"Ah!" Pein sighed happily as he sunk in the warm water of the hot spring.

They had their own spring at Akatsuki but there was something so much nicer about enjoying one far away on a vacation. He leaned his head back against the rock behind him and breathed in a breath of steam. This had been one of his best ideas yet. Catching the thief who had broken in turned out to be as simple as summoning one of his three headed dogs to sniff the man out, tie him up, and turn him over to the town police. Leaving Pein with nothing planned for the three days he'd booked a room. In fact, the old woman who owned the place had been so happy she'd let him stay for free.

"Life is good." Pein sighed happily again.

"Agreed. But it would be better if you got the fuck out of the women's side of the bath."

Pein jumped at the voice and spun in the water to find himself looking at a ticked of Tsunade of the Sannin. 'Oh, Fuck.' Was the only thing Pein could think for a moment. This woman hated perverts and had the strength of a hundred men in one punch. She also probably hated Pein for stealing away her student and Naruto who was rumoured to be like her brother/son/grandson. Pein could only see himself as a cooling corpse for a few more moments.

Then his instincts kicked in and he ducked under a ferocious punch that would have taken his head off.

"Wait!" Pein yelled. "I'm sure I walked into the men's side!"

Tsunade, thankfully, paused and narrowed her eyes at him.

"See! Look, the door!" Pein said pointing frantically at the entrance marked men's he had entered.

Tsunade blinked and then pointed at the opposite end of the pool at a door marked women's.

"Well," Pein said blinking. "I guess its co-ed."

"Hmm." Tsunade huffed. "I suppose. Now leave."

"What? Why?! I was here first!" Pein said outraged.

His brain caught up with his mouth a moment later and he had another 'oh fuck' moment. But then he thought it out and decided that he was right. And no one knew what he really looked like, so Tsunade probably had no reason to suspect him of anything. Along with the fact she didn't seem to recognize Yahiko's body from when they were kids. Besides that he was the leader of Ame, he had defeated Hanzo who had defeated the Sanin. He had to have some self confidence and some self respect here.

"Well, Ladies first." She hissed.

"I'm not moving." He said, crossing his arms stubbornly.

'Shit. I sound like Naruto.' He said, quickly dropping his arms. She grit her teeth at him and he stared stubbornly right back.

"You stay on that half then." She finally growled. "And if you peep, I pound you flat."

"Your body is of no interest to me." He said, shrugging. "I'm as gay as a fruitcake."

The last part wasn't fully true. He was more bisexual, but really she didn't interest him at all. For one, he knew she was over fifty, and two, most woman who scared him didn't attract him. The tension visibly left her shoulders though as she relaxed with that statement.

"Hmm. I guess it's okay then. Warn me if any other men come in."

"Should be fairly empty. This place isn't really booked at this time of the year and it's late." Pein shrugged.

"What are you here for?" She asked, sitting on a rock bench and finally taking the towel off. "Mission?"

Well his eyes would give him away and he hadn't really been trying to restrain his chakra, just mute it to an average level.

"Yeah, caught a thief."

"Huh. I just caught an employee committing fraud."

"Well, House cleaning is done here for a while then." Pein said folding his arms behind his head.

"Where are you from?" She asked curiously as she pulled a bottle of sake from the edge where she'd obviously left it before confronting him.

"Ame." He said truthfully.

"Ame?" She scowled.

"Yeah, you're Konoha aren't you?"

"Yeah." She agreed, still frowning.

"Wait." Pein said, struck with a thought. "Aren't you the Hokage? How'd you get time off?"

"Proxy." She grunted.

"Jiraya of the Sanin?"


"Kakashi no sharingan?"

"Nah." She waved a hand dismissively. "Left a man named Umino Iruka."

The name sounded familiar. Pein flipped through his memories a moment trying to remember why. Then it clicked. Naruto's old academy teacher. He'd been one of the back-ups on their list to threaten the boy with. But the man had only been a chunin, unless he had been undercover which would make him...

"ANBU?" Pein inquired.

"Nah, Chunin." She said sipping some sake.

Pein wondered if she was insane but dropped it and made a mental note to get more information on the man that the Hokage had trusted to leave in charge of all of Konoha.

"So, Ame." Tsunade said to the moment of silence. "Have you seen Uzumaki Naruto? Blonde teen with whisker marks and blue eyes?"

"Wears orange?" Pein asked, grinning. "Then yeah. Good kid. Very energetic and head-ache producing but good kid all the same.

She softened a bit more, eyes looking into her sake with a wistful happiness.

"He's okay then?"

"Yeah. Works up alongside the strongest members of Ame called Akatsuki. I heard he's been training with the Leader of all of Ame and the Akatsuki even."

She snorted and then chuckled before drifting off into silence sipping her drink. Pein left her to her thoughts and relaxed into the water, closing his eyes. 'I'm sitting in a hot springs with the Hokage of Konoha; the teacher/mentor and grandmother of two kids I kidnapped.' He thought idly.

"Sake?" She asked offering him a cup after a moment.

'Well, this trip is a bit surreal.'


"He's just the cutest." Pein giggled happily as he pictured the teen.

"I know." Tsunade slurred, "With hair you just want to ruffle and eyes that pout like a puppies."

"I think we have different definishions ...definishons...definitions," Pein stumbled. "I want to fuck him not pet him."

"Hmph." Tsunade scowled. "That's my grandson you're talking about."

"Oh!" Pein said, as if suddenly realizing it. "Then I suppose I should ask you first?"

She handed him another bottle of sake and chugged her own. He looked at it a moment wondering where she had hid it, why sake was so good, and why did they make the bottles these shapes?

"Well, ask what you want to ask!" Tsunade said, impatient, slapping the water.

Pein flicked some irritably back at her but blushed suddenly at the thought of Naruto spread out before him. It was hard to think straight. All he wanted to think about was his precious Naruto. Then his mood dived as he remembered Tobi.

"Well I was going to ask if I could date your grandson." He said, peering at her.

She squinted at him, looking him up and down.

"Well, you are hot. You're a good convir...convirsatsh...converser. Are you strong?"

"Yes." Pein nodded eagerly.

"Well, I guess so then." She said sloshing her sake. "As long as you promise to love him and care for him in sickness and health and blah, blah, blah, till death do you part."

"I do." Pein said solemnly.

"Then with the power invested to me by the Hokage Hat, I declare you husband and husband." She giggled.

"Now, to deal with his present boyfriend." Pein said, grinning so widely his face felt as if it would break.

"One I didn't approve of?" Tsunade asked suspiciously.

"Not only that," Pein grinned cunningly, "He's an Uchiha."

"Uchiha." She hissed eyes glaring.

"Oh, but Itachi's good." Pein added in.

"Huh?" She blinked. "He's the mass murdering one isn't he?"

"Ask Danzo." Pein said with a hand wave dismissively not feeling up to explaining it.

"It's not Sasuke is it? That little punk that shoved his hand through my Naruto's heart and ran off for that bastard snake leaving him to die?"

"No. It's somebody else that's really hurting him. He's not taking proper care of Naruto and driving him straight into Itachi's clutches." Pein growled.

"But didn't you say Itachi was good?"

"Well, yes," Pein conceded stubbornly, "but that would make Sasuke his brother!"

Tsunade twitched and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm giving you a mission Pein."

"I'm not a Konoha-nin?" he pointed out.

"Doesn't matter. We're allies aren't we?"She grinned. "I order you to seduce Naruto away from the Uchiha's."

"Yes ma'am!" Pein said grinning eagerly.

"Let's go draw up the mission order in my room now!" She said standing, albeit unstably, swaying. "And write a note about Itachi and Danzo."

Pein gave an evil grin as he let a chuckle or two escape, and stumbled drunkenly after the Hokage.


Pein woke with a groan feeling as if his head was trying to kill him.

"How much did I drink?" He winced as he opened his eyes to sunlight.

Judging by just the bottles around him at the moment, not including the ones left in the springs, it had been a lot.

"And what did I do?" Pein asked confused.

He sat up and tried to remember. He remembered Tsunade in the springs and drinking, and asking her something. He looked about and found a scroll right next to him. Opening it he read slowly, wincing at the pounding in his head. Slowly though, the pain faded to the back of his mind as he gaped at the paper. He quickly rolled them up and shoved them in his shirt barely believing what he had just read.

"Shit." He said softly looking around frantically.

And then he spotted Tsunade sleeping right next to him, cuddled around a sake bottle. In the same bed. Half undressed. Pein wasted no time in bolting from the room to his, packing his things and hightailing it back to Ame. He didn't want to be there when she woke or anywhere not fortified and surrounded by his own people.



Tsunade woke to a familiar ache in her head.

"Hangover." She grunted mostly managing to ignore the pain as she sat up and stretched.

She scratched her head sleepily as she looked around and took in all the sake bottles.

"Good night." She hummed. "Now if I could remember it."

She remembered meeting some gay orange haired Ame ninja and ranting with him for more than a few hours in the spring. And drinking but that was a given. She couldn't really remember what they had talked about though Naruto's name was fresh in her memory. Looking around again she spotted a scroll off to the side tied like a mission scroll. Opening it she read it quickly, mostly skimming like she did all scrolls. But as she got further in she stopped skimming and actually started reading. When she finished she dropped the scroll.

"Shit." She said leaping to her feet.

She bolted out of the room in a bathroom robe and ran downstairs to the front desk. Only to find out the Ame ninja had already hightailed it out two hours early. She'd never catch that little bastard. She made her way back to her room and picked the scroll up again, wishing to tear it to pieces but knowing it was only a copy and she would need it later. She sealed it away in her most secure seal and admitted to herself it would probably be fine. Naruto would somehow convert the guy to the good side long before he had a chance to harm the boy, like he did most of his enemies.

She turned her thoughts from the scroll and moved onto a small pile of notes. Most of the notes made no sense and were just ramblings so she tossed them. But one had a bright star at the top, marking it as important. She read it over, confused. She checked it was her handwriting and scowled at it. All it had was Uchiha Itachi's name and Danzo's name. With an X between them.

"I wanted to pair them together?" She asked with a frown and a shudder.

Then she shrugged and tucked it away. Danzo was still being interrogated, legally finally, so it wouldn't hurt to put Itachi's name in a few questions. Might actually get something. Like some huge conspiracy of the elders and the Uchiha or something. She snorted at the ridiculousness her own thoughts and started to try and find her clothes.


End of Chapter 18