Author's Notes: This story was first written in Russian while I was trying to digest the DH and all of the implications of this wonderful book. Obviously, my original text contained too much culturally specific humour, so it required some heavy adaptation/rewriting for non-Russian readers. If you have already read the Russian version, you're in for some surprises. If you have not, please take into account that it starts rather silly and absurdist, and later goes a bit more serious, if still absurdist as well. :) Rated T for some more or less adult humour in a couple of later chapters, but mostly it's just me trying to be on the safe side, really.

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names, and all related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. © 2007 and J. K. Rowling.


1. Gastronomy

In a shared fish, there are no bones.
~ Democritus

"That's it, Luce, I have had enough. That old paranoid fool will be the death of me!" Severus Snape closed the door of their dug-out hut and cast some imperturbable wards on it.

After his escape from Azkaban three days ago, Lucius was now hiding in the Forbidden Forest with the former Potions Master of Hogwarts. Now he left his unfinished crossword puzzle in an old 'Prophet' edition and looked at his friend with some interest.

"What old paranoid fool exactly do you mean?" he asked, rising on his elbow.

"He keeps asking if Dumbledore is truly dead and gone," Severus grumbled, ignoring the dangerous inquiry.

"And is Dumbledore truly dead and gone? That is the question," Lucius said thoughtfully, lying down again on his crude plank-bed.

"Are you trying to drive me mad?" Severus complained as he sat on his own plank-bad and started to pull off his boots. "I told you, the old man fell to death. From the tower."

"I have finished all the bacon," Lucius said suddenly from behind his paper.

"What?" Severus stopped with his boot in his hand.

"The bacon, Sev. I have finished it. I was quite hungry. I have left you some kippers, though."

Severus swore and threw his boot into his old friend's head. However, Lucius deftly caught the offending article and put it down on the floor, all that still meditating over his crossword puzzle.

Sighing, Severus got their sack with food from under his bed, fetched some stale bread from it and started his pathetic supper. He really, really hated fish. Unfortunately, the new food package from Albus was not due until the next day.