Title: Near Misses Ch 2 Pairing: Spike/Xander Rating: PG Summary: Xander monologue

Contact E-mail: imasisara@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: Xander isn't mine. Spike isn't mine. I just like to play with them. A lot.

Notes: happens after Spike's monologue. Same fight, different perspective. Fun, huh?

Why are you looking at me like that? I didn't do anything wrong. I fought just like the rest of you, and I am still alive and everything else. Just because I'm not the Slayer, not a witch, not a vampire, just because I am a normal human, doesn't mean that I can't do anything. I've lived on this damn Hellmouth my whole life, and I've seen more than most of the people I know. I've survived it all. I've lived through Mummy Girls and Bug Women, Anya during her first bout with PMS. I think I've got experience at the evil, strange, and general unusual.

Why do you even care anyways? It's not like my death is going to change anything. Might be called the White Knight, but I'm nothing special. Ordinary Xander. No powers, Gifts, or extra teeth. I'm about as normal as a guy gets on the Hellmouth.

And besides, I'm not the only one fighting with a handicap. There were humans in the group. They could have attacked you, and you would have been able to do nothing. And you are too strong to lose. We can't afford to lose you.

I don't want to lose you.

You, the Big Bad Master Vamp, have become a friend. Who would have thought that a soulless vampire would willingly join the Scoobies? I know that it didn't start out that way, but you haven't demanded money in ages. Still demand blood, but it isn't the same - we buy pizza for the Scoobie meetings, you buy blood.

And I trust you.

I trust you with Dawn's life. So do Buffy and Willow and Giles. We trust you take care of her, to make sure that she is safe, happy, whole. We trust you with our knowledge, our tentative, sometimes grudging, friendship.

I would trust you with my life.

I care a lot about you. Friends here in Sunnydale can't be taken lightly. I learned that one early on. You have to show them how much you care, cause otherwise they could leave or die without knowing. They could be turned. They could be dust.

But you are already there. You've seen the best and the worst, and you keep going. You are passionate and strong, and brave, loyal, things that I want to be, things that I wish I was. The White Knight wanting to be with the Dark.

I envy you. Your demon frees you from so much. I envy that. I wish that I could be that open.

I wish...

I wish I could tell you..