For Booky meh twinny, this is your secret santa. I love you so much, and I hope you have a great Christmas.
She gives her heart and he watches. He watches her like he's always done but this time she's tinted green. Through his eyes Clary has always been a bright red: energetic, full of love and bad temper. Now he's slipped on the green tinted glasses and he notices her more than ever. Every movement she has with Jace, every smile and argument they exchange. And with that comes a twist in Simon's heart.
And it hurts. Just like his mum said it would. Broken. Clary had broken his heart.
(And really he should have known better, shouldn't he?)
He can't give a certain time and date when he fell in love with Clary, because it isn't like that. Love doesn't just happen one day, it's gradual, it's falling. It happens so slowly you barely notice, then your heart stops and you hit the ground. You hit the ground and it hurts.
He always used to imagine him and Clary being together, how he would be the perfect boyfriend. Simon would bring her flowers, Simon would take her on romantic dates, Simon would buy her anime posters and video games, and he might even let her choose the latest name of the band. Simon still imagines but he keeps the dreams to himself.
(And he can't stop dreaming, her image is burnt into his eyelids. Even Isabelle doesn't burn bright enough to make her fade.)
It was probably his own fault. He spent too much time fooling around with other girls, but it was meant to be practise for Clary. Practise for his true love. So when he finally kissed Clary it would be just like a fairy tale, he would sweep her off her feet and they'd be happily ever after. Clary would be his princess and he could be her knight in shining armour. That's what all girls want, that's what all the stories say, and he wants to make Clary happy, so he went out with other girls. So stupid.
Believing in fairy tales.
(Grow up Simon)
They're in love. It's disgusting. They're brother and sister, and the way they look at each other is hideous, shameful, it's just wrong. And as much as it grosses Simon out it also intensifies his green glasses, they have love. Something so beautiful and rare, something Simon wishes so hard to have. So despite his churning stomach he can't help but admire it, slightly.
He still wishes Clary would give up on Jace, give up on the man she can never have and love him instead. But that won't happen; Simon knows love cannot be broken so easily. But he'll be Clary's seconds, he doesn't mind as long as he can be with Clary, can feel her lips on his just for a while. Sometimes when he's on top of her, and he kisses her he can forget about Jace and how wrong the rest of the world is. They become that fairy tale we always wanted, his brain swirls and he is indeed a shining knight in armour and Clary is the beautiful maiden, he has swept her off her feet. Any minute now they will ride into the sunset and get married. They will. Oh they will
Clary kisses Jace at the Faerie Queen's court, even though she knows he's her brother. Simon knows it was coming, but it still doesn't hurt any less. He feels the anger that's been inside of him, biting in him and itching to get out. This was all it needed, he runs and he doesn't stop. He goes to the place in his dreams. Hotel Dumont. He needs to prove himself, he's already gone into this new world with Clary, and he'll show her he's capable. He stumbles into the hotel knowing he needs to be there, that it'll get rid of the sickness and anger. Simon will win this time. Simon doesn't win.
They pounce and he feels sharp teeth sink into his neck. Blood pours out of his side and he finds it hard to believe it's his, his blood can't be that red, can it? He feels the bitter taste of metal on his dry mouth, he's too weak to even raise his arms in protest, his head and ears are pounding out a steady rhyme. Pain, white sharp pain. Black starts to swim into the sides of his vision. This is it, he's dying.
He closes his eyes, and as always Clary's image is there. Simon lips turn up at the corners and he says his last word.
He barely finishes the word from his lips. But in his head he says goodbye to the old Simon, so foolish to breath and love.