Today it's my birthday. Today, I'm turning fourteen.

And I HATE it.

Stupid birthdays. What do I need with one? I don't need any of that crap humans call 'cake'. I don't want some dumb party that ends with some kid throwing up on me. AND I DEFIANTLY DON'T NEED GIFTS!

Who started that human tradition anyway? Probably some greedy four year old.

Well, as I said, I hate birthdays.

All I want is a freaking normal school day. Or should I say 'Skool'? I swear, the human race is just begging to be vaporized.

The only smart human here is Dib, but even then he's failing math class. So I guess no one's all that bright.

Ok, all I have to do is get through Mrs. Bitters' vexing me off with her 'doom' ranting. What's really irking about them is how she says the Earth will perish. The Earth isn't doomed because of zombies! It's doomed because of ME!

Humans are so stupid.

So all I have to do is push open this moldy door, walk into class, sit down, and ignore Zim, Dib, and everyone else in the room. For eight days.

I mean hours.

"Shhh! Here she comes!"

"Everyone shut up now!"

"Can we eat cheese?"


Oh crap.

They aren't throwing a PARTY for me, are they? No, no. The school doesn't have the budget to throw a party for me. I'm safe. I'm safe...

So why am I wincing as I open the door?


They did. I'm doomed.

Only Zim doesn't seem excited. He's looking at his nails, like he'd rather clean a toilet than be here.

Dib bounds over to me, grinning. He has this box, all wrapt up neatly. A red bow sits on top.


He giggles a bit and holds the box out to me. Now Zim looks interested. Well, angry more likely. But that's normal. Zim is always mad. Wait... Why is Dib's face red?

I raise an eyebrow. This is all to weird.

"I'm not opening this."

Dib frowns a bit. Zim smirks.

"But, I got you a gift!"

"Don't care. You don't know what kind of things I like anyway."

Dib scowls. He takes the box from my hand and tears it open. Oh yay.

It's a... What the hell?!

"Pervert. What the heck is WRONG with you?!"

Dib looks disappointed. "I just..."

"You nothing! Is THAT how you treat me on my BIRTHDAY?! Your freaking SICK!"

I can here laughter. I turn over to the only one who it might be.

Yup. It's Zim. The moron. The guy who though five times three is fivethree. He said it like that.

I barge over to him. Glaring, I begin.

"Something funny?"

He laughs more. "Hilarious."

I can feel my veins bursting.

"May I remind you that I'm older and TALLER than you?"

That shuts him up. Now he's mad.

"Hey! Is this a soap opera or a party! Can we eat the cake now?"

"Yeah! We want cake!"

My gosh, these humans annoy me.

"Yes, eat my cake. Don't leave me any."


I return my gaze to Zim. His eyes are twitching. He really hates that I'm tall.

"Yes, how tall are you again? Five foot three? Well guess what?!" I lean my face in to his close as I can. I smirk.

"I'm five foot SIX."


I really had no idea Zim could get so violent. Maybe it's kinda my fault to, but not really. I can't help if he lost it.


Ok, MAYBE I kinda fought back. Self defense, jeez! I didn't mean to make him bleed. But I'm bleeding to! So there!

After our little um, 'argument', the headmaster, AKA Mr. Fatso, (I swear, he weighs like, 1,000 pounds.) he sent us to the nurse's office. ALONE. Worst part? No nurse. He told us we have to nurse EACH OTHER.

I hate it.

So right now, Zim is unwillingly cleaning up my cuts. He's glaring at my wounds, concentrating. I'm staring at my feet.

I feel a little bad now. I cut Zim up pretty bad. And all because of our height! Aren't we nice?

Well, either way, I wanna break this awkward silence. So I guess since ZIM isn't gonna talk, I will.

I sigh before starting.

"... Are you ok?"

"No. Do I look ok?" He snaps back, not even lifting his eyes from my cuts. Ouch. He's really mad.

"Here, we should switch..."

"No. And stop fidgeting."

I was moving? It didn't feel like it. Well, whatever. I'll give our conversation one last try.

"So, where'd you learn your medical training?"

Now he looks over at me. His eyes are narrowed. I gulp.

Wait, why am I scared of him?! I'm bigger and stronger. I shouldn't be scared.

"Do you even care?"

I sigh. "All I'm trying to do is not seem like such a jerk."

"Well you are. Now shut up. Let me work."

Jeez. Someone's crabby.

I swear, if it wasn't my stupid birthday, none of this would've happened. I hate birthdays. Why can I just be fourteen and move on with life? Cause the world hates me, that's why.

Zim's pressing down on my cuts especially hard now. I let out a sharp gasp. He dug his nails into the cut!

"Why'd you do THAT?!" I scream, anger fueling my body.

He smirks at me. "Do what?"

"You know what I meant! Look, I'm sorry I hurt you, ok?! I'm so freaking sorry! It's not my fault your so..."


Too late.

Next thing I know, I'm pinned down on the ground. I can feel Zim's anger. He's gonna kill me.

"WHAT was THAT?!" He hisses, looking ultra pissed. Crap.

"Umm... It's just your so sho- I mean you so sharp? Your so selfis- I MEAN umm... Shellfish?" I wince at the look he gives me.


"I dunno... But look, it's my birthday! You can't kill someone on her birthday!"

He shrugs. "Why not?"

I can feel myself sweating.

"Because. Plus you didn't even get me anything, so you can't kill me!"

Zim raises a nonexistent eyebrow. Then he sighs, not looking happy. "Fine. Here's your gift."

And before I can question him, he kisses me.


At first, I'm struggling. I don't wanna kiss Zim! He's selfish! He's conceited! He...

Tastes like sugar.

I relax. I kiss him back, my eyes half lidded. His eyes are shut tight, but once he feels me kissing him, they open a bit. He looks content, and kinda happy that I am. I can feel his heartbeat fast at first, and then it slows down. He presses his body against me harder, and wraps his arms around my neck. I ring mine around his waist. He's so small. He's so cute... And he tastes really good...

He pulls out. Zim smirks, running his hands down my hair.

"Your really soft."

My face gets hot. "Zim..."

He looks at me, eyes sly. "What?"

I stutter. "Why did you kiss me?"

He gets his face closer to mine. His smirk widens. "God, your hot too..."

Then he kisses me again. I'm more ready this time. I push off his fax hair with my hand, grabbing one of his antennas. I begin petting it, knowing perfectly well how sensitive they are.

Zim moans, kissing me harder. His face is starting to get red. I play with the tip, twirling it around in my fingers. Zim pulls out, panting, eyes wide. His face is getting redder as my stroking continues.

"T-Tak b-beast..." He whines, linking my free hand with his own. I can feel him sweating against me. I run my tongue against the tip of his long stalk. His grip on my hand tightens. His breath comes in short, ragged puffs. I decide to do one last thing to the quivering antenna. I bite it gently, then return to foundling it with my fingers.

"T-Tak, *pant* st-stop *pant*." I don't. I've never been good at listening. His antenna curls around my fingers. I smirk.

"Aroused, are we Zim?" I say, slyly. Zim blushes, burying his head in my neck.

"I'll take that as a 'Yes'."

He starts purring. At first, it's low, but as my petting intensivfies.

"You smell nice," He mumbles, only half aware of his surroundings. I grin.

"Let's go," I whisper, kissing his forehead. He sits up, rubbing his eyes.

"Fine... We will do this again, yes?" He says, sounding hopeful.

My grin widens. "Sure."

We stand up, a little dazed, fumbling around. Then I grip the doorknob. I'm about the leave when I hear this:

"Happy birthday, Tak."

Maybe this wasn't such a bad birthday after all.


Authors Notes: A birthday gift for Invader Alex. I hope you like!

Oh, and whoever is doing the ZATR writing contest, the deadline is January 11. THIS IS NOT MY ENTRY! My entry is coming soon though!