-hides in a corner, drawing circles with my index finger- Ne ne, gais... Forgive me for not updating for so long... I'm really sorry. OTL Roleplay and Tumblr had been eating up most of my time and not to mention tuition and part time.. I tried to type Love Equation's chapter 2 into the computer but I just can't make it in time. And SGISI is also a total failure. orz I'll TRY to type faster but nicely so that I won't disappoint any of you lovely readers. OuO But for now, please bear with this short one-shot for a while. C':
Shining bright sunlight pierces through my eyelids along with the welcoming chirps from the mockingbirds outside the window. Waking up early is my thing and principal but today, I just can't bring myself to even move a muscle. It is my first time to feel so annoyed and disturbed with the dawning light; even though I loved it since childhood. However, with what happened last night with Gokudera, my whole body is already worn out. Speaking of Gokudera, where is he?
I turn to my side forcefully and tiredly and finally, sweet scent of lavender shampoo greets my dry nostrils. I close my sheepish eyes and take in a deep breath of the heavenly scent. Aha~ This was how Gokudera tasted- I mean, smelled like yesterday. I cannot help but rejoice in my head.
I reopen my now fully awake eyes just to grace myself with this petite silverette's presence. I feel really happy at the sight of him, lying beside me so peacefully and so casually. This must be the greatest gift I had ever received in my joyous life. I left the sides of my dehydrated lips quirk up ever so slightly with that thought in mind.
Slowly and serenely, I find my hand move towards the angel-like figure and as my hand interacts with the puffy-silky silver locks, the most scarce figure shifts. I withdraw my hand slightly, afraid that the sudden contact may make me face the consequences of being bombed up. Little do I know, Gokudera's eyebrows knit tightly; I am scared for a split second but it is relieved when he nuzzles into my warmth suddenly with a contented smile.
I really am an idiot. I say to myself.
With the urge to kiss Gokudera the moment I saw him this morning, I embrace him lovingly in my arms and kiss his hair. He responds with a faint blush and a smirk. I made a soft chuckle before closing my eyes again, trying to drift back off into sleep so that we could share the same dream.
Same dream, huh? I laugh at myself.
What better dream could I get than this reality? Having Gokudera by my side willingly, possessing such a beauty that no other women can compare, having that beauty to love me back; that is the best dream I could ask for. To think that this beauty once took my presence as the venom in his life.
It was only three months ago we started dating. I had been very attracted to Gokudera after we finished off Byakuran. I found myself staring at him in daze whenever I have the time. I'm not sure if he had noticed it or not; I just kept admiring him. It was nothing wrong in just admiring someone, right? That one sentence kept playing in my head non-stop, as if it was reminding me not to go any further and reminded me it did. Until I found my gazes landed on some inappropriate parts. My gazes went from Gokudera's silver soft hair to his tight jeans and from his emerald orbs to his rosy wet lips; and then was where I started to ring the alarm.
I tried really hard to avoid myself from gracing my mind with those perverted thoughts for Gokudera. It was like indulging in ecstasy but when it finally came to senses, waves and waves of guilt will come rushing into you. Having these kind of dirty thoughts for your friend is a definite no-no. I kept telling myself that but, did I listen to it? No.
This sickness and admiration of mine had gone wilder and wilder until one day, I found myself jerking off to Gokudera in the school restroom. All he did was send me a sincere smile for acing my examinations, I did great and I think he was happy for me. Unfortunately, that one smile made my mind go wild in an instant. Of course I thanked him and gave him my cheeky but slightly strained grin, don't want them to go suspecting me but Gokudera caught that restrained muscle before I told them I need to use the restroom and dashed away. Gokudera was messy and tainted and sexy in my head unlike the him now, uptight and cute and always-Tsuna. Just that thought made my mood drop down to zero.
I returned from the restroom and noticed them waiting for me at the hallway. I greeted them with a smile but only Tsuna cared while Gokudera just gave me a cold look before turning Tsuna's way with a huge grin reserved for only and only Tsuna. I was unpalatable but I could not do anything, shouldering the thought of our friendship may be over. Along the road back to Tsuna's home was the worst. I had to bear the scene of them chatting happily beside me, all I could do was look down at the road for the whole journey. Tsuna did question my behavior but I just shrug it off with an "I'm fine." as usual. He did not pry any further and I am glad.
Tsuna's way back home was not bad enough compared to the alone times with Gokudera after that. We walked in silence. It was the first time the atmosphere were this uneasy. I loved to spend time with Gokudera but after what just happened previously, I did not know how to face him. The silence was starting to get to Gokudera as he stopped his steps. I thought he loved the silence I provided but no, I was wrong.
"I knew it," He blurted out with his eyes blocked by his bangs. I did not get it until he continued his sentence. "I knew that something is wrong with you." He threw me a glare so cold that I flinched.
My lips were ajar, just to say something Yamamoto-like but nothing of that came out but it was replaced with an "If you're so sure, tell me what's wrong then." I was startled at what I just said and so was Gokudera. The scowl on his face deepened as he snarled at me before pushing me to the concrete wall behind me. It hurt but it did not hurt as much as the hurt I received from him. It was not particularly his fault since I was the only one who held those special feelings for him.
"Fucking retard, you're making the Tenth worry." He hissed with menace and I was sure that the hurt increased by tenfold-no, hundredfold. I frowned at him, tearing off the goody-old-Yamamoto face.
"I know." was my simple respond.
"Then why are you-"
"Then why are you so oblivious to your surroundings?!" I finally snapped and cut him off by yelling at the top of my lungs. Gokudera jolted in surprise but his grasp on my collar did not falter but tightened. I hitched my breath slightly before giving him the best glare I could give.
"What is wrong with you?!" He gave me a concerned look but filled with fury. "You're acting strangely after we defeated Byakuran." I looked away from him slowly so that my heart won't soften to the gazes he sent me.
"Why do you care?" That wall all I could say at the time. I was in no more mood to deal with him since he know nothing at all. I guess that one fact made him speechless as he did not say anything at all for quite a time. I got curious and glanced at him through the corner of my eyes and saw him hiding his beautiful glowing eyes behind his silver locks. Did I said something wrong? I questioned myself.
"...ole." I couldn't catch his murmur but before I could react, his head shot straight up and stared at me intensely with anger and with hurt. Hurt? If one looked closely, they can see that beads of tears were formed at the side of the eyes, it shimmer and glimmer under the twilight. It looked astounding but saddening.
"Asshole!" He shouted in my face. I was startled but couldn't do anything to calm him down. Streams of tears kept streaming down his pale cheeks as if he was a crying toddler whom lost his candy. I couldn't stand it anymore and finally, I came down to one solution; by kissing him.
I didn't have any second thoughts before I swooped down, cupping his cheeks and kissed him. As expected, his lips was soft and wet unlike my chapped ones and he immediately stopped sobbing before he pulled away from me forcefully. That was expected. Who wouldn't do anything if they were being pulled into a kiss out of a sudden? I stared at him as he wiped his lips with his arm, the guilt and emptiness inside me grew.
Gokudera was now blushing hardly with his arm covering his lips as he glared at me with widened eyes. How funny, I find it really adorable when he behaves like that although I just violated his lips' virginity. Suddenly, his other arm was lifted and by instinct, I turned my head to the side and shut my eyes tightly, expecting a hard slap...
...and a hard slap indeed.
I just stood there, no protests, no expression, no thing. The part where he slapped was stinging in pain and itchiness. I was sure that it must be burning red in color by now, even his hand print would be there.
Gokudera's pants were heavy and unstable, his stance was wobbling too, did that kiss really made that much of an influence? He seemed like he would fall down if I poked him. His whole body was shivering in fear as his face showed disgust. It was a really hard scene to bear but I successfully avoided hugging him and apologize. He should know how I wanted to comfort him right now, sooth him to sleep but I just couldn't.
After some time, not long, Gokudera went ahead of me, his cheeks still reddish. I did not run after him or ask him to stay; I did none of those. Just when he was at a safe distance, I slid down the wall and buried my head in between my legs. The drama just now was starting to play in my head. Why did I kiss him.? I should have never done that. He must hate me now. What can I do to reconcile our friendship? My head was pounding incessantly in pain, it had overwhelmed me and suddenly, I found my cheeks stained with salty water. I was surprised, the tears just came rolling down without my command. I hastily wiped them away but to no luck, they won't even stop. Then, realization hits me. If I am so desperate to cry it out, why oppose? After making that decision, I braced my knees with my arm and sobbed into it. It was soft and quiet sobs at first but it turned into heavy and ugly cries.
That was the second time, first time was when I fought with Genkishi, I felt so remorseful. The days after that was like in Hell, Gokudera ignored me for most of the times but I can sense that he was still embarrassed about what happened that day. Tsuna was very worried and upset about both of us that he lectured us but even if he did so, I did not know how to turn back on my kiss. I don't know about Gokudera but Tsuna must have said something to him because one day, he called me to the rooftop. "There's something I want to make sure of." was what he said before leaving. I had no idea about the thing he needed to make sure but it must be something related to me. I am afraid that something unneeded would resound in my ear but a small part of me was actually rejoicing; I have no idea.
And the rooftop I was on. Gokudera was already there, smoking a cigarette. I always find him sexy like that but it's not good for health and so, "Smoking is not allowed in the school compound." I said jokingly, hoping that the atmosphere around us would be less tense. Luckily, he too complied with it.
"Don't try to be that Hibari-ass, I'll hate you." He tch'ed and threw the cigarette on the floor before he extinguished with the sole of his shoe.
I chuckled light-heartedly at his comment but my mind was cloudy at the time and it took me some time to register what he wanted to convey. My chuckles stopped as I looked at him with a quizzical look. His face was faintly tinted pink when he started to walk towards me. I got so lost in his words just now and with a swift of his hand, he pulled me down by the collar, pecking my lips gently. Surprised was how I felt at the time.
"Are you an idiot? There's only one meaning behind a kiss." He said with an arrogant tone but it was not very convincing. Flustered, annoyed, embarrassed, blissful; yup, cute was better than arrogant. All I did was blink at him stupidly. Does that count as a confession? I asked myself in disbelief. We were at a cold war for the past few days and now he just, that was too hard to believe for me.
"Is that what you wanted to make su-"
"I~diot. What did I make sure just now? My feelings? I made sure of that a very long time ago." He gave me the smirk that made me go boner for him that day.
"Then?" I asked incredulously.
"What I wanted to confirm is your feeling." He let out an exasperated sigh.
"Yes. That day..." His defeated face turned beet red as his eyes drifted off to that day. "Did you k-kiss me just to shut me up or you..." His hand dropped from my collar and limped in front of him before he clenched them tightly. "You l-like me too...?" That came out more like a whisper than a question but very Gokudera-ish. So cute.
There was no time for me to jump in joy, all I have to do was relief Gokudera's insecurity. He was shivering just like the time I kissed him. Without further delay, I tucked a strand of his hair behind his ears, they were blocking his elegant face, and with my other hand holding his knuckles lovingly before I cupped one side of his cheeks, kissing his forehead. His eyes shut themselves in reflex as the blush spread like wild fire on his cheeks.
"Of course I like you too." I reassured him with a cheeky grin and glued our forehead together.
"Still, an asshole." He said with a grin similar to mine and held my hand.
I smiled happily. Gokudera and I belonged in both totally different worlds, an upside down world to be exact. We were so close yet so far. I always thought that I can reach him whenever I raise my arm but it was like trying to touch the shining stars hanging in the dark blue sky. However, there will always be a special moment that I loved where our world would merge together for a second and turn back to two worlds. That moment must be the best time to reach out to him but I was always being hesitant. Afraid that I will never get what I wished for. I'd rather not do anything and admire him than him hating me for eternity. But having both of us to share the same feeling for each other? That was out of my calculation. The worlds merged again and never did it fall apart. I would be really grateful if the God decided to let it stay as it is for ever.
I wake up at the husky voice of Gokudera. Ara, did I fell asleep when I was having a flashback? How lame of me.
"Yes?" I reply sheepishly as I rub my sleep eyes.
"Jeez. I thought you're already awake? Such an lazyass," He lets out a defeated sigh and lays back down onto the bed, still in my arms. I chuckled and rest my eyes again, after all, I just woke up from the past.
"Oi, Yamamoto," Gokudera calls out again. I snap my eyes open and turn to him, giving him a silent "What?". I'm expecting another lecture for trying to sleep again, it's not that I mind, he's cute when he does that.
Unexpectedly, he smiles as emerald stares into honey-brown and say, "Merry Christmas."
All I am capable of doing at the time is stare, dumbstruck, and gap my lips open to greet him back but what came out is, "Gokudera, it got energized."
"Who the Hell gets a boner at such early hour?!" His calm and serene expression turns flustered and embarrassed as he turns his back to me, burring his head into the pillow as deep as he can. Aha! Just like a cat!
"C'mon~" I hug him from the back and purr into his reddish ear. He shudders in excitement but still in denial. I smirk. He is just trying to seduce me using his own unique way, I always knew.
"Ne, Hayato..." I whisper deeply before biting his earlobe, licking it deliciously. A few moans of pleasure is heard as my smirk widens. Hayato, Hayato, I know you want me too. I snake my hand down to his lower half and give his erected member a stroke. As expected, he yelps and turns to me instinctively with a tomato face, hissing and cussing under his breath.
"What do you think you're doing?" He says intimidatingly.
"Giving you a very merry Merry Christmas." I say with an innocent grin before attacking him. Aha~ This is the time I love the most!
A/N: YESSHH! I'm so happy that I manage to finish this before X'mas! BD Hope you guys enjoyed it and have a merry Merry Christmas! ;u;