A plot bunny gave me an early Christmas present this year, and when I noticed I could also submit it for Whitem's 3rd annual Snow Daze holiday story contest, I couldn't resist. So enjoy! And read on, if you dare…
It was the last weekend before Christmas, and the population of Middleton was in high spirits. Many of its residents hustled about making their last-minute purchases, happily taking advantage of any sales that they could find, joyfully rushing home with their treasures.
But as usual, there was one exception, Dr. Drakken to be specific. He was in a particularly foul mood, even fouler than usual.
Deep within his lair, he gritted his teeth together in anger. If his jaw had been any tighter, no doubt he would have cracked a few teeth in the process. His breathing came in ragged breaths as his eyes burned with intense hate.
Even so, he spoke slowly, softly and deliberately. "All right, I will give you one last chance. Just one. And if you will not cooperate, I will destroy you. I will tear you limb from limb, and derive great pleasure from your demise. Do you understand?"
His deadly threat was met with stony silence.
"Yes, I thought as much."
He made one last effort to win the cooperation of the object of his terrifying ultimatum, but there was still no response. It was at this point that the mad scientist finally cracked. With a terrific yell, he grabbed the nearest weapon at hand, a rather large butcher knife. He began furiously hacking away, and with each vicious slash he uttered a grunt of maniacal pleasure. In a few moments, the deadly deed was complete.
Hearing the furious attack from the other room, Shego rushed in to see what the commotion was all about. She looked on in horror at the ghastly sight that met her eyes.
"Omigosh, Dr. D! Have you gone stark, raving nuts? Well, even nuttier than usual, I mean. But this time you've gone too far. You've really done it this time."
Panting furiously, rage still glared from his eyes. "That'll teach 'em to defy the great Dr. Drakken. No one makes a fool out of me, or else they shall suffer the consequences!"
Shego sadly shook her head. "But why? All you had to do was ask for my help, and maybe I could have prevented…"
She swept her arm wide to take in the massive carnage. "This!"
His anger finally sated, Drakken began to calm down. "Well, it's too late now. I offered one last warning, which was unfortunately ignored."
He placed the knife back on the table and calmly ordered, "Here, give me a hand. Now we need to destroy the evidence."
Shego threw up both hands to underscore that she would have nothing further to do with this.
"Ohhhh, no! Absolutely not! You made this mess, and you're going to have to clean it up. I'm off the clock in five minutes anyway for the whole weekend. And after seeing this, I want to be as far away from here as fast as possible, thank you very much."
As she turned to leave, Drakken begged, "Please don't leave now! I need you, Shego!"
She turned around with a sneer. "Well, you should have thought about that before you went all ballistic."
Flashing a sarcastic smile, she added, "But maybe I'll show up for your trial as a character witness."
Drakken paled. "What? They'd lock me up and throw away the key!"
She dismissively waved one black glove. "Nah, I'd just tell them that it wasn't premeditated, that's all. I'm sure malice aforethought wasn't on your mind, it was simply… a crime of passion."
She smiled from beneath hooded eyes. "I'd go for the temporary insanity defense, myself."
And with that, she quickly left, slamming the door behind her.
He yelled out after her, "Nnngh! No Christmas bonus for you, Shego!"
Drakken now stood alone, helpless before the scene of his terrible crime. All of his henchmen had already left, but he soon realized that this was actually a blessing in disguise.
"Yes… yes! No witnesses. But I'll have to hurry."
Quickly placing the remains in a large garbage bag, he dragged it out the back door and desperately looked around for a location to hide the grim evidence.
"The garbage can? Hmm, no, that would be too obvious. Not before Christmas at least. After Christmas would be better, but what to do in the meantime?"
His eye caught sight of a shovel.
"Well, that will have to do, I suppose. I just hope that no one spots me. But it's getting dark, so at least that's working in my favor."
He dragged the bag about twenty feet into a small clearing in the surrounding trees, and quickly began digging a hole in the snow-covered ground. But unbeknownst to the mad scientist, he had already been spotted.
The brilliant pre-teen keeper of Kim Possible's website reached for his Kimmunicator.
The redheaded teen heroine quickly responded. "What's the sitch, Wade?"
"Kim, I was just testing out my new infra-red surveillance device. You know, the one that's so small it can hover both silently and invisibly?"
"Got it. So what ferociously evil thing did you spot?"
"A Drakken sighting. He's burying something big in the city park just behind his time-share lair. I can't tell for sure, but it just might be a body."
Standing right beside Kim, Ron began to tremble. "Whoa, KP! Trying to take over the world is one thing, but this is totally above and beyond even Dr. D's usual eviliciousness. Sick and wrong doesn't even begin to cover this!"
Rufus gave out a tiny eeek of fear.
Kim grimaced. "You said it, Rufus. Okay Wade, we'll check it out. But can you get us a ride? My parents are both out Christmas shopping."
"No problem, Kim. I've got just the thing…"
A few minutes later a UPS truck pulled up, and Team Possible quickly climbed in.
Kim smiled at the driver. "Gee, Ralph, thanks for the ride on such short notice!"
"Think nothing of it, Miss Possible. It's the least I can do after you unjammed our conveyor belt last week. Without you we would have been a day behind at our busiest time of year."
"No big! Nothing that a bobby pin and a little dab of Ron's banana-flavored mouth foam couldn't fix."
A short time later, Kim and Ron began surreptitiously crawling through the underbrush and advancing on the dark figure, who appeared to be just finishing up.
Ron excitedly whispered, "Wow, this is really coolio, Kim! We don't even have to climb through Drakken's air conditioning vents this time! And it looks like we've caught him right in the act! Booyah!"
Kim hissed back, "Zip it, Ron. Stealth means no talkie, please and thank you."
Kim jumped out of the final line of bushes and quickly assumed an attack pose, just as Ron flashed the bright glare of a powerful flashlight directly into Drakken's face.
She nonchalantly began, "A little late in the evening for gardening, don't you think, Dr. Drakken? Drop that shovel and back away slowly, and no one gets hurt."
The villain reacted with typical surprise. "Kim Possible! What are you doing here?"
She grinned back, "Catching you in the act, just like we always do."
Ron quickly added, "Yeah, and we've caught you red-handed!"
Ron noticed that Drakken still had his gloves on. "Or black-handed as the case may be."
The mad scientist self-consciously rubbed some mud and snow off on his dark lab coat.
Ron continued to blather, "Uh, make that brown, white AND black-handed, with, uh, maybe a dash of blue?"
Kim rolled her eyes. "Focus, Ron. We're not after the Fashionistas today."
Drakken mumbled back, "I don't know what you're talking about, Kimberly Ann. I'm just taking care of some… personal business, that's all."
The sound of a police car siren could be heard in the distance. Immediately taking advantage of the distraction, Drakken quickly swung his shovel at Kim. But her reactions as usual were much swifter, and she instantly performed a somersault over the surprised villain. After she deftly used a combined kung fu punch followed by a scissors kick, Drakken quickly found himself flat on his back staring up at the clear night sky.
As he groaned in pain, the squad car roared up and skidded to a stop, and a policeman exited the vehicle.
Kim gushed, "Officer Hobble! You're just in time."
"Yes, Kim. Your friend Wade contacted me right away. So what do we have here?"
Ron smirked, "One villain down and out after trying to bury the evidence of his most recent dirty deed, and ready for a bon-diggety trip back to Cell Block D!"
The officer smiled in thanks. "Well, you've done it again, Miss Possible. Middleton is once again in your debt."
He then turned to the freshly tamped ground. "Now, let's see what we have here."
Officer Hobble used the shovel to dig up what Drakken had just finished burying.
Ron mumbled, "Ooh, Kim. I can't watch. You know I can't stand the sight of blood. Especially mine!"
Rufus likewise offered a tiny whimper and quickly covered his eyes, as Kim looked anxiously on.
The officer peered into the bag and immediately exclaimed, "What in the world…"
Peeking out from beneath his paws, Rufus began to giggle. Kim and Ron breathed a sigh of relief as Officer Hobble began to remove pieces of…
"An artificial Christmas tree? And a string of Christmas lights? Faith n' begorrah, Drakken! What gives?"
The villain groaned back, "Well, the lights kept flickering, but after a while, they went completely out. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get them to come back on."
His voice began to rise in panic. "I pleaded with them, I begged them, I even threatened them! Then, in a fit of uncontrollable rage, I, well…"
He smiled back weakly as he continued, "Heh-heh, I kind of, uh, lost my temper. I would have just thrown them out, but I didn't want the other time-share lair occupants to notice that the world-famous mad scientist, the one and only Dr. Drakken, didn't have the capability of setting up a simple string of Christmas tree lights. My reputation as an evil genius would have been ruined! Surely you can understand that?"
Officer Hobble crossed his arms and tapped his foot as Kim, Ron and Rufus broke out in peals of laughter.
The policeman began, "Well, although wanton destruction of your own property isn't a crime…"
Drakken looked up hopefully at the officer as he continued, "Digging up public property is. This is a public park, Mister Drakken. And I know that burying hazardous waste is a federal offense as well. I'm sure the Environmental Protection Agency will be quite happy to press some very serious charges. Now, come along quietly."
As the officer led the morose villain away, Kim wondered, "Well, I wonder how long Drakken will be out of our hair this time?"
Ron beamed, "Hopefully through at least New Year's. This is the best Christmas present ever, KP!"
Rufus did a tiny little flip of joy in agreement.
Ron then let out a small sigh. "But it's really kind of ironic, though, Kim."
"How's that, Ron?"
He continued with a smirk, "Well, Drakken could have totally avoided his Christmas light problem by simply removing all the fuses from the string and hotwiring all the lights together. Just like I did with all of our decorations back home."
Kim's jaw dropped open. "Ron, you didn't! Please tell me you're just kidding?"
Suddenly, all the lights in the greater Middleton area flickered, then went completely out.
Now in total darkness, Kim growled, "nnNNGGHH! Ron, you got some splainin' to do!"
But the embarrassed teen was already running quickly away into the night, accompanied by the giggles of a tiny naked mole rat.
(Disclaimer: no live Christmas trees were actually harmed in the writing of this story. And for all you guys out there, don't you dare tell me that you can't relate, or have never been tempted at some point in your lives to do exactly the same thing…)
And a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Mahler Avatar to all in the Kimmunity!