Overcome The Darkness Within
Blood sprang up and blossomed from the wound as blade dragged across skin. A sharp intake of breath was the only sign that belied anything was wrong. Kyouya put the blade down; the metal clattered softly against the ceramic tiles of the bathroom, and surveyed the damage he had done. Multiple wounds traced his skin like the fine strands of a spider's web. He raised his arm and watched as the blood ran down his arm creating a scarlet river and dripped off his elbow forming a crimson puddle, starkly contrasted on the white tiles. Kyouya revelled at the sight of the blood pouring forth from his veins, the essence of life, and proof of his living. The pain reminding him what it is too feel, bringing him comfort. This boy huddled on the bathroom floor craving the pain and release of self-harming; marvelling at the sight of his blood was the real Kyouya Ootori. The hosts, the girls who frequented the club and classmates all wondered who the "real" him was. Always so reserved and dignified, never playing in the usual teenage hijinks people were always curious if there was another side to Kyouya. Nobody would have guessed this though. This hadn't been Kyouya's primary self though. He had been happy and content. That was before Haruhi had stumbled into the host club and with her brought nothing but torment and misery to the shadow king. For Haruhi had unwittingly and devastatingly stolen his lover and true love away. Tamaki Souh. Just thinking about the whole affair made Kyouya want to scream, to curl up in a ball and disappear. Instead he took up the blade and pressed it harder to his skin, adding more strokes like an artist with a paint brush leaving streaks of red on his skin.
At the Host club next day, Kyouya is sitting at his desk staring at his laptop. No one was surprised at this; it had become Kyouya's new routine. Whereas he used to host along with everyone else he preferred now to stay out of the way and sit at his desk away from everyone, or else he would patrol the host club keeping a check and making notes. Right now Kyouya was very deliberately staring at his laptop and not looking in the direction of Tamaki. Tamaki who was at this moment huddled by Haruhi, who was laughing delightedly, undoubtedly at something funny Tamaki had said. The hosts had of course noticed this change in behaviour but after constantly getting dead pan answers and glares no one tried to ask how he was anymore. They resigned themselves to this strange behaviour as Kyouya resigned himself to his unhappiness. "Kyouya?" a timid voice interrupted Kyouya's reverie. Kyouya looked up to see Tamaki in front him, staring at him concern written over his face. Kyouya looked around to see the room was empty. Oh. Must be lunch. Kyouya hadn't heard the bell, he frowned. "What is it Tamaki?" "Kyouya please just speak to me" Tamaki's voice was low and pleading. Kyouya looked away "Haruhi will be missing you" A loud bang proceeded this statement. Tamaki had slammed his hand down on the table. "Kyouya! Don't be like that. I'm worried about you" Kyouya looked at him to reply and saw Tamaki's eyes shining with tears. "What do you care Tamaki, you don't care anymore, it was your idea to take a break remember" Kyouya went to stand but was roughly pushed back onto his seat by a hand shoving his shoulder. The next moment lips were crushed against his and a pair of hands wound around his neck bringing the two boys closer together. Kyouya felt the familiar feel of Tamaki's lips against his and felt like he had come home. His brain caught up to his body however, and summoning the strength he pulled away and pushed at Tamaki, "What do you think you're doing Tamaki?" Tamaki chuckled, it was clear from his face that this was all a joke to him "Kyouya don't be like that, you know perfectly well what I'm doing and if memory serves, you enjoy it" Leaning down Tamaki captured Kyouya's lips in his own for a second time tentatively letting his tongue explore the other's full bottom lip. Kyouya gasped involuntarily before standing up and shoving Tamami away from him. "Don't!" he shouted surprising not only himself but also Tamaki who stood there with a dumbstruck expression on his face, "But… Kyouya…" "No Tamaki" Kyouya interrupted; a determined look on his face, "That isn't our relationship anymore, something you decided when you chose Haruhi over me" Kyouya had to look away as the pain threatened to overwhelm him. He took a deep, steadying breath regaining his composure and walked out leaving Tamaki staring after him an unreadable expression on his face.
The next week Kyouya was very careful not to be alone with Tamaki, he wasn't sure his heart nor head, would be able to withstand the emotional onslaught that was a product of being in the company of Tamaki. It hadn't been too long ago when Kyouya had thought that being in Tamaki's presence was to be truly at peace and content with the world. He had loved him. They had been lovers. However, Haruhi's untimely arrival had altered all that when Tamaki had become inexplicably obsessed with her. Haruhi had been unable to resist that amount of attention and they had become a couple. This had effectively left Kyouya out in the cold. Discarded and not wanted. He was surplus to his family needs as the third son and now he had been usurped in the heart of his beloved. A loud shriek and series of giggles altered Kyouya that he had been daydreaming, not a state in which Kyouya was usually found. He glanced round the room surreptitiously hoping no one had noticed the lapse in his usual behaviour. His eyes found the source of the commotion. Kauro and Hikaru of course were teasing Tamaki who was bright red in the face and shrieking loudly at whatever the twins' were saying. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed movement and realised Haruhi had come to stand by him, trying to conceal his dislike and make his face impartial Kyouya turned to her expectantly. Haruhi had been staring down at his arms a slight frown creasing her eyebrows. Kyouya followed her gaze and realised his shirt sleeves had ridden up exposing the multiple bandages swathing his arms, hastily Kyouya adjusted his sleeves and glared up at Haruhi challenging her to mention them, but in that moment Tamaki bounded up slinging his arm around Haruhi and simpering over her. Kyouya felt his composure breaking and hurriedly left the room, not bothering that he was attracting curious glances and whispered comments. His only intention was to get far away from the pain of seeing Haruhi and Tamaki together.
Kyouya was back at the mansion, he had locked himself in the bathroom, with the only escape he now knew; a bottle of his father's scotch and a razor blade. He unscrewed the cap and took a glug relishing in the burning sensation it left behind in his throat. Tears gathered in his eyes and began to slide down his face, taking another mouthful from the bottle he supressed the sob which were building in his chest and reached for the blade as he had done countless times before. He pulled off the bandages and bought the razor down on a fresh patch of skin, he held the blade and dug it in fiercely then dragged it down, a sharp flash of pain swept through him as he lifted the blade and watched the blood ooze from the cut, but it wasn't enough he needed more of the pain. Another glug of drink and he bought the razor down again and again, hardly seeing what he was doing from the tears that rained down and obscured his vision. Blood was all over him, covering his face from his many efforts to clear it from tears, and from holding his chest to stop the pain from breaking him. The bottle lay empty by his feet and as he passed out into sweet oblivion he imagined Tamaki was there with him; leaning over him and holding him.
The next morning Kyouya's opened his eyes and realised he was lying in bed, in what appeared to be the infirmary of one of the private hospitals owned by his family. Odd. A stinging sensation in his arm alerted him to the fact that he was on a drip, also that his arms were covered in bandages again, these applied by the nurses. He frowned; how had he come to be here? Closing his eyes he tried to remember what he had been doing, but the pounding in his head was making it difficult to concentrate on anything let alone his hazy memories from the previous day. Looking around the room again he now took in the fact that there was a chair pulled close to the bed and a half drunken glass of water on the floor along with countless crumpled tissues. Had someone been here? Lying back down he closed his eyes and tried to let his mind relax so he could remember any detail which would put the pieces of the night before into place. An image came in his head, the bottle of scotch, but why had he needed? Oh, yes, of course. Tamaki. Scrunching his eyes against the sudden flow of tears the memories came rushing back like water bursting a dam. He had been drinking and harming last night, but how had he got to the hospital? Before he had chance to start formulating an idea the door handle clicked and the door swung open revealing a haggard looking Tamaki. Upon seeing Kyouya awake he let out a squeak and rushed towards the bed. Kyouya regarded him with wary eyes. Taking in his appearance he noticed his eyes were red rimmed and lined with dark circles. That accounted for the crumpled tissues, what couldn't be accounted for was what he was doing here.
"Oh Kyouya I was so worried, you had no idea what I went through seeing you unconscious on the flood, oh there was so much blood how could you do that Kyouya, how?" Tamaki's eyes brimmed with tears and he clasped at Kyouya's hand with both of his own. Kyouya had closed his eyes again during this speech, finding it too painful to stare into those blue eyes. "Tamaki, how can you ask such a question of me? How could you think that I could be whole after you left me and ripped my heart into pieces" before he could continue Tamaki's lips were pressed to his, he didn't have the strength to argue, but felt his lips yield. "Kyouya I'm so sorry, I just wanted to do what's best for you; how could I make the prestigious Ootori son happy? I knew it would be better for you without me, so I let go to save you. Didn't you realise Kyouya? And I thought you were so clever" He continue a teasing glint in his eye as Kyouya stared back at him with wide eyes as he comprehended what Tamaki was saying. "But…Haruhi?" Here Tamaki looked down as he murmured "I thought by distracting myself with her I could convince myself I could be happy without you, it didn't work though" He said looking back a rueful smile on his face. Kyouya's expression hardened, "Tamaki this is ridiculous, how could you think that you would know what was best for the both of us? I could never be happy on this earth unless you were by my side. Now kindly help me out of this gown and get me home. We're both missing club activities". Tamaki huffed but happily obliged now Kyouya was behaving more like his former self, before he left the room he turned back to Kyouya a serious look on his face "Kyouya I'll do what I can to make you happy, I'm so sorry for everything. From now on unless you demand it I'll never leave your side again" with a quick smile he turned and left the room shutting the door behind him. Whilst Tamaki was finding the nurse Kyouya mused on all that Tamaki had said to him; he shook his head at the blondes reasoning for leaving. For the first time in a while he felt almost happy and upon Tamaki's return his heart felt full.
A couple of days later and Kyouya returned to school and the host club. Though the members were initially curious as to where he had been, when Kyouya smoothly lied that he had been on a business trip everyone's enthusiasm to hear his story had instantly waned. Kyouya took his usual position at his desk, preparing to catch up on what he had missed, Tamaki sat down next to him and Kyouya couldn't help the smile that came naturally whenever Tamaki was near. Despite them wanting to keep their relationship secret, It was too hard to be away from Tamaki until his wounds healed. He had promised not to self-harm again and knew he would succeed. Now he had Tamaki again he felt sane; the level headed, cool mannered Kyouya had returned for the most part. In a rare gesture of affection in public he placed his hand over Tamaki's as he read through the mountain of e- mails that had built up in his absence. If anyone noticed no- one made any comment. Kyouya's switched his gaze to where Haruhi was sitting. She didn't appear too concerned that Tamaki had broken off their relationship he thought, at that moment Haruhi looked up as though sensing a his gaze and smiled at him. A genuine 'happy for you' smile. Before Kyouya could react she had looked away and Kyouya turned his attention back to Tamaki and the pesky emails.
It was the end of host club and as Kyouya was making his way to meet Tamaki at the front entrance his path was blocked by Haruhi timidly stepping out in front him "Kyoua, I just wanted to explain. I don't want you to gain the wrong impression of me. I knew how Tamaki and you felt for each other. When he came to me I accepted his feelings to protect himself, goodness knows what he could have ended up doing away from you" here she smiled indulgently before continuing "I talked to him and tried to make him see sense. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more, but I'm so happy for the both of you" She gave him one last smile before turning on her heel and hurrying away from Kyouya. Despite everything he must still carry his shadow king aura; enough to send her scuttling away. But at her words he had felt something relax inside. It seemed Tamaki and he had Haruhi's blessing. They were free to be together and nothing would come between them again. Kyouya found himself at the school entrance and looked up to see Tamaki waiting not so patiently. Reaching out his hand the blond took it with his, a shocked expression on his face. Two lots of public affection in one day! Their fingers entwined and they made their way home together, looking forward to what the future may bring and ready to put the past couple of weeks behind them. However, not before Kyouya had punished Tamaki for what he had put them both through, saying as much to Tamaki, Kyouya felt some satisfaction at seeing the look on Tamaki's face, a mix of fear, excitement, lust and guilt. Unable to hold off he captured Tamaki's lips in his own "Kyouya" Tamaki gasped "I Love you Tamaki" Kyouya said his eyes locked on Tamaki's which had grown wide and bright "As I love you" he replied smiling a smile which filled Kyouya's vision and made his head giddy. Pulling his hand away he beckoned Tamaki to follow taking him back to his home to continue where they had left off and make up for lost time.