Chapter Five: Imagine a professional basketball player forced to use a child height urinal in the public bathroom. …That is all

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

The door opened slowly and silently, the person behind the action intentionally trying to make as little fanfare as possible as she gained access to the room.

Inside she saw her target sleeping peacefully. His presence had been made known to her almost as soon as he had arrived, but it had taken some time for her to find the time to actually come up with a way to get to him in private. The guards in front of the door had taken some time to get rid of, but a few sweet words and personal written pieces of paper had dealt with them quickly.

She slowly walked towards the blonde boy, not exactly sure of what she was going to do when she reached this point herself, but none the less kept on moving forward. Deciding that it wouldn't hurt to take a more direct approach, she reached out towards his peaceful looking face…

"If you value your life, I would advise against moving any closer."

She froze as the deep and impartial voice came from her side. She had heard that the boy had come with an odd and dangerous looking creature, but she had assumed that it was gone now, and she certainly didn't think that it would speak with such a terrifyingly violent tone.

Looking to her side, she saw the rather large multi-tailed fox curled up on a small but comfortable rug and looking at her with a mild albeit sadistic interest. "Then again if you don't, please go ahead. I've been rather bored lately. Taunting my brother's container can only provide so much entertainment."

Regaining her self control at a speed that only a practiced shinobi or an actress could do, the Daimyo of Spring Country looked down at the rust red fox with dry amusement. It said something about her skills considering how unnerving the creature's glowing red eyes were. "I hope you know that threatening a Daimyo would be enough to order your execution, regardless of what your task was."

The fox's demeanor didn't change as it snorted as if hearing a bad joke. "Threaten? You overestimate yourself human. I have no intention of moving from this spot regardless of what you decide to do. It is you who is beneath my position."

"Coming from the pet of someone whose sanity has been questioned by virtually everyone he knows, that's not saying much." The woman snorted without hesitation. All things considered, she had a valid point, and anyone who has met Naruto would have questioned the organ his head at some point or another.

The fox's eye narrowed. "You should know the boy better by now human. The odds of me being a mere pet of the idiot are just as likely as the Toad Sage forsaking his attraction towards the other sex."

Koyuki paused for a moment as she contemplated the fox's statement. She was well aware of Jiraiya's habits, however she did not expect the beast to actually bring it up as a reference. "Point made. However that then begs the question of what you are."

"You are in a position of power, have a moderate interest in the boy, it's been years since information has been released to the public, and I'm a talking fox with multiple tails." The biju didn't hide the irritation in his deep voice however his demeanor remained for the most part impassive. "An actress you are, but a fool I am not."

The woman's twitching lips gave away her real thoughts. "Violent you are, but amused I still am."

"Feh. Humans. Stay out of the limelight for a decade and they completely forget where they stand compared to a being a hundred thousand times their size. And your kind wonders why I have no remorse when I hear of you killing yourselves off for foolish reasons."

"Don't be like that." Koyuki bowed politely but dropping some of her smug attitude. "It is an honor to meet your acquaintance Kyubi-dono. Reputation aside, it should always be a notable event to converse with something that is old enough to be from the time of legends."

Kurama glared at the human in front of him before snorting and yawning. "You would think that more of your fleeting kind would have the sense to realize such a simple yet significant fact."

"You're talking to a woman who deals with crowds of mindless admirers and fans that have actually killed one another for a rumored set of my used underwear on the black market." The woman grimaced. "I am more than aware that the masses of my kind are frequently short a few brain cells."

"…"

"…"

"… Kurama."

"Koyuki."

"Well met."

"And you."

"You are aware that the odds of things remaining peaceful in the near future are sickeningly low now that the both of you are within spitting distance of one another, correct?"

"I try not to worry about it."

"I thought you were smarter than the normal human, not that that is something to be particularly proud of."

"I've also been trying to stay with the Mizukage as much as possible in recent days."

"Fair enough."

The two looked at one another perfectly aware that what they were talking about would unsettle anyone else. Unfortunately they were both far too accustomed to Naruto's antics to let it get the better of them by this point.

"Forgive me for being inquisitive, but how much exactly have you seen from inside of our mutually favorite crazy? From what I have heard, you have been inside of him since his birth."

"Enough to know how exactly he pulled the stunts with your undergarments on the boat, after he blew up the castle, and after he left after the movie premiere. Actually I didn't have much choice but to watch at that point."

"Wait I thought that his teacher, Ghost I believe, did the one after the movie." She asked skeptically. It wouldn't have been hard to come to that conclusion. The man was worse than his supposed student.

"It was a joint effort."

"Should have known he had help when my bras started to fly around the mansion…" She muttered under her breath.

"Fair warning, he doesn't need the help to pull that off now."

"Thanks."

"Someone has to curb the damage. It gets annoying when he's feared more than me."

"Don't like the competition?"

"Giant fox. Small human. Thousands of years old. Still going through puberty. Crushes mountains with a single tail swipe. Causes headaches whenever he opens his mouth." Kurama looked at her with dead eyes as one of his tails pointed back and forth between him and his container. "I doubt it is difficult to see why it is irritating to be seen as the equal or beneath such an individual at times."

Koyuki looked at the sleeping blonde next to her skeptically. The Nine Tailed Fox was a creature that was world renowned for its destructive capabilities. Even if it hasn't been seen in the wild for nearly a hundred years save for its rampage in Konoha, it had been widely accepted to be the strongest thing that walked the earth and only comparable to the might of Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju. Its wrath was known to reshape the landscape and the few shinobi that knew about the biju in depth would agree with such things without hesitation.

This same creature, who apparently was sealed in the boy that saved her life and home twice, was sulking about said boy's reputation. At face value she would have assumed that would be it, but as a professional actress and the ruler of a small but growing country she could tell there was something underlying the beast's ire.

"… He's strong isn't he?" She asked bluntly, her eyes never leaving the boy. Even asleep and in the dark, she could make out the dark marks under his eyes that indicated prolonged periods of exhaustion and stress. She had them herself, but her makeup hid them from the public eye.

"Sickeningly so." Kurama's responded without any hesitation, though his ire was still clearly there.

"Why?" Had she noticed the fox looking at her, she would have noticed that his eyes twitched at the question, as if he didn't want to admit to it himself.

"Because he has to be."

Her eyes softened, taking in the fox's words. "Is there any way I can help?"

"Stay out of the blast radius."

"I thought we were being serious."

"I am." The fox growled darkly. "The fewer distractions when the time comes, the better."

"He has you on his side and the entirety of Konoha." She questioned logically. "What could he be afraid of, let alone stand up against him?"

"Naruto is a mockery of all things rational, but he is never stupid. There are many things that he is terrified of human." Kurama ominously stated as his eyes slowly closed but never turned away from his container's body.

The memories of their recent travels echoed through his mind. Gods, Demons, Aliens, creatures, rules, and phenomena that have no true definition flashed across his thoughts like unwanted nightmares and dreams. The Fox's pride had taken a massive blow during their years of travelling, one that would take centuries to recover from.

He had been forced to admit now that he was merely one of the largest fish in a very, VERY small pond, and he had been forced to attend parties consisting of Godzilla, the Loch Ness Monster, Poseidon, and their extended families.

"Pray that you never encounter any of them. I doubt your mind would remain as intact as his did, and I use the term intact very loosely."

o. o. o.

Konoha:

"So then." Tenten mused as team eight and Gai plus Kin sat around the Korean barbecue waiting for their food to get ready. "Is there any particular reason why we are all feeling impending death from Hinata right now?"

It should also be noted that said Hyuga heiress was sitting at the head of the table with a calm and serene smile on her face. Likewise everyone else was giving her as much room as possible.

It didn't help that the people in the nearby stalls were rushing to finish their meals as soon as she sat down either.

"Please don't make jokes like that Tenten. It is impolite to make accusations of such a nature." The Princess shook her head, denying the obvious fact. "I have no intention to harm anyone."

Hint number two: Hinata Hyuuga's vocabulary became much more proper and controlled when angered.

Also, she clearly did not consider the soon to be departed to be actual people.

"She's pissed because Ghost-sensei's back and Naruto isn't. Far be it for those nuts to make things easy for us." Kiba sighed. "Hinata's been trying to get her hands on Ghost for the past week, but he's been avoiding her like the plague. He's actually putting an effort into it too."

o. o. o.

Somewhere in Konoha by the river:

"… I'M HIDING IN A TREE AGAIN!"

"… WHY THE HELL DOES THIS SHIT STILL WORK?!"

o. o. o.

Back with the teens:

"The bastard could be anywhere right now." The Inuzuka shrugged helplessly. Not that I blame him. He mentally added.

"Didn't your mother attempt to deliver Sensei to Hinata a few days ago?" Shino questioned skeptically.

Kiba shivered. Ghost had managed to escape his mother's capture by pantsing the woman as they were fortunately going through an empty alleyway.

It was also unfortunately a time when Kiba was reminded that Inuzuka women that were in the shinobi system went commando due to the fact that they needed as little as possible in the way when they were spinning around like drills and twisting their bodies. The less resistance and fabric in that area, the less rub burn they got.

Inuzuka men on the other hand wore specially designed underwear so that they didn't twist their privates off for the same reasons.

There was much screaming done in that alleyway.

"Sensei did something best not spoken of again?" Kin sighed, knowing that Kiba's hesitation was probably well founded.

"Mmmm!" The unfortunate and haunted teen whimpered while nodding his head frantically and purging the image of his mother's naked half from his mind futilely.

"It seems that Sensei has not changed in the slightest!" Lee stated as energetically as usual. "I cannot wait to see him and test my skills!"

"I believe that finding him alone would test them." Neji grunted. Even after the two year absence, the Hyuga had a sore spot when it came to Ghost and Shadow since they just stood by while he lost his eye and nearly got killed. It was less so with the sister Oogakari since he was still in contact with her over the three years, but Ghost on the other hand… "He's a fool, but if he doesn't want to be found he won't."

"All in favor of being cheap and bribing Shadow with sweets and small fuzzy things to get him?" Tenten declared with all the authority she could muster. It was a well known fact around town that in order to grab a hold of an Oogakari, you needed another Oogakari, and while Shadow was a bit off at times she was also the easiest (and cheapest) to bribe.

"No no." Hinata smiled peacefully. "There's no need for that Tenten. While it would be efficient and faster, it would yield more… satisfying results if we found him ourselves. You could even say that the activity would prove to be an interesting and satisfying… hunt."

The eight other teens and dog at the table shivered in fear at Hinata's statement.

The multiple high pitched girl screams heard from across town didn't help either.

Yeah, the girl was definitely pissed off.

"Before we are further unsettled to the point of losing our appetites, might I suggest changing the subject of conversation?" Shino spoke up in an attempt to save their collective bladder control.

"Like what?" Kiba asked in equal amounts of curiosity and hope.

"Didn't some of you say that you were thinking of taking on teams of your own?" Kin asked skeptically. "I mean we're all at least special jonin. We have the clearance to do so, an all we have to do is take a few classes and pass a few approval tests to get the ok."

"Maybe later." Tenten shrugged. "I want to further my career before I get tied down by kids of any kind. Besides I haven't finished mastering my own techniques yet. What about you Neji?"

"I have been contemplating the notion." The Hyuga nodded. "However I too wish to further my skills and abilities before undertaking such a task."

Lee made a fist. "I on the other hand believe that I would make a most youthful…"

"NO!" Everyone else at the table shouted at him at once. It was bad enough that Gai was a teacher. They didn't need Lee to start corrupting unfortunate youths as well, regardless of the fact that both men were taijutsu freaks of nature. They had enough crazies in the village as it was.

"Well I thought it was a youthful idea…" The outnumbered young man grumbled sullenly.

"Lee. I love you, but youthful does not mean smart or healthy for everyone's future ability to remain sane. We have trouble enough with who we normally keep around." Kin sighed as she pulled her boyfriend into a light hug to make him feel better. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not taking any students either. I personally don't have the patience to deal with kids. I'm a bit like Ino that way."

"In the short tempered slash happy Anko way or in the forgetting to use more non lethal method way?" Neji asked skeptically.

"Yes."

"I too have considered becoming a sensei." Shino spoke up. He was a special jonin, however his skills were not to be underestimated by anyone. "However I have misgivings about it. I am unable to contribute much in terms of education to the common graduating genin outside of basic training, tactics, and taijutsu. My clan jutsu prevent me from learning techniques suitable for others. I feel I am unsuitable for the position."

"Hey don't be like that Shino." Kiba patted his friend on the back. "Kurenai-sensei was a genjutsu specialist while we weren't but she still did well with us. Besides you're one of the most protective and logical guys I know. It would take an army for one of your students to die while under your watch. If I had a kid I'd kill for you to teach his team."

"Same here." Kin added with a grin. "Among all the nuts we hang out with Shino, you're one of the few with their head on straight. Don't sell yourself short."

The subsequent nods of everyone else at the table gave the Aburame a warm feeling. "Everyone…"

"Does anyone know where Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, Ino, and Sasuke have gone?" Lee asked curiously once the feelings gushing over the table had finally faded.

"Probably a mission." Tenten yawned. "Never seen that particular setup before, but then again that's nothing special. With Shikamaru still out in Suna team ten's other members have been shifting around a lot."

"Last I heard Chouji's still out doing some solo C ranks." Kiba shrugged. "Mostly that manual labor stuff that his clan gets hired for from time to time."

It was a well known fact that the Akamichi were frequently called for heavy labor based maintenance jobs in the civilian cities around the country. Their body size enhancing jutsu helped save a lot in terms of time and setting up large equipment if applied correctly. Plus it occasionally brought tourists who were unused to shinobi in general to Konoha. Who needed a billboard when you had a family that could make themselves fifty times the size of one walking all over the place?

"He's going to be disappointed when he gets back." Tenten sighed. "He always likes to spend time with Ino after a mission away from her."

"The poor poor fool." Kin shook her head in mock pity.

"Don't be like that. Those two make a good couple." Kiba grinned. "Like a sadist and her follower. A queen and her loyal lackey. A sociopath and her meat shield… where's our food again?"

"Shouldn't be long now." Neji shrugged, not at all arguing against Kiba's comparisons.

"Speaking of late arrivals, are Hana-sensei and Anko-sensei back yet?" Hinata asked curiously. "I've been meaning to talk to them about some medical projects I've been working on."

"Not yet." Kiba shrugged. "They're a bit late actually, but I'm not worried about them."

"Medical projects? Why don't you ask Tsunade-sama, Shizune-san, or Waltz-sama about them?" Shino questioned with suspicion. "They should be more than qualified to help you out."

It was only due to knowing the girl very well that they caught the very slight shifting of posture indicating that she obviously didn't want to tell the truth. "Don't be silly Shino. Those three are always busy taking care of everyone and Konoha. My projects aren't significant enough to take them away from their important tasks."

Technically Hinata had a point. Even after learning to use Shadow Clones to do her work (she managed to weasel it out of Sarutobi after getting the poor old man plastered and on a few select and untraceable drugs one night), Tsunade was constantly busy managing the village with Shizune in tow. Waltz on the other hand was more often than not the top emergency room doctor and surgeon at the local hospital in addition to the guy everyone called on to keep his family in check since Scabbard was frequently out of town.

However no one at the table believed that that was the real reason why she refused to go to those three.

Then again, Hinata was still clearly in a poor enough mood that no one wanted to call her out on it.

"Whatever. Far be it for us lowly peons to…" Kin began to make a jab at the girl before some fanfare outside reached her ears. Given how it was only lunch time the sound of a large commotion and music seemed a bit out of place. "What the… oh for the love of my brain cells not again. Another one?"

The other teens there groaned as they heard the familiar sounds of yet another noble making his or her "grand" entrance into the village known to everyone, complete with entourage, small band, and a small army of soldiers that probably would all get slaughtered in a second if the locals actually decided to off them.

Because many of the clan heirs in Konoha had been coming of age around the same time and because they were for the most part technically and legally unspoken for, many nobles and royalty from all over the elemental nations had been attempting to set up arranged marriages with them in order to establish stronger ties to the prosperous land of fire.

Because shinobi clans tended to focus more on the military instead of politics, they were often seen by many of the standard nobles outside of the village as people in between the commoners and the worthy elites. Not quite at their standards, but certainly above the riffraff that made up the bulk of the world's population.

As a result, they were often treated with… less care by most nobles. This could often be seen whenever the arriving nobles attempted to set up a marriage contract with the previously mentioned clan heirs.

If one potential setup didn't end well, then they'd just move onto the next clan compound down the road and see if they were desperate enough to marry the clan's heir to their third daughter or fourth son who had a severe mental disorder and a habit of killing servants in fits of rage. They were marrying shinobi after all. They could clearly handle themselves and take care of things for them. It was all for the noble cause of tying their family to that of a clearly more noble and significant family.

OBVIOUSLY there was nothing wrong with their logic.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata were the big prizes as far as most people were concerned due to their status, wealth and family histories, however that didn't mean that the other clan heirs were safe from the phenomina.

Kiba, Shino, Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji all had their fair share of surprise suitors in recent months, and even Tenten had gotten some hopefuls from some Samurai. Apparently she had earned one hell of a name for herself there during her appearance at the swordmaster tournament and was talked of with as much respect and curiosity as Scabbard was.

All things considered it wasn't an unexpected thing for the teens. They knew that due to their social status that this was likely to happen whether they wanted it or not, and arranged marriages between high profile families were not uncommon. In fact if Konoha wasn't so lenient with their shinobi's individual freedoms, many of the teens would have been slapped with engagements for political reasons way back when they were in the academy already.

However as mentioned before, Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata were the high profile targets for most of the visitors and thus what became of them were under high scrutiny by the international community. It wasn't common knowledge that Hinata and Naruto were an item, and even if it was known both Naruto and Sasuke were still eligible to have multiple wives due to their current family and social conditions, ie, they were orphans and were borderline royalty. Granted not many people actually followed this rule in Konoha, but again things like this were far more frequent on the outside of the military village.

Thankfully though, no potential suitors or deals had been attempted that would cause anyone to turn their heads at.

Also thankfully for Hinata, Hiashi was probably one of the hardest people to argue against when he declined an offer. It was one of the few times that the girl was rather glad of her family's notorious habits of displaying unnatural levels of stoicism and lack of sympathy.

She had seen the man send no less than half a dozen potential suitors away crying just by staring at them with boredom. Even the Oogakari had to admit that that took some serious skill to pull off.

… Well skill, or it was evidence that the man really needed to get a hobby. One or the other.

"What unfortunate individual is it this time?" Lee sighed with exasperation, a most unyouthful action by his standards, but all the more indication that even he was tired of the constant distractions.

"It's a woman." Neji supplied with his single byakugan activated underneath his headband, so all of the veins around his eye were all but hidden as well. "Mid twenties. Looks to be from our neck of the woods, and all prettied up with enough makeup to make a genuine mask."

Kiba's nose twitched with irritation. "Ugh. Better double the amount of perfume you'd normally guess on her. I can smell it from here. It's pretty expensive stuff, but way too strong."

"All right girls and boys." Kin took out her wallet. "You know the game. Who is the latest one here for this time? Naruto and Sasuke are low risk while the rest of you poor scrubs with Y chromosomes are high risk. No multiple bets allowed and only one person gets the non marriage hold. If no one wins the cash goes to the pool for future bets."

"Heavy makeup and perfume? Mid twenties? She's desperate for a husband." Tenten grinned as she took out five hundred ryo. "My money's on Sasuke."

"Hey Neji, she hot?" Kiba asked curiously.

"Kiba!" Hinata chided.

"She's appeasable." The other Hyuga shrugged as he took out his own five hundred. "It's wasted money, but I'll put it on Kiba this time."

"Low blow asshole." The Inuzuka snorted. "Stick up her ass or does she look like she actually has a personality?"

"Shrew." Neji smirked.

"If you're right I will kill you and then myself in that order." The younger male grunted as he took out his cash. "Naruto. Woman sounds like another gold digger."

"Naruto." Shino made his contribution.

"It is most unyoutful to make bets on such a thing." Lee frowned.

"Sasuke." Kin made a deposit before turning to her boyfriend. "… And your point is? You cut off people's heads for a living."

"… Point made however I wish you would not bring that up in public." Lee shrugged before throwing his money into the lot. "I shall go out on a limb and make a wager on Shino."

"Hah!" Kiba lightly elbowed his best human friend.

"You will not be happy if you win Lee. Why? Because after I deal with her, you would be the next subject of my ire." The Aburame glared at Kiba.

"Don't be like that Shino-kun." Hinata pouted while discretely taking out her own five hundred and momentarily activating her eyes. "We've all had to deal with unsavory potential suitors recently. And I will go for Sasuke."

"Right." Kin nodded as she took all the money and marked down the bets. She was the group's designated bet taker and keeper since she frequently switched between teams and so everyone could get to her easier than with other teams. "Bets are placed and results will be posted within the week. I'll let you know if the sensei get in on it this time."

"I can't believe Kurenai-sensei won that round with Shikamaru." Kiba shook his head in despair. "She made off like a bandit… or Naruto."

"She bought a rather expensive bottle of vodka from the land of Iron with the winnings." Hinata added with a smile. "She was quite pleased with it from what I heard."

"If you're talking about the event I think you are, then I definitely want whatever the hell she got." Kin snickered.

"Event?" Tenten frowned in confusion. "Are you talking about that rumor that she and Asuma went into the caves behind the monument, particularly the Third's head, and…"

She was cut off by Shino covering her mouth with one of her hands. "Regardless of what Hinata is talking about, what you are referring to is a rumor and nothing more."

An instant later he had to withdraw his hand as a small but very sharp blade slashed through where his arm was. "Don't ever do that again Shino. Thanks." The weapon mistress smiled kindly as the tool faded out of existence in her hand.

Everyone else at the table looked at the pair with only mild interest.

The Aburame didn't seem to be phased in the slightest by the sudden display of violence. "I was merely taking precautionary measures. I apologize if you were offended Tenten."

"So long as you understand."

It didn't show much, but everyone had been growing progressively jumpy ever since they felt Naruto's return. While they were eager to see their friend, they also knew that it meant that something big was going to happen soon.

"Finally." Kiba sighed as their meals were delivered. "Food."

For now though, they would enjoy what peace they could get…

Boom!

"The floor has hidden my flamingo taxes! The reckoning has come! And it wants its feet washed! Someone get the koalas for they know the secret of root division which is imperative to the back-left table leg clause!"

"Oh dear log Crypt Oogakari is out by himself again!"

Whatever peace they could get…

o. o. o.

Land of Moon:

Kurama's eyes opened as he heard the explosions outside. He wasn't worried as he was annoyed. The weak bombs (by his standard) had waked him up from his nap.

Expanding his senses, he felt a fair number of humans swarming in and out of the castle with malicious intent. Weak intent belonging to misguided and soon to be dead weak humans, yes, but in good number regardless.

Speak of the devil, there went Zabuza and his pack tearing apart the idiots in his range with childish ease… although he was running off in the other direction for some odd reason. Ah, he was going after the interesting leading human from earlier. It seems as if she got captured already.

Come to think of it, what was it with "royal" humans being captured so frequently? If they were such a pain to keep safe, why have them at all in the first place? Bah, it was probably another one of those hypocritical things that humans did by habit and didn't want to admit was foolish.

Already he could feel the lives of humans from both the defending and offending parties snuffing one another out all around him. Some places had one side winning, others the opposite. The metallic scent of blood had yet to reach his powerful nose, but it wouldn't take long to reach him by this rate.

Speaking of which…

The door to the room exploded inwards to reveal three humans in somewhat familiar armor on the other side and ready to fight.

"I was wondering when my next meal was going to be delivered." The fox yawned and slowly stood up, lazily batting away the kunai thrown at him with his three visible tails swaying as if that was how they moved normally. Moments later one of his tails stretched out to protect his container from a few more metal daggers from spearing him. It was rather convenient that his magnificent and perfect tails were naturally at least three to four times his body length and could only get longer if he bothered using more power. "Looks like I might be able to work off some of the fat this time too. Doesn't seem lightly though."

"Kill the brat! The summon will disappear if its master is dead!" What appeared to be the leader of the group shouted as he threw more kunai at Naruto, only to be easily blocked by Kurama's tail.

"Humans." The fox rolled his eyes and casually walked to the high strung would be killers, not at all bothered with their attempts to kill Naruto. "The moment they see a non human helping another out they think that it's automatically a lowly summon."

Granted he ignored the fact that at one point he had been a summon of Madara Uchiha, but then again it wasn't like he had a choice in that particular arrangement.

The three men froze as the beast momentarily blasted them with (what he considered) a fairly weak killing intent, the kind he used for things he intended to eat while hunting. It was significantly less potent than what he used on things he actually fought. His lacking impression of the weaklings was further enforced when he smelt one of them soil himself a few moments later.

"Ugh. Why do I keep on forgetting that they do that?" Kurama groaned, his face scrunched up in disgust before shooting out one of his tails and impaling the man that had committed the offense. The victim's chakra armor did almost nothing to impede the savage blow. "I guess that that is simply another benefit of being significantly larger than virtually everything else most of the time. Your nose is too far away to pick up some of the more annoying things."

"Monster!" The leader shouted as he was snapped out of his stupor by his friend's death and charged at the biju, taking out a katana that began to glow blue with chakra.

He might as well have been wielding tissue paper as his target swiped out with one of his claws and tore through the weapon and armor, nearly cutting the poor fool in half as easily as breathing.

The unstoppable beast withdrew his paw to show that he had torn out the man's still beating heart and popped it into his mouth as casually as an Akimichi eats chips, chewing on it with satisfaction while looking at the sole survivor. The fox's red eyes were only matched by the lifeblood dripping down his maw. "Mmm. Not good. Not bad. A bit too much cholesterol in his diet for my taste."

Terrified beyond words, the man looked around frantically. He could tell that he wouldn't be able to run from or kill the beast given how fast it took out his leader of two years, and help would never be able to get to him in time. His eyes fell upon the sleeping boy that had been his original target. Killing the boy had been his goal, but now it was possibly his only way out.

Screaming his head off, the nameless man shouted at the top of his lungs and charged past the fox to his side to the boy. Throwing kunai had proven to be more than useless so he had to get in close to get the job done. Weaving around the three tails hanging around mid air and managed to land right next to the bed with his kunai wielding hands plunging towards his target's face.

Had he bothered to be more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed that the fox was not bothering with him.

Had he bothered to be more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed how easy it was to get around the fox's tails.

Had he bothered to be more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed that the boy's eyes were open and staring at him with an unnerving blank expression…

Moments later, blood flew everywhere.

o. o. o.

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid…" Grunted Karenbana as she led the royal family and a small cadre of royal guards to one of the hidden passageways designed to allow the occupants to escape in times of dire need…

… For example, when the entire castle was under attack from all sides by shinobi and mercenaries. She noted that half of them were in chakra armor and causing chaos everywhere.

One day. She couldn't even get twenty four god damn hours to prepare and adjust her plans for the shit to hit the fan before the idiots acted without warning and assaulted the royal compound with gusto.

She had been waiting with Michiru and his family for the Daimyo of the land of Spring and the Mizukage in the main chambers of the castle when the first explosions and screams took place. Most likely the fools had used the opening the Daimyo's return from her tour of the island had made to their advantage, and gotten through the gates that way.

After that, their larger numbers and better armor would ensure that they had the main entrance to the territory. The fact that they now most likely got their hands on the actress at the same time was icing on the cake. The Mizukage on the other hand was not scheduled to return for another hour. At best there was only around four ANBU on the castle grounds, and while they were no doubt very good at what they did, they would not be able to handle this sort of force.

She knew this because she had been there when the timetable had been made for the event and thus made the plan of attack. One that she was now severely regretting.

All in all, the entire castle would soon be a warzone and she would try her hardest to not become a part of it.

"Wait!" Hikairu shouted. "What about Naruto-nii?! He's still sleeping!"

The kunoichi couldn't help but snort bitterly at the thought of anyone trying to kill the kid sleeping in the other side of the castle while the fox was still there. If it weren't for the fact that the kid was too far away from where they were and the fact that she was scared shitless of the fox, she probably would have taken the group over to the kid instead of the stairs. "Hikairu-dono. Trust me when I say this. We don't need to go after him. I have no idea what the hell that fox guarding him is, but that thing is most likely the most dangerous thing on this island next to the Mizukage and the Demon of the Hidden Mist."

No. It was probably something worse than the Mizukage. She was a fairly experienced and traveled wandering shinobi before her exploits in Moon and she could confidently say that nothing she knew of could compare to that thing that took the form of a fox. Anyone that tried to kill the brat while it was around would get torn to pieces. It was as simple as that.

"Hey! Who's there?!" Shouted a rather rough and therefore unfriendly voice from the direction the small group was running to.

"Son of a…" Karenbana swore under her breath before she instantly sped up in the direction of the voices and wove a few seals. It had only taken her five minutes to figure out that the armor she wore only canceled out genjutsu that targeted the wearer directly. Wide spread genjutsu that did specific things that didn't target the user worked just fine.

That being said, her illusion of countless sakura petals flooding the hallway worked perfectly in distracting and blinding the small group of half unarmored thugs as she charged at them like a flying cannonball from the ceiling and tore out two thirds of their throats in a single pass. She made sure to focus on the ones that were wearing chakra armor like her since they'd be the most trouble.

As much as she prided herself on her deceptive strength, she was by nature a supplementary fighter. She worked best when a distraction in the form of a meat puppet was nearby.

Thankfully by the time that the remaining three survivors realized that four of their group had been taken out and their assailant was behind them, the other members of the royal guard had come on top of them and made quick work of them. The chakra armor was a great defense against nin and genjutsu, but normal chakra-less attacks could easily still get through with ease.

"Hikairu. Don't look." The new Queen attempted to shelter her son as the royal family ran past the carnage and towards a set of hidden stairs.

"I'm fine mom." The prince swallowed heavily. He was used to the idea of death. Executions were rare in the Land of Moon, but they did happen on occasion whenever someone tried to mess with one of their more valued casinos or attack the royal family. As a member of the royal family he was obligated to see them once in a while. His first was actually Shabadaba's execution after he violated the terms of his imprisonment. Still being this close was a new and unwanted experience. "We have to keep on moving."

"He's right." Michiru nodded. It really was impressive on how much he had changed over the past few years. He was a few pounds heavier than he used to before he let himself go, but his mental resolve was miles ahead of what it had been at any point. "We can't bother about the small things right now."

"Hard to believe you were that useless fatass that I read about when I first got here." Karenbana smirked as she began to lead the group again. "No offence Michiru-sama."

"Come on. Do you really have to make jabs at what I was like now of all times?" The current king groaned with a hint of immaturity. While his personality had grown as much as his body in the past few years, he still slipped on occasion.

Karenbana, while still distrusted by a good portion of the castle, was somehow one of the few people that could get away with calling him out on it. It was probably because she was one of the most dangerous people on the island so few people actually attempted to stop her so long as she wasn't going overboard.

"Gotta do something to make this suck less." She snorted without remorse before turning to one of the hallways. "Hurry up, we're almost…"

Her comment was cut short as she instantly used the kunai in her hands to deflect at least a dozen more that were thrown from the direction she had just faced. "Shit! They headed us off!"

Hikairu shivered as he saw four more shinobi in the odd armor run down the hall straight towards them, only to be headed off by his guard. The sounds of shouting and metal clashing met his ears in greater volume and frequency with each passing second. Subconsciously he reached for his ever present bow and quiver, the only things that had give him true comfort even when his parents were separated and he was travelling with his at the time foolish father.

"Michiru-sama! Take your family out of here!" The captain shouted frantically as he barely held off his attacker. The man was pretty good given that he only had some basic samurai training, but it was still an uphill fight at the best. "Karenbana! Protect them with your life! That's an order!"

The Kunoichi clicked her teeth in irritation before grabbing a hold of the King and Queen and pulling them around the fighting. "Fucking great. Like I needed you to tell me what to do dumbass. Oi brat! Hurry up! I taught you for a reason damn it!"

The yelling did the trick in snapping the young prince out of his daze and brought him back to reality. Realizing what was happening, the boy focused what he could on his small reserves just like he had been taught and ran around the fighting faster than any twelve year old should have, catching up to his family and Karenbana in seconds before continuing onward to the stairs.

"And you said that teaching your brat to use chakra was pointless." The kunoichi snorted to the Queen, who had been arguing for years that her son had no need to learn a trade with such a violent history. "Get your bow out kid, I might need the backup if things get messy."

"No! We need to focus on running away." The Queen snapped, the severity of the situation getting to her. "We don't need my son to be a murderer on top of all of this!"

"Either he might kill some idiot or we all might die. Take your pick lady." The former missing nin snorted as they closed in on their goal. "Fun fact. There are a lot of sick fucks out there that would kill to screw a pretty little Queen like you for the hell of it. You wanna test that out?"

"Karenbana!" The Michiru snapped with genuine irritation overriding any childish whining that may have been heard in his voice. "Be silent and do your job! Hikairu do what you wish but please be careful. If anything else make sure that you live through this. Amayo, I…"

The King was cut off as his servant, who was literally half his size, shoved him out of the way with more strength than his body could ever manage, and prevented him from getting skewered by a dozen shuriken.

"Again?!" The Queen began to panic as at the next intersection twelve men and women, half in chakra armor half not walked into view with smug looks on their face.

"Well well." One of the women that Karenbana saw at the bar smirked, dressed in armor. "Looks like my info was right after all. The King did have a capable shinobi under his payroll. Good thing I took the extra men and did that extra info gathering just in case." She began to chuckle. "Heh. Although I have to admit I'm surprised. I've seen underwhelming looking people before, but you certainly take the cake. What are you? Fourteen? Fifteen?"

The Kunoichi grit her teeth in frustration. Her plans were going up in smoke faster than she could say Danzo Shimura and she had no way out of it. The more time she wasted the more of a chance she and the royal family would be cut off as her former comrades got murdered. "I'm twenty five. Dumbass."

"You're shitting me." Snorted one of the many grunts who found the factoid hilarious. "A little brat like you is an old hag?"

"And I look manlier than you do needle dick. Isn't that just sad?" The killer smirked with a shit eating grin.

"Why you little bitch!" The large and clearly clueless man roared before charging forward at the girl with his sword drawn…

Only to get an arrow shaft between the eyes and put down instantly.

"Oi, you know I could have handled him easily right?" The guard muttered absently as she kept her eyes on the rest of her opponents, none of which seemed to care that their comrade had been killed.

"You can't afford any distractions." Hikairu breathed out shakily as he took out another arrow and notched it. Even at his age he knew he couldn't risk any mistakes. He could deal with the fact that he just killed someone later. Every second counted now.

"Such a considerate little prince I have." The kunoichi smirked dryly.

"Hikairu!" The Queen gasped at her son's actions.

"Hah!" The enemy leader snorted. "Well lookie here boys! The brat prince has bigger balls than some of you! Who knew?!"

The family and guard let the group laugh. It meant that their guard was down, at least a little bit.

Standing on the defensive, Karenbana slowly reached for one of the poison pouches on her body. Normally it would be stupid to use them while her charges were with her, but she was running out of options at this point. The one she was using was a refined version of her reaction delay poison, so it would at least get past the chakra armor, and in theory it could help them get past the group with some luck, but even so the odds were definitely not in their favor. At best she felt that she would only be able to save one of them…

It didn't take a genius who she would likely save if it came down to that.

However, just before she managed to close her fingers on the small sphere of toxic chemicals, a new factor made itself known.

Flush.

From the bathroom between both groups.

Flush… Flush flush flush flush.

"… Fuck! I used too much toilet paper!"

… Flush.

"Shit!"

Flush.

"It's not working."

"No really?"

"Bet you're regretting not brushing up on your water style now aren't you? You said it yourself, it would be a godsend for human pipe mechanics everywhere."

"One. You are more than aware that any technique I'd use would blow up the damn thing, spraying us both with my own undesired physical matter. Two. Shut the fuck up Furball. Three. Find me the damn plunger before we both are stepping in my two!"

"I still don't see why I should help you in the slightest."

"Help me or I will materialize you in a used public bathroom stall next time!"

"… The strongest biju reduced to that of a plumber. I don't know if I'm sickened more with myself or you."

"It's not my fault that I've been backed up since I passed out. You said it yourself. I've been out for almost a week. On that note, I'm freaking starving."

Gurgle.

"See how angry Mr. Tummy is?!"

"Well at least it wouldn't be the first time you ruined a castle through questionable means. Here."

"Thanks. How was I supposed to now that the funky markings under the floorboards of the guest room led to another dimension? Really? Tell me how. I'm all ears."

Flush.

"I'm pretty sure that you use the thing before flushing again dumbass."

"Just checking."

Everyone outside the bathroom looked at one another in disbelief and skepticism as they overheard the two inside bicker while certain death was likely to await them outside. Given that the pair was not identified, no one knew whose friend or foe it was, but no one was willing to take chances as they focused on the door.

Flush. Gurgle bubble.

"Wohoo! Success!"

"Truly this is the highlight of your day."

"Hey you dumb shits in the bathroom!" One rather crude man from the invading group. "Step out now with your hands where we can see them!"

He was answered by the sound of the sink turning on. "Hell no! I'm washing these things first! We're in a freaking castle you idiot! You know, the kind that royalty live in?! I'd be arrested for public indecency or some other bullshit law if I held these things out in front of the people here! Wait your turn!"

Many of the mercenaries and lesser trained shinobi couldn't help but laugh to varying degrees at this point though for differing reasons. Some just thought whoever was in the room was hilarious. Others thought that the situation itself was just amusing. Another group were grinning sadistically thinking that whoever was inside was going to shit themselves when he finally came out and realized what the situation was like outside. All in all, they were pretty much confident enough in their position that they could relax a bit regardless.

However the mercenaries didn't seem to notice that Karenbana, Hikairu and Michiru were smiling now as well. They, unlike the others, knew who owned the pair of obnoxious voices. Sure the lighter one was a bit deeper than they remembered, but there was only one person who could talk about such bizarre things in such a blatant and upfront way.

Indeed, many of the smiles in the hallway disappeared as the occupants of the bathroom finally opened the door and a sudden wave of chakra triggered their senses and nerves.

Said occupants didn't so much as blink as literally five dozen kunai impaled themselves around the doorway they stood in.

"Wow. Didn't know the bathroom was in such hot demand."

The number of kunai embedded into the doorway doubled.

"Seriously, what the hell did all of you have today to be so damn cranky?"

More sounds of metal impacting wood flooded the hallway.

"This isn't a private bathroom people! There's more than one stall here to use!"

"I don't think they're here for the bathroom." If the fox's voice was filled with any more sarcasm it would have solidified.

The invading shinobi there didn't dare try to get closer or throw anymore projectiles (something that was more of a reflex than an actual tactic for most practiced shinobi). It wasn't much the boy as it was the fox with three massive long tails there emanating a metric fuck ton of chakra that that put them on edge. All of them had had enough experience to know not to move close to such things without some sort of plan set up.

"Speaking of food, do any of you guys know where the kitchens are?" Naruto asked while drying his hands with a paper towel, completely missing the situation as he looked around. "Fuzzbutt says I've been out for a week, so yeah. I'm kinda hungry."

Gurgle.

"Ok. Scratch that. I'm fucking starving."

"It's best to tell him. He gets even more annoying when he's hungry." Kurama sighed in resignation.

"Not my fault I have an insane metabolism. Why do you think I eat so much ramen still? I needs carbs son. I needs them bad."

"Shit! It's the Feral Gale! He's awake!" One of the shinobi in armor nervously stepped back as he finally recognized the teen before turning to the leader. Given his reaction, it was fairly obvious that he had encountered the jinchuriki at some point in the past. "I thought you sent some guys to kill him while he was still asleep!"

"Oh… uh. If anyone asks, Kurama killed all of those guys whose bodies now decorate the room I was sleeping in." Naruto looked to the side, clearly lying. "Yep. He killed all of them. Not me. Totally not my fault this time."

"I only take credit for the speared through human and the one whose heart I ate. The one whose upper torso was reduced to a shredded paste and now covers everything else inside was all you." The fox corrected with a tired look. Obviously this was not the first time they had a conversation of this nature.

"He's simply being generous people. Pay no attention to the talking ego with fur."

"I have a better idea." One of the grunts that obviously was nowhere near as intimidated of Naruto and the Kyubi as some of the others, flung a handful of lightning chakra enhanced kunai at the pair… only for each and every one of them to miss completely and sink completely into the surrounding walls and floors.

"Since when have I ever been nice? I just tore out a human's heart and ate it in front of his friend's less than twenty minutes ago." The fox ignored the failed attack and glared at his container. "Don't ruin my reputation here more than it is already going to by hanging around you."

"What the fuck was that?" One of the other mercs hissed to the attacker. "I thought you said you were good at tools."

The man took a step back and frowned. "I am you idiot. There's no way I should have missed from this close. The brat obviously did something."

"Naruto-nii! You're really up!" Hikairu spoke up in pure happiness and relief.

"Hm?" The blonde turned to the boy curiously. "You look familiar. Wait. Don't tell me. Glasses. A bow. Dark hair. Lots of obnoxiously white and blue clothes that are borderline effeminate… Ishida! Wait, I'm supposed to be home… Hika… Hikamori? No that wasn't it… Hikairu!… Hikairu right?"

"Word is he's some sort of Wind style ninjutsu savant. They got the idiot part right at least." The leader of the group shrugged as she began to make some seals. "Still it shouldn't be that hard. Enclosed spaces. Limited room to move." She smirked and breathed in deeply.

Under normal circumstances Karenbana would have reacted and yelled a warning to her charges and allies before moving to save her skin, however the look of unparalleled boredom that the fox was giving the attacking woman made her stop.

"I'm sure we can get at least one royal family member alive from this. Fire Style! Fireball!"

Whatever the woman and everyone else there was expecting, it probably wasn't for the attack to be snuffed out of existence within three feet of the attacker's mouth.

"So how's the family business going?" Naruto continued in good nature, completely ignoring the group behind him. "Have Ma and Pa been using that luxury setup I got them in the mountains?"

"Other than being kidnapped or killed today, things have been doing ok. Those funny old toads haven't been here recently from what I've heard. We still keep the bug buffet you set up on standby if they do come though." The prince laughed nervously. "But um. Nii-san? We're kinda in the middle of another incident at the moment if you haven't noticed yet."

"How could he not have?!" The Queen shouted in near hysterics. She may have been good in high stress political situations, but violent ones apparently shook her like nothing else. "We're still surrounded and people have already tried to kill him!"

"Why do people automatically assume that people trying to kill me are significant in some way or that it matters to me?" The Uzumaki groaned in frustration.

"Because most rational existences would care if they were in your position. I believe it was one of the things you were trying to fix."

"… Oh. Right."

"Oi Benihime! What gives?!" Shouted a rough and irritated voice from behind the royal family, causing them to panic. Indeed, coming from behind was two of the four shinobi that had attacked them just a few minutes beforehand. The pair was a bit cut up in various spots, but were for the most part more than able to fight still. "I lose two of my men to route these royal shits to you and you haven't grabbed them yet?"

"Nikkei…" The queen teared up, realizing that the guard that had been with her ever since she had returned to the island had been killed for her sake.

"Honestly, I think this is a new record for you." Kurama ignored the newcomers and everyone's reactions to berate Naruto some more. "You weren't even conscious until a few minutes ago and yet the entire place has gone to Shukaku. You literally didn't even DO anything this time."

"… Yeah." The blonde dropped his head in guilt, depression, and most likely hunger.

Gurgle.

"Huuuungry."

"We have some unexpected guests boys." The identified Benihime shrugged, nodding to the boy and the fox. "We're in the presence of the Feral Gale and his pet rug, so we're at a bit of an impasse at the moment."

"The Feral Gale?" The speaker frowned. "You mean that brat that became an S rank a few years ago?"

"Oh for Fucks Sake humans!" The Biju shouted in frustration at the same time that Naruto's head picked up with stars in his eyes. "Did you have to say that out loud?! Now the idiot's going to be unbearable for weeks and I have to deal with it!"

"S. Rank?" Naruto's head shot back up from the throes of hunger fueled depression. The suddenly very happy teen whispered with such hope that his cheeks puffed out like a small child's. "I'm… S ranked?!"

"Does it really matter by now after all the hell we've been through?! Seriously?!" Kurama roared in disbelief at his container.

"S… Rank!" Naruto's tears of pure joy were so disturbing that even the most serious and focused shinobi there couldn't help but look at him with some confusion. "They love me! They finally love me!"

"NO! Nobody loves you! I killed your parents! You are doomed to a future of loneliness and people trying to kill you for a paycheck and cheap thrills! Once all the fighting is done you will be cursed to deal with politics and elderly members of your kind forever! Your mind has been raped by creatures of unknown origins so many times that we have lost count! Tentacle monsters! Ramen famines! Naked Toad Sage! Tea parties! Snap out of it damn you!" No one could deny that the fox wasn't trying his damn hardest to bring the idiot back to reality, especially when he was smacking the fool upside his head with his tails while he was yelling at him.

"… Fuck it." Benihime had enough of this childish show and took out a rather long and curved kunai. "Grab the royals and kill the rest! We'll get a fortune off of the Namikaze's head!"

Now, in their defense, the men with her were more of a roughly put together team consisting half of sort of veterans and half of nameless grunts. The bulk of the main forces had been dedicated to stalling and holding off the Mizukage and her entourage in order to buy time to grab hold of the various other and significantly less violent major political figures there. Granted there were two other teams going through the building and trying to find any people or objects of value, but in terms of firepower and skill they weren't the cream of the crop.

Also, while they had under normal circumstances cornered the royal family in the corridor, the group was for the most part coming from one general direction.

Plus Benihime may or may not have been moving under the assumption that the blonde and the fox had not been paying attention to her in the slightest, which was somewhat understandable.

However that was probably her biggest mistake. She had made a rush assumption about an S ranked individual.

So, even if there wasn't a second and a half delay to comprehend what she was saying due to how bizarre Naruto's conversation and behavior was… and even if they moved logically and spread out around the edges of the corridor to divert their target's focus while all throwing kunai and shuriken to further distract their targets…

They would not have been able to defend or get out of the way of what happened next.

Sorry guys, but in my current condition…

The blonde grinned childishly, suddenly standing between the dozen shinobi and the royal family and in a stance that no one recognized. Apparently he had reacted faster to the woman's commands and actions faster than her own men to the point that no one had even seen him move in the first place.

It was only in their last moments that the attackers realized that all the projectiles they were throwing were missing horribly when they were supposed to be hitting their human targets.

Naruto was standing sideways to everyone with his knees bent facing the enemy. His forward hand was in a fist at chest level with his elbow pointing down at the enemy, his fist grinding into the palm of his open rear hand with the attached arm in a similar position, meeting in the middle of his chest. "Hidden art…"

He didn't bother paying attention to the two shinobi behind him that Kurama had torn apart in an instant.

... I don't think I can afford to leave you alive.

"Invisible black."

o. o .o.

Run.

She panted heavily as she bolted through the castle as fast as she could.

Run.

She collided with the wall as she turned the corner. Her missing arm must have been messing with her balance more than she had thought. She managed to cauterize it with a quick and sloppy fire jutsu, but it did nothing to prevent the massive splatter of blood she made on contact with the unforgiving surface.

Run.

The pain was blinding, but it only reinforced the single command that was driving her body at the moment. She had to escape. She had to get away from that monster as fast as possible.

Ten. Ten men were with her during her charge. True not all of them were shinobi, but a good number of them including herself were wearing chakra armor. Given from what she had experienced, even well known shinobi would have trouble dealing with a force like that, let alone while protecting a family.

She had expected some of her men to die or get injured, but had also hoped that their greater numbers would enable them to get at least one of the royals and hold them hostage to control the situation.

Run.

She did not however, expect the demon in human's skin to massacre them all in an instant with a single sealless jutsu that she had never heard or seen of before.

Hah. Fuck seen. She doubted that any of them had actually caught even a flash or flicker of the damn thing before they had been cut in at least four pieces each.

Run.

It didn't matter if they wore chakra armor or not, the results had been the same. It was only due to her fast reflexes, instincts, and the fact that she had stayed back out of habit that she managed to get out of the line of fire…

Slam! She collided with another wall and decorated it with her essence.

Well, almost out of the line of fire anyways. At the very least she had managed to survive the event.

Run.

She saw some people up ahead. She couldn't tell if they were friend or foe, but she didn't care. They were in her way so she'd go somewhere else. She had to get away.

Run.

Turning another corner she stumbled again, only this time there was no floor.

Ah. This must have been the back stairs she had been preventing the royals from getting to earlier.

Run.

Stupid. She couldn't move now. All she could do was fall now with the illusion that her body as light as her head. She couldn't properly adjust her body in mid flight now due to her lack of balance as the floor approached her rapidly.

And to think all of this shit started when she wanted was to get back at that cheating bloodline fuck of an ex-boyfriend several years ago that left her for dead on a mission, stole her pay, and got her promotion.

Ru-

o. o. o.

"Is he ok?" Hikairu asked worriedly as he looked at Naruto lying flat on the ground in front and groaning like a small child while in front of the small piles of blood, meat, and sinew that had once been the enemy.

The entire corridor in front of where the teen was laying was gouged in dozens of thick gouges trailing from where he was all the way down to the other end where the wall facing them was… more or less butchered and hacked to bits.

"Fooooooooooooood." The Jinchuriki cried pathetically as his stomach's growling increased in volume moments before it was picked up effortlessly by one of Kurama's tails.

"Translation: I have used up all the energy and require physical replenishment." The biju shook his head in frustration. "That last technique of his used up the last of his energy. S rank or not, the fool is just dead weight right now."

"SSSSSSSS Raaaaaaaaaaank."

"Quiet you."

"Lovely." Karenbana rolled her eyes, finally regaining her nerves from the near death experience and seeing Naruto's technique in action. Unlike the royals, she actually understood just how insane Naruto's technique was and a little bit of how it worked. The fact that he pulled it off while on the verge of collapse unnerved her even more. If the nut wasn't S ranked material back when she first saw him, he definitely was one now. "Another reason for the bastards to gun for us."

"Then why didn't he use a weaker technique?" Michiru asked, looking at the damage and the bodies while trying to hold his stomach together. His wife was not doing nearly as well as she was currently occupying the bathroom the teen had been using just moments before.

"It was the best he could have used for the situation chakra and stamina wise. It's rather efficient in that regard, though a bit physically demanding to learn." The fox shrugged, however the humans that were paying attention to him noted that he had momentarily eyed the damage to the corridor with some sort of negative emotion. It wasn't anger so much as it was irritation and disappointment, but that wasn't exactly it either. "None the less, unless you have some sustenance on you, I suggest we go to wherever you store your food so the idiot can at least get around without help. I highly doubt that the fool would be much use without it, and if I may be blunt, I am not capable of ensuring, nor do I particularly care about your protection."

"There's a minor pantry this way." Michiru pointed in a seemingly random direction. "Back when I was um… a bit needy, I had kitchens and food stores set up on each floor for faster access. Now they're more for serving multiple guests at once. I guess it's a good thing that the Mizukage and the Spring Country's Daimyo were here, otherwise they wouldn't be stocked."

"How can he be so weak though?" Hikairu wondered as he looked at his barely conscious role model. "Everyone's said that he's really strong and has a ton of chakra. I remember him making a hole in a tidal wave large enough for our ship to go through!"

"So long as your body is flesh and blood, you will require food and drink human, regardless of how strong you are." Kurama snorted as he began to walk in the general direction of the pantry. "The fool succumbed to lack of nourishment before I dragged him here, and has been sleeping in your room for nearly half a week without proper medical care." He glared at Michiru. "I told your human healers multiple times that the idiot required far more of those liquid nutrient packs hooked up to him than a normal human while he was asleep, but they didn't listen. The fool burns up far more energy than the standard example of your kind, even while asleep. The only reason why he is not worse is because Haku occasionally administered her own treatments when she was not busy catering to the Mizukage. This is merely the result of such negligence."

The King frowned, not intimidated by the fox for once, but rather emulating the irritation. "Then it appears that I will have to restaff my medical team once this is all over. Perhaps maybe add in a few medical shinobi as well to ensure that nothing is left to chance. However first things first. Amayo, are you well enough to follow us? We need to move."

A quick flush of the toilet was heard. "I-I'll manage. Forgive me, but I'm not used to… situations like this."

"No shit." Karenbana snorted under her breath.

She had never really gotten along with the queen for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with her nearly helping Shabadaba take over the country. It was one of the few good things about nobility and the like: they were able to overlook things quite well if they needed to, even if it was right in front of them. Commoners on the other hand, tended to react to everything with skepticism.

Granted this trait was also what tended to make nobility complete idiots and assholes in the first place, but then again few things were ever truly black or white in their world.

Stepping up to the woman, the kunoichi managed to prop her up and help her move and keep up with the rest of the group. "If more idiots come, hide. We'll be busy enough trying to keep you alive without you being a walking target."

"Right." Amayo muttered tiredly, too emotionally tired to argue and trying her hardest to ignore the smell and sight of the bodies behind her.

Whether it was simply because the other invading parties were busy raiding the lower levels, or because Naruto's horrendous luck finally gave them a break, the group managed to get to the small kitchen with little issue.

Crack. Slurp. Munch. Munch.

Of course, not before Kurama apparently decided to take a few snacks with him in the process.

"… They're just lying there. It's not like they're going to need their organs for later. Don't bother judging me, because I honestly don't care about anything you think."

o. o. o.

With Zabuza:

"Kill. Him. Kill. Him. Kill. Him. Kill. Him…" Zabuza's mantra fueled by his raging emotions unnerved both friend and foe alike as he tore through any and all of the enemy shinobi that were unfortunate or unskilled enough to get out of his blade's way.

It didn't matter if they were protected by chakra armor or not, they were cut down like wheat under the combined might of Kubikirihochou and the Demon of the Hidden Mist's wrath.

Suffice to say… the enemy's forces avoided him like the plague whenever possible.

His physically manifesting presence that terrified all that were not familiar with it may have also had something to do with it as well.

"As much as I dislike admitting that he was right, I have to relent this time." The Mizukage mused after she spat out a small lake of lava at a small group of assailants. While the armor protected them from the direct attack, it did nothing to help them after they realized that they were now standing in the molten stone and screamed in pain as the prolonged exposure overwhelmed their defenses. "That boy's presence does seem to coincide with unusual events wherever he goes…"

"We tried to warn you Mei-sama." Haku sighed as she created several spears of ice through an unprotected shinobi who had misjudged her speed. "Naruto is a bright flame and these events are like moths."

Indeed. Ever since Naruto had arrived, Zabuza and Haku had been on edge twenty four seven. No one attempted to wake them up after Suigetsu was frozen solid, and approaching them from behind from virtually any and all distances would wind the perpetrator up with anything ranging from senbon through their hands to nearly getting gutted like a fish.

So, it shouldn't be surprising to have guessed that when the group was returning to the Castle from their day in the city (Zabuza only almost killed seven people that day), the pair had instantly detected the large number of shinobi hiding in the surrounding area and warned their group.

Unfortunately, they had been too late to stop the attack. The moment the alarm had been set off, the enemy had charged forward with reckless abandon from virtually every angle and throwing enough smoke and exploding tags to make the organization of the three defending forces nearly impossible.

While their large numbers were surprising, it was the chakra armor that so many of them wore that really tilted the scales against them. Even though Koyuki's personal guard supposedly wore stronger and more up to date armor, the massive forces had been more than enough to overwhelm her guardians and put her at their mercy while the Castle's guard was similarly overrun and the Kirigakure group was held back from coming to her aid.

While Zabuza, Haku, and Mei were making quick work out of their opponents, the chakra armor they wore and their raw numbers were causing some serious problems with the rest of their ANBU backup, stalling their progress.

"KILL!" Zabuza roared blindly as he charged to another small group of unprotected men at full speed and focus on them. His killing intent was so maddeningly intense that the poor fools were anchored in place out of sheer fear and were all but unconscious before being torn apart in a single swing.

"Mizukage-sama." Ao winced at the man's display of brutality. Despite being used to witnessing moments of extremely depraved morality, even he had to admit that Zabuza was starting to creep him out. "Don't you think we should do something about him?"

The perpetrator flew across the battlefield like a rampaging war god. "AND THIS IS FOR THE TIME YOU NEARLY GELDED ME BRAT!"

"Something tells me it would be best if we just let it run its course." The Mizukage laughed nervously, guessing accurately that her likely to be future husband was projecting images of Uzumaki on all of his current targets.

Suigetsu winced as he saw out of the corner of his eyes his teacher do horrific things to his latest victims. "Owch. And they say I need to curb my enthusiasm when fighting." He hastily jumped out of the way of an earth jutsu that his opponent fired at him. "Whoops. Nearly lost focus for a moment there."

Weaving around two armored men, the wielder of the Kiba smirked with his shark like teeth and jabbed out at both sides. The sharpest blades in the world were momentarily halted by the chakra armor the men wore, however it was not enough to impede the legendary lightning blades as they pierced through the energy fields within seconds and embedded themselves within the now dead targets' necks.

"My my. This armor of theirs is interesting. It's making even these weaklings give me a decent workout. And to think I thought we wouldn't see any action when we were sent here, eh Chojuro?"

SMASH!

Chakra armor or not, it was going to take more to defend the wearers from a fully unleashed Hiramekeri hammering them from above.

"Something's not right." The blue haired teen frowned as he looked around to see that the enemy was keeping their distance, but still surrounding them and within a reasonable range. "Most of the ones that were wearing that armor aren't here anymore. They're stalling us." He turned to his boss. "Mizukage-sama! We're going to lose the Daimyo at this rate!"

Haku frowned as she looked at the direction that the enemy had left. She had pegged the woman's clothes with some special ice senbon that she could trace over distance, but even now she could tell that the space between them was reaching its limit. Deflecting some shuriken and looking around she made a quick tally of the situation. There were roughly three times as many enemies as there were shinobi on her side, but save for their numbers and that annoying armor of theirs, they didn't have much going for them.

Making a decision, the girl abandoned dealing with the enemy and exploited her speed to the fullest to seemingly teleport right next to Zabuza's side (right after he had killed the latest slew of unfortunates), establishing her presence enough to snap the man out of his rage and realize that she needed him to do something now. "They're getting away with Koyuki-sama. We need to close the gap."

Realizing that there was work to be done, the demon calmed down, causing his terrifying presence to dwindle as well. "Just us?" The question was his way of asking her input. He didn't mind or think it would be too much for just the pair of them, but she tended to have a better grasp of chaotic situations.

Haku glanced around briefly but analytically. "We should take Mei-sama just in case. Everyone else can handle things here, but we don't know what else could be up ahead."

"A bit overkill, but why not? It'll give the lazy shits here some good exercise anyways." The Demon of the Hidden Mist grinned before shouldering his sword.

An instant later the pair was right next to the Mizukage, with the swordmaster driving his weapon into the ground and Haku making seals. "Oi Mei. Leave the small fry to the boys to make them earn their keep. We gotta make sure that movie princess makes it out of this alive."

"Hmm." The powerful woman mused as she ended her water whip technique, barely paying attention to the three men nearly forty feet away that she had torn to pieces with it. "You have a point. I take it you have already devised a means for us to track and catch up to them then?"

The ground beneath her feet turned into a large but thin sheet of steel hard ice before it lurched up from the massive wave of water not unlike the ones Kisame frequently made that had erupted from beneath it.

"Ah. That's how." She tilted her head to the side, not at all off balance from the sudden jolt of movement, nor the shouts of surprise as the wave and her makeshift boat rolled on forward unimpeded by the helpless enemy forces and down the road where their target was supposedly being taken. Turning around, she waved pleasantly to the rapidly fading fighters. "Ao! I'll leave everything up to you! Once you are done here go retake the castle and ensure that Michiru-dono is alive and well! Do a good job or else I'll demote you!"

Haku lightly chuckled while holding the ram seal as she could all but hear the poor man cry out loud at how unfair the situation was for him. Her eyes were closed in order for her to better feel where her senbon were while at the same time maintaining their makeshift platform. They were far, but the distance between them was slowly closing. "You really are unfair to him sometimes Mei-sama."

"I have no idea what you are talking about Haku-chan." The Mizukage smiled innocently. "Ao has always been quite on top of everything and is always oh so proactive. I am merely putting him in a position that he would excel in, wouldn't you agree?"

"Serves the cock blocker right. Always knocking on the damn door as if he doesn't know what's going on." Zabuza grunted, a hand on his sword which was still embedded in the ice so he could control the wave beneath them with ease. "Treaties with the land of Vegetables needing to be signed at eleven at night being of vital importance my ass."

"Indeed. I feel that I may need to organize a temporary leave of absence for him when we return. Perhaps even find him someone to spend time with." Mei whimsically mused.

It was not hard to believe that Ao seriously needed to get laid with his stiff personality. Even Haku had relented on this front.

"We should probably worry about that later." The ice user mused as she focused a bit and materialized a small compass like needle in front of Zabuza, which was pointing slightly to the left. Getting the hint, the driver altered his course to follow where he was being pointed.

o. o. o.

Back in the Castle:

"That was pathetic."

"Murh?" Naruto mumbled through a mouth full of bread, meat, and cheese. The pantry wasn't as fully stocked as the kitchen, but it still had a good range of food in it. He couldn't waste any time with actually cooking food, but that wasn't a real issue at this point.

Outside the room, the Royal Family and Karenbana were gathering their wits and talking with one another frantically about the state of affairs of the situation, including potential escape routes, future political issues that would happen due to this event, and which countries they should seek help from until things cool down. Of course Hikairu was confident that Naruto would do something to resolve everything, but given the fact that the blonde had been borderline comatose until just a few minutes ago, the others weren't so sure.

The sounds of things breaking and some people screaming bloody murder downstairs didn't help their constitution either.

"I seem to recall that you refined the particular technique you used earlier so it could go for a mile through a forest before stopping, and that the only damage it did was focused into a tiny line." The fox growled as he lay on the floor with an irritated expression.

"I also recall it being strong enough to nearly cut one of my tails in two when we fought."

The jinchuriki eyed the fox skeptically before swallowing his food and draining half a glass of water. "Yeah. And I recall being in Sage Mode and not literally starving when that happened. Give me a break Kurama. I'm not completely made out of chakra here. Some of us actually have to deal with petty things like biology. You make it sound like I used one of my Rasenshuriken variants."

If he used one of THOSE monstrosities in his current condition, he would have either died or knocked himself comatose again for another month.

He would have also at least blown out a good portion of the castle…

… and the mountain range behind it...

… or at least one mountain...

… depended on the angle really.

"I'm surprised you even know what biology is."

Ignoring his friend, the teen glanced at his right hand and flexed it testingly before frowning uncharacteristically. "I probably won't be at my best for a few days. My medic knowledge isn't that good, but I know that shit happens to your body if you sleep for too long without moving. My joints are all stiff as hell. I'm honestly surprised I managed to pull it off as well as I did without busting my arms. You know the power behind Invisible Black is almost all from my arm movement."

He groaned in frustration. "Man, it's going to suck having to retrain myself to get back to normal. It's going to seriously cut into my exploiting casinos time too."

Despite how he acted, the fact that he was admitting that his body was acting against him was worth noting. Had the fox stayed within his host's body, he would have realized that the teen's entire body was cramped rather painfully for not stretching or moving for so long. Every movement was accompanied by the throbbing of his blood circulating in spots that had been deprived of oxygen for too long. Sakura would have kept him in bed or put him into rehab for several days had she found him in that condition, accelerated healing be damned.

Combined with his genuinely crippling hunger, it was honestly a miracle that he managed to take out the dozen odd shinobi less than ten minutes earlier, let alone not pass out afterwards. Small wonder his technique wasn't as clean or powerful as the fox expected.

Hell, if it wasn't for his fast metabolism taking in energy from the food he was eating at an insane rate combined with his healing factor, he would still be having trouble moving at the moment instead of stuffing his face every few seconds or throwing it back up at that very moment.

"Your chakra output for the seventh sense is much lower than it normally is too." Kurama's eyes wandered his host's body, looking at the energy that was invisible to the normal human eye. "It would take as much time for you to establish a sufficient enough amount to fly off the island regardless. It appears that means we are stuck dealing with another one of your incidents then."

The blonde snorted sarcastically before downing another bite of meat, bread and cheese and draining it with water before munching on a carrot and an apple at the same time. "Muh. This is bull. I mean. Mmm. I wasn't even awake the entire time I was here and this crazy crap happened." He swallowed before repeating the process. "Hell, Ero-Ni wasn't even here this time!"

"I consider it a new personal best for you." The fox smirked.

The teen finished his drink. "How the hell is that a best?"

"Because these activities amuse me greatly when I am not obligated to do anything." The bloodthirsty grin widened to reveal many sharp teeth.

Naruto snorted at the answer and shook his head before finishing his makeshift sandwich and making another one. "Hah. Should have known you'd give a dick answer."

"Why change perfection?" Kurama's good mood was momentarily dampened as his eyes darted to a seemingly random direction.

"What's up?" It just went to show how well the teen knew the fox that he could tell when the beast was distracted while facing a completely different direction.

"Isobu's container and the females he spends time with are about to encounter a rather large group of angry little monkeys." The beast elaborated with a seemingly careless tone, however Naruto detected a hint of something else underneath it.

"So?" Naruto's question was warranted. He was well aware of what chakra armor could do, and between Zabuza, Haku and the Mizukage, he was fairly certain that they could take on a genuine small army without much issue.

And that was before taking into account all the tricks Haku and Zabuza have picked up while he was gone.

"It appears that that actress turned Daimyo you know of was kidnapped in the chaos. No doubt things will become annoying if unaddressed."

"… Did I miss something?" The Uzumaki seemingly ignored the situation for something more outstanding. "Since when did you care about the safety of normal humans?"

"Don't be ridiculous." The beast's momentary menacing glare and killing intent was enough to crack the class sitting on the counter between them. "You know as well as I do that if a major political figure dies while you were conveniently here, someone would eventually place the blame on you for one sickeningly irrational reason or another."

"… Shit you're right."

Any skeptical thoughts on the fox's behavior were wiped away at the idea of being blamed for things going wrong when things went wrong. Again. He hated it when that happened. More people tended to want to kill him when he tried to leave things be during situations like that. "Aaaagh. But we gotta make sure that the guys here don't die too!"

"Is there a possibility that your clones won't be useless if you left them here?"

"Given my luck, there's someone actually competent in the lower floors." Naruto shrugged before biting into his newest sandwich and closing his eyes.

From what he could tell, another small group or two of the weaker fighters had slipped into the building while he was eating. They weren't a major threat, but if they actually bothered to team up with the other guys in the building it would make it a pain to protect Michiru's family. Thankfully, the castle was full of expensive and shiny things that most low borne bandits can't resist playing around with once inside their visible range.

On second thought, given that fact alone the royal family could theoretically hang up here on the top floor for a good few hours before actually needing help.

"I can't really tell, there are so many of them wearing chakra armor that I can't get a good reading on them, but there are a good number of the fuckers down there. In my condition making enough clones here and trying to help out mummy head is not gonna happen."

"If you try to push either job on me, I will hurt you. And given that your body seems to be in a good deal of pain already, it will probably hurt you even more than anticipated."

Silence.

"… On second thought, please do ask me to help you out. I have suddenly discovered a hidden pocket of generosity in my being that I haven't destroyed yet."

"Any chance that if I ask you that you won't go through with your declaration to cause me harm?"

"No."

"Thought so."

"Even with what you've eaten, you are in no condition to fight in general, let alone on two fronts. Without Sage Mode or my chakra, you are left in a poor position"

"Then I just won't fight. Samurai were originally the guys that actually fought in the first place. Funny how people here tend to forget that."

Kurama smirked, knowing what his container was getting at. "Ah, indeed. It is most amusing when you start using the more interesting techniques at your disposal. Have fun not fighting. Keheheh."

Finishing his latest sandwich and ignoring the biju's ominous laugh, the jinchuriki brushed his hands on his clothes to get the crumbs off and shook his body to further relax his muscles, ignoring the sharp spikes and tingles that stabbed him in virtually every nerve he had. "Will do. Besides, it's not like there aren't plenty of guys here that are handling fighting already anyways."

"Humph. No need to do the heavy labor when the ready and willing are already available."

"Besides Kurama my powerful, but very much unstable and homicidal friend, you forget that you are not the only inhuman force of mass destruction at my disposal."

The fox looked at the blonde in momentary confusion before realizing what he was talking about. "They might take you back with them once the matters here are done to send you back to Konoha. You haven't seen them since we started travelling worlds after all."

"Don't worry. We always have insurance to persuade them otherwise." The blonde grinned.

"You're talking about using me as a potential violent solution slash alternative again aren't you?"

"Yep. There a problem?"

"No. Just clarifying. Also a bit relieved that I'm being used against a place that I can actually handle this time. Not like that time with that golden witch female."

Both of them shivered at the painful and traumatizing memory. "Ugh. Sorry about that. I should have known better by then. Two thirds of everyone we met during our trip could kick our asses."

"So long as you are aware of it. Just make sure not to destroy the castle. Speaking from experience, humans tend to get irrationally irritated at things that destroy important buildings of theirs." Kurama's eyes darted to the side as if just noticing something. "You best hurry. Zabuza is getting close to his targets."

"Yeah yeah. Keep your fur on. I'm wounded here." Naruto grunted as he shook his body loose again before holding a hand out in front of him.

Without making any seals, a large gash appeared on the palm of his hand, causing his blood to weep from it…

o. o. o.

With Zabuza:

"You made it faster than I expected." The shinobi holding Koyuki at knifepoint mused casually as the three powerhouses erupted onto the beach and landed. If he or any of the sixty odd chakra armor wearing shinobi there were intimidated by the massive wave they were travelling on or the fact that said wave had virtually melded back into the man's sword, they didn't show it.

"Wonderful. We're dealing with a cliché artist." The Demon of the Hidden Mist rolled his eyes, not at all bothered by the current odds or the fact that the leader of Spring was a few millimeters from having her jugular from being ripped open. "By all means, let me play along. Ahem. Oh no. You coward. How could you think of taking a hostage? You bastards."

"And you wonder why they don't send you on any more negotiation missions that actually matter." Haku glared at the man before making a sweep of their enemy, their numbers, and how to deal with the current situation.

"Heh. Looks like you finally developed a sense of humor Zabuza." A large man stepped forward, his large scarred arms and face uncovered for the world to see. In all honesty he reminded Haku of a less clothed and hairier version of Ibiki. "Pity you didn't have that around when Yagura-sama was still in charge. Probably would have livened things up more."

"Nagashi. Long time." The swordsman nodded before stabbing his sword into the sand. It was a mixed sign that anyone from Kiri recognized: Whenever a member of the Seven Swordsman put their blade away like that, it meant that they either were not going to charge at you with their tools of mass destruction, or that they were seconds away from using ninjutsu to tear you apart. "You still into that bloodline mutant bullshit I see. With Yagura gone I would have thought that you would have finally gotten off of your knees and your head out of your ass by now."

"You know him?" Haku frowned.

"He was one of the leading voices in the bloodline purges." Mei grimaced, looking around to see many faces that she unfortunately recognized. "A rather competent jonin too. In fact I recognize a good number of the shinobi here from the civil war. This doesn't bode well."

"We shared a few drinks before I tried my hand at being Mizukage." The swordsman shrugged. "Had a few one night stands with his sister if I remember correctly. Hey Nagashi! What happened to Naomi?"

"Your mutant fuck buddy melted her to slag a month before killing Yagura." The rebel grunted with a heated glare at the Mizukage.

The woman shrugged without guilt and with a sultry shameless smirk. "And that's surprising how? I melted more than a few hearts and bodies to get to where I am. Did you really think I got the hat simply by bending over and whispering sweet nothings into the ears of a few lonely boys and girls?"

She didn't miss the skeptical looks she got from Haku and Zabuza at her statement. So what if she did a bit of experimenting while on the job? She was under a lot of stress at the time and needed some productive release time! It worked in the end, didn't it?

"All the more reason why you aren't fit to wear it. Kiri's a joke with a freak whore at its head." Snorted a masked woman with a very generous amount of her cleavage showing. No one bothered to point out the obvious to her, it was too easy.

"Oi, I'm sure you Kiri fanatics have a bunch of fun and lovely things to catch up on, but some of us don't give a damn about that shit." Another shinobi grunted. This one was far stockier than what was normally expected out of their kind. He had a wide frame, thick arms and legs but not overly so, and a good deal of hair growing where his skin was visible. He nodded to the Spring Daimyo without turning his head. "Some of us want to deal with our prize in case you have forgotten."

"What about the Yuki!?" Shouted another shinobi with a similar, if not slightly less beefy build. "She's the one that was in the group that took down Dotou-sama!"

Haku frowned. "So this is a joint effort. Remnants of those who condemn bloodline users, and the regime of the previous Snow Daimyo. I was curious as to why so many of them wore chakra armor."

"How interesting." Mei mused as she eyed the enemy. "No wonder they are so confident."

A cry of pain caught their attention as the hostage's arm was twisted harshly behind her back. "Now now. We can't lose sight of the situation now can we?" The man holding her smirked sadistically. "Not after all the effort we put into getting here."

"You bastards. Let her go. You will not get away with this. Justice will prevail. Evil will fail." Zabuza spoke as if he was a robot speaking from a script. Obviously he was not in the mood to play along and, as expected it was starting to bug the opposing party. "In the name of the Log I shall punish you…"

"Take this seriously you dog!"

"Why, generic evil doer number thirty seven?" The borderline mechanical voice asked.

The sad thing is that it's still better acting compared to some of the people I've worked with. The ruler slash actress thought to herself bitterly before wincing as the knife to her neck jolted momentarily, drawing a little blood. She knew she was in a terrible position and she might die, but at the moment there was nothing she could do that wouldn't make things worse for herself. The best she could do was play the hostage, which was fortunately she had experience with doing on and off the screen. Well at the very least the bastard holding me actually cleaned himself and isn't dry humping me like some of those shits on set when we do scenes like this… professional my insured ass…

"Come now Zabuza, you are more than aware of the repercussions should Lady Kazahana here perish in tonight's activities." A woman with tattoos all up her arms drawled on confidently. "Even if you did manage to kill us all afterwards, the political backlash alone would cause Kiri a good deal of problems. Maybe even start up a new war. Mei-sama hasn't been in charge for long after all. Who knows how many people are keeping an eye on her. Messing up a big trading deal like this would definitely cost her some points with the Land of Water's Daimyo."

"Yes, however you should also realize the situation you find yourselves in." Mei aridly sighed, not at all losing her composure and instead leaking a good deal of her killing intent at the enemy, unsettling them. Much like Zabuza's, her intent was of that of a crimson hunter, slowly stalking their prey and letting everyone known that she savored every tantalizing and drawn out moment of it. "Lady Kazahana's life is the only thing that is currently preventing us from, how did you put it? Ah yes, turning you all into slag. If you are fortunate that is."

"There's a reason why I don't piss her off idiots." The swordsman shook his head mockingly. And it isn't because she great in the sack. Woman can kill a person by melting them from the inside out for hours on end and they'd be helpless to do anything about it.

"We don't care about your tramp of a leader. We have our own to deal with and she's already in our hands." The stocky shinobi snorted while nodding his head towards the Daimyo. "She isn't dead yet, so obviously we have plans for her when we leave this humid ass island. There are a bunch of changes that need to be done that your kind has no place in."

"Watch it northerner." Snorted the woman with tattoo arms. "Unlike your kind, we don't need your armor to fight."

"Oh good god they are actually doing this now." The swordsman groaned under his breath. He'd probably make a slightly bigger show about it and probably spur it on, but he could see that despite the show happening in front of him, half of the enemy in front of him was still focused completely on his group like competent and trained shinobi.

"Focus you children!" Snapped a middle aged woman. "Swing your tiny prick's among yourselves when we aren't dealing with the bloody Mizukage."

"Well, we couldn't hope for everything to go our way." Haku sighed with sarcasm.

"Regardless of our current situation, it appears as though we are in an agreement." Nagashi snorted as he and the group began to slowly move away from the Mizukage and her group.

The woman with tattoos on her arms slammed her arms on the ground, causing a massive line of seals extend horizontally across the beach from ocean to the forest between the two parties and cause the air above it to ripple dangerously. "This beauty was set up a good while ago. It's strong enough to hold even freaks like you for a good while. You didn't think that we'd actually come to some random location did you?"

"Given how half-assed you all look, yeah, I did." Zabuza frowned while inspecting the barrier technique. He'd probably figure a way to shatter or get around the thing sooner or later, however…

The enemy started to back away slowly while moving to the water. "If you don't want the Daimyo to die, you'll let us-"

The man was interrupted as the air in the area seemed to drop so fast it their surroundings seemed to flash freeze. It didn't matter if there was a barrier between the two groups or not as it did nothing to stop natural phenomena from occurring and nature from reacting. Every inch of ocean water frozen at rapid speeds converted the following inch and so on down the shore of the beach going on for nearly five hundred feet in every direction solidified…

And then the edge of the beach erupted in a giant ice wall fifty feet tall, preventing anyone from escaping to the ocean.

It also conveniently killed the dozen or so shinobi that had been hiding in the water that had been looking for an opening to kill the Mizukage and her compatriots.

The woman's barrier was good at preventing raw chakra from crossing its lines, probably attacks and people as well, however it did nothing to prevent chakra from being naturally channeled among focuses that already spanned across its borders.

… Haku was always better than him at solving puzzles.

One glimpse at the thing was enough for those there to tell that it was far too tall for most shinobi to be able to jump over, and it would take a while to get around if they tried to escape to sea.

No one bothered to bring up the seemingly inconspicuous looking boat floating a couple of miles off the coast.

"Yeeeah. Nooo." Zabuza drawled with his arms crossed and his sword still embedded in the sand, not at all impressed with Haku's display of power. On some unseen signal, several copies of him walked out of the forest behind the group with their weapons drawn. Clones were so damn useful it hurt sometimes. Mostly his enemies. Given from what he saw of the barrier, he could probably break through with one good blow, but it would take him a bit to set up. "How about this? You drop the woman and I'll try to make sure you die without feeling anything. I can't speak for the lovely ladies with me unfortunately."

"And by all means, do try to send some of you to stall us. I've been quite interested in taking out some of my frustration on the ones responsible of ruining my vacation." Mei smiled pleasantly, sending shivers down almost everyone's spines.

"And running with a hostage is quite difficult and time consuming." Haku observed thoughtfully while looking at the wall she made. Upon closer look, one would notice that its sides were made of rectangular panels. Anyone who knew of what she could do BEFORE going to Konoha could tell what she was planning to do as soon as the fighting started. Walking slowly to the wall, more than a few people noticed that the sand under her feet froze on contact as if it was only the most natural thing to do.

"Everyone on guard!" Shouted Nagashi as he took out a pair of kunai. "We still have the barrier and there are only clones in our way!" The chakra levels in the area began to grow palpable as everyone began to prepare to use ninjutsu. "Zabuza! I won't warn you again! Let us go or the Daimyo dies!"

The larger group of shinobi slowly got into position. The majority of the kidnappers were between Koyuki and the Kiri-nin or the clones Zabuza made, however there were a good number facing the wall Haku had made in case she had anything set up from that angle.

In short, nobody was facing Koyuki or the man holding her personally.

Zabuza's plan had been simple. He did not stick Kubikirihochou into the ground to make a point, but to channel and force the water inside of it underneath everyone without anyone being the wiser. While everyone was focused on what was happening around them, he would simply choose one from a wide range of options available to him including but not limited to making a clone to kill the kidnapper, flooding the entire area with water, making spears of water to kill the kidnapper, or something else along those lines.

True the man was wearing chakra armor and thus he would have to be especially sure that he killed the man before he gave the woman the red smile, but he was fairly certain that he was up to the challenge. What kind of assassin would he be if he couldn't get around a strong defense and kill his target without alerting the people standing two meters away from every direction?

When that happened, Haku would use her speed from being shot out of her mirrors on the wall she made to get to the Daimyo before anything happened to her, get her out of harm's way…

And then he and Mei would murder them all gleefully like the sadists they were.

However that did not happen because before he did anything someone beat him to the punch.

While everyone was slowly preparing for their opening move, it happened. Due to the fact that only Haku, Mei, and Zabuza were facing his direction, they were the only ones to see the mouth of the man holding Koyuki get covered with a suddenly materialized fingerless gloved hand, much to the hostage's and their surprise.

Likewise they had trouble keeping their body language the same as the man's body silently struggled for less than half a second before stiffening with a jolt and then going slack without harming the woman in his arms at all. The clouded gaze in his eyes was all they needed to tell that he had been murdered.

However their self control was really put to the test as slowly the furry fingerless gloved hand over where the now clearly dead man's mouth was, was soon accompanied by an arm, a body, another arm holding the hand that was gripping the kunai against Koyuki's neck, and soon…

The troll faced smiling head of Naruto Uzumaki leering from behind his target back at them, standing in the middle of at least five dozen shinobi without any of them being the wiser.

"… Kill. Him." Zabuza growled darkly under his breath as the grip on his sword became painful to even look at. Given the glacial stare that Haku was giving him, she was thinking something along similar lines. Had they not been so utterly pissed off at the Uzumaki, they would have admitted that what he had done was rather impressive all things considered.

Before anyone on the other side of the barrier were the wiser, the murdering jester wove around his target without making a sound in an instant so that he was standing in front of Koyuki with his arms around her and the assailant's knife no longer at her neck… and the pair disappeared, allowing the murdered man to finally drop to the ground with nothing to support it.

The results were instant.

At the sound of the body hitting the ground, all of the shinobi that were closest to it jumped away on reflex while turning around on guard, only to see their hard earned prize was gone and their comrade was dead.

You could actually see what was going through most of their minds as their faces raced from shock to confusion to disbelief to realization to absolute fear, the latter being accompanied with them turning back to the Mizukage's entourage with pale expressions and trembling bodies.

"You do realize that we are going to have to accost you most grievously when this is over, don't you?" Haku's tone was as cold as her ninjutsu, however she did not turn away from her prey as the person she was talking to along with the former hostage faded into view right behind her.

"Nice to see you too Haku-nee." The Jinchuriki snickered, clearly amused by her irritation. "Seeing as you're pretty pissed, I think I'll just watch those poor shmucks take the brunt of your anger… from way back here… where it's safe… with Koyuki in between us… who you don't want to die."

"Three years and the only thing different about you is your height." The Daimyo scoffed sarcastically. "At least your ability to come through in a pinch hasn't gone rusty."

"Lady I will chuck you back in there if you keep that sass up. Don't think I won't."

"But then you won't have your essential meat shield to protect you will you?" The woman asked in a dry tone, completely unbecoming of one of her rank but perfectly acceptable for anyone dealing with the blonde.

"... Well played. Well played indeed. No wonder the fox likes you."

"The fox…" Koyuki frowned before looking back at the castle. Even from their distance from it, she could see the signs of battle near the front still going on. "Naruto, what about the royal family and the enemies back at the castle?"

"Them? Pshhh." Naruto waved off her concerns without a second thought. "Who do you think I am? I'm crazy, not irresponsible. I took care of that before I left. It's all under control."

o. o. o.

In the Castle:

Dozens of broken and crushed bodies littered the hallways leading up to the top floor and the stairs. The beaten, dead, and defeated were sprawled all over the place in no particular order. The hallways soaked and bloody. The walls shattered and thrashed. Truly it was the image of a horrendous one sided battle…

However the most traumatizing aspect of the scene to many of the survivors was…

"How much longer is this going to take Pa?! I still have dinner cooking in the kitchen! I'll have to start from scratch at this rate!"

"Good god woman give me some peace! Every time we get summoned you happen to be making dinner! It's noon? You're making dinner! Ten at night? You're making dinner! Four fifty two in the morning?! YOU'RE MAKING DINNER!"

… The two elderly toads there that would not shut up and stop arguing.

"Uh… Hikairu nervously swallowed as he and his family and Karenbana hid in the kitchen, which was guarded by a three meter tall red toad in a vest.

"It's best if you don't get their attention kid." Kamakichi winced as Pa literally tore three more invaders in half with a high pressure stream of water without turning his attention off of his wife. "Trust me on this. It's safer that way."

"YOU ARE A HORRIBLE HUSBAND! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN COMPLIMENTED ME ON MY LOOKS IN NEARLY A HUNDRED YEARS!"

"WHAT'S THERE TO COMPLIMENT?! YOU'VE BEEN LITERALLY NOTHING BUT WRINKLES FOR NEARLY HALF A MILLENNIA!"

"GASP! YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU OLD FOSSIL!"

"WE'RE THE SAME AGE!"

"Hey brother!" An equally large but slightly fatter clueless as always yellow toad called out to his brother from the pantry behind the humans. "These guys have a lot of good stuff in here! You should have some!"

"Now now Gamatatsu! The Elders are going at it again and Naruto-nii asked us to keep them alive no matter what!" The red toad snapped frantically at his little brother before ducking as Ma violently whipped another unfortunate human around with her tongue and crushing his spine against the nearby wall… along with the wall, before flinging the body out of the window.

"Ow…" The yellow toad muttered as he watched the body disappear. "That looked like it hurt."

"That's it. I give up." Karenbana muttered to herself. "I'm on the straight and narrow from now on. It's safer that way if the good guys have nuts like this on their side."

"Amayo… please promise me we won't end up like that." Michiru whimpered as he saw the two elders fight while murdering anyone who came up the stairs without hesitation.

"I promise…" His wife swallowed heavily. "… Though to be fair dear… I don't think you'd ever manage to put up a good fight against me…"

Lying at the end of the other side of the hall, Kurama tried to sleep. "Sometimes I desire to commit mass genocide simply for the sake of the betterment of the world… and I come to truly hate my existence."

o. o. o.

Back with the main character:

"Tooooootally under control." Naruto grinned confidently just as the body Ma threw out the window crashed limply into the sand less than five meters away from him.

"All right. That's it. I'm done with this shit." Zabuza grunted as his chakra and presence spiked tremendously, forming the full image of a twenty meter tall demon towering above everyone there. As expected, everyone save for Naruto and Haku instantly went on guard, expecting any and everything to happen."Haku."

"Yes." The Temperature in the area dropped considerably to the point that everyone's breath was now visible and the sea water that wasn't already frozen near the girl condensed almost instantly.

The ground beneath the enemy began to shake ominously. "Fuck em."

"Done."

Without any seals or warning, the partially frozen sand beneath the sixty odd shinobi behind the barrier erupted like a fifty foot wide geyser with the water Zabuza had poured underneath them earlier, launching each and every one of the poor fools in virtually every direction except ironically theirs due to the barrier in the way.

Once the massive spout of water had broken and spread its contents all around, the Yuki got to work and seemed to flash freeze the water in front of her with ease, momentarily doubling the screams of pain, surprise, and rage there before rendering them silent.

All but five of their targets had been taken out by the swift combination, of which included the burly man from Dotou's regime, the woman who made the barrier, and Nagashi, and they were currently being preoccupied with the clones that Zabuza had set up earlier.

"You can have the rest of them Mei." The swordsman glanced at the Mizukage before walking to the invisible wall with sword in hand. Without so much as hesitating, he raised the weapon above his head and began to gather the water stored inside of it around its body, however its size did not change much, giving it a peculiar second skin of watery membrane several inches thick.

Despite what others may have been able to see however, the fact of the matter was that the man had just poured and condensed several hundred gallons of water into the small membrane, giving his tool tremendous crushing potential. Thanks to the fact that all the water stored in his sword was saturated with his chakra, he could control it all fairly easily. Not nearly as well as Gaara and his Sand or Naruto with his air, but still far easier than most.

His casual swing belied the power it held as it shattered through the powerful barrier with little trouble and subsequently created a tremendous fissure in the ice pillar in front of him. The people that were still alive and not occupied made some effort to ignore the flying chunks of frozen bodies that sprayed in every and all directions.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a blonde idiot to murder."

"Oh come on! Are you really going to blame this stuff on me!? Seriously?!" The manchild hiding behind Koyuki shouted in almost disbelief. Almost.

"You mean you honestly think that you don't in some bizarre way?" The Daimyo didn't bother to look around at him as she watched Zabuza and Haku walk slowly to her direction.

"… Ok you have a point, but still give me a break here! I just woke up twenty minutes ago!"

"Nope." Zabuza replied with a dead look in his eyes as he began to lazily swing his weapon from side to side, creating more fissures in the sand in the process. "You gonna die fox boy."

"And I'll bring you back… eventually." Haku spoke with as much ominous undertone as she held a very unhealthy number of ice senbon in front of her face.

Now, one must remember several things about Naruto's current predicament. He was weak. His body was shot. He was low on chakra. He was about to be horrifically hurt by two very powerful shinobi both in peak condition that were familiar with how he generally fought, which combined with his current physical state, would make the oncoming experience hurt even more. No one was going to help him. And…

He had just spent the last three years with GHOST.

Which is why the time travelers there really should have expected something of similar nature of what happened next to occur…

Without warning, Naruto wrapped his hands around Koyuki's stomach and placed his hands on her stomach, and squeezing it as if feeling for something. "Seeing as I'm about to die horrifically I might as well say this now… Lady, you're letting yourself go. You were way lighter when I was running with your spoiled ass from that train back when we first met."

Keep in mind that Koyuki Kazahana was a woman who had been in the acting business for the majority of her life, and more importantly starred in many films. Even after she took control over Spring Country, she still pursued her acting career with a professional mindset, albeit not as much as before. That being the case, the condition of her body was and has always been one of the things she had been careful of and monitored daily. She ate very calculated diets. She worked out every day. She made sure that she never got sick…

So given all that, it's not difficult to expect that her immediate borderline reflexive reaction to someone squeezing the "fat" on her stomach and calling her overweight would be a savage right hook underneath the little scrub's chin.

It also helped that the target managed to adjust his body at the last moment so that the blow would hit his chin in just the right way to jolt his head, causing him to pass out from the blow almost instantly.

Ahh sweet unconscious bliss. Envelop me in your loving embrace and protect me from the harm that is reality… ow.

o. o. o.

Justu List:

Invisible Black: B rank Nin-taijutsu, Offensive.

Description: Originally created by an underground blood sport fighter, this technique's greatest strength is the speed at which it can be unleashed.

The technique is enacted by clasping the user's fist into his other hand, and creating a chakra blade of any type between them before separating them at the enemy, drawing the blade originating from the first hand much like a samurai's drawing technique. The whipping motion of the arms snaps the chakra blade out at speeds that are dependent on the user's drawing speed. At its fastest, the blade can easily surpass the sound barrier and tear through human flesh, bone, and other hard materials.

This technique can further be enhanced by the user's chakra nature, which enable different side effects. In case of Wind Elementalists, the cutting power and general range of Invisible Black is greatly enhanced, and the user is able to create multiple parallel blades with one drawing.

"The Set"

Unranked Wind Nin/Genjutsu (Seventh Sense Required), Supplementary

Description: The Set is a number of wind based nin/genjutsu that when combined provide the user with borderline perfect cloaking. Each individual technique can be considered C or B rank, and prevents the user from being seen, heard, smelt, disturbing air currents, and even the user's chakra signature respectively, rendering the user nearly impossible to detect by most sensory techniques and bloodline abilities.

Naruto has mastered all the techniques that make up "the set" save for the most complicated one, which matches his heat signature to whatever is behind him to the sensor.

There are weaknesses to "The Set" however, primarily is that anything the user touches must also be rendered under its veil, else the bodypart touching it will be visible due to the fact that light is unable to be bent around it to maintain its cloaking. Also, it will be disrupted if the user utilizes high power jutsu, and jutsu in general used by him run the risk of exposing his location. Also, it takes some focus and time in order to set it up, so it is not very applicable in fast paced battles where there is little cover.

o. o. o.

A/N:

DONE!

Honestly, this chapter kept on fighting me. I know it's been a while, but FFD, work, and grad school have been destroying me lately.

New Jersey… don't drink the water. Just don't.

So yeah, Naruto has Invisible Black from Deadman wonderland. Totally great.

I know this chapter was more of a filler, but it needed to be done for several reasons later. The fight scenes here were meh, I admit, but trust me, the next chapter will be epic.

So if any of you don't know, there's been a character page made on the YAWALEH tvtropes page and it needs a lot of lovin. I did pretty much all of the oogakari, but I really don't have the time to focus on the others, so please give it LOVE!

(SMACK)

Sorry. Disgaea D2. Yeah.

Oh. Also, I did a little Q and A for the Deviantart group page and gave a little history and explanation of True Gods and the Oogakari and stuff like that. Check it out if you want.

So that's about it for now. I'll try to get the next one out soon, but work really is kicking my ass lately.

Let's try to get to 1k reviews in by chapter 7 people! We are on a roll!

So Review! Worship the Log! Trololololol lololol lololol Hahahahahaaaaa! AND REVIEW AGAIN!