The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat and Gatiss,

Henson and Doyle,

Pika-la Cynique the generous,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.


One Week Later

A goblin popped out of one of the kitchen cabinets with a sealed letter in his hand. "For Lord Jareth!" he announced.

Jareth looked up from his examination of tobacco ash and took the letter, nodding regally to his former subject. It was from the Goblin King.

Dear Jareth,

I hope that you are settling in well with your flatmate. My subjects speak highly of this Champion and I know that you are set on her. Don't scare her off you bumbling idiot.

And don't pretend to be all "I am so debonair no woman can resist my charms". You, my friend, are a romantic dork, especially with this girl. Honestly, you idiot. Grand romantic gestures are terrifying when first starting out. Start small. Work your way up to "I will be your slave" and all that gooey-romantic-junk.

Anyway, are we still on for poker on Wednesday if you do not have a case? If so, may Sarah join? I feel so lonely in this boy's club.

Oh, the goblins are bringing you a little present. Hopefully it will clear up any technology issues.

Fondest wishes,

Your Dear Kinsman, Rossetti

"Uh, Jareth, that doesn't look like a goblin," Sarah said, pointing to a creature four goblins were carrying over their heads, "If I didn't know that it was a movie, I would say that it was a gremlin."

"It is a gremlin. They existed long before the movie," Jareth said, "though they are a newer part of the Underground. They did not exist until roughly the first steam engine. That was when they got their king, at least. As you may have guessed, there is not an extensive amount of technology in the Underground."

"Except for the Humongous."

"Which fell apart almost immediately by that blasted Hogsbreath."


The gremlin was unceremoniously dumped before the former Goblin King. It hissed at the goblins and was about to attack when Jareth picked it up the scruff of its neck.

"I see that the Goblin King has brought me a prisoner," Jareth said, "What would a gremlin have need with a former king?"

"You insulted our king! We want our revenge! Your mother was an aardvark!" the gremlin growled.

"Watch your language," Sarah said, waving her Nutella covered butter knife at the furry creature.

The gremlin began to squeal at the sight of Sarah. "Not the girl! Not that girl!"

Jareth rolled his eyes. "I see your reputation precedes you, Sarah. Now, how did I insult your king?"

The gremlin stopped squirming and squealing. "I... don't remember."

Jareth covered his eyes with his free hand. "Why do the Fair Folk have such spotty memories?"

Sarah laughed. "Like you're one to talk."

"Tell your king that he needs to stop attacking my possessions or Sarah will go after him with her amazing ability to turn a kingdom upside down."

"Yes sir," the gremlin said.

Jareth tossed the gremlin out of the room and went back to his experiment. "Hopefully that will put them off for a while."

"Jareth, what did you do to the Gremlin King?"

The former Goblin King shrugged. "I have no idea. I do not think that I have actually met the Gremlin King. The Fair Folk are rather sensitive creatures."

A few more goblins entered, carrying a large box. Another goblin appeared from one of the cabinets with a letter. "For Lady Sarah."

Sarah thanked the goblin and read the letter.

Dear Lady Sarah Williams, Champion of the Labyrinth,

Thank you very much for putting up with Lord Jareth. He needs someone to watch out for him and you would be perfect for the job. For surviving a week with the, as you put it, "glitter bomb", I present to you a pair of goblin made boots. It gets quite cold in London I have been told and you will have an awful lot of running to do with Lord Jareth. Goblin shoes are both beautiful and functional.

If Lord Jareth does not mention it, you are invited to Wednesday night's poker game. I think the company shall include Loki, Hermes, Puck, Lord Jareth, and myself.

Do be careful with Lord Jareth. He has had a rough time even before your run.

Have a fair day.


The Goblin King, Rossetti

P. S. Jareth hates eggplant. Do cook some up for Wednesday for me to throw them at him.

Sarah removed the boots from the box and put them on. "Oh, they feel like slippers."

"Rossetti is spoiling you," Jareth said, "Though I doubt she wanted you to strut about in them in your Kermit pajamas."

"If that is your way of saying that I need to stop being lazy, you have no room to speak. You're just wearing a sheet."

Jareth shrugged. "I am used to walking about in nothing, Sarah. I guessed that you would be offended by such a display. I am more than willing to return to my previous ways if it would please you, precious."

"Call me precious one more time and there will be nothing for you to display," Sarah said.

Before Jareth could respond, his cellphone rang. "Hello? Lestrade? What seems to be the problem? Oh, well, we'll be right over. Sarah, it appears that there has been a strange murder. Up for the challenge?"

With a smirk, Sarah said, "It will be a piece of cake."


A/N: The term "gremlins" was not used until the World War II. Pilots would blame gremlins for issues with their aircraft. I decided to make them a bit older in history because, to quote Tumblr, "I do what I want".

If anyone catches the Chameleon Circuit reference, I shall squee in joint geekiness.

Thank you for reading! The encouragement I have received from you readers has been wonderful and far more than I expected. Thank you once again.

The next chapter of our dynamic duo is "The Blonde Babe" a.k.a. "The Blind Banker" is already being written. I hope to have it finished by the end of January.

Until Our Next Meeting.