When they first showed up at the gate, Tsunade swore so impressively that the ANBU hiding in the rafters coughed to cover their laughter.
Fortunately for her, she had someone who could deal with the idiots who had just showed up. Hari showed up five minutes before the English Minister and his contingent were to arrive. Beside him was his new wife/partner Yugito. For the most part, the container of the Two Tails had done what no one else had been able to...which was calm down Hari and end some of his boredom. According to the amused mage, she made a very good sparring partner.
Rufus Scrimgour was the new Minister for Magic, and his first thought was to find out why so many old and powerful pureblood families had left England. Fudge had died rather soon after he was kicked out of office. Beside him was the toad like under secretary Umbridge, one of his best Aurors and the head of the DMLE and to top it all off, Arthur Weasley, who was the unofficial expert on all things muggle.
They didn't know that four of Arthur's children had relocated to the shinobi continents, or that Charlie had moved to Kumo, Bill to Suna and the twins to Konoha.
Bill was a rather big hit with the tomb raiders in Suna, and had already made a name for himself while his new wife Fluer helped out the kunoichi act like proper ladies. They were expecting their first child within a few months.
Hari waited for the Minister to make the first move, and when Umbridge was about to insult Tsunade to her face, he threw a kunai at the bitch.
"Long time no see...and I was really enjoying my peace and quiet without hearing that annoying as hell cough of yours," said Hari, appearing behind Tsunade.
"Could someone explain what's going on here?" asked Kingsley Shacklebolt.
"Nara Hari is our resident expert on mages and the British Ministry. Since the rest of the people who are claiming sanctuary didn't want to deal with you again, he was elected to stand in for them."
"I don't recall ever meeting someone with that unique hair style," said Umbridge coldly. She didn't like having a knife thrown at her.
"Oh, we've met. Repeatedly in fact. Tell me, how did you like dealing with those centaurs after you were dumb enough to piss them off by calling them half breeds? Did you ever get over the terror of remembering it whenever you hear horses?" said Hari evilly.
Umbridge was practically radiating Killing Intent now. Only two people knew about that event, and one of them was that mudblood bitch Granger.
"You're supposed to be dead!" she snarled.
"Oh, the one you're thinking of died alright. Which reminds me... Give Molly my regards when you see her Mr. Weasley," said Hari, cackling as he removed his mask.
Seeing the shocked looks of the wizards and the bitch made his day.
"But... We saw you fall through the Veil!" said Kingsley and Arthur.
"I did fall. But as you can see, the Veil doesn't exactly kill you like everyone assumed. Astral projection and possession is such a fun trick. And since I am legally a Konoha citizen, you can't force me to go back. And Tsunade-sama knows better than to try," smirked Hari.
"Damn straight brat. Last time you were bored it took us a month to clean up after the mess you left. And I swear to kami if you ever set Tora in here on catnip again I will break every bone in your body in a way that it will take years to heal..." growled Tsunade.
"Fair enough...by the way, did you guys ever salvage any of the papers Tora shredded?"
"Hell no! We hired a genin team to clean up the confetti! Best damn ryo I've ever spent since becoming village leader."
"So next time send Tora in while you're not in the office...?"
"Do that to the civilian council and we'll talk..."
"Impossible! I was informed that the boy-who-lived was killed during that fiasco in the Department of Mysteries!"
"My soul was kicked out of my body for a few years until I found my owl again. Soul Possession is one of my best tricks. Now, before you get any ideas, I have absolutely no intention of going anywhere near Europe, let alone the British Isles, while Dumbledore and the so called Dark Lord are having their hissy fits. And we aren't going to force any of the neutral families to go back just to be forced to take sides."
"But...the prophecy...!" said Rufus.
"You mean the one that was pretty much made null and void the day I first took him out? I wouldn't exactly call the state Voldemort was in at the time living... And that being the case, why haven't you people grown a damn backbone and killed him already? I mean it's not like you don't know how to cast the killing curse yourselves...or that the lackeys of the dark moron are that hard to find. Hell, all you would have to do would make everyone show their arms before entering Gringotts for Hecate's sake!"
Seeing the wizards stare at his suggestion, Tsunade face palmed.
"I thought you were kidding when you said the British Ministry was full of idiots and pansies..."
"They're better trained than most Death Eaters, and the only reason they haven't stopped Voldemort yet is because Dumbledore is too damn chicken to suggest actually killing the idiots. Redemption is fine for some, but there are some people who will never change no matter how much you try," said Hari sagely.
"That being said, you are still a British citizen..." started Umbridge...when she felt the presence of someone behind her.
Two or three of the wizards turned to find... three copies of Hari looking annoyed at them all.
"Do you really want someone who has a multiple personality problem, one of which was recently converted to a god that practically demands the bloody corpses of others as payment for power?" he asked evilly.
Tsunade whipped around to look at him and swore.
"Please for the love of all things holy tell me you didn't allow your sadist side to become a Jashinist..."
"Considering I ran into one and my Slytherin side hit it off with the man in order to avoid a pointless and possibly boring fight..."
"What's a Jashinist?"
"Someone who's idea of a perfect afterlife is eternal suffering and who gets off on pain during a fight," said Hari bluntly. Seeing the Ministry people pale just made his day.
That being said, as long as his Slytherin side didn't try to force his new religion on the other four, they wouldn't kill him painfully in his sleep.
Considering one of his personalities was a demon who could literally eat souls like it was nothing, that side of him had been behaving more than usual. Needless to say his Hufflepuff side got along great with the turtle...as did the Ravenclaw who would often spark up debates with said turtle...
It didn't take long for the Ministry lackeys to leave more confused than before...or for word to finally get out about what really happened to their beloved Boy-who-lived...who no longer wanted anything to do with the magical communities.
The number of reprints the Prophet had to make after Rita snuck into that particular meeting between Konoha and the Ministry made the news about the first so called defeat of Voldemort pale in comparison...followed closely by the news of Harry's so called 'death'.
"You know, normally I would be worried when the Gemini start to cackle like me when I'm very bored...but considering I supply over half their prank ideas that they've been selling to the shinobi of over genin rank..." said Hari.
"I don't try to neuter them only because they treat me like a goddess. That being said, if I find catnip in my closet one more time..." said Yugito with a growl.
Much to the surprise of the Raikage, sending Yugito to marry Hari did in fact improve relations between the two villages to the point that the Hyuuga weren't trying to kill Kumo ninja on sight when out of the village.
Why? Because Yugito managed to rein in Hari enough to the point that Hiashi was willing to forgive the village. The sad fact was that Hari tended to hit the Hyuuga clan more often than not because on of the members had pissed him off.
Strangely, Hinata was the only member of the clan who had yet to be hit by one of his mass pranks. Specialized pranks designed to cheer her up, yes, but none of the humiliating mass pranks Hari favored so much.
Roughly a month after the Ministry representatives came and went, Naruto and Jiraiya ran into Hari and Yugito while on a mission. Their trip had been delayed due to the fact Jiraiya made the mistake of pissing off Hari to the point where he let his Slytherin side come out to fight the Toad Sage.
Jiraiya would never make another joke about Hari's measurements again. Not if he wanted to fight a cranky Pseudo Jashinist who wanted to eat his brains.
(Slytherin Hari had been watching a zombie marathon featuring the Resident Evil series and the Living Dead. And nothing more shall be said of the matter aside from the fact he nearly gave Tsunade a heart attack when Hufflepuff went to the Hospital for his volunteering time and decided to play that joke on the Hokage.)
Yugito glared at her partner. Despite essentially being sold off to Konoha, Hari was actually a decent husband. Enough so that she never thought she got the raw end of the deal.
The fact she had yet to hear one of B's raps for months was just a huge bonus in her opinion.
"Alright you two, what are you up to this time?"
"We need someone to test our newest line..." said George.
"Too bad we have to do a resupply run to Kumo tomorrow."
"Wait, we're heading to Kumo tomorrow? Why didn't you say anything before?"
"So I could see the look on your face when you heard that you were going home for a week."
Yugito looked both pleased...and upset about that. On one hand, she could see her home again and stay for a week...on another, she would have to deal with Bee again.
"By the way, is it true Bee and Hachibi get along so well there isn't any feedback?"
"Yes. It's one of the reasons why he is often sent with only his students as back up...well that and the fact most missing nin are more likely to gouge their own ears out when they hear him rapping."
"Which is why the Raikage pays me to make it impossible for his brother to rap. Which reminds me... Fred, George, do you have anything that will go off whenever certain conditions are met?"
"Like what, brother after our own hearts?"
"Like if someone raps so badly that it's considered a torture technique," said Hari smirking. Yugito got the idea of what he was asking and soon had an evil grin of her own.
While she was a bit uptight most days, when it came to pranking certain people she was in a league of her own. Her personality counterbalanced Hari's perfectly. And like the saying goes: Opposites Attract.
"We have just the thing!" said Fred eagerly.
By the time the twins finished loading up the two, Yugito had a smile reminiscent of her husband/partner. Killer Bee was in for a nasty surprise when she was through with him.
"So you are the infamous Ghost. I've heard plenty of rumors about you."
"Meh. If you heard the ones I kept getting while I was still young and naïve, you would probably believe even more of them."
"How is Yugito?"
"Why don't you ask her yourself? Tsunade was more than happy to have her escort me to Kumo...coincidentally if you hear your brother crying in pain, it probably the modified shock tags she tricked him to sit on."
"Modified shock tags?"
"It's the darnedest thing... they don't zap you when you sit on them, however if you go above a certain decibel level while rapping they go off like a cattle prod..." said Hari innocently.
A Killer stared at him...before holding his sides. He hadn't had such a good laugh in years. While the silence tags were great (his headaches weren't nearly as frequent now!) he would love to get his hands on some of those tags.
"Also available from the Gemini twins, shock tags that go off at a distance!" said Hari, grinning.
"What do you want to trade for those? And how long do they last?"
"I do have a request from the Hyuuga clan. So in exchange for the...item in question...I can give you fifty tags that are good for ten shocks each."
A Killer read the scroll, and nodded.
"Done. We'll give you Hiashi Hyuuga's body in exchange for the tags. Do you have any for the councils?"
"For them, I have another set," said Hari.
"What do you want in exchange?" asked A, grinning evilly. He could already tell that he liked this kid, even if he had to give up one of the Jinchuriki in their village. At least he knew that Hari treated her like a human being.
Half an hour later, Yugito came in and gave her report. A Killer was rather impressed by Hari. The mere fact that he had found a way to give his separate personalities a way to fight alongside him made him a viable threat. Even his BINGO book listing had gone up since his appearance.
A Killer glanced at the listing.
Nicknames: Ghost of Konoha
Rank: A Rank Jounin
Specialty: Astral Projection and Possession
Is certifiably insane, and confirmed to have five distinct personalities inside his mind. Is a known interrogator who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Hari Nara is noted to be able to jump into Jinchuriki's minds and control them, despite the demons. One of his more noted attributes is that he can bring out the legendary summon of the Owl clan, who is a Senjutsu adept as well as being head of an entire Battle Owl Tier. His only known affiliation is with the Nara clan, despite being adopted.
Bounty: 2,500,000 ryo if alive, 1,250,000 dead
"Tell me Yugito...are you happy?"
"Considering the alternative? Yes. Hari treats me like his equal and he actually listens to my opinion. Considering how hard it was for me to actually find a decent guy who wasn't trying to use me, I think I got the better end of this deal."
"He hasn't tried to control the Nibi?"
"He doesn't need to. Nibi actually likes him to a point, and he rarely goes on missions where he has to go all out."
"I've heard rumors that he frequently runs across S class nin...yet he still has never truly pulled out all the stops."
"He has yet to see the need. Half the time one of his personalities clicks with the opposing party and they usually hit it off. I heard he once ran into an honest-to-kami Jashinist and his sadist side ended up clicking with the man to the point where his partner went to get very drunk. Now his sadist side is a Jashinist who is kept in check by two of the five personalities."
The Raikage sweatdropped.
"How the hell does Tsunade manage to read those reports?"
Yugito looked highly amused.
"According to Anko, if there is even a remote chance that something strange by his standards occur on one of his missions, Tsunade throws them into the done pile without actually reading them unless she needs to know. According to his adopted father, the last time someone tried to read one of his 'strange' reports they nearly drained an entire bar of liquor just trying to finish it."
The Raikage laughed. Then wondered how bad those reports could be that the reader had to drain an entire bar just to get through it...