I know why I'm alone. I know why I'm here. I know that I'm the reason why. And I know I haven't the right to anything. So I will wait. And I'll endure cause that's the only thing I can do.

My brother isn't here anymore. Thats what I tell myself, I need to remember I'm the reason why. If I don't then I'll start laughing again. I'll start living again.

Cas used to pop inside my dreams. I didn't want him to worry. So I got an angel sidgel tattooed on my hand. I just cut and bleed and he vanishes. If he saw my dreams, he'd worry. He's nice like that. But the Devil's always here, and I don't want him to know. He might also tell Dean.

Bobby still calls. But I don't answer, I wait them out. I always listen to the voicemails though, he's worried. But I can't help that. I wish I could erase myself from his memories, then he wouldn't know about me. Sometimes I think about breaking my phone, but then I think about if someone called about Dean. If he's in trouble then I would need to save him. I would need to help him.

I don't sleep a lot anymore. I get about two hours through the night. I do this because if I were to sleep then Lucifer might be able to corrupt me. I can't have that happen. If that were to happen I would have given in. I would have failed. And I can't fail Dean anymore.

I've tried to die every way imaginable. I only have all the scars to prove it. Lucifer kept his promise, I can't die. But he wants to leave a mark to remind me. To remind me I can even fail at death.

I still help people. I need to fix what I started. I need to destroy some of the things that go with the apocalypse. I spend every waking moment doing just that. I need to. If I do anything else then I would just be a burden. Dean's still hunting. Still fighting. And he taught me never to back down.

I wish I was never born. If I had never existed then no one would've had to die. Dean would've had a childhood. My brother would've been normal with an apple-pie life like I know he wants.

None of the things I do end well. The only thing I'm good for is murder. Be it my family or the monsters. Destroying, I guess is my calling. I just wish it wasn't. For now I can be alone. Until I can find a way to destroy myself.

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Hey Everyone! How's it been?
Thanks a lot for reading!
This is gonna be a short fic, but they'll still be a couple more chapters.
Its probably gonna be a Sassy fic, cause they're needs to be some more.
Lots of Love, Mana Walker