Script Title: Domestic Electronics, Pt. 1

Warning to Audience: This barely resembles Transformers at all. You're better off not reading.

Show Rating: G

Continuity Stage: IDW/More Than Meets The Eye AU

Characters: Decepticon Justice Division, Pharma, Scavengers, Bob the non-Insecticon

Theatre Disclaimer: The theatre doesn't own the script or actors, nor does it make a profit from the play.

Acting Motivation (Prompt): There was a translation error, and then Shibara drew a picture based on that error, and then I had to give it a story. It all went downhill from there.


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Figures. The one day I took an extra shift at the appliance store, and someone returned another domestic electronic. One of the Transformer brands, the worst kind of return. We can't send them back to the manufacturer once they're out of package, but this guy had a gift receipt. Frikkin' holiday gift policies. We don't take any form of returns on opened electrodomestics, but gift receipts are an exception. So this guy walked out with an equivalent exchange (he chose a less sentient appliance) and we got stuck with a rather aggressive TF brand domestic rustling around in its box.

"The heck we gonna do with him?" Bob was reading the back of the package. At least the guy was nice enough to bring everything he could back with the return. "Says here he's part of the D line, so he's got a working transformation system and territoriality issues. Justice Division? Aww, crap."

"What?" I was opening the top of the box cautiously. The hissing wasn't a good sign. The guy said this thing was harassing his cats.

"I was gonna say that I'd take him, but I've got one of the List Transformer models." Bob showed me the packaging. "I picked it up cheap before they canceled the molds. They're collectors' items now."

I read the package. Apparently the D line Justice Division models were made to hunt down certain other Transformer models made specially for that purpose. Dang. Yeah, I could see why mixing D.J.D. and D-List molds would be a bad idea. "Got any friends that want a bundle of joy dumped on their doorstep?" I gestured down in the box, where our little return was glaring defiantly back at me from the corner. "Do these things bite?"

"Mine never do, but Fulcrum's kinda a wuss. I can't tell you how many times I've had to rescue him from the toaster."

"Your toaster tries to hurt him?"

"No, but Misfire keeps telling him it will if he looks away. I get the bread out in the morning, and suddenly Fulcrum's running in terrified little circles around the table."

I looked up and blinked. "That sounds really cute."

"It is until it wakes the neighbors."

"Ah. Yeah, good point." I looked back down. This particular electrodomestic didn't look nearly so cute as Bob's mismatched bunch of returns sounded. Then again, he'd been building up his collection for years. I'd only been working this appliance store for six months. I'd picked up a half-functional turbofox TF Pet model with an incurable digestive virus, and I already regretted that every time it drooled on my rugs.

'Tarn,' as his packaging claimed, looked even less friendly than the Pet. I eyed him and sighed. Well, it wasn't like we could just abandon the hostile 'bot somewhere. The domestic electronics were a guilty soft spot for most of the employees in our retail chain. I guess that's why Best Buy didn't carry them. It's how I'd ended up with the defective Pet, too.

I sighed again. Me and my soft heart. "I guess I'll be taking you home," I told my newest household electronic as I carefully scooped him up.

I got another hiss for my kindness.

END


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"Tiny!Formers Tarn" picture by Shibara AVAILABLE ON Ao3 (or her Tumblr username Shibara)

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[ A/N: It was suggested I do this as weekly updates. I don't know if I have that patience for that, since I have far too much of this written already, but it's not like I have a better idea. There's really no plot. It's just glimpses into a normal life populated with electrodomestics from the Transformers brand.]