"The last time somebody looked at me like that, I got laid."
Castiel stood staring at the door he'd slammed shut with nothing more than a gesture for a long moment. He knew what Dean had been doing; he'd been 'messing' with him. The comment, the wink, they had been designed to bait the angel into some kind of reaction. All they had done was anger him all the more. He could never remember being this angry. Dean didn't understand and that only made him angrier. He didn't understand what Castiel had given up for him. What the angel's complete loyalty meant. The hunter had no idea what he'd been given and he had no idea what his actions had done to Castiel. He'd never felt so betrayed in his existence, not even when he'd discovered that God had abandoned them. An absent Father he'd never seen but loved simply because he was supposed to was one thing. Dean was another. Cas loved Dean because he'd chosen to. Cas had sacrificed everything for Dean because he'd wanted to. Because in the end he would have done anything for him.
And in return Dean had tried to run to Michael.
Fury making his motions stiff, Castiel turned sharply and strode quietly back upstairs to Bobby's living room.
The older hunter was still pouring over books while keeping an eye on Adam. He glanced up when Cas approached and for the thousandth time Castiel wished he could still heal. Bobby didn't deserve this fate. None of them deserved their fates, he thought bitterly. Yet there they were, knocking insistently on their doors no matter how hard they tried to ignore them.
Sam came up a moment later. There were barely concealed tears in his eyes and it made Castiel impossibly angrier. What had Dean done? What had been said that had hurt his baby brother so much? It was strange, watching Dean deliberately hurt him. When they'd first met Dean had been so overly protective of Sammy. Now he seemed...he seemed not to care.
"How's he doin'?" Bobby asked.
Sam swallowed hard and shook his head.
Bobby sighed and nodded. "How you doin'?"
Again, Sam said nothing. He didn't need to. The agony in his eyes spoke volumes.
"Last time somebody looked at me like that, I got laid."
Castiel stepped closer to Sam. "Can I ask you something?"
Sam took a deep breath and nodded. "Sure."
"What Dean said. Before I shut the door. What exactly did that mean?" He was just baiting me, wasn't he? he added silently. For some unfathomable reason he was no longer so sure. Perhaps it was merely because he was, as the hunters would say, grasping at straws.
"Dean was just teasing you," Sam said. His voice was tight and Cas could see the tears still rimming his eyes, only just held in check.
That should have settled it for him. Sam knew Dean better than anyone else in the world. Yet it didn't. An idea had begun to grow in the back of his mind and it would not be settled. Without another word he went back down the stairs.
When he reached the bottom Castiel heard a crash. Quickly, he walked to the door and listened but heard nothing further. "Dean?" He called.
The angel opened the slot and peered inside. "Dean?" he said again, and again, nothing. There was a chair and a lamp lying on the floor. Had he somehow managed to escape?
He realized seconds too late how stupid he'd been to open the door. Dean called his name, quietly, almost guiltily, and when Cas turned around Dean slapped his hand over the blood spell he'd smeared into a door of the cabinet.
Being sent back to Heaven wouldn't normally be a bad experience. However, when you had angry angels on your tail and you were in a human vessel, it could be painful. Castiel experienced a moment of sheer, burning agony when he was blocked from entering the place he'd been banished to. It was a relief when he came back to himself, somewhere in town. He hadn't been gone long but that didn't matter. There was no way for him to find Dean, not with the markings hiding him from all angels.
Castiel didn't care. He was going to find him and he was going to make sure the hunter knew precisely how angry he was.
The angel got lucky; Dean made the mistake of approaching a holy man who did have a small connection to Heaven and announcing his name. Though he didn't understand what he was feeling, the man sensed Dean's purpose and began to pray, giving Castiel something to focus on. He appeared less than a foot from Dean, glaring at the man who, in his anger, was extremely aggravating to him.
"You pray too loud," Castiel growled. He reached out and sent the man into sleep with a single touch.
Then he rounded on Dean.
Grabbing the hunter's coat, Castiel yanked him into a nearby alley and slammed him against the wall. Dean's eyes flew wide in fear and he pushed back against the angel, trying his best to break Castiel's furious hold. "Are you crazy?" He yelped.
"I rebelled for this?" Castiel used his grip on Dean's coat to fling him across the alley and into the next wall. Twice his fist flew, smashing into Dean's face, releasing the pent up anger in a physical act. "So that you could surrender to them?!"
Again he threw Dean and again he hit him. He was so consumed by his rage that he didn't realize that Dean had stopped fighting back, that he was just letting the angel hit him. "Cas...please..." Dean gasped, his voice thick with the blood now pouring from his mouth.
He still didn't fight. And it made Castiel lose his mind.
Thrusting his face into Dean's precious personal space, Castiel held the hunter against the wall with brutal force. "I gave everything for you," Castiel growled, unaware of the hurt that had crawled into his voice. "And this is what you give to me!"
Dean said nothing. Cas pulled him away from the wall and kicked him as hard as he could, sending him flying into a chain link fence and then to the ground.
For a moment Dean lay there, coughing on his own blood, curled in on himself as though he might somehow escape the pain. Castiel stalked towards him, his face twisted in anger, with every intention of striking him again.
And then Dean looked up at him with broken, desperate eyes and said quietly, "Do it."
"Just do it!" Dean yelled.
The fury began to drain from him with such abrupt force that Castiel felt almost weak. Slowly, his fist began to uncurl. He couldn't hurt him any more, the angel realized, because it was hurting him as much as it hurt Dean. Maybe more.
When Cas reached down Dean winced but didn't move, prepared for a strike that never came. Instead, Cas brushed his fingers against Dean's cheek and pressed them to his shoulder, sending him into sleep, away from the pain he'd caused. Then he picked him up and took him home.
He arrived in time to hear that Adam was gone. "The angels took him," he said, knowing instantly that was what happened. How was another question entirely.
Sam turned to face him, then frowned at Dean's condition. "What happened to him?"
Cas met his eyes. "Me," he said simply. The anger was gone from his voice, leaving only weariness and regret in it's wake.
After tossing Dean down on the couch they discussed how Adam might have been taken and where he would be now. Eventually Sam took Dean back to the panic room. Before he left Castiel asked him if he could use his laptop. The hunter looked surprised but said yes, which was quickly followed by "Do you know how?"
"I know enough," Cas had replied.
The laptop was already on and open on the table in the kitchen. Castiel had watched Sam use it multiple times and had picked up the basics of how to use it. Enough to learn what he needed to know. The idea that had been forming before Dean escaped was back with a ferocity that might have scared him, had he not been so determined. He opened a page called google and began his search.
He'd been reading for nearly half an hour when Sam came back up. He closed the window; he had learned enough. Then he turned to face Sam.
"We shouldn't go after Adam," Castiel said before Sam could so much as open his mouth. "It's a trap. They want Dean there."
With a heavy sigh Sam sat down across from the angel. "I know. But we have to."
He'd suspected Sam would respond that way. "Then give me some time," Castiel said. "I have one more thing to give."
Before Sam could ask what that meant Castiel stood and made his way down to the panic room.
Aside from a sloppy, inexperienced and very brief kiss with a girl called Chastity, Castiel had never touched anyone in a sexual way. Half an hour's research probably wasn't the best weapon to have in this fight but it was all he had. It was the only thing he could think of that he hadn't given. Humans seemed to have meaningless sex so often that thinking about it could make the angel dizzy. Yet there was another, more meaningful kind. A kind designed to give yourself completely to another person, not just in body but in heart and soul. It was all he had left, and he intended to give it, whether Dean wanted it or not.
The hunter looked up in surprise when Castiel opened the door. He flinched back and stood up from the bed when Cas came towards him. There was a cut on his cheek and another at the corner of his mouth. Cas found he couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it.
The angel hesitated only for a second. Then he lunged forward, pressing the startled man up against the wall, and kissed him hard. Too hard, he realized, but he didn't care. This wasn't about being gentle. This was his last hope.
Dean fought him. He struggled against the strength of Castiel's hands on his arms, against the force of his lips. Yet when Castiel swept his tongue across Dean's mouth, remembering what he'd read on Sam's computer, the hunter yielded to him, even as he continued to fight against the angel's grip. Their tongues battled with a ferocity matched only by their equal desperation. When Cas pulled back, gulping in a lungful of air that his vessel needed, Dean tried to lunge away from him.
"Dean." Cas pressed into him again, crushing their bodies fully together, pinning him completely against the wall. "Let me," he murmured quietly, with all the desperation making him sick inside. "Let me." He kissed Dean again, not on the mouth this time but just below his ear. He felt the hunter shudder and wondered if that was a sensitive place. "Let me," he whispered directly into his ear. "Please."
Dean let out a choked off cry and shuddered so hard in Castiel's grip that the angel actually became concerned. He let go of Dean's arm and raised a hand to his hair, holding him firmly in place while he pulled back enough to see his face.
Dean's eyes were wide and wild and scared. He stared at Cas with all that emotion, uncharacteristically unveiled and raw. The angel stared back, his eyes dark with his own desperation to keep Dean here, to keep him from saying yes, and an unexpected desire for the man pinned beneath him. He saw it briefly, barely a flash before it was gone. Acceptance. It hovered there between them, unspoken, along with the knowledge that Castiel was going to do this whether or not Dean acquiesced.
They came together again, biting and clawing at each other with a ferocity that belonged in battle. A particularly fierce yank at Castiel's coat sent the pair tumbling to the floor. For just a second Dean seemed to hesitate, obviously sensing a chance to escape. Before he could do much more than glance towards the door Cas wrapped his legs around the hunter's waist and growled into his ear, "Don't you even fucking think about it."
Dean froze. His eyes widened and he relaxed just a little against the angel, though Cas refused to release his grip. "Did you just swear?"
Sliding his hand into Dean's short hair, Castiel got as good a grip as he could get and yanked Dean down towards him. "Shut up," he snarled, and smashed their mouths together again.
They tore at each other the way two desperate animals locked into a fight would. Castiel ripped Dean's coat clean in two and left his shirt hanging in shreds around his shoulders. He was forced to let his legs fall from Dean's waist so he could remove the rest of the hunter's clothing and when he did, Dean tried to pull him upright.
"Sit up, Cas." Dean pulled again but Castiel refused to budge, instead staring at him suspiciously.
"Sit up." Dean pulled one more time, tugging at the coat that hadn't made it passed Cas's elbows. Understanding, the angel allowed himself to be shifted until Dean could remove both that and the remaining black coat and shirt.
When the last of the barriers were gone Cas yanked Dean back to the floor, once again wrapping his legs around his waist. "You have to fuck me," he whispered fiercely. He'd never spoken the word before yet it seemed so strangely perfect now. It was impure and in the minds of angels there was nothing more impure then what he was doing now. Giving all of himself to a human.
"Oh god," Dean moaned brokenly. "Cas, no, not like this..."
"Yes, like this." Cas gripped the man's hair again, forcing Dean to meet his eyes. "Take it. Take me. It's all I have left."
"I..." Dean put a hand on Cas's chest, his eyes frightened again. "Cas, I've never..."
Growling with renewed irritation, Castiel threw Dean to the side so that he was now on top. The angel hadn't realized how turned on he was. This had started out as nothing more than one final, desperate hope. Now all he could think about was how much he wanted the hunter inside him. How he wanted to see Dean's face when he came. How every brush of skin against skin, whether violent or gentle, made him so crazy that he felt as though he were back in the alley. Only the burn was different. Tempered slightly by something he wasn't sure he understood. Was it his love?
Was it Dean's?
The hunter's hands gripped his arms suddenly. "Wait. Wait, you can't just-"
Cas silenced him with a kiss so harsh it could barely be called a real kiss. The cut on Dean's lip burst open and as the blood began to flow Castiel brought up his hand and let it soak his fingers.
"Is that enough?" Dean gasped when Cas sat back.
"Shut up," Cas whispered.
His tone lacked the anger it had held before.
Reaching back, Castiel wrapped his fingers around Dean's erection and slicked it with his blood. It wasn't really enough, he knew it wasn't, it was just that he didn't care. Dean gasped and arched into his hand, his eyes rolling back as the pleasure crashed through his body. Before the hunter could put up any more protests, Cas gripped the base of Dean's cock and slid into place.
It wasn't what he'd been expecting. It burned, a weird sort of pain that only served to drive him even crazier, and within the pain a kind of pleasure he'd never dared dream of. Everything he was melted into Dean, there was nothing but Dean. Around him, in him, his scent, his breath...the angel let out a low moan and heard it echoed back to him by the hunter. He hardly felt it when Dean rolled them again, pinning him down against the hard, cold floor. All he felt was the slow, slick slide as Dean withdrew, the hard slap as he drove back in again. Pleasure exploded through him in such intense waves that for a moment his vision went black. A tiny part of him wondered curiously what Dean had just hit but the rest of him didn't care. It just wanted him to do it again. Now.
It didn't take them long to find a rhythm, nearly as harsh and violent as their kissing had been. Cas gripped Dean with arms and legs, welcoming every punishing stroke. When a pressure began to build in his abdomen he didn't try to prolong it. He just let it take him, let it descend over him with such sharp force that he screamed. He convulsed around Dean as the climax crashed through him and heard the hunter cry out, the sound cut off suddenly as Dean buried his face against Castiel's neck. The man's whole body froze and teeth dug sharply into Castiel's flesh as Dean came, his scream muffled against the angel's throat.
For a long, peaceful moment the two lay perfectly still, breathing hard, refusing to release each other. Then Dean abruptly pushed himself away from Cas and took several paces away. He stood there, staring down at the floor, his shoulders stiff. Castiel sat up but didn't try to rise as dread began to make itself known in the pit of his stomach. Had he made a horrible mistake?
"You tore up my clothes," Dean muttered without turning.
A quick wave of his hand fixed that. His healing ability might have gone with his access to heaven but a few bits of material were nothing. He watched apprehensively as Dean dressed before turning to replace his own clothes.
When the hunter knelt to replace his boots, glancing up once towards the angel, Cas felt a sudden and intense sensation he'd never experienced before. He hugged his coat around his body as he realized he felt vulnerable. It didn't make sense...it was so human...
"Do you understand now?" He asked suddenly, roughly. He turned to stare at Dean, who was still kneeling a few feet away, eyes a riot of mixed emotions. "I don't know what else to give you," Cas continued helplessly. "Now you have everything. Do you understand? There is nothing else!"
The final words flew from his lips in a screaming rage and then Dean was there, hand around his neck, forehead against his. Their breath mingled and in the darkness of Dean's eyes he saw what he'd been so desperately wishing for; hope.
"I know," Dean said, just as roughly. "I get it. But there's something I can give you."
The hunter didn't release his neck but he sat back on his heels and tilted his head, staring upwards with such hate and pain that Castiel felt it twisting in his guts, as though it had become his own.
"No," Dean murmured, softly, hesitantly. He glanced down, towards Cas, and then repeated, with every ounce of force he could muster, "NO! You hear me, Michael! I said NO!"
Using the grip he already had on Castiel's neck, Dean pulled him forward and kissed him. It was gentle this time, slow and careful and so much the opposite of what they had done before. The angel accepted and returned it with an enthusiasm that startled him. He hadn't meant for this to continue. He hadn't really meant for this to happen at all.
"Thanks, Cas," Dean murmured against his lips. "Next time...next time, we'll do it right."
The angel thought he should say something. No, there wouldn't be a next time...except that there would be. He knew it without a doubt.
"Your turn to give," he said finally, softly. "I have nothing else."
Dean nodded, once. He said nothing, promising that he would with only a brief smile and a kiss. Cas didn't care.
For the first time in his existence, someone was going to give to him.