Hey guys! Happy New Year lovelies! I'm so sorry for the late update! Thanks for all the reviews you have given me and the patience! Here's another lovely chapter for my lovely readers! :) I know I have been taking so long to write but oh my god the amount of exams I've had recently has been taking its toll on me but I set aside some time to write this chapter so I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who kept messaging me to continue with this story, not that I was giving up on it!
Today you get to find out who Anna is :) & you quite possibly might found out what happened during one of the previous flashbacks.
I wish I could get 500 reviews guys! I know you could do it for me! It'd be so awesome!
DON'T OWN ANYTHING NOT THE SONGS OR CHARACTERS OR ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR THE IDEA IS JUST MINE.
Digital Daggers – I Surrender
You Me at Six – Crash
and it begins.
Happy New Year bitches. 2014. I can't even force myself to get out of bed and listen to the idiots at school who will be all "new year, new me!" and then three hours later they will go back to being the same jackasses they've always been.
These past two weeks have been the worst way to end the year. I tried dealing with Kaelie and tried to sort things out with Clary, which neither thing happened. Kaelie continued to be the pain in the ass she is and Clary wouldn't even talk. The only time we talked was at my birthday party and what we did could definitely not be considered "talking".
I didn't know how to fix this with her. I know she felt like I didn't trust her with my secrets but I was just afraid that if I told her my secrets she would never look at me the same, I knew that the only reason why she didn't act so weirdly around me before was because she have good faith that I did nothing wrong. God knows how wrong she was. I didn't know how to explain what happened with Jonathan.
The murmur of gossip in the hallway is louder this morning with people discussing what happened over their holidays and all about their new year's "resolution". I find myself trying to look for a head full of red hair. When I look forward instead I see dirty blonde hair and an evil smile looking up at me.
"Jace." The evil head of hair said.
"Kaelie." I said dismissively, hoping she would leave.
"Can we talk, privately?" Kaelie asked.
"Make it quick then." We walked side by side until we reached a hallway that was fairly empty. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I heard Clary and you broke up."
"Nope, just a little spat, nothing we couldn't sort out. Why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Well I was just wondering if you were single, that's all." Kaelie said nonchalantly.
"Kaelie what is wrong with you? You're going out with Sebastian but asking me whether I'm single? What the hell?" I was slowly getting frustrated. What was her game?
"I just wanted to know." She said slyly.
"Ok. Whatever. Are we done with this conversation now?" I asked bluntly.
"Yeaah, suree." She kissed my cheek quickly, surprising the shit out of me and then walked away.
God that girl was creepy as fuck. I turned around to head back to class and saw Clary and Simon standing against their lockers. Greaaat, they probably saw that. Clary was looking down at the ground while Simon shook his head at me disappointingly while glaring. Fucking Kaelie.
After a long and unusually quiet day full of classes and not being bothered by anyone, I headed over to the cemetery. I walked towards a headstone, a small one with a brief message on it. Anna Herondale. Held for a moment, loved for a lifetime. I sat in front of the headstone and took a deep breath. Coming back here was always hard. Seeing my little sister six feet underground always knocked the breath out of me.
"Hey there angel," I whispered to the headstone. "I miss you, every day little sis. I'm sorry I haven't visited in so long. Things have gotten a little out of control since the last time I saw you. I wish that you were still here; you would have made me feel better through all this stuff. I've been feeling like crap lately so I thought maybe if I told you it might make a little bit more sense to me. Well to start with, things with Clary were going really good but then things got complicated with her parents but we pulled through, but now she thinks I don't trust her with my private life. Things about Sebastian, things I've only ever told you. Then she saw that crazy lady Kaelie kiss me. You would have hated Kaelie. But then again maybe you wouldn't, you were so kind like that. I just hope I can sort things out soon and maybe tell Clary some important things in my life. Do me a favour and ask the big Guy up there if he'll go easy on me, huh? I wish you could be here right now. Maybe I'll see you in another life." I pressed my forehead against the cool stone and pushed myself back up and walked out of the cemetery.
Anna was four years old when she died. I watched the car coming. I saw her running for the ball. I was too late though. My reaction time wasn't fast enough. She ran, the car came, I screamed and the rest of that memory has been repressed because thinking about it kills me. I was only seven when it happened. She would have been fourteen if she was still alive. When she died our whole family was torn apart. It took a long time for us to sort things out, but eventually we got there and then what happened? I ruined it again with what happened with Jonathan, but once again we're slowly getting back to a family. It's tough but we're getting there.
Anna always followed me around when we were kids. I used to find it annoying but now I just miss it. As I grew older I spoke to counsellors who helped me deal with grief and understanding that Anna's death was my fault. I always blamed myself a lot and I regretted not spending enough time with her, not making enough memories with her, being mean and snobby and annoyed at my little sister who wouldn't stop following me around until I told her to stop.
I suddenly thought about what it would be like if something like that happened to Clary, if I lost her. Wouldn't I regret not telling her anything? Maybe I could start with something small; I wouldn't have to tell her everything. I knew that I could trust her, what was I so afraid of?
1 am. What asshole throws stones at your balcony at 1 am? Jace Herondale, that's who, he is the only person who would think it was sane to bother someone at 1 am on a Tuesday night. He could have at least been quiet about it. Doesn't this asshole go to sleep on a school night? If he believed I was going to get out of my warm bed and open the door for him, he's dreaming.
I closed my eyes and soon the noise stopped. I could feel myself slowly falling asleep before the rapid knock of his knuckles against my door once again woke me up. Mother fucker. I stormed out of my bed and yanked the door opened.
"Why can't you ever come around when the sun is flipping in the sky?" I clenched my teeth at him.
"I'm nocturnal?" He raised an eyebrow.
I folded my arms over my chest, slowly getting very angry at him. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk."
"About what?" I answered back agitatedly.
"Us? There is no 'us'. I see clearly you've moved onto Kaelie. First that little kiss I intruded on before the holidays and that little cheek action this morning? I see it doesn't take long for you to move on. Don't think it didn't slip by me that both of you were absent during lunch, probably off fucking each other, huh? But by God I don't understand what you see in her. She basically tore you down for a year and a half; she still probably does behind your back." I said angrily, my temper increasing, ready for a battle.
I had spent the whole day with Simon wondering at the back of my mind what was going on with Kaelie and Jace or if it was just a practical joke the world was playing on me. Simon tried to distract me from thinking about it but it was always there, taunting me silently. Today was also another day where I ignored my other best friend Isabelle otherwise I would have caused some trouble for her. What I didn't understand was if Kaelie was using something against Jace why was she hanging around him so much lately? And acting like his best friend. She's the one who hates him in this school! I needed to know what was going on between them. It was killing me.
"Okay. One, there is no Kaelie and me. Two, I wasn't expecting that kiss on the cheek this morning; she just sprung it on me. Three I have no idea where she was at lunch but she was in no way in hell with me, I went home for lunch. And four, can I please come in and talk? I'm freezing my ass off here." Jace explained, his teeth chattering.
"Fine! Get inside before I slam the door in your god damn face."
"Not going to work Jace." I said, ignoring his puppy dog eyes.
"Fine, can we please sit?" he asked.
"Well I'm getting into bed because it's cold. You can stand there and explain whatever you want."
"Okay fine," Jace huffed. "The other day you wanted to talk about what went down a couple of years ago at the home gym. I thought about what you said about feeling like I didn't trust you. That's not true at all. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that if I do tell you things, I'm scared you'll become wary of me. I don't want that for us. I just wanted perfect for us. I guess we don't always get that. So I thought I'd start of small, and then we could get on to the deeper things, I just don't want to rush some important things. You mean more to me than that."
Oh God. He was finally going to tell me things, things that were personal to him. He was going to tell me about what that uproar was about in the gym. What he didn't know was that I had already seen him at his worst.
"Clary," he continued. "I don't want us to end. These past few weeks have been awful without you and I don't know how we've gone wrong, I'm sorry for what Kaelie did and I'm sorry I even let her get near enough to breathe the same oxygen as me. If you would let me, I want to do this properly and to tell you everything, slowly but I want to tell you when the time is right." He was shaking slightly and he looked nervous. I didn't think I could remember a time when he never looked quite so good.
"Yeah, we can do that," I said softly. "I'm sorry too. For overreacting when I did."
"You didn't overreact, it was my fault," He scoffed. "But let me make it up to you."
He sat at the edge of the bed and took a deep sigh. I had a feeling what he would say was going to be heavy so I reached my hand out towards him and pulled him next to me on the bed. He released a soft sigh and he set his back up against the headboard and I rested my head in his lap. He slowly stroked his fingers through my hair and prepared himself for what he was going to say.
"When I was fourteen I was a really messed up kid. I wasn't your normal fourteen year old, you know? And I was dealing with the loss of Anna. You saw how isolated I was from everyone. I was still trying to deal with that while Jonathan was busy trying to get with Isabelle who really pissed me off because we hated each other and he was just trying to get to me. So that day Isabelle and I had gotten into a massive argument over Jonathan and he had caused a rift between us. It was really ugly. I was just really angry that day so I took my rage out on a punching bag. The only reason why I told you not to tell anyone was because I didn't want Isabelle knowing how angry I was. It had just been a really bad day for me. I was a violent kid, as evidence in the past has shown." He dropped against the bed, exhausted.
"I understand," I said softly. "You were going through a difficult time. You didn't react so well to what was going on in your life. Who could blame you?"
"I did. I blamed myself." Jace said.
"Well you shouldn't."
After that we were both quiet.
"What time is it?" I whispered after a while.
"2 am." Jace yawned.
"Let's go to sleep, I'm tired."
We got under the covers and hugged close together, not an inch between us.
"I haven't kissed you in a long time." Jace murmured.
"Then kiss me." I purred.
I tossed my leg across his hips and he wrapped his arms around my waist. He squeezed tight and pressed his lips against mine very softly, giving my bottom lip little pecks before he started kissing me deeper and expertly using his tongue to make me swoon. I slipped my tongue in his mouth and he moaned. He softly tugged at my lips and pulled away.
"I missed doing that." He chuckled.
"I missed it more."
I don't know whether you guys are going to like this or not, it doesn't feel that good to be but I've been so out of it :/ review and let me know what you think! Bad & negative responses are welcome! Love you guys! Thanks for reading!