The shock of the wave

I feel like I'm floating, but floating shouldn't hurt should it? I feel like my chest is constantly being pummelled by an unseen force, and my hand is being gripped in an iron vice. I can hear noises as if carried by a breeze...strange. And then the truth slams into me, in rhythm with the pummelling of my chest. I am laying here, in the remains of an exploded warehouse, ash floating over me like snow, dying.

I don't quite know what happened. I was telling people to get out the warehouse, because someone was trying to blow it up. And then there were two men, terrorists, running away when they saw me. I yelled at them to get out, and that's when it happened. Ah, I remember now. The force of the explosion seemed the deafen me, and I felt myself being lifted off my feet and slammed backwards as the warehouse exploded and then collapsed around me. And then I hit cold, hard floor, and that was it. I wonder if this is one of those out of body experiences people claim to have. But I'm not looking down over my body, nor am I approaching a pin point of light at the end of the tunnel, I'm just...here. Wherever here is. I can hear the voices louder now, as if a radio has been tuned. Oh its breaking my heart, if my heart is still whole, to hear lara crying for me, begging dean to carry on with CPR. I want them to leave me, that I'm safe now, that I'm sorry. But they don't, and the pressure on my chest doesn't give up, and my hand is going numb, if it can go numb that is. And then I hear chase, my chase, calling for an ambulance. I want to tell him that it's too late, I'm gone, but at the same time I want to fight my fate, want to fall into his arms, whole and safe. He saved me.

Chase gallager saved me from a life of domestic abuse. He was the one who knew what thomas was really like, but no-one listened to him. They all thought he was making a scene because he still felt something for me. I wish I had listened to him, and not married Tom in the first place. Then tom wouldn't have found out about me and chase, he wouldn't try strangling me, he wouldn't accuse me of trying to murder him when I hit him with the bottle. It was self defence, and tom knew it. Who was it that believed me all the way through? chase gallager, my knight in a rescue uniform.

And then there was dean gallager. He treated me like his daughter. lara could see it, and I could see it. And I played that to my advantage, but he still wouldn't let me in his little gang. That pissed me off. I went against his orders, trying to get him to see that I would be good in his gang. But no, he didn't want me, so I ignored him on a undercover op, and once again I was nearly strangled to death. And then I played him, telling him that he wanted me, and he bent down to kiss me. I laughed, I mocked him. What if I had let him kiss me? Would I be lying here right now, dying? It's too late for what ifs though. But if it wasn't for him, I would have been dead months earlier, and here he is trying to save me again.

Finally, Lara knight. My best friend in the whole world. She was always there for me, she was like a sister. We used to get each other out of scrapes, and the amount of times she covered for me...I don't think I truly made it clear to her how much she meant to me, and I'm going to regret it for the rest of...well it depends what happens to me next, but I'll regret it for the rest of the time that I'm concious. I don't want her to see me dying, see me dead. It will kill her inside. I want to hold her tight, telling her that I will be ok, and we'll see each other soon. But I can't, and its no use thinking thoughts like that, it'll just make this a lot harder, whatever this is.

And now, I can feel myself slipping away. The hands that are pressing over and over on my chest are getting weaker. My tired heart is spluttering for the hands to stop, just wanting to rest and be still. Once, twice, three times, my fragile heart has stopped. I can feel the ash on me, feel lara pushing my hair off my face, getting the ash out of my eyes, feel her warm tears drip down onto my hand. At the same time I can feel it, and I can't feel it, and then I'm not there at all. Everything has stopped. I'm just...I'm just here.Existing in this weird place. But I am not sad, because I am home.

My name is, was , Leanne edwards and I was a rescue officer at rescue special ops australia.