AN: So it's been like what, a year? Aahaha... well, I'm updating! I hope you all like this chapter, and the next. I'm trying to find the time to update but aargh, it's so hard XU hopefully I can keep up, and sorry!

I don't own homestuck~


Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you haven't seen your new troll friend in exactly three days, two hours, and fifteen minutes, not that you were counting or anything.

Okay, so you were counting, but you had a legitimate reason to be worried over a missing person! Of course, no one else seemed worried, and even Karkat was acting like it was normal for the tallest member of their species to go missing. Did they not think of what could happen?

Of course not, they thought they were all safe on some meteor approaching your worst enemy. It wasn't like it was possible for said enemy to transport themselves onto your living space or anything like that, oh no it was comepletely impossible!

The fact was, you were a bit of a worrywart when it came to your friends. The entire time you'd been on the ship with Jade and all the others, you'd annoyed them with paranoid theories of murder and sometimes Jade had sent you back to your planet and house alone to think about whatever it was that was bugging you.

You hated it when she did that.

That was beside the point though. Oh well, you were sure you'd end up seeing Gamzee sometime soon anyway. It was a shame you couldn't look for him by yourself yet; you'd just end up getting really, really lost. Instead, you spent the days Gamzee was missing with your friends, mostly Dave, coming up with bad raps and eventually somehow creating apple juice for him. It turned out that you'd had some in your house that'd been skillfully preserved by Jade when Dave Sprite mentioned it.

It turns out that Dave maybe didn't like apple juice as much as he'd thought he did; kind of like by the end of the three years alone you'd hated Con-Air. You were glad Dave had finally seen the error in his taste buds. Maybe with the leftover apples they could make an apple pie or two and introduce it to the trolls. You were absolutely positive they'd like it. Everyone liked apple pie.

Unless they were allergic to apples, but you didn't even know if that was a thing.

When you asked Karkat if it were possible for trolls to have allergies, he gave you a really, really exasperated look, and told you not to ask stupid questions, and of course trolls didn't have any fucking allergies. sometimes you wondered why Karkat was like that; so loud and defensive andmean, but you guessed it was just how he'd been his entire life. It was kind of funny to listen to anyway, so you didn't mind much. A quiet and nice Karkat would be the weirdest thing.

Thnking of weird things, you realized that maybe, maybe you were becoming a bit weird about Gamzee. Like, you kept hearing the rumours about him and how he'd gone insane and killed a few of the other trolls, but every time you hear something of that nature, you couldn't help but send dirty looks towards whoever was talking about it. Was it weird for you to be so attached to some clown after only a few days? Of course it was!

Dave was even convinced you had a crush, but that was complete horseshit. It was impossible for you to have feelings for someone after such a short time! Besides, apparently you weren't a homosexual.


You were a homo. You were completely homo. You were so homo that it hurt.

But Dave didn't know that, so really he was just teasing you for being friends with some crazy clown. What a weenie. As if you would like Gamzee like that.

You hung out with him because he was probably loney. Besides, you hadn't been the one to follow him around for a day, it had been him to do that. Did that mean Gamzee had a cruch on you? Was that possible? You didn't think trolls had 'crushes'. Didn't they have those quadrant things? Gosh, now you were confused about your feels and Gamzee's feelings and how trolls even worked.

You guessed the whole troll romance thing was interesting. Like, they had soul mates who weren't romantic, and then they had actual romance, and they also had some kind of hate-love thing going on, and there was the possiblity of being a mediator for people in the hate-love so it didn't become hate-love. It was really weird but really... well, you thought it was pretty cool. You wondered who would be in your quadrants if human romance was like troll romance.

Aside from all that, to tell the truth, you weren't actually sure how you felt about Gamzee. Sure, you defended him and had hanged out with him for a couple of days, but did that make you guys friends? You hoped so. You loved having friends. You couldn't get enough of it, probably due to the fact that you really hadn't had many friends at your school. The total count for school friends totalled to a whopping number of zero!

Man, that was really depressing. You figured to stop yourself from becoming a potato filled with moldy depression and squishy sad feels, you'd do something. Like make that apple pie. Maybe you could get Jade to multiply the number of apples or make one of them larger so you could make multiple pies. That would be perfect! You just had to find the right ingredients for making the dough...

Pah, who were you kidding? Your basement was stocked with baking supplies of all kinds. You hadn't run out due to Jade's powers, which was great, because know you could make an awesome earth dessert for everyone.

God, when had you become such a baking fanatic?


You are now the clown-troll.


You're already motherfucking doing that. You'd been doing that for three days.

It was magical.

And you'd found your answers, which was miraculous. You'd been all up and wondering if it'd be alright to be forgiven for your sins and move on. You didn't want to be a feared and hated troll anymore, you were just so motherfucking sick of all their unmirthful words.

If they didn't think you heard their shit, they were stupid. You were a highblood, you were stronger, had better senses than the rest, but it seemed that all the others had all up and motherfucking forgotten their hemospectrum facts.

It was pathetic, it made you angry and now...

And motherfucking now, you had your peace. Tavros always had been a nice motherfucker, even now, when he was just a head and no body. Was it bad you'd cut off your flushcrush's head? Motherfucking no. It made him portable and easier to preserve.

Because fuck, you knew what was coming; you all up and knew he was going to leave you permanently soon, and you were sad. You hadn't even been the one to motherfucking kill him! You never would have killed your Tavbro. He was perhaps the nicest troll you'd ever all up and met. He'd accepted you.

He'd forgiven you too, now. You were all up and motherfucking forgiven for your shit, and you could move on. Would the blue human forgive you too? Maybe...

You thought it was time to appear out of your cave again. There was no reason for you to stay in the abandoned, dark room with all these dead bodies. You had plans for these little motherfuckers. They would become great, you knew. You motherfucking knew.

When you emerged, it was to silence. You'd expected that. Everything was always so god damned silent around you. Taking a deep breath, it wasn't hard to locate your Karbro and everyone else, and strangely, the John human wasn't anywhere to be found. Sure, his scent was all up and motherfucking everywhere, but he wasn't there.

You were pretty sure he'd probably forgotten about you and went back to his little planet with the help of his dog sis. What a motherfucker.

You would let it slide though, you would be chill about it. You didn't own him and you didn't want him to be mad or freaked out by you. Heck, you liked it when he doted over your scar and paint covered face.

But man, suddenly there was a new smell and it was near heavenly. Your think pan stuttered to a halt and you followed it. You followed it and found your blue human, all up and with a pastry. Man, you loved those sugary confections- they were better than your pie.

It didn't look like a cake to you though, so you kind of slinked up to him and lurked and just kind of made a creep of yourself. He noticed you, of course, not that you minded. You knew he would have. "What's that, bro?"

Your voice was a bit slow but that was okay, you were chill. He was chill too, from the smile on his face and enthusiastic reply.

"It's apple pie! I just finished it and was going to give everyone a piece. C'mon, you can have the first slice!" You were motherfucking down for that. Following him, you found yourself in the cooking area of the meteor and pretty soon there was a plate with slice of that delicious smelling shit in front of you.

You spaced out after that, but you vaguely noticed John handing you a spoon and you eating the delicious motherfucking miracle. And it was a pie. Miraculous.

You didn't noticed the other trolls or humans until everyone was clattering around and placing their plates and things into the sink and you motherducking thought they were mighty ungrateful to not clean their plates. At least the Rose human and your vamp sis did it. They were good people, you supposed.

But the motherfuckers, they'd left John to clean up the rest of it. You would motherfucking help with that shit. When you hovered around him he handed you a dry towel and told you to all up and dry the dishes when he was done washing them.

You did that.

You were so chill, and John was grateful.

Wow, you just had to fight the urge to pat him on the head. Was that motherfucking normal? Pah, you didn't care anymore. You did it anyway. He made a funny noise, and you made one in return, because motherfucking why not?

The bue human was cute. He laughed, you smiled.

And then you started shadowing him again. He didn't ask where you had gone for three days, which you might have been just sightly glad for, and he hadn't yet questioned why you were following him. You assumed he was all up and okay with it because he was down for the clown. You liked that saying...

You would use it more often.

First things first though, you would get all up and close to the windy human, and he would motherfucking like it, because he was fresh air and you needed that. You needed it more than anything. It would be motherfucking perfect. Of course, you couldn't always be up and creepin' in his space, silent as a mute motherfucker. Getting to know him would be the best, most miraculous experience.

You were looking forward to it, to be honest.