The Post-Apocalyptic Family Captain

A Series of Drabbles

Dark Lady Devinity

An: Merry Christmas everyone. I wrote this drabble for the holidays. Enjoy.

I hope you all got some amazing presents. I got lovely expensive chocolate from the Newfoundland Chocolate Company.


One day Engie and Pilot woke up to find Snippy missing and Captain gleefully singing about bells. However, before anyone had a chance to ask Captain what he was doing the purple goggled man saw them and bounded over to them. Captain slapped them on a shoulder each and Engie just knew he was giving them an evil grin.

"Go and buy your mother some Christmas presents!" Captain announced.

"Presents for the mommy shoe? Wouldn't it be better to buy presents for your mighty self?" Pilot asked.

"Charles Snippy is not my mother!" Engie yelled. "Wait, Christmas?"

"Yes! Today's Christmas Eve my minion. And Pilot, you don't have to worry about my presents. It's the mother's job to buy the presents for the patriarch and children." Captain said.

That explained Snippy's absence. Still, there was no way of knowing if it was Christmas or not as no one had been keeping close track of time lately. Also, Christmas was one of the traditions left behind in the last couple of decades.

"So what's your job then?" Engie asked.

"You'll see." Captain said.


Pilot wasn't one to ignore an order from zee Captain so Engie found himself being dragged through a decaying department store by an excitable aviator.

"You do realise we're too old to be adopted and Snippy most certainly wouldn't choose to adopt us of all people right?" Engie asked.

Pilot shrugged. "If Captain says the shoe is a mommy then the shoe is a mommy. I don't remember my mommy but I guess I had one. Unless I AM a cabbage patch baby! And there's going to be PRESENTS!"

Engie blinked but didn't say anything else. Pilot's words were both really sad and really childish at the same time. The engineer wondered if Snippy was putting the same effort into this Christmas thing as well or if he was somewhere slacking off.

Suddenly Pilot screamed in delight and raced towards a rotting display. Engie gripped his chest as if to keep his rapidly beating heart in his body before calming down enough to follow the man that had terrified him. As soon as Engie had gotten close, Pilot starting waving a small package in his face. Engie had to catch his hand and take the package from him just so he could focus his eyes on it. Pilot had found a pair of glittery pink, green, blue and yellow coloured shoelaces.

"Um? What's so great about shoe laces?" Engie asked.

"It's the perfect accessory for a shoe." Pilot explained slowly, like Engie was a mentally challenged child. "It's glittery so it will make the shoe look cooler; it's got bright colours so its mommy appropriate and it symbolizes us like a family. Which makes it even more mommy appropriate. Green for me, yellow for you, blue for the shoe and pink for Captain!"

That was sweet enough that Snippy, being a huge softie, would actually appreciate it. Now it was only Engie that needed to find something. Pilot was looking at him expectantly so that meant the aviator wasn't planning on saying the gift was from the both of them. Maybe he could find Snippy new mask filters? Then Engie remembered that there was a fireworks store down the street and the department store had a clothing section for teens. If he could find one of those tacky bullet belts then he could use the belt and the gunpowder from the fireworks to make some bullets for Snippy's gun. It was a practical gift, it would satisfy both Snippy and Captain and it would get this charade over quickly.

"Pilot, I have a plan." Engie announced.


The next day Pilot woke Engie up by jumping on his bed.

"It's Christmas!" Pilot announced cheerfully over Engie's pained groans. Then the aviator dragged the engineer from his bed and down the stairs to the living room. Waiting for them was a dead tree decorated in large red glass balls and four plates of warm beans. Snippy was outside putting out the fire he had obviously used to cook the beans and Captain was stood next to the tree wearing a too large red coat and red hat trimmed with white fur over his normal clothes.

"Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas." Captain announced.

"Santa!" Pilot cried and gave Captain a big hug. Engie wasn't going for it.

When Snippy came back inside, Engie pointed out Captain's clothes and the tree. "Your doing?"

"My task was hard enough as it was without looking for a tree and things to go on it. No, apparently getting a tree and dressing up like a clown is a father thing." Snippy said. "Now, if no one minds, I'd like to eat my breakfast before it gets cold."

"But presents!" both Captain and Pilot whined.

Snippy looked like he was going to argue but, as always, he relented. Engie grabbed his breakfast and took it with him. Then Snippy passed out the presents he had managed to gather. For Pilot, he had gotten a new leash for Photoshop, a model airplane, new mask filters and a female puffin plushie: a girlfriend for Mr. Kittyhawk. ("Pilot, there's no need to cry. I just thought that Mr. Kittyhawk would be less likely to betray you to Cancer if he had a girlfriend to tell him when he was having a bad idea." Snippy explained. Pilot hugged him.) For Captain, he got new mask filters, a princess fairy toy wand and a collection of spoons. ("Captain asked for the spoons and wand." Snippy said.) For Engie, he got a set of incredibly tiny screwdrivers meant for delicate work, new mask filters and old, water damaged Russian copy of The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. Apparently mask filters were the modern Christmas' socks and underwear.

"These are amazing. Where did you find them?" Engie asked in genuine amazement as he looked between the screwdrivers and the book.

"Yeah, well, I'm amazing." Snippy said, his goggle lids giving the indication that he was blushing. "And I have my ways."

Then Engie gave Snippy his homemade bullets and Pilot handed over the shoelaces. Engie explained the thought process behind both. Snippy gave Pilot a one arm hug and nodded his thanks at Engie. After the presents were carefully studied, Captain declared it time for breakfast. Everyone ate while admiring Captain's Christmas tree. After breakfast, they sang Captain's modified Christmas carols.

It was the best Christmas possible in the dead world.




An: I'll totally be using your ideas smergrl3495. I feel you left enough details for a book so I'll probably have a series of drabbles.

Also, multi coloured shoelaces are a shoe's equivalent to a daughter's pride ring (or, in this case, mother's pride ring).