Title: Crash's Sneakers
Summary: Crash will not take off his sneakers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Crash Bandicoot or any related characters. They are all at the moment owned by Sierra Entertainment.
Crash never takes off his sneakers. Why? Crunch wouldn't have noticed this small fact if it wasn't for their camping trip. Coco had said that she wanted some space from the boys. Although she was a bit of a tomboy herself, she insisted they leave for a couple of days so she could work on some new 'Top Secret Experiment". Crunch saw this as an opportunity to teach Crash a thing or two about living it rough, but Crash had another idea; spinning around like a crazy person and being as hyper as usual. It made Crunch's head spin.
Crunch had spent the day with a tree trunk he had chopped down, using it as yet another excuse to pump iron—or pump wood, whichever made more sense. And as it turned out; Crunch found this a whole lot more fun and less futile than teaching Crash how to fish. Crash on the other hand was learning how to fish just fine; diving in the lake headfirst and catching it between his teeth, the fish was having none of it however and struggled out of Crash's jaws to slap him in the face with one fishy tail.
All in all, camping had been a bad idea. Crunch should have realized this the moment Crash decided to ride on his shoulders rather than walk, and used his hair as reigns like some kind of muscly two-legged horse. He wasn't impressed, but since this whole camping thing was his idea, he was just asking for Crash's particular brand of humiliation. And he should have remembered; Crash had lately had a bit of an obsession with jumping on things' backs that were bigger than he was. Crazy brave, fool.
Whatever they had been doing throughout the day had left them both feeling tired, and after setting up a small tent that could barely hold Crunch's massive frame, he flopped down on the soft grassy earth and quickly fell in to a heavy, exhausted sleep. He had no clue where Crash had ran off to—chasing a rabbit or some weird creature, but he was grateful for the peace and quiet and just hoped that Crash would keep far, far, away from his tent.
Unfortunately for Crunch, Crash was having none of it; chasing the weird little rabbit-y… thing, he had done the impossible, and tired himself out. And Crash didn't care; he stuffed himself in to the tiny green tent, and found himself squashed quite uncomfortably against Crunch's huge bicep and the tents wall, his shape bulging it out in a cartoonish fashion, as was Crash's life. He made a noise like a strangled yelp of protest when he found Crunch's chest rising as he breathed in slowly, his chest rose to nearly double it's size and Crash could feel his eyeballs nearly popping out of his head as he got squashed so hard, the pressure shot him up in the air like a rubber band. But having no where to go he hit the roof of the tent—which thankfully was nailed down incredibly well, and flopped him back down right on top of Crunch's deflating chest.
Crash grumbled incoherently as he got a face full of Crunch's breath—he'd actually managed to catch some fish, Crash realized and he felt dizzy. He realized that this arrangement wasn't going to work and started to back out and climbed down Crunch's body with what little space he had to work with and just as Crash's head was lowered to Crunch's stomach, he started to panic, feeling Crunch's chest begin to inflate again.
But being Crash, he was prone to overreacting, and was babbling nonsense as per usual. Being near his stomach, it didn't expand nearly as much as Crunch's broad chest but it was still awkward for poor Crash, who suffered abuse daily, but this was really getting too much; especially when Crunch moved in his sleep, putting his hands behind his head to act as a pillow and as Crash was trying to turn around, he had somehow been pushed back up and ended up with his face lodged deep in Crunch's armpit.
Apparently the meathead was also a heavy sleeper as Crash beat his fists on Crunch's chest he still didn't wake up. Finally, Crash managed to pull his face out of Crunch's pit and inhaled so much air that along with Crunch's breathing, he had managed to get himself uncomfortable squashed against the ceiling like chickens in a cage. And again, he was a panicky little Bandicoot; squirming like a boney octopus, he had managed to turn himself around, he couldn't breath, his lungs were squashed so much he passed out from exhaustion in just trying to get himself out of the very small, very full tent.
But once Crash had opened his eyes, he realized he was upside down in relation to Crunch, laid with his back hanging between his legs and his feet in Crunch's face. And once he realized that even with Crunch fully-expanded, his legs barely his the roof, and found this was probably the best position he could possibly get in to without getting squashed, and just closed his eyes, letting his tongue flop out of his mouth as he snored loudly, falling fast asleep.
Crash had fallen in to pleasant dreams; he was chasing Cortex's minions as he often did. But he was a giant, covered with armor and laughing maniacally as he kicked minions about like pebbles. They went flying, in to walls and off of cliffs. He was a god in his own mind, and as he turned his head, he saw what he always dreamt off; a giant apple. A heavenly chorus filled Crash's ears as he floated off in to the sky to chase the delicious fruit…
Crunch was rudely awakened. A truly foul odor had stung his nostrils and roused him out of his own dreams. It must have stunk terribly since Crunch was such a heavy sleeper. He opened his eyes and almost recoiled in horror. Crash's sneaker-clad feet were directly in front of his face, giving off a gross feet smell directly to his nose. As he realized this, he quickly brought his hands to his face to stop the imminent gagging, which was reacting to Crash's terrible foot odor.
"Crash! Get your sneakers outta mah face fool!" He snapped quickly and angrily. As he realized how tight a space they were now in, Crunch had no choice but to try and dislodge Crash, by shifting his own legs about in an attempt to shift the Bandicoot out of the mouth of the tent. But that was proving hard with him nearly passing out because of the smell. He couldn't breath, clamping his mouth shut and holding his nose. But he would really rather choke himself than breath in the thick green air. His cheeks bulged, his face was turning red and he felt his veins boiling. He had to breathe. "Ugh!" His maw opened wide and his hands left his nose and his body forced him to inhale deeply, filling his lungs deep and he sucked in so much putrid air that he found Crash's smelly shoes hit the back of his throat. Crunch saw stars and his eyes rolled back in his head.
Of all the things Crunch was woken up by, this was by a million miles the worst. He'd come to, Crash's sneakered feet in his mouth, he could taste them, and they tasted truly rank, 'like does Crash ever wash these things?' Crunch thought as he spat Crash's feet out of his mouth. Disgusted, but relieved as Crash's feet fell lazily down off his chest at both sides, he must have been spitting and breathing for an hour, rubbing his tongue with his hands to get the taste off. But right as he felt like maybe he could forget the grossness, he felt Crash shifting in his sleep, and his feet were plopped right back on his chest. And Crunch saw red; he had had enough of Crash's sneakers.
"Argh! Get outta here!" He roared. He sat up, the sheer size and power behind him was no match for the tent and it was ripped out of the ground. Crunch ripped his strong hands through the thick material and ripped it apart, giving him much needed clean night air. He breathed and breathed as he threw Crash off of him finally and ran to the lake, slamming his face down in the cool water and gulped greedily, finally getting the taste off of his tongue.
"Humamnanm?" Crash mumbled, scratching his head, and waking up in the grass with no tent or no warm Crunch. And not being too bright, he was figuring they had been attacked by Cortex in the night and he back flipped to his feet and put on his best fight face and raised his fists like a boxer. "Ahh! Manublaumamam." Crash sighed with relief as he looked over and saw Crunch was just getting a drink; who finally came up for air, gasping loudly. And when he saw Crash, he grimaced slightly, and pointed his finger at the Bandicoot.
"You stinkin' Bandicoot! Take off your sneakers!" He shouted, clearly very angry. Crash was puzzled, as usual, and pointed at his chest as if to ask if he was talking to him. "Yes, you!" Crunch strained in annoyance and began to walk with heavy footsteps towards the source of his annoyance. "Your feet stink you crazy fool! Now take 'em off and wash 'em!" He dove at Crash in an attempt to subdue him.
Crash panicked but proved too quick for Crunch and hopped up on top of Crunch's shoulders and ran off his back as Crunch face-planted in to the dirt. Crash laughed maniacally, looking at a very mad Crunch as he raised his face, all covered with mud. But that laughing quickly turned in to a scream as Crunch charged at him again, he fell on his face again, with Crash nearby, rolling h=on the floor and holding his sides he was laughing so hard.
"Take 'em off!" He growled.
"Nah-ah!" Crash taunted, walking on his hands and wiggling his feet around like the clown he was. He loved this, showing off because he was faster and nearly impossible to catch. Crunch however wasn't as dumb as he sounded, and took no risks of ending up with more mud on his face this time; as Crash goofed about trying to annoy him further, Crunch picked up the downed tree trunk he used for weight-lifting, and threw it when Crash had his back to him.
"Nyahh!" Crash yelped in surprise as the huge tree trunk hit him in the back and held him to the ground. The Bandicoot struggled but he was nowhere near strong enough to lift the log and free himself.
"Got'cha! Now what're ya gon' do huh?" Crunch had a little celebration, flexing his muscles and kissing his bicep. Crash was still thrashing about trying to wriggle free but his skinny body was stuck. Crunch had gloated enough though and stood over Crash triumphantly. This had to be done. He put a peg on his nose to block out the rank stench of Crash's sneakers and sat down by his feet, taking one of them in his large hands and pulled—it wouldn't come off. He pulled harder and strained, trying to pull of Crash's sneaker; Crash was yelping in a pained way as he felt his leg stretch, Crunch was getting frustrated and was just pulling on his leg like he was trying to rip it off. "These stuck with glue?" He grunted and gave it another go; he resisted sticking his fingers inside down the sides and just grabbed the heel and pulled like he was in a rope-pulling contest. "Come… off… sneaker!" He was gasping and straining, face turning red and muscles struggling, but… he felt a shift, and Crash's heel had popped out of the shoe! "Yes! Come… on you… little… Huargh!" He fell on his back, but, as he thought all hope was lost, he looked down in to his hands; Crash's obscene footwear was sat there like a steaming trophy, and Crunch's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah!" But then gagged. "Oh no!" The stinky odor emanating from the shoe was absolutely disgusting; like cheese and eggs rotting in a… well, a sweaty year-old sock. Which was strange since Crash never wore socks, but Crunch didn't question it and threw it like it was a stinky live grenade in to the unknown. Crunch could see trees shriveling in the distance.
"Right! Next one!" Crunch meant business. And Crash was just laid there, flopped on his back, letting Crunch attempt to pry the other sneaker off his foot. "Could do with a crowbar!" He rolled his eyes but performed the same ritual. There was no way he'd take the peg off his nose. He found Crash's bare feet were just as putrid as his old sneakers, but once the second foot felt cool air, the smell started to dissipate. Crunch threw Crash's other sneaker at the other edge of the world.
Crash was laid flat under the log, even as Crunch began shifting it. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his eyes were heavily lidded. It was all he could to wriggle and flex his toes. It felt so much better. He sighed contentedly as his stomach reformed shape after the heavy log was thrown away. Crash thought it was all over but Crunch had other ideas; grabbing Crash by his ankles and dragging him to the lake and dunking his bare feet in to the water to finally kill the beast. It was over.
Not long after the terrifying incident, Crunch joined Crash in the water of the lake, both of them now barefoot and finally asleep after all the excitement, floating on the surface of the water. At least there was no pushing and shoving in the wide expanse of the lake. Crunch watched as Crash spurted a fountain of water from his mouth, he looked less crazy at least.