AN: This is dedicated to The Kazekage of Suna, who asked if someone would do a journal entry-type fic on their fic 'Signed: From Your Not So Loyal Author'. Please go read that, it's hilarious! Plus this ties in with events from that fic, too! :)
Gaara scares the holy crap out of me.
It makes me wonder if Temari is worth dating at all.
It's all just so troublesome.
I don't dare tell him we've been dating for almost three years now.
I've begged Temari to simply stop TELLING him we're going out, but no.
One must be honest to one's little brother, apparently.
Does she KNOW of the unspeakable things he's threatened to do to me? Does she care if I live at all?
A very frightened lazy ninja,
P.S. I am no longer speaking to Naruto, I don't care how close he is to Gaara, that is no excuse for throwing me under the bus.
I am now getting horribly graphic pictures sent to me of what I would look like after I was crushed by sand and then thrown into Kankuro's puppet.
Who knew Kankuro was so artistic?
No one is any help. At all.
So I go to my best friend, Choji, in my time of need. (Which was mistake number one, I like the guy, but he isn't the sharpest kunai in the pouch, let me tell you.)
Do you know what he says?
'Wait, three years?! Why am I just finding out about this?!'
Because you are an idiot that can't keep your mouth shut, that's why. Since, right after I told you this, this happened:
He told Gaara. That I had been dating his sister for three years. What is WRONG with you, Choji?!
So. Now I am fearing for my life, praying for the powers that be to intervene and allow me to live.
Or that Temari gets my distress call, and kicks her little brothers' asses before they start doing all that unspeakable stuff they told me about.
Oh, GOD. There is sand crawling up my hand.
For anyone who finds this (and hopefully my body), I want my mother to know I love her, and that I regret nothing.
(Except maybe befriending and confiding in Choji)
A very frightened (and probably decomposing corpse by the time anyone finds this) ninja,
Don't be so dramatic, Shika! Naruto found you before any REAL harm could be had!
And what do you MEAN, I'm not the brightest kunai in the pack?! That's cruel, you're supposed to be my best friend!
I was just trying to help, after all, I figured if I told him you guys had been an item for a while, now, he would back down.
Sorry, I guess I was wrong.
But don't worry, Temari visits you everyday in the hospital, and with all the guards, there's NO WAY they can come back and finish the job.
Plus they said you were showing some brain activity yesterday, isn't that great? And chicks dig scars, right?
Well, I'm going to leave this here for you in case you wake up while I'm gone. That way you'll know what happened. If you can still read.
Aww, someone sent you this decorative cactus! I wonder who could have done that? It even has this sand all in the pot. Oh, I bet it was Temari! I'll leave it by your bedside.
Be back in an hour!
Your best friend,