you both, have a few things to check on." And with that, the whirlwind traveled onto another project.
"Like you could have said no even if she had asked," Brittany said to her wife.
"Say no to your mom," Santana scoffed. "Like that's an option for anyone."
So caroling wasn't that really that bad because before she knew it, Santana was back at the Pierce home sitting around the table. Brittany sat closely beside her as their hands tangled together on Santana's lap It was one of the many benefits of their lefty/righty relationship. Jamie and Jake sat across from them, each stuffing their faces as unattractively as the other. And the Pierce parents were placed at either end trading fond looks at each other over the table. Santana couldn't help by think their little family was the cutest and she was thoroughly enjoying the dinner that Paul had whipped up before Susan spoke up.
"So, Britt, how's Samuel doing?"
"He's great," she responded with a smile.
"And annoyingly whiny," Santana added quietly.
Brittany looked at her curiously, but continued, "He's leaving for New York in a couple days to spend the holiday with Kurt. We're meeting up with them at Rachel's."
"Rachel's?" Susan asked. "You can't be here for Christmas, but you're going to Rachel's?"
"Mom," Brittany warned. "We're not spending Christmas at Rachel's. We're just visiting."
"Hm," Susan said with obvious disapproval.
"She's having a little dinner with some friends," Santana said. "It's a chance for me to catch up with everyone before we go to my parents' house."
"I'm sure that's nice," Susan all but growled.
"We're over it, Mom," Brittany said. "It was more than two years ago."
"But I still don't like her very much."
"I do!" Jamie entered the conversation. "She thought I was Brittany at the wedding reception and kept giving me cash and bottles of Cognac."
"What?" Brittany asked her sister. "Why would Rachel give you Cognac?"
"Maybe because I said, 'Yes, I'm Brittany and I'll forgive you if you give me all your Cognac,'" Jamie said. "I didn't know she'd actually do it."
"Well, that explains your subscription to the Cognac of the Month club," Santana said, solving the mystery of why brandy had been showing up on their doorstep for the last few months.
"Have you guys seen the BerryStew sex tape yet?" Jake asked out of the blue.
"Whoa, what?" Santana focused her attention on the guy.
"Yeah, it's pretty hot," he said while he forked some vegetables. "Grainy as hell, though."
"Bad quality, wasn't produced very well," Jamie added. "Lots of moaning. Sound quality wasn't too shabby."
"You saw it, too?" Brittany asked with a scowl.
"How do you think he did?" Jamie shot back while hooking her thumb toward Jake.
"When?" Santana inquired. "Rachel hasn't said anything about it."
"A couple of weeks ago."
Brittany looked to Santana with a snort, "I told you. I told you. I told you."
"I'm still not convinced," Santana said as she took another bite of her dinner.
"It was very convincing," Jake assured her. "It was pretty dark, but still convincing."
"It's Rachel, though," Santana argued. "Rachel's capable of faking it."
"Didn't sound like faking it," Paul commented. When everybody looked his way, he blushed a bit and said, "Somebody liked it on Facebook. I thought they were doing a singing vampire movie together. In fact, I was five minutes into it before I realized it wasn't a singing vampire movie."
"That's...just..ew, Dad," Brittany said. "I can't believe you watched it."
"He has a point, though," Jamie replied. "Rachel was singing and KStew was biting her neck."
"And it was called Berry the Vampire Slayer," Susan said.
"Are you serious?" Santana scoffed. "Oh my god."
"You, too?" Brittany was shocked.
"They called it Berry the Vampire Slayer?" Santana shook her head.
"Okay, okay," Brittany had enough. "No more talking about Rachel's sex tape that apparently everyone has seen. That's so gross."
"She's hot," Jake said between bites of potato.
"Nice rack," Jamie added.
Paul washed down his dinner with a drink of water and then said, "She hit a couple high notes in there-"
"Alright," Susan said in warning. "As much as I don't like her, she is a friend of Santana and Brittany's, okay."
"Thank you, Mom."
The group was quiet for a several minutes before Susan said, "So, Britt, Santana, have you two given much thought to babies lately?"
"How high were those notes, Paul?" Santana asked.
After narrowly escaping dinner, the whole family sat around the living room exchanging boxes for gift opening time. Paul and Susan had already opened their gifts and were relaxing while the kids passed around the stuff they had gotten each other.
"James," Brittany got her sister's direction by waving a wrapped box in front of her, "This is for you."
After Jamie got the box opened she balled up the paper and threw it back at Brittany, "Ha!"
"What is it?" Paul asked.
"A t-shirt from the Cognac of the Month club," Jamie answered.
"Complimentary t-shirt," Brittany said. "You said we were giving free gifts this year. I also made you a Santana and Brittany Picture of the Month calendar."
"Oh, yeah," Jamie said looking under the shirt. She pulled out the calendar, which was just a bunch a paper that Brittany had stenciled some boxes onto and then glued pictures of her and and her wife on top. "This is hideous."
"You're welcome," Brittany sang.
"Which is why I got you a box of oxygen," Jamie said when she threw a nicely wrapped, but obviously empty box to her older sister. When the rest of the family gave her a look, she brushed it off, "I'm a broke college student, I had to steal the wrapping paper from Mom."
"This," Santana held up a small box, "is for you."
Brittany took it with a shy smile, "Thanks, honey," she said as she rattled it a couple of times. She delicately untied the bow and ripped the paper along the taped edges.
"Alright, babe," Santana said a little impatiently. "Building the suspense, here."
Finally Brittany lifted off the top and peered into the box. Santana could tell she didn't expect to see what she saw there. Brittany's face clouded with confusion for a only a second before she lifted out a silver keychain in the shape of a heart.
Brittany's eyes looked over to Santana's in question.
"Do you like it?"
"Yeah," Brittany answered. "I like...it."
"Good!" Santana said reaching out and spinning the heart around so Brittany could see the inscription.
"You are my home," the blonde read aloud. She smiled back up at her wife, "Aw, thanks baby...but..."
"Okay," Susan interrupted whatever was coming when she dropped a box in Santana's lap. "This one is from Paul, Jamie, and me."
"Oh!" Santana exclaimed after she ripped it open. "A sweater! With a reindeer! And it matches the rest of the family's!"
"You like it?" Susan beamed.
"I love it!"
Jamie coughed suddenly, which sounded a whole lot like 'liar,' but nobody paid her much attention.
Brittany leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek before whispering, "Thank you."
"Put it on!" Susan had already hopped up and was looking for her camera. "Santana you get to be in the middle, because it's your first time in the official Pierce Family Christmas Photo."
"The middle?" Santana asked. "Are you sure? I can stand behind Britt."
"Front and center," Paul said as he arranged her exactly where Susan had suggested. "You know these go on Christmas cards for next year, we have to show off our new member."
"So all mom and dad's old people friends will get to see you in your sweater," Jamie added. "Now you can feel the same shame as Britt and I. This is the true welcome to our family."
"Jake," Susan had located her camera and was motioning for the young man to take it. "Now that the girls are married, you're the photographer."
"That's an important job, Jake," Santana told him.
"I'll try to get everyone in frame," Jake teased. "Smile!"
When Santana felt Brittany's ghost along her back and rest on her hip, she couldn't help but do just that.
"Oh yeah," Brittany breathed in Santana's ear quietly. Controlled, even. Her wife had a hold of her hair and she gave it a tug with each thrust into her fingers. "Just like that..."
"Okay," Santana said a little less than enthusiastically. She pushed her hips up a little with the next thrust. But only a little.
Brittany stalled, her head snapped up to stare at the other woman, "What?"
"What?" Santana's head jerked backward. "Are you seriously asking me, 'What?'"
Santana opened her mouth and narrowed her eyes. She let out a puff of air meant to say, "Whaaaa the fuuuu?!"
Brittany was well aware of this. "Are you not into it? Because you're looking at me right now like you're not into it?"
Santana nearly choked on her annoyance. "Look at you!"
Brittany did so before saying, "You were the one giving me that-"
"What? What was I doing?"
"You were giving me that look!"
"The 'let's have sex' look!"
"You were doing that thing!"
"What thing?" Brittany asked, eyes wide.
"That sexy wink thing," Santana nearly yelled. "You said the raspberry tart was delicious and then you winked at me."
"That wasn't code for sex!"
"If that wasn't code for sex, then why are we out here?"
"You know how I feel about that look, Santana. You know and gave me the look anyway. And you know how I feel about," she lowered her voice, "doing itat my parents' house."
"Doing it?" Santana scoffed. "It's sex, Brittany. Fucking. Shagging. Humping. Bumping uglies. Playing rub-the-nub, Munching the Taco Supreme, Licking the Lollipop, Stroking the Sunspot, Grinding the Girl Hole."
Brittany dropped heavily on Santana's lap, "What the hell? That last one you just made up!"
"Maybe, maybe not, but at least I didn't say, doing it!"
Santana took a breath. She wiggled around and got comfortable again. The bucket seats of Brittany's dad's old ass fucking car was not suitable for sex. Not sex with your wife. Maybe if she was 16, yeah. Maybe if she was fucking someone else's wife. But, this was ridiculous.
"Okay. Commence the sexing," the brunette said. She trailed her free hand up Brittany's bare thigh. "Shit, babe. Your legs are turning blue, aren't you cold?"
"Only from the waist down," Brittany said as she began to rock slowly.
Santana knew that this was serious business, but when she stopped to take in Brittany in her giant puffy winter coat, two scarves, and deerstalker hat, she couldn't help but chuckle.
"Santana!" Brittany ceased all movement again. "Quit fucking around."
"This is crazy," Santana said. "You're freezing. I'm freezing. We should go inside. Your parents know we have sex, Britt. We've lived together for two years. We've been married for six months, for fuck's sake."
"They know, but they don't have to hear it!"
"They wouldn't have to hear anything if you didn't wail like a banshee!"
"This coming from you!" Brittany snorted. She waved her hand around and mimicked Santana, "Oh Britty Baby! OH, fuck me harder! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Grind my girl hole!"
"Imma stop right there because I've never once said that during sex!" Why Santana felt the need to defend herself against that of all things, she'll never know.
"Because you just made it up, admit it!"
Santana sealed her lips tightly.
"Come here," Santana motioned with her head.
Brittany leaned into her, resting her forehead on her wife's. "What?"
"I love you...so so so much. So much, that I'm sitting in your dad's 1980 Ford Piece-o-Shit, wearing a reindeer sweater that your mom knitted and slowly becoming a human ice cube."
"I love you, too," Brittany said. "And I'd love you even more if you'd get me off before I lose my legs to frostbite."
"When you ask so nicely..."
"Okay, okay," Santana said before capturing Brittany's lips with her own.
Santana's right hand moved to tangle in Brittany's hair before landing on the back of her neck and pulling her wife in for a deeper kiss. Santana had to consciously shove the idea of the furry part of Brittany's deerstalker hat rubbing against her forehead, but once she was able to, it was on. Santana found a rhythm to Brittany's liking as the blonde found a balance on her knees over Santana's lap the cold leather of the backseat.
"That's it, baby!" Brittany yelled and Santana silently hoped that nobody came rushing out to see what the ruckus was about. "So good! So good! Yeah!" Brittany progressively got louder.
Santana kicked it up a notch, pumping quickly in and out while Brittany matched her each time by grinding downward. As Brittany got closer and closer, she blindly grabbed Santana's hair again. She tugged harder and harder as she ground down on Santana. When she did come, she had nearly pulled Santana sideways in the seat.
"Oh god, honey, I'm so sorry," Brittany said when she realized.
Santana shook it off as she straightened back up, "It's okay. I was watching you. You're so unbelievably sexy. Even when you're dressed like that," Santana gestured up and down.
"Mm, your turn," Brittany said as seductively as she could through chattering teeth. "Take your pants off."
"Oh, no no no. Not a chance, babe," Santana replied. "With my luck, your tongue would stick to my clit and your dad would have to come out here and throw hot water on us."
As they trekked as quietly as possible back up the stairs and down the hallway to the guest room, Santana heard a rather peculiar sound coming from Jamie's room.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Santana whispered, though pretty loudly.
"What?" Brittany asked a few steps ahead.
"Your sister is totally having sex," Santana said. "In the fucking house."
"Ew, stop listening," Brittany tried to shake the thought out.
"Sex in the house, Britt! So unfair!"
"C'mon," Brittany waved. "So what?"
"So? We just had sex in a car in below freezing temperatures." Santana's feathers were becoming increasingly ruffled. "And we're married. That guy's like the flavor of the winter or some shit. She'll dump him before next semester."
"San!" the blonde whispered yelled. Brittany looked her in the eye, even in the dark she saw the mischievous gleam. She knew exactly what was coming without even having to ask, so she took off to their room on her tiptoes so she could at least get the door open in preparation.
Lo and behold, a few seconds later she heard three very loud knocks and Santana's faux deep voice yelling, "Get off my daughter, you fucking punk!"
It was pretty much hilarious the next morning when Santana and Brittany made it to breakfast and Jake had already hit the highway.
"Where's your boy toy?" Santana asked slyly as she dropped into her seat at the table.
Jamie didn't even bother with an answer to that question, instead she went straight for the jugular, "Dad, did Britt and Santana tell you they went for a ride in your Cutlass last night?"
"Oh yeah?" Paul turned his attention to Brittany and Santana.
"They went to Poundtown," Jamie said around a biscuit she just shoved in her mouth.
Paul's eyebrows furrowed, but Susan asked, "Did you girls see the Christmas lights? They're so beautiful up that way."
"The lights were great, Mom," Brittany said as she shot a look to her sister. "Best lights I've seen in a while."
"What did you think, Santana?" Susan said as she spread some jam on her biscuit.
"Definitely good lights," the brunette replied. "I was driving, so I was focused on the...road, but Brittany enjoyed the lights very much."
"Did you go down...south?" Jamie asked, looking as innocent as she could be.
"Nope," Brittany answered. "I wanted to, but Santana wasn't into...all the lights. She cut our drive a little short."
"You don't like the lights?" Susan asked, sounding nearly offended by her audacity.
"I love the lights," Santana answered quickly. "Love 'em. Really. I just...felt it was a little chilly to be out looking at the lights that time of night."
"Oh, I understand," Susan nodded. "Maybe we can all go tonight."
"Oh, let's," Jamie said with a grin. "Britt and San can show us where they went last night."
"Great idea, Jamie," Susan agreed.
After breakfast was done and the dishes had been cleared, all the Pierce women scattered to do whatever it was the Pierce women did. That left Santana and Paul sitting a little uncomfortably at the table with steaming cups of coffee. It was a little odd because the two of them usually didn't have many awkward encounters that didn't involve getting caught sucking on his daughter's face.
"Sorry we didn't ask before we took the Cutlass last night, Papa Pierce," Santana said to him, feeling a little guilty about his silence for most of the morning.
Paul smirked at her, "Santana, that car hasn't started in over a year."
Santana's eyes widened and she swallowed hard.
"You got rid of that damn boy," Paul said sipping on his coffee. "I'd say we're even."
Santana's mouth moved like she was trying to form words for a few moments before Brittany came to her rescue by skipping into the kitchen. She stopped behind her dad, placing her hands on his shoulders but addressing her wife.
"James and I thought it might be fun to do a little sledding, whatcha think?"
The twinkle in Brittany's eye made it nearly impossible to turn down such an adventure. Plus, she could get away from this incredibly awkward situation. "Sure," Santana answered.
"Thanks for letting us borrow the car last night, Dad," Brittany said as she gave Paul a kiss on the cheek. When she looked back up Santana was shaking her head sharply.
"You're very welcome, Sugar Cookie," Paul said evenly. "But Santana, here, already thanked me."
Sledding proved to be way more about trudging through the snow than doing any kind of actual sledding. It quickly became a snowball war between Santana and Jamie with Brittany doing her best to referee. They took turns pelting each other while the other traveled down the modest hill unarmed. All in all, it was good times.
"Really appreciate that shit with your dad this morning!" Santana said as she released a particularly hard-thrown snowball.
"And I appreciate you scaring the crap outta Jake," Jamie said. "He was gone before sunrise."
"I did you a favor."
"Believe me when I say, you did me absolutely no favors," Jamie said with a menacing glare.
"Oh, ouch. Sorry 'bout that," Santana laughed.
"Yeah." Jamie packed a snow ball and tossed it in Santana's direction.
"You shouldn't be humping boys in the house anyway," Brittany pointed out.
"Oh, shut it!" Jamie threw a ball in her direction as well. "Like you didn't."
"I most certainly did not!"
"Girls, Britt," Jamie corrected.
"I most certainly did...do that," Brittany said.
"What?" Santana was scandalized. "You...what?"
"It was high school, honey," Brittany said.
"I don't care when it was," Santana clarified. "I thought you had some life-long moral stance against fucking under your parents' roof."
"She doesn't," Jamie said, hitting them both with simultaneously thrown snowballs.
"I had to put heat packs on my nipples, Britt!"
"I'm going to have to put bleach in my brain, Santana!" Jamie complained.
"Shut up!" Brittany directed at her sister. She then took a few tentative steps toward her wife, "Honey," she said sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes. "I was young when I did that. That was about being young and rebellious. I haven't since college, it feels disrespectful somehow."
"I do it all the time," Jamie said.
"See," Brittany pointed at the younger girl. "James does it all the time. That proves it's disrespectful."
"Heat pack. Nipples." Santana said after a deep breath. "But I understand. So it's okay."
"Really," the brunette said. "Now smooch me."
Santana nearly got her smooch when one giant snowball hit the both of them in the face.
When Brittany got a call from Holly back in Seattle a little while later, she had to take it. Holly had finally returned was her "religious sabbatical" and was trying to catch up on almost a year of dealings.
"You guys please don't kill each other," Brittany asked of them before she answered her phone and started to walk off in the direction of a nearby tree stump.
"I can't promise anything," both Santana and Jamie answered in unison.
When Britt was far enough away, Jamie swatted at Santana's arm, "I heard about the big gift."
"Oh?" Santana said quickly trying to gauge Jamie's reaction.
"Yeah. She's really going to love it."
"I hope so," Santana watched her snow boots make footprints for a few steps before asking, "Are you okay with that?"
"Me? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Just checking," Santana said glancing up at her. "I didn't want to step on any toes or anything."
"My toes are fine," Jamie replied. "The 'rents thought it was the most awesome thing you've ever done. Which is saying a lot, because they're just as in love as Britt."
"It's true," Jamie rolled her eyes. "Not only do I have to follow up Wonder Sister, I have to find someone to follow up Super Santana. It blows."
Santana laughed. "You don't have to follow up anything, Jamie."
"Uh huh," Jamie shuffled along.
"Whatever," Santana gave her attitude right back. "Your family is the best. Your parents adore you. Britt loves you to death...even I do."
"You do what?" Jamie glanced up quickly.
"I love you, James," Santana said using Brittany's nickname for her little sister. "You know I do."
"Yeah," Jamie smiled that evil smile she used when she got the best of someone. "I know. I just can't believe you admitted it, sucker."
"You're an evil bitch."
"Yeah, so are you," Jamie said with a wink and threw her arm around Santana's shoulders pulling in her for a hug. And then promptly dropped a snowball down her shirt.
Later that night, their last night in Colorado, Jamie and Brittany sat in the Pierce living room doing their ritual "waiting for Santa" night by the Christmas tree. Now that they were adults, it was basically just drinking hot cocoa and bullshitting, though. Paul and Susan had long since gone to bed and left them to their own devices. Santana was upstairs taking a shower, but Brittany suspected she also made a few phone calls to make sure everything at work was running smoothly while she was away.
"I can't believe you won't be here for Christmas, Britt," Jamie said as she stretched her long legs out over Brittany's lap. "It sucks."
Brittany looked both ways before very quietly agreeing, "It does suck, James. It's the first Christmas ever I won't be with Mom and Dad."
"I mean, I get it, but it sucks," Jamie repeated. "Mom doesn't like it at all."
"I know," Brittany sighed.
"Dad doesn't either, but he's not going to say anything."
"Yeah, I know. But, we promised Santana's mom we'd be there this year," Brittany said leaning her head against the back of the couch. "And I feel bad that we always seem to do holidays here. It's not really fair."
"It is kinda far away," Jamie shrugged.
"That's not a good excuse," Brittany said as she picked her mug off the table.
"Maybe not, but it's understandable."
Brittany quirked her lip, "Compromises, James."
"She quit her job, picked up her life, and moved to Seattle for me," Brittany cut her off. "Overnight."
"You're right," Jamie said.
"I know I am." Brittany leaned over to set her mug back on the table and saw Santana hanging out in the hallway. "Hey!"
"Am I interrupting?" Santana said sheepishly when she found she'd been caught. "I can give you two..."
"No, baby, c'mon in," Brittany said patting the space beside her.
Jamie didn't miss the way Brittany seemed to burst with joy. She hadn't missed it since the first time she'd seen them together.
"Take your rightful place for cocoa time, Cinnabunns."
"Hey," Santana pointed menacingly. "Only one person gets away with that, and it ain't you."
"You can share mine," Brittany said with a smile. She waited until Santana had snuggled in next to her and then announced. "And I could get away with it if I wanted."
"She's got you there," Jamie agreed.
"You could call me Cinnabunns," Santana said wrapping her arms around her wife.
"What about honeybunns?"
"Stop!" Jamie exclaimed as pulled her feet away from Brittany.
"What?" Santana asked her. "We're just messing with you, you big baby."
"Seeing you mack on my sister is disturbing," Jamie said. "Don't get me wrong, you're adorable. I can't stand that you're so adorable. You're so in love that I want to hug you forever while simultaneously projectile vomiting."
"Please don't do that," Brittany said.
"Yeah, let's not." Santana agreed.
"I'm going to miss you," Jamie said. "It won't feel like Christmas without you...either of you."
"Aww, thanks James," Brittany smiled at her little sister. "We'll miss you, too."
The next morning as Santana and Brittany loaded up for Jamie, who surprisingly volunteered, to deliver them back to the airport, Pierce embraces were running rampant.
The two Pierce daughters had already climbed into the car, when Susan grabbed Santana's arm and slipped something into her hand.
Santana looked at the family portrait they had just taken. "Oh, thanks!" she said.
"Good looking family, I have there," Susan admired it alongside her.
"I agree," Santana smiled.
"You make her very happy, you know."
"I do know that," the brunette answered. "Almost as happy as she makes me."
"You two be careful, call us when you get to New York."
"And," Susan beamed. "Make sure she calls us when you give her your gift."
"I won't be able to stop her," Santana said. She held up the picture, "Thanks. For this and everything else."