A/N. I know I'm taking a little break from "I'll Be Watching You" but I had to right this. It came to my mind while I was at work the other day and wanted to right it before I forgot. Just a drabble set after "Dark Side of the Moon", when Cas realizes that God has ultimately let him down. Spoilers for season five, especially this episode. I do not own the song (Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah) or Supernatural or the characters within, or the dialogue used in the fic. For entertainment purposes only.

A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

"Maybe, maybe Joshua was lying." Castiel looked down at the warn amulet in his hands, steel blue eyes distant. This object which had meant so much to Dean, which was supposed to have saved the world, was in fact useless. His Father had promised that it would help, that he would help, but in fact neither had did anything to save the world from the hellish war between the angels and demons. The Apocalypse was still going to happen, and he had failed to do anything in his power to stop it. In the distance, he vaguely heard Sam say, "I don't think he was, Cas. Sorry."

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

And love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

Castiel felt something form in his throat, like a lump (is this what human emotion feels like?) but he did nothing to try to stop the feeling of hurt as it washed over him. God had let him down, had promised to help, and had failed. He could feel his faith slipping away like beads on a necklace. "You sonofabitch," he muttered, gazing skyward. "I believed in…"Turning to face the Winchesters, Castiel casually tossed the amulet to Dean, who caught it and held it gingerly, as if it were made of poison. As the angel looked into Dean's green eyes, his mind flashed back to that September night, over a year ago, when they had first met. The man had been confused, wondering why anyone would save the likes of him; when asked why he was standing face to face with an angel of the Lord, Castiel had told him, "you have no faith."

You have no faith. Castiel could hear his own voice repeat those lines, and at last understood why Dean had felt the way he had that fateful night; because now, his own faith was deteriorating.

Well maybe there's a God above.

Oh, there was a god, no doubt. But he had turned on his own son. One of his children, whom he claimed he loved. Well, now he was on his own. He slowly turned around, eyeing the door to the motel room where just half an hour earlier, Sam and Dean had been lying in a rapidly congealing pool of blood. Joshua was right, of that he was certain. God was watching from the sidelines, maybe not enjoying what was going on, but definitely not doing much to intervene.

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

And it's not someone who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

Maybe God did have a plan, one to save them all from the Apocalypse, or maybe to see it go through, to make damn sure that Sam and Dean ultimately chose to be Lucifer and Michael's vessels. But for now, Castiel wanted nothing to do with it. Team Free Will suddenly seemed like the much better choice. Yes, the Winchesters were humans, while he was a celestial being, but for the moment, they were closer to family than he'd ever had in his miserable existence. He vaguely heard Sam call, "Cas, wait!" But he didn't linger to hear what the man had to say. In a flash, he was gone.