Bleach

Disclaimer: Don't own (though I wish I did)

Characters: Toushiro Hitsugaya, Matsumoto Rangiku.

Genre: Humour

Summary: Toushiro gets drunk due to an accidental slip-up courtesy of Matsumoto. Chaos ensues.

A/n: My first one shot. Written in Matsumoto's pov. Hope you'll like it!

Beta'd by MissParasol


Taicho is drunk?!

Matsumoto was bored.

"Oi, Matsumoto, get me a cup of tea," Toushiro demanded, poring over a stack of reports.

"Hai, taicho~" Matsumoto replied.

Reporting day was every Wednesday, and Taichos and *Fuku-Taichos were not allowed to go to the human world until they were done with their reports. Matsumoto sighed. Reporting day sucked. Hoping that Toushiro's supersense wouldn't detect her movements, she secretly reached into the back of the kitchen cabinet and pulled out a bottle of sake.

Not paying attention to what she was doing, she drank a mouthful of sake, and then…..

Absentmindedly poured it into the tea as well.

"Is that sake I smell, Matsumoto? Have you been drinking?" Toushiro asked suspiciously.

"Of... Of course not! I only drink at night anyway, haha..." Matsumoto laughed weakly.

"Hmm." Toushiro gave her one last piercing look before returning to his work. Plonking the cup of tea in front of him, she flopped onto the sofa, and congratulated herself on her close call. She had only drunk one mouthful! His supersense for sake was more powerful than she had thought.

She also thought about how to hide the mountain of work that was currently under the sofa, and wondered by what miracle was it that Toushiro hadn't noticed yet.

Meanwhile

Toushiro, engrossed in his reports, drained the tea in a few mouthfuls, barely tasting it.

"MATSUMOTO!" he yelled, causing her to flinch. "This tea is cold! And it..." Toushiro froze, his face turning a flaming red, eyes becoming daze and unfocused. "Tastes weird," he murmured, swaying at where he sat, before sprawling face forward onto his desk.

"Taicho?!" Matsumoto shot up from her seat and hurried over to her Taicho. Her Taicho was the embodiment of good health. He couldn't have collapsed from exhaustion, could he? That almost made feel guilty for slacking off.

Almost.

As she leaned over him, she caught a whiff of something familiar. Was that... Alcohol?!


Drunk demon

Ice-cold realization hit her when she sniffed his cup.

Just then, Toushiro's head popped up, causing her to jump. His unfocused gaze settled on her after a moment. "Oh, it's you, Matsumoto," he slurred.

"T... Taicho, you sure you're okay?" she asked and wondered what alcohol does to children.

"Why aren't you doing your reports?!" he yelled.

Well, she got her answer. Or at least, this was what alcohol does to brattish Taichos. She was pretty sure not all kids acted like this when drunk on alcohol. And her Taicho was one-of-a-kind.

"It's so hot in here! Hyourinmaru!" Toushiro swung his sword in an arc and the whole room was instantly covered in layer of frost.

"Matsumoto, bring me some snacks!"

"Are you crazy? Where's the green tea?! Snacks are tasteless without tea!"

"Why are you running around?! Sit down and finish your reports!"

"And why is there an enormous pile of reports under the sofa?!"

That was just some of the (rather unreasonable) demands that Toushiro made of her. And apparently, *alcohol also increases one's sense of lazy, skiving employees hoping to hide their unfinished work from their employer.

Meekly doing her reports (for the first time since she could remember), Matsumoto was seriously regretting her stupid mistake. Who knew that he was even more of a tyrant than he already was when drunk!

Sighing inwardly, she turned to her Taicho, planning to make an excuse to escape the living hell of Reporting Day, only to find him slumped face down on his desk again.

"T... Taicho?"

*In case you don't get this part, remember how Toushiro when sober didn't notice the pile of work under the sofa, but when he was drunk, he did notice?


Little tyrant

Toushiro lifted his head again, but something was a little different about him...

She frowned. His cheeks were red like before, his hair still white, and he was still vertically challenged (ahem ahem), and his thumb was in his mouth, but...

Wait a minute...

HIS THUMB WAS IN HIS MOUTH?!

Matsumoto confirmed that 2000 years as a Shinigami had finally caused him to snap.

"Matsumoto *onee-san, I want *okashi..." Her Taicho (her TAICHO. She couldn't believe her eyes) murmured, giving her the most pleading look (and probably the most human expression) she had seen on his face in centuries.

Going into the kitchen for probably the fourth time that day, she thought to herself that at least, her taicho couldn't be any worse than the first time.

...And like in every instance involving her Taicho, she thought wrong.

"Matsumoto onee-san, more snacks! Okashi! Okashi! Okashi!" Toushiro chanted, banging his fists on the table. In one hour, he had devoured 5 packets of candy, 20 sticks of *Mitarashi Dango, and 12 sweet strawberry-filled *Mochi. (A fic written by MissParasol is about Toushiro going to the dentist after eating too many sweets, go check it out!)

In the next two hours...

"Matsumoto onee-chan! I'm cold, I want a blanket! Blanket! Blanket!"

"My reiatsu is leaking! Matsumoto onee-chan, help!" (He didn't know how to control his reiatsu as a kid).

"I'm hungry! More okashi! Okashi! Okashi!"

2 hours later, Matsumoto flopped down onto the sofa, exhausted beyond belief. Her Taicho gave "demanding" a whole new meaning! She pitied his grandmother, who had lived with him in west *Rukongai until he became a Shinigami.

With a sudden shock, she realised that the office was strangely quiet. Too quiet. Bracing herself for the worst, she turned to look behind her.

Her Taicho's head was in his arms with his upper body lying on the table for the third time that day. But his face was back to its normal colour, and he was breathing slowly and deeply, fast asleep.

Matsumoto let out a huge sigh of relief. Her nightmare was finally over.

Feeling the need to escape the suffocating office, she hurried out of the door, grabbing another bottle of sake from another secret hiding place as she left. Apparently, she still hadn't learnt her lesson about drinking during the day even though she had just gone through over 5 hours of slavery torture because of it.

Suddenly, she made an abrupt stop at the doorway, and looked up at the security camera that was partially hidden in the corner of the room. (Because of the Aizen incident, Soul Society had now installed security cameras all over to prevent something like it from happening again.)

An evil grin lifted the corners of her mouth. Perhaps those few hours of seemingly endless torture were worth it after all...


Most humiliating moment of my afterlife

The next morning, Toushiro woke up with a pounding headache and toothache.

Lying on the sofa with one arm thrown over his face to block out the piercing sunlight, he glared at Matsumoto, who was giggling and grinning crazily at the new edition of the *Soul Society Times.

"What are you so happy about, Matsumoto?" he muttered, giving her a one-eyed glare. However, Matsumoto seemed unaffected by the slightly less-frightening (the two-eyed glare is obviously scarier) death glare. Well, he assured himself, he was having a bad day after all. He couldn't remember what happened yesterday and it hurt to think.

(Poor Toushiro. His usually highly-effective death stare doesn't work! But who could blame him. He was having a hangover after all.)

Still giggling, she turned the front page towards him. Splashed across the front page, in large, bright red words was "Captain of 10th Division Drunk! Read inside to find out more!"

"WHAT THE—Arghh!" Toushiro's head hurt too much to feel angry, let alone sit up. Snatching the newspaper from Matsumoto, he read the article, his eyes widening at the last part, "Caught on camera! Log on to our website to watch!"

"I don't suppose... You have that video in your cellphone, do you?" he growled through gritted teeth.

Sheepishly, she handed him her cellphone. "Our newspaper's subscription increased tenfold after this issue," she told him happily, before rushing out of the room to celebrate with her fellow printing-in-charge, Hisagi, to celebrate, correctly gauging her taicho's reaction to the video.

Later

Toushiro's face grew redder and redder (from both anger and embarrassment) as he watched the video. He could imagine Hinamori saying with tears in her eyes, "Shiro-chan, how could you drink! You're underage! I didn't know that you were that sort of person..."

Boiling with anger and humiliation, he did the very thing that Matsumoto had expected...

"MATSUMOTO!"


*Taicho: Captain.

*Fuku-taicho: Vice-captain.

*onee-san: Japanese for big sister.

*okashi: Japanese for snacks.

*mitarashi dango: Japanese snack. Like soft, chewy balls on a stick. Comes in different flavours such as red bean and sweet sauce etc.

*mochi: Popular Japanese snack. Soft and chewy powdered ball filled with paste. Also comes in different flavours.

*Rukongai: The largest and most populated part of Soul Society. Toushiro was from here, along with Momo Hinamori.

*Soul Society Times: Soul Society's local newspaper/magazine. Matsumoto and Hisagi are in charge. Not very popular in Soul Society until after this issue.


I had this idea in my head for a while and I really, really wished I could see Toushiro drunk in the anime. I bet it would have looked really cute (albeit terrifying)! This is my first one shot so I really wanna know how it's like so please review! I won't bite I promise :p