United States of Hetalia

Maybe closing the poll at the 21st was a bad idea considering I'm a slow writer... Anyways! Since 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' was the choice most voted for, here you go! I don't own Hetalia, Hima does. I don't own the Grinch either because Dr. Seuss does.


It was calm in Hetaville, on Christmas Eve Day.

The older folks were decorating as all the children play.

But this isn't about them, there's someone we've missed.

It was the albino, named Gilbert, and boy was he pissed.

The albino hated Christmas! Nobody disliked it more than this guy!

Now, I'm just the narrator, so I'm not sure of the reason why.

It could be that his beer just wasn't brewed quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his boots were too tight.

But I think the reason he looked down at HetaVille with a huff,

was maybe he thought the citizens weren't awesome enough.

Be it the beer or the boots, he still didn't like it.

Not that the villagers really helped a bit.

He looked down at the village from his hill with a scowl.

"Look at those unawesome losers," he growled.

"With their 'Christmas this' and 'Christmas that'!"

He turned around and started pacing in front of his bored companion, Matt.

He let out a sigh. "They're setting up the trees!

Putting on so many freakin' lights that people in space could see!"

He glared down at the Hetalians running from store to store.

Then he finally groaned "I can't take it anymore!"

He glared when he heard the carol Matthew was humming.

"That is it!" he said. "I have to stop Christmas from coming!"

"And how are you to do that?" Matthew raised an eyebrow.

Gilbert answered, "I'm going to stop it, and I don't care how!"

He ran a hand through his hair, bangs out of the way.

"Every year they make noise all day!"

Matthew knew of the noise, it happened every year.

It was the sound of company whenever Christmas was near.

"All the kids will start screaming and playing with toys."

Gilbert rubbed his temples. "Even from here, we'll hear the noise!

And the thing that annoys me the most, you know..."

Gilbert sighed. "Couples making out under the mistletoe.

And then they'll all start singing that," he meant the song Matt was humming before,

"Listening to them sing like dying cats is what we have in store!"

The albino wanted a way to stop Christmas, so he thought and thought.

After a long while, he grinned. He had the answer he sought.

"I'll dress up like Santa and steal everything!

Then we'll see what Christmas will bring!"

He grabbed some fabric and made a coat and hat.

Then with a smirk and some antlers, he turned to Matt.

Matt scowled. "Is it because I'm Canadian?" he said.

With a laugh, the antlers were placed on his head.

He grabbed empty sacks and attached Matthew to the sleigh.

With a great "KESESESESE" they were on their way.

All the windows were dark, all the citizens were asleep.

Gilbert slipped down the first chimney, not making a peep.

He took all the gifts, the decorations, the food!

Since I can't stop him, I'll just say "Not cool, dude!"

After emptying the house of nearly all he could see,

he turned around and chuckled. "Time for the tree!"

But Gilbert heard a noise before he could shove the tree up.

It was two little boys in dresses, one holding a cup.

It was Lovino and Feliciano, both barely reached Gilbert's knee.

Lovino glared and asked "The hell are you doing with our tree?"

Gilbert then clasped together his hands and gave them a smile.

He explained, "I just going to take the tree for a while.

The lights aren't bright enough and had flickering that won't stop

I was going to fix this tree up in my awesome Christmas shop."

And the two kids believed him! Man, was he slick!

He gave them a glass of water and sent them off to bed quick.

Then he stole the Christmas tree, leaving not even a glass ball.

The Hetalians in the house unaware of their now-empty hall.

Then he did this to all the other houses in the town and in the street.

The albino grinned as if he got the awesome Christmas treat.

So he went back up his hill with a sleigh full of sacks.

He knew he wasn't going to give those gifts back.

The sun started to rise up over the town,

And a sound reached Gilbert's ears that made him frown.

It was a a heavenly noise that would touch many hearts.

The town was singing. Christmas about to start.

Gilbert was confused. "But it came without presents!"

Matthew just smile at him. "They still find it pleasant.

Now listen more closely, look at the sky's blue hue.

Gilbert, what's the awesome thing to do?"

Gilbert gave him a smile, and some people say

the albino's heart grew three sizes more awesome that day.

So Gilbert and Matt went down at break-neck speed

And started tossing to the people the Christmas they need.

Gilbert gave out the gifts with a whole-hearted grin.

Then they started singing again, Gilbert joined in.

djbajsbfk Holy crap this suuuuucks. Anyways, uh, Merry Christmas to everyone!