Finn didn't talk to Kurt at all ever since that slap. He was honestly still shocked about the whole thing. He had made a mistake of asking after Kurt had slapped him, "I thought you wanted me! Like for three years."
To which Kurt responded, 'so now I'm your whore and whenever you decide you're ready to be in a relationship with me, I'm just going to be okay with it?"
It hurt. Finn tried to think of the reasons he just suddenly liked Kurt. He knew he had liked something about Kurt for a while. First, it was just admiring his body, but then it was admiring everything about him. He liked how he talked, how he said things, the way he talked, the way he did that wrist motion when he tried to explain something sometimes, the way his eyes glittered when he was happy, the way his lips stretched as far as the Atlantic when he smiled, the way he took all of the blue in the sky sometimes just to make his eyes shine the way they did. Finn was actually writing all of this down in Geometry. He knew he was gonna fail that class anyway. He sucked at Math and he was pretty stupid in his own eyes.
Kurt and him were purging so much more now that Carole and Burt's shifts were longer. Before if Carole wasn't at work, Burt was and if someone was in the house, they couldn't purge. Finn was at 164.2 and Kurt was apparently at 136.4. Kurt looked like he had a lot more health to his skin right now than he ever did. It was kinda scaring him. Kurt sometimes. The thought of Kurt needing to get down. Kurt was eating a lot more nowadays because of Carole and Burt's longer shifts. They binged and purged so much. They still hid wrappers together, but Kurt didn't talk to him. Kurt wouldn't talk to him. They still told each other their weights. Finn did it to make Kurt feel better. Finn felt like an elephant. He wanted everything to disappear. He hated the universe.
It was May when Finn was a standstill at 169 for months. Burt and Carole were happy, but it didn't mean Finn stopped puking, but they thought he did. They thought he stopped because he gained weight. Finn was feeling so down that he wished Kurt could die already so he can lose weight, but then he realised he didn't want Kurt to die. He wanted Kurt to get better, but that was impossible without telling someone what he had. Kurt was back to 142.6 or something and he looked good to Finn, but he was panicking and crying all the time. Whenever Finn tried to talk to him, Kurt just snapped. They should've never have had any sex, or done anything, because now, they were alone. Just because of one night.
Sam had walked up to him today, and shook his head. "You look so much better right now than you did a few months back. I mean – I think you should gain more weight, yeah, but otherwise, you don't look as sick as you did before."
Finn raised an eyebrow. "I didn't look sick," he finally muttered.
Sam snorted. "Are you kidding? The whole Glee club was worried. Didn't you notice that San stopped calling you fat? You looked like Hell. We thought you had one of those eating disorder things."
Finn wanted to tell him that he did have one of those eating disorder things. He wanted to tell him, and then blurt out all of the stuff about Kurt but he can't have Kurt hate him anymore either. He didn't know how to say it. He wondered if he said something, if Kurt would just snap and kill himself anyway. Maybe this was for the better. Finn honestly didn't know. There was no how to manual for How to Handle Your Suicidal Stepbrother. Finn wondered how much it really would take for Kurt to finally lose it and kill himself. On the other hand, Blaine's weight loss was getting out of control. Ever since the break-up, Blaine didn't look like he'd been feeding himself at all, like he was on a constant fast. It seemed like every time Finn pumped into Blaine, he was smaller. The New Directions said nothing about this at all, but he can tell that Kurt noticed. Santana called him melodramatic once, but Finn wondered if Blaine would ever get thin enough to the point where even the New Directions couldn't ignore it. He wondered what those Warbler guys would do right now – Finn wasn't the hugest fan of Blaine, but the fact that Blaine wasn't handling anything well kinda scared him. He saw Blaine just sitting alone in a corner at lunch nowadays with this lunch of some wrap thing that he'd eat all alone in his corner. Most times, Finn didn't see Blaine at all. Once, he found him hiding in the English classroom with his laptop on, catching up with episodes of Falling Skies.
He found Blaine crying quite a bit too. He was like this zombie. He didn't really wear bowties anymore. The clothes he was wearing in the beginning of the year were hanging off Blaine's body right now. Finn was jealous. He can also tell that Kurt was obscenely jealous. Finn can't say that he wasn't a factor in this.
The last straw was when it was time to weigh-in for costumes. Finn was still 169, which earned a nod from Rachel. He hated how the New Directions pretended like there was nothing wrong with him when they suspected it. They also didn't say anything about Kurt, but he doubted that they noticed. It was scary how much Kurt lost from middle school, but they just thought it was because he used to eat like three bars of Twix in the morning and had swapped that for whole grain shit or pretended to anyway. In secret, Kurt would eat a lot more than just three bars of Twix – he knew for a fact that Kurt can inhale at least thirteen of those, along with a peanut butter milkshake, just to purge it up again.
Sam was like 165. Finn was a little self-conscious but Sam just gave him a glance and reminded him that it was just because Finn was larger framed. He still looked thinner than him, Sam said. Santana and Quinn were both in the mid-120's. Mercedes won't tell them her weight, but it wasn't like anyone can ever call Mercedes fat without her tearing them into strained juice. The rest of the guys – excluding Kurt and Blaine – were all around high 140s- low 180s and all of it was muscle for the most bit, excluding Artie at least and Artie had a legit reason. Finn blushed, knowing that he used to be a lot bigger than all of them. Brittany was in the high 130s. Rachel was 116-ish, with her height. She smirked.
Santana rolled. "Not like you're the smallest of us, Berry. You're a short little whore anyway."
Rachel glared. "Can you allow me to have one moment of satisfaction?"
"You had your moments," Santana snarled darkly. "Anderson, you're up next."
"Why do we have to do this anyway?" Blaine complained, and then added on. "The Warblers didn't do this once."
Kurt knew exactly what Blaine was doing, and sent him a glare in his general direction. Blaine flustered at that glare. Blaine's body was just bulked up with horizontal layers and huge jackets, just to appear bigger than he actually was. Finn was worried about what this might mean for Kurt. He wondered if Kurt was going to just see how thin Blaine was and finally just snap. Kurt was so sensitive right now and he didn't need this.
Will answered the question for him. "Because your body weight is a good indication if there's something wrong, and besides, if you gained like 50 pounds in one go, it can slow us down a bit when it comes to dancing. We also do measurements and BMI. It's just for your own safety and for costumes. The measurements part at least. Until now, everyone's fine, in good health. It's not like anyone gained a significant amount of weight in some time, or lost any of it."
"That's a lie," Finn spat out finally just trying to stall everything for Kurt's sake. He loved Kurt too much to see him snap like that, to see him hurt because Blaine was so small. "I lost like from 235 to 169 and nobody said anything. Actually, I was like 149 last time I weighed in. So that's more than 86 pounds in less than a year. Kurt's weight is always bouncing too. Last time he weighed in, he was like 145 and now he's 138-something. You aren't doing anything with these weights. You're just humiliating us or something."
Will looked down at his feet. "Finn, we all knew you had a problem – we just couldn't say anything about it. I mean…I tried to contact Carole but every time I try to mention that you've lost a lot of weight or looked more tired, she just goes like 'well, he's been stressed. He's still eating well' and stuff like that. Your Mother was in denial for a pretty long time. I don't know what just made her snap back and actually do something about it. It's not like you were parading around in tight shirts all the time either. You were really good at hiding what it was that was ailing you and that was something that could've factored in, you know?"
"Stop making excuses," Finn murmured. "I'm really sick of it. I swear to God if Blaine steps on that scale, he'll probably be at least 10 pounds less than Rachel."
"Finn, if Blaine was a hundred and six pounds, he'd look dead," was Rachel's first statement. "He's five-foot-eight."
"He has a really small frame!" Finn pointed out. "Yes, I have one of those eating disorder bulimia things and I know that if you have a really small frame like Blaine does, he has to add like ten percent of his BMI. I might be stupid, but I know about this stuff because I'm kinda sick. Sick according to you. Okay?"
"It isn't relevant," Rachel huffed. "Because Blaine isn't a hundred and six pounds."
Blaine was pushed on the scale by Puck, and when the reading came out, everyone was quiet. Kurt was staring at Blaine with wide eyes. Kurt did that that calculation faster than Finn – Finn can tell because Kurt went paler too quick. Even with Blaine's frame, he'd have a BMI of 16.7. Without it, he'd have one of 15.2. Kurt looked close to throwing up. Blaine looked away and it was like they can see how small he actually was right now.
xo Peanut Butter/Sam