Unrevised (NEEDS PROOFREADERS. EMAIL AT dbzfloyd@yahoo.com ALL PROOFREADERS WELCOME. PROOFREADERS WILL READ REVISED VERSIONS, THEN AFTER PROOFREAD, THEY WILL BE POSTED AS FINAL VERSION)

-Authors Preliminary-
I'll be graduating soon, so I'll probably
a) put up my web site
b)write tons of fanfiction
c)improve my Japanese The most likely answer to that is answer:
d) both b & c
But as for good news, I've finally acquired New Evangelion DVD's that aren't screwed up. I will collect all released manga by next year. But as having so, I might start actually having events in better order... and more parallel to the real series...but I digress, Now for your reading pleasure...
-End Preliminary-
-Gendo's Office-
"Book one of the scenario is now complete."
"Book one of whose scenario?"
"That is the question isn't it?"
-Exit Gendo's Office-

Complicated Feelings
Chapter 14- Ritsuko's Love

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
A defining scream cuts through the air as Unit One gets dismembered. But it isn't only Shinji's scream that shook through the air.

******
Shinji's Journal:

I opened my eyes. It was very bright. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. When they did, I was welcome to the realm of consciousness with a ceiling. This ceiling was dingy. It was an off white. Maybe it wasn't dirty and that was it's color, but it's color has always been the same. I have woken to this ceilings many times. When you normally see something this much, it become symbolic for you. This ceiling in a hospital some might have taken as a sign of relief, evidence that they have come through another encounter with the higher beings intact. This ceiling could also spawn resentment, resentment of doing this life or death job, the game of a risk that you do not want to take. You are there more than you care to be, and if you could help it, the hospital would be lucky if you stopped by for a check up. Hospitals to some represent bad health. To me, Shinji Ikari, it means nothing emotional, or metaphorical. It just is a clue to my location and the fact I'm alive to put my life on risk again. Not that I cared all that much. It was a noble cause. Wasn't it?

I looked over to find Rei beside me. I wondered how that had happened. She was taking up back up with a long range rifle. She should not be beside me in this room. I worried about her. Was she alright?

I thought nothing of myself. I never think about myself. It's not as other would let me as it is, and what is there about me to worry about? I live, I pilot eva. The only thing that makes my life worth anything is eva. But I don't like it. I would like to have nothing to do with it, but time after time it beckons my return. I succumb to my summon and return. I guess it's good that I get to do something, and others don't. I know what happens, I can have a say in destiny and outcome. I can determine if the human race, including myself, lives or dies. Only myself, and the other pilots, have any true say in humanity's fate. I rather wish I did not have such a load on my shoulders. They have been hunched already since before eva.

I slowly lifted my legs over the side of my bed only to realize that I couldn't move without removing all the monitoring constant beeping. She seemed to be stable, her heart rate was steady. I felt relieved. Rei is so much stronger than I'll ever be. I sat staring at her for a while. The minutes flowed into an hour and beyond. I laid back down for a moment. I would wait for them to come unhook me. I looked over to all the equipment attached to me. I saw that I had a heart monitor. I had only heard one heart beat the whole time I was watching Rei. I looked across the room at her monitor. The screen indicated that she had a heartbeat, as well as mine. It was then I realized there were TWO beeps. They were just in perfect sync. It was like stereo sound or something. My heart leaped at that thought, and I still did not hear a deviance from the sync.

I turned over and faced that wall. I began sweating. This was really weird. Then I felt as I had just regained consciousness, but I was already conscious. I dared to look back towards Rei. Red eyes. Full deep red eyes looking at me intently. I blushed. She blushed, but continued to stare at me.

****
I was resting when my heart lurched. This feeling was unfamiliar. I believe it was fear or panic. I opened my eyes and allowed them to adjust. I looked one direction, there was my equipment that was obviously on my person. I turned the other direction to find Shinji beside me. He was hunched toward the monitoring equipment on his side. He turned my direction. Ikari-kun's eyes widened, but not out of fear, but out of surprise. He then gazed toward the wall perpendicular to him, past his feet, and blushed. I suddenly felt shy and blushed too.

This feeling felt familiar, but only once before did by body ever react to this feeling. I normally felt my emotions in the third person. They were a thing not of myself. Then again, Shinji did it before just by doing something for me; he cleaned my apartment. No one back then had ever did anything for me before. Not even him.

****

"Ikari-kun."

"Rei...," Shinji said questioningly, "What happened to you?"

"Nothing. Asuka took care of the angel after your...dismemberment."

"Oh." Shinji shifted uncomfortably. All he had remembered was immense pain.

"Where is Asuka," asked Shinji. Rei felt bothered by this a little. But felt better when she realized he asked about her first.

"She is outside the door."

Asuka started to bolt from view, not before Shinji caught a glimpse of her, but then decided otherwise. She was too worried about the baka.

Asuka strolled in like she owned the place, possibly to cover for how much of a fool she just made of herself.

"So, baka, you alright?"

"I...think so."

Rei sat up calmly. She somehow knew Shinji was...worried or uncomfortable. She wanted to comfort him. She then figured out he was worried about what Asuka was thinking. Rei's eyes narrowed a bit.

Shinji's eyes narrowed a bit. He blinked a second, and looked across the room at Rei. The both looked at each other while Asuka's head darted back and forth watching their never ending staring contest. She started to steam.

"SHINJI!! I was TALKING to YOU!"

Shinji flinched throwing his hands up for a weak sort of protection. Rei had flinched as well, almost falling into a fighting stance. Strange, seeing how the Second's yelling never caused he to do that before.

"Shinji...I think something is not right."

"Why do you say that Rei?"

"Some clues are now starting to arrange themselves in my mind. I think I know what it is, but I'm not sure."

Rei turned towards Asuka, " I require you to summon Dr. Akagi to our station. Now."

Asuka, started to get angry from the order, but then looked over at Shinji, his expression begging her to go. He felt troubled by the sense of something wrong as well.

She turned on her heels indignantly and marched out the room.

"Fine."

****

Dr. Akagi awoke with a weight on her chest. It took a moment for her to register that it felt like folded arms. Whatever clothing she was wearing was moist and the smell of that permeated through the air. Ritsuko then became aware of the sounds surrounding her. She heard sobbing. She forced her eyes open. The light was blinding. Arms resting on her chest, and brown hair formed in her vision.

"Maya."

Maya looked up with tear streaked face and bloodshot eyes. Ritsuko could not fathom that this could all be over her. She doubted anyone would have missed her. Maya's eyes then changed gears into crying tears of joy. She then bolted forward, her lips encountering Ritsuko's.
****

My eyes widened. I had never been kissed before. I had always done the kissing. The only man I had ever kissed was Gendo. I was far to much into my studies before I came to NERV to bother the opposite sex. But in this case, the first kiss ever given to her was from a female. That was new in other ways. I was thinking this all while the kissing was continuing. My eyes looked at her face. Maya's eyes were closed, still dripping tears of joy on my face, and she was kissing my lips fervently. I rest my hand on her head to reassure her I was fine, not to promote the kiss, and then..

WHAT IS THAT IN MY MOUTH?!?

"Mhmmm...." I don't know whose voice that was.

No, that wasn't tongue. It couldn't be. This is just a normal kiss. It just happens to be on my lips.

THERE IT GOES AGAIN. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I came out of my thoughts to look through my eyes again. I was frighteningly correct. Maya's mouth was opened full over mine. That was her tongue.

"Mmaya," came my muffled voice.

She continued ravaging my face. "Mhmmmmmm" Whose damn voice was that anyway? I still couldn't tell.

She finally stopped the face-lock and began to kiss up the side of my face. I could breathe again, and took a breath as she kissed my neck. "Mhmmmmm" There's that damn voice again.

I muttered, "Maya...."

"Sempai?" Maya blurted as she continued her heated ministrations.

"Maya...THAT'S...," I paused as her tongue flicked my ear lobe, "Mhhhmmmmmmm.... ENOUGH."

At that moment. I realized that that was MY voice. I shuddered at those implications.

Maya suddenly stopped, and jumped back, her eyes teary with sad tears again.

"I'm sorry...I just... I'm sorry."

"Maya what's wrong?"

Maya began shaking. "I thought I had lost you, and then you opened your eyes, then I don't know what came over me, just don't be mad at me. I won't do something like that again."

For some odd reason I panicked at that last sentence.

"NO, " I shouted a little surprised at the volume, " I am not mad at you at all."

Maya went through emotional gears again. I still told myself that was a "no" to my not being mad at her, not a "no" to her never kissing me like that again. Not that I convinced myself.

"You mean, Sempai...?" She gave me a questioning gaze. I felt warm under that gaze. She then suddenly was on top of me again, and...

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT IN MY MOUTH?!! It took a moment for me to remember that was Maya's tongue.

My mind went blank, and I was kissing back automatically, or so I told myself, and then my higher consciousness briefed me for a moment. I wondered of my and her safety. I softly pushed her away to break the kiss.

"Where are we?"

Maya wiped her eyes, and seemed to have a glow to her. I could not tell she had cried anymore.

"We are at a hospital in another city. I had us take a private NERV issued bullet train, that I had Shigeru set up, when the surveillance systems were down. I did it so they did not know who rode the train where. It should buy us a few hours. I wanted you fixed up in a hospital."

"How did you find me?"

"Well, I hacked the surveillance systems and watched closely until I saw your copy exit the office."

A copy? I had not been aware of that.

"How did you know it was a copy?"

"Well, it did not have a mole, but I did not notice that at first. What I noticed first was that it did not act like you. It was also rather rude to me... I knew you would never be that way to me."

"Maya..." I breathed, then snapped out of it.

"I thought the rumors about you and The Commander where true when I watched the surveillance around the time I thought you disappeared, and you came out looking all new from his office. Then I realized it wasn't you, it was the copy. So I knew you were taken in that office. So I went there."

I looked away as Maya mentioned the commander. Maya gave me a questioning gaze.

"Sempai?" Maya then looked down and sighed. "I suppose that answers for the air of unrequited love and hate you always had."

My gaze snapped back upon Maya. I wore an incredulous look. "You...you could tell?"

Maya looked deeply at me. I shuddered. "Sempai, I could tell if a hair was out of place on your head."

My heart lurched forward. I felt excited and sickeningly scared at the same time. I felt panicked; shocked. What Maya had just said was practically the equivalent to saying she loved me. She probably knew that.

My throat felt dry. "Maya you risked your life to...I..."

"Shhh," she interrupted me. "You don't have to say anything to me. I'm just happy you are alright."

I had never cried like I did then in all my life.

***

Misato was aware that the third child was fine. He had not resumed consciousness yet. She currently had business she had to take care of though. That of a certain pest; a rodent. She was finally told to rid NERV of the problem. She exited NERV and got into her car. He would still be waiting there.

EL FIN DE CHAPTER

-Author's notes-

Well, well, every time I do a chapter I go off on a tangent, and have to modify that damned scenario, AKA plot outline. But I like it's results. I mean, this really has a life of it's own, and not even I'm entirely sure what will happen. Currently I have someone RE-revising the previous chapters, because there are still wording mistakes. I personally, will post a un-revised chapter with the revised previous(revised by me) from now on. I also have a lot more fanfic writing time. So by the end of today, June 03, 2003, I should have all my planned stories 1st chapter up, along with a revised, "Ranma 2/2 - Spring of drowned Martial Artists" posted. I think I might start on a novel sized fantasy Evangelion fanfic (seeing how there is so few novel sized Evangelion fics). It's release date will probably be the end of summer. I will post it online. But also on a personal site of mine, where I will have a fanfic section with reviews of fanfics I read, genre's, summaries, and perhaps reduced versions of long fics, like jimbader's. And d b sommer's. After today I will begin to catch on random1377 fanfics, and start my "learn Japanese" pages. You will have to email me, for me to send most of it though, because I want to make SURE you know the material. I will probably make programs with timers, so you can't cheat, you HAVE to know it. I don't want people half assing learning Japanese. It does more damage to your learning if you don't learn EVERYTHING from the beginning entirely; it slows your learning rate later if you have to go back and review all the damn time. I know from experience, even through I am my teachers prize student.

-End Notes-

*OMAKE* (Alternate Scene ending)

My eyes widened. I had never been kissed before. I had always done the kissing. The only man I had ever kissed was Gendo. I was far to much into my studies before I came to NERV to bother the opposite sex. But in this case, the first kiss ever given to her was from a female. That was new in other ways. I was thinking this all while the kissing was continuing. My eyes looked at her face. Maya's eyes were closed, still dripping tears of joy on my face, and she was kissing my lips fervently. I rest my hand on her head to reassure her I was fine, not to promote the kiss, and then..

WHAT IS THAT IN MY MOUTH?!?

"Mhmmm...." I don't know whose voice that was.

No, that wasn't tongue. It couldn't be. This is just a normal kiss. It just happens to be on my lips.

THERE IT GOES AGAIN. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I came out of my thoughts to look through my eyes again. I was frighteningly correct. Maya's mouth was opened full over mine. That was her tongue.

"Mmaya," came my muffled voice.

She continued ravaging my face. "Mhmmmmmm" Whose damn voice was that anyway? I still couldn't tell.

She finally stopped the face-lock and began to kiss up the side of my face. I could breathe again, and took a breath as she kissed my neck. "Mhmmmmm" There's that damn voice again.

I muttered, "Maya...."

"Sempai?" Maya blurted as she continued her heated ministrations.

"Maya...THAT'S...," I paused as her tongue flicked my ear lobe, "Mhhhmmmmmmm.... ENOUGH."

"Sempai...I'm...sorry if I offended you. I won't do that ever again. I'm sorry."

I gave her a dubious look "No silly, I meant enough of this type of lip locking, and more of the other kind!"

Maya blushed furiously as she figured out what I meant. That did not mean she did not start undressing for her sempai albeit crimson.

*END OMAKE* (Well...I guess I could have been better.)