Forenote: Just a Christmas special, to accompany an update about what I'm doing. For those interested in the update, either check my profile, or the note at the end of this story. Otherwise, just enjoy the story.
Little Red Miku-Hood and the Big Bad Writer
Misty sits back in a chair, in the back-stage of a theatre, waiting patiently.
Misty: Checking his watch, "Any second... now!"
Wolfie bursts through the door into the room. Clutched in his hand is a file of paper, with 'The Script' written on it.
Wolfie: "MISTY! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
Misty: "You couldn't knock could you?"
Wolfie: "No, I physically couldn't, I was so enraged."
Misty: "So, dare I ask, on the afternoon of our pantomime to celebrate the alleged birth of a deity neither of us believes in, bare hours before the aforementioned pantomime is due to take place, what has enraged you so much that you cannot knock?"
Wolfie: Thrusting the script in Misty's face, "THIS!"
Misty: "And what about my script?"
Wolfie: "I'm the wolf, right? The villain?"
Misty: "Yes, I think when I mentioned there was a wolf in it, you leaped at the chance to play him."
Wolfie: "And Miku is playing the heroine, Little Red Riding Hood?"
Misty: "Yes, that is correct."
Wolfie: "This... THIS vile script, says she gets together with the huntsman, played by goddamn Kaito!"
Misty: "Yes. So?"
Wolfie: "SO? They kiss at the end!"
Misty: "I gave that script to you a month ago, and told you to tell me any problems by the end of the next week."
Wolfie: "You didn't actually expect me to read it did you?"
Misty: "No, of course not."
Wolfie: "Then you put it in on purpose!"
Misty: "One could say that. If one did, one would happen to be correct. However, I did it to make you learn. If you'd pointed it out to me, even a week ago, I could have altered it, but you didn't."
Wolfie: "You WILL change it."
Misty: "It's too late, everyone's already learnt the lines, and rehearsed it, at the rehearsals you and Miku didn't bother showing up to I might add."
Wolfie: "You... damn... bastard!"
Misty: Smirking, "Man, it is nice to be the one driving you crazy."
As Wolfie glowers, the door is suddenly thrown open again.
Miku: "MISTY! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"
Misty: "You couldn't knock could you? No, because you were too physically enraged. So, dare I ask, on the afternoon of our pantomime to celebrate the alleged birth of a deity none of us believes in, bare hours before the aforementioned pantomime is due to take place, what has enraged you so much that you cannot knock? Of course I dare ask, and it is the script.
To be precise, the fact that you and Kaito get together in the play, and not you and Wolfie, which you see as a problem. However, you did not report it to me when I told you to do so by, and consequently, suck it."
Miku stares at Misty, then turns to Wolfie, seeing an irritated expression on the latter's face.
Miku: "Did you guys...?"
Wolfie: "...just have exactly the same conversation? Yes."
Miku: "Oh... well f*** you Misty. I refuse to act this out then!"
Misty: Shaking his head, "Too late, the tickets are sold, the little otaku-children are waiting to see their idol take the stage and act for them. You aren't going to disappoint them are you?"
Miku: "And why shouldn't I?"
Misty: "Because you're chaotic good."
Miku: Opening her mouth, her face contorting as she struggles to counter-argue, "B-but then Wolfie..."
Wolfie: "...is lawful neutral."
Miku: Staring at him, "Oh great..."
Misty: Leaning back in his chair, "So, you guys gonna act like I asked you?"
Miku: Glaring, "Fine, we'll do it!"
Misty: Smiling, "Excellent, enjoy your time with Kaito, Miku."
Miku: Turning away, "Come on Wolfie, I don't want to have to stay in the same room as him, I'll just beat the crap out of him if I do."
Miku and Wolfie leave. Once outside, Wolfie growls.
Wolfie: "Right, now I'm pissed off! Time for plan B!"
Miku: "Run away? But we can't..."
Wolfie: "No! Not that plan B."
Miku: "That's always your plan B."
Wolfie: "Okay, plan C then."
Miku: "What's plan C?"
Wolfie: "Simple, I promised I'd act in his pantomime, I never said anything about following the script."
Miku: Raising an eyebrow, "That's not very honourable and lawful of you."
Wolfie: "Lawful neutral, with evil tendencies when I'm annoyed."
Miku: "Okay... fair enough. So, we're just going to change the story."
Wolfie: "You bet."
Meanwhile, back in Misty's room.
Misty: "If they're going to make their plans against me, they really shouldn't do it in loud voices outside my dressing room... oh well, I didn't expect either of them to just give up. This should makes things more amusing."
Some hours later, on stage, the curtains rise, revealing a set of cardboard cut-outs in the shape of houses.
Luka (The Narrator): "Welcome, boys and girls, otakus and people here just because it's raining outside. Welcome to a little village, with no name specified because we're lazy. In this village, there lives a young girl, Little Red Riding-Hood."
Miku: Walking on, "Wow, what a great day it is today... oh, I simply must go visit my grandmother! But I'd better be careful, I'm told there's a scary wolf in the forest, who'll eat me if he catches me!"
Miku wanders off, and the scenery changes to a forest. Miku skips through the trees, carrying a basket.
Miku: "Oh, who is that, there on the path? My it's the twins!"
Rin and Len walk on from the other direction, talking to one another.
Len: "I'm just saying, can you try not to crash the Road-Roller again until I've paid off the repair bill from the last time?"
Rin: "But it's not my fault!"
Len: "You drove it into a volcano."
Rin: "It was only a little volcano."
Len: "Yes, and thanks to that, we were able to salvage some of it which caught on a rock."
Miku: "Rin, Len! How nice to see you out in the woods, by complete coincidence... if we ignore the laws of metafiction."
Rin: "Oh, Miku, how nice to see you!"
Miku: "So, what are you doing out here?"
Len: "Oh, we're just here to warn you about the Big Bad Wolf. He lives near here, and has been known to eat people."
Miku: Raising an eyebrow, "So... they have two defenceless children here to warn people about a wolf that lives here... that sounds like a wonderful idea."
Rin: "Well, the job pays well."
Miku: "How well?"
Rin: "Well I'm getting a basket of oranges."
Len: "I'm getting help paying off the repair bill for the Road-Roller."
Miku: "Well, be careful you two."
Rin: "Look, we both know that as soon as you walk off, we will vanish from the story until we're called on again, if we ever are."
Miku: "True... well, see you guys later!"
Rin: "Bye bye!" Runs off, dragging Len along.
Miku: "Well, I'd better be going, I need to get to Grandma's house." Skips away, as a dark shadow crosses the stage, and suitably dark music plays.
Wolfie: Stepping onto the stage in a wolf costume, "Aha! There she goes, Little Red Riding-Hood... so cute... I must chase after her, and let her know that I'm here to devour her... I'll enjoy tasting her... and touching her... and..."
Misty: Off-stage, "GET ON WITH IT!"
Audience: "WE REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS OVER-USED REFERENCE!"
Wolfie: Sighing, "Can't a wolf monologue in peace these days?" Walks off, in the direction of Miku.
The next scene...
Miku: Walking through the forest still, "Oh, what a lovely day..."
Wolfie: "Yes, it is."
Miku: Starting, "The Wolf!"
Wolfie: Bowing, "Yes, it seems you've heard of me."
Miku: "I've heard you eat people!"
Wolfie: "Oh come on now, not all wolves eat people. Most of us don't, it's just a left-over stereotype from ages gone by, that humans cling to. I find it racist that you think that, just because I'm a wolf, I eat people."
Miku: "I guess it was a little bit racist..."
Wolfie: "Well, for the sake of avoiding the semi-obvious song parody, it's okay, you didn't know any better. Now, young lady, may I ask what you're doing walking this way?"
Miku: "Well, I'm going to visit my grandmother. I'm taking this basket of food for her."
Wolfie: "Hm... a basket of food? Wouldn't that go down all the better with some pretty flowers?"
Miku: Nodding, "Yes, you're right, would you happen to know where I can find some?"
Wolfie: "Sure, I can show you."
Misty: "Dammit... they've already started screwing with the script. 'Racist against wolves my ass!'"
Lumi: "Well what were you expecting them to do?"
Misty: "Shut up and help me plan!"
Miku: "Wow! All these lovely flowers... you're such a nice wolf..."
Wolfie: "Oh... thank you... you're a nice human too..."
The pair stare at each other, romantically enough to get the point across to the audience that something strange had happened with the plot.
Wolfie: "Hey... would it be okay for me to accompany you? The forest is dangerous after all..."
Miku: Blushing and looking down, "O-okay... Wolfie..."
Misty: "Got it Kaito?"
Kaito: Dressed as a woodcutter, "Sure! I just run in there, and beat Wolfie round the head with my axe, then babble about some kind of conspiracy!"
Misty: "Good, go get him!"
Kaito: "All right chums, let's do this, KAITO MM-SHION!" Runs at the stage.
Lumi: "Oh my gods he just ran in there..."
Misty: Fingers crossed, "Stick to the plan... stick to the plan..."
Wolfie and Miku have reached the cottage by this point.
Miku: "Well, here we are..."
The two stare awkwardly at the floor, then both look up and try to speak.
Both: "No... you first... no you..."
Both blush and look away...
Kaito: From offstage, "...SHION!"
Wolfie: "What the heck?" Turns to see Kaito running a him.
Kaito raises his axe, and swings it down. The axe collides with Wolfie's sword, which appears from thin air. The two leap back, Wolfie grabbing Miku as he jumps, and putting her safely down at the edge of the stage.
Kaito: "Dammit Wolfie! You're always in my way! I won't let this continue! I've escaped from the character archetype that you bound me in, now I'm going to fight you, one last time, for MIKU!"
Wolfie: "Wow, you've grown a pair Kaito, but you're still an idiot." His laptop appears, and he starts typing. Wolfie hits enter... but nothing happens.
Kaito: "Misty made this whole theatre a null-fic zone! You don't have your writer powers to rely on!"
Wolfie: "You're smarter than I ever gave you credit for."
Kaito: "Of course, I've been secretly planning since the start of Save the Writer to overthrow you, and take Miku's hand!"
Kaito: "Okay, not really, but regardless, you have to fight me now Wolfie!"
Wolfie: "Okay then... Miku, get back. I'll destroy this blue-haired fool once and for all."
Miku: "Wolfie... okay... but be careful."
Miku flees the stage, and Wolfie raises his greatsword.
Wolfie: "Well Kaito, let's see what you've got... accelerate!"
Wolfie flashes towards Kaito at insane speed, slashing widely at his foe, but Kaito blocks his attack.
Kaito: "You know, Wolfie, you're too slow." Vanishes, and appears behind Wolfie, slashing down.
Wolfie: "What the..." Narrowly dodges, "Oh... I get it. Misty put you up to this after all." Spreads his wings, and flies up.
Kaito suddenly starts flying too, and flies up towards Wolfie at insane speed, readying his attack.
Wolfie: "Greater Dispel Magic!"
Kaito stops flying, and starts falling. Chanting can be heard in the background.
Wolfie: "Quickened dispel magic! Lumi, I know you're back there!"
Lumi steps out, and bows, as Kaito hits the ground.
Lumi: "How did you know?"
Wolfie: "How many high-level wizards are there around here?"
Lumi: "Okay... point."
Kaito: Getting up, "Lumi! Cast again!"
Lumi: "I only prepared fly twice today, and Wolfie just dispelled both of my uses."
Kaito: "Dammit! Misty!"
Misty steps out too, and sighs.
Misty: "Seriously Kaito, you couldn't take him, even with our buffs?"
Kaito: "Well your buffs got dispelled!"
Misty: "Fine, I'll have to do it myself. Mass Fowl!"
Kaito is suddenly turned into a chicken.
Wolfie: "Well at least he has chicken... but why'd you do that?"
Misty: "He was starting to annoy me, although I don't know why I have that spell... But anyway, Wolfie, time to fight!" Grows wings of mist, and flies at Wolfie.
Wolfie: "You remember what happened last time we fought, right?"
Misty: "Yes, but this time you can't censor me. Now take this Wolfie!" Raises a rapier of mist, and strikes at Wolfie.
Wolfie: "I'm gonna finish this quickly, then finish the panto. GATE!"
Misty flies straight through the gate Wolfie created. The other end was the plane of magma...
Wolfie: Closing the gate, "I can't believe that actually worked... anyway, back to the pantomime."
Wolfie lands, and Miku runs onto the stage again.
Miku: "Wolfie! You protected me from those dangerous people! You're so manly... I think I'm in love..."
*The management of 'The Writer' series and all associated series believe that the readership have read enough Wolfie/Miku romance scenes to be sick to the back (and front) teeth of them. Consequently, you can imagine them doing the usual for about twenty lines...*
Wolfie: "Well, now that we've mentally scared some children by *censored* on stage, let's go!"
The two walk off, and the curtain falls. It rises again to show all the actors bowing, including Misty, who teleported back from the plane of magma. There is suitable amounts of cheering (ie, not much as many children sob at the sight they just beheld. The cast then walks off.
Wolfie & Miku & Luka & the Twins & Misty & Lumi & anyone I miseed: "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
Merry Cristmas, and a Happy New Year
I feel I'm forgetting something...
Meiko: Taking off her grandmother outfit, "Man... I didn't even appear in the end. But, at least I picked up a little something..." Looks over the chicken-Kaito.
Chicken-Kaito: "Bawk (Dear God, help me, please, anybody..."
Meiko: Smiling, "Don't worry little chicken-Kaito, I'll take very good care of you..."
A/N: Okay, so or those wondering about what I'm doing, first things first: I am not coming back to write on this site properly. Second, the reason for this is that I'm in the middle of writing my first full book. It's a full redo of AB, a story I partially wrote and posted on FictionPress. Basically, I've taken the characters, and redone the whole scenario near enough. For those wanting to know more, you can check my profile, or PM me.
One last thing, I may post a few more one-shots, which will likely accompany updates about how the writing is going. I may (if I get really bored) also do a rewrite of Save the Writer, because I have about four chapters of it already done, but this is not a promise, it all depends on how much time I have.
So yes, with any luck, I should have a book published sooner or later, so until I next give you guys an update...