Author: HatefulRodeo

Story: Tied Up in Nott

Notes: This is a little drabble; no slash, mentions of it vaguely but nothing graphic. I find the problem with a collaboration of oneshots is they become so slash heavy you almost want a drabble or posting not chock full of smut to refresh your mind. Anyway enjoy this little diddy! Oh and thanks to all that fav'd, followed and reviewed!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I will make no money from the posting of this story.

~~~~~~~*******Chapter 4********~~~~~~~~

You always say I'm beautiful; always with a smile on your face and such an earnest glint in your emerald eyes that I almost have no choice but to want to believe you.

Beautiful? I can't truly believe it, no matter how much I may desire to. Beautiful; me? The abused son of a cruel Death Eater. The cowardly adolescent to afraid to stand up to his own blood when the man tried to shovel his bigoted pureblood beliefs down my throat. Me, the broken and fearful man who has no worth, no beliefs left to him.

But you look at me and you see something I can't see, maybe something I'll never be able to see, but it warms my cold heart to know someone can find some redeemable quality in me, even if I never will.

Now that the war is over and Voldemort is gone I am left adrift in life with you as my only anchor. Without you, my courageous Gryffindor, I would be adrift without means to ground myself again.

You my emerald eyes savior are my light in the darkness, the star that shines brightest and leads me back from the ever threatening despair and desperation that lives in my soul.

You my raven haired partner are the compass that directs me back to the land of the living when I sink into the blackness and insanity of my mind. When the maze of my mind becomes untraversable and twisted your voice, your very presence, even your scent pulls me back from the miasma of my shattered psyche.

Beautiful? I still don't see it, probably never will, but I trust you enough to know you do. With all your pure heart you believe I am beautiful; to you this broken marionette of a man that I have become is beautiful.

I still don't see it, this beauty you speak of, but when I feel you lips on mine, your hands caressing my body with such tenderness as to bring tears to me eyes. When you sink your rigid length into the depths of my body with such love that it sends shockwaves of pleasure into the depths of my mutilated soul I almost hope that one day I can.

That one day I can look into the mirror and see this radiant beauty you see instead of the reflection of a man too old for his years. I hope one day I won't look upon a man made cynical from the cruelty he was subjected to, forced to subject others to.

That hope is what keeps me going; you and this hope are all I have left to me. No titles or Gringotts vaults remain for me, only you and my frail, flickering hope.

I shudder in fear when I think what would happen if I lost you because if I lose you I will have lost hope, completely and irrevocably.

Without you and this fragile hope I harbor inside me I would be soulless, heartbroken and destroyed in mind; a walking corpse. No better off than the Death Eaters after they have been subjected to the Dementor's kiss.

But you know all this my angel, you see it all in my glassy blue eyes and you promise me you will never leave me. You swear it and by Merlin I want to believe you. I want to believe that you won't leave me and that I am beautiful.

And one day I hope I may actually believe it...believe you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you enjoyed my dark little drabble!

All Mistakes Are My Own!