Jake rolled over in bed, shivering slightly. What a dumbass he was to have kicked the sheets off in December. His brain wasn't working fully yet, and he didn't want to open his eyes, so he continued to tumble around until he found the blankets.

He found a very warm Thing tangled in them.

Jake calmly wrapped his arms around the Thing, chuckling tiredly as lanky arms popped out from the cocoon to hug him. With enough feeling about, along with previous knowledge, the Thing was identified as a Dirk.

After a few kisses and two mumbled "Good morning"s, the pair found their respective glasses and headed out to their kitchen.

They were immediately reminded of something important on this day. Something to do with stockings and a decorated tree...

"Oh shit, merry Christmas. Should we check out the sick loot we got or eat something first?" Dirk pondered.

"I can still barely see yet so let's get some coffee." Jake responded, rubbing at his eyes.

Both boys wandered out to their kitchen, where the coffee pot was already steaming. Christmas 2011 gave them the best present: a coffee maker with a timer.

In a matter of moments the two had their coffee and cereal. They took their time to wake up, lounging around at the table(and possibly falling asleep again). Once the sleep had been shaken off and caffeine had been injected into them, they raced each other for the fake fireplace with their stockings taped on it.

What they found didn't surprise them. They'd been getting the same things from their friends since they moved in together, even before they were dating. Inside each stocking were at least three packs of condoms from their friends, along with generic gifts like candy canes, lube, chocolate, specific types of plastic rings, batteries, and a certain scandalous vibrating object. Perhaps a small chunk of uranium too. They were both laughing louder together than a family with six kids would on... Well, Christmas.

After stashing their prizes away in their pockets and admiring how horrible and sweet their friends were, they dived for the miniature tree. Dirk pulled out the boxes with orange wrapping and tossed the green ones to Jake. They grinned at each other, then dug in.

They managed to figure out who gave who what without opening the packages. The sloppy packaging on oddly circular objects was Roxy's. Boxes with red bows were Jane's. The last two were gifts to each other.

"God damn, hard decisions. Who's first?" Jake stared between each of the boxes, curiosity on what was inside growing by the second.

"Roxy?" Dirk suggested, staring down the peculiarly shaped objects.

"Probably alcohol."

"Oooh, fun."

So they tore off the wrapping, both receiving bottles of something they'd never heard of before.

"What'd I tell you? Alcohol!" Jake shook the bottle, chuckling a bit.

"Thanks, Rox." Dirk uncorked the bottle and took a swig, immediately gagging and spitting half of it out. "Fuck, I forgot how serious she is with this shit, oh my god."

Jake just laughed. "Good god you could get tipsy in just a mouthful! Boy, does Roxy know what she's doing." He pauses for just a moment before chuckling. "Should I go look for the solo cups?"

"Dude, do it. Maybe after we open the presents though, so we can actually remember them?" He chuckled, glancing at the bottle a bit apprehensively, like taking a sip of it had just literally cut his head off.

"Ahah, of course. How about Jane's, now?" He stared at the boxes, spying a small, squat one and a long, slender one.

"Sure. We can get the cups later." They both tear into their gifts: for Jake, a pair of handcuffs for his mysterious adventures. For Dirk... The newest, most advanced piece of Crockercorp technology, the Crockerkatana.

The two exchanged glances. Somebody had a better gift... Until Jake found a note among the gift wrap.

It was printed neatly in cyan ink on a yellowish paper for readability.

"Dear Jake,

I know your present seems a bit out of place, compared to Dirk. But, really it's the more sentimental, better-thought-out gift. I'd been planning to get you handcuffs since June, because of that cop movie(pardon my forgetting the name) you loved so much. I figured these would be more meaningful to you than a piece of technology that makes no sense save for the original object with a computer in it.

To support my apology, Dirk's gift honestly wasn't nearly as well thought of. I really didn't know what to get him, until the beta of this product came out. As soon as I'd unwrapped the packaging, I knew Dirk would want it more than me. It's technology and katanas, and I figured if he didn't want to use it, he'd dismantle and explore it.

It's best I add that this was the 20th of December when I had this idea.

I hope this convinces you that your gifts aren't so far in value, after all.


Jane Crocker"

Jake felt a smile creep onto his face. "Alright, she's got kudos from me."

"Damn sweet of her."

"Agreed. She really is a great friend." Jake grinned, eyeing the last two boxes. "Now let's get opening these, I'm excited!"

Both dug into the final, most exciting gifts: the ones from each other. Dirk had to hold back an unironic squeal when he saw Fluttershy's "yay" shirt lying in the packages, along with a few "action figures", themed boxers, and "details for my walls. Or Squarewave." Jake's face lit up at a custom-made "double pistols and a wink" shirt and his favorite classic movies, or at least the ones Dirk knew he didn't have yet.

Of course, they'd put more time and money into the joke gifts for each other, like hardcore vibrators, cock rings, and separators, because they both knew what they were planning to do later that night. They made sure to wrap each toy in pink, girly bubblegum wrapping that smelled like flowers.

Throughout the day they teased each other while Skyping with Jane and Roxy. It was sad that they couldn't spend Christmas with each other, but Jane had to spend time with family, and she and Roxy were inseparable. They thanked each other for the gifts, had several over-the-cam toasts(nobody came out completely sober), strangled out some carols, had another few drinks, debated who got the best presents, and said goodbye. Their call lasted a few hours, but it felt like seconds. Of course, it might've just been whatever Roxy had sent them.

At this point, both boys were giggling harder than the ladies had been, for literally no reason.

"Should we go to dinner now, or try out some of our shit?" Dirk managed to mumble out.

"I'm up for either, Hun." Jake responded, even though his eyes were on their pile of loot.

"I think we're a little too... go out in the car. Yeah? Y'know, fuck it, we're smashed and there's no chance we're goin' out."

"What should we do, then?" His eyes hadn't left their stash. The moment he looked towards Dirk, the blonde was gone. Jake stood to check the bedroom, finding nobody. He slipped back out into the living room, where Dirk had returned, stretched out on the couch with his favorite headphones on, blasting music Jake could never recognize. All he knew was that they cancelled sound. With another glance, he noted the lack of shades. With a third, Dirk's eyes were closed.

A spark ignited in Jake's foggy mind. He slipped over to the heap of devious fun, grabbed his handcuffs from Jane, and tiptoed behind Dirk. He warmed the metal, on his hands, then snapped them around Dirk's wrists with a light kiss to his nose. He got an almost goofy smile in return.

Next, he pocketed a few more items from the pile, the ones they'd gotten for each other. The list included the hardcore vibrator, the remote to it, a small cock ring, a gag, blindfolds... it felt like the list was endless.

Finally, feeling prepared(and already half-hard), he climbed on top of Dirk and pecked his nose sweetly. "Hello," he mumbled. He ran one hand through Dirk's hair and cupped his cheek with the other, pulling him into a gentle kiss. The other sighed, returning the kiss. Jake could make out with lyrics resonating from the headphones. Or, make lyrics out. Whoops.

They stayed sweet and innocent like that until Jake opened his mouth, nibbling gently on Dirk's lip. The blonde opened his mouth and slid his tongue out to meet Jake's, and it got more heated from there. Their tongues twined slowly and Jake's hands roamed. He traced patterns with his fingers until he reached the end of fabric. He slipped his fingers underneath the cool cotton and glided it up Dirk's body, only breaking the kiss to pull the cloth over his head and leave it bunched up around the handcuffs.

Slowly, he slid down Dirk's body, picking the separator bar up off the ground as subtly as a drunk boy could. Almost smoothly, almost quickly, he snapped the cold metal around his calves with a devious grin. Dirk's eyes shot open and his jaw dropped.

"H-hey! Not cool, dude!" The obvious throb in his already-tight pants said otherwise.

Jake only quirked an eyebrow and took the chance to come at him with a blindfold. He listened to the sexiest, angriest growl he'd ever heard. Next, he unbuttoned the blonde's pants, sliding them down and giving much-needed relief. He followed with a familiar pair of MLP boxers, bunching both around the bar. He grinned at the raging erection Dirk sported and leaned up to examine it further. It was straining for attention and letting out a bead of precum. Hot. He pressed his thumb to the tip, smearing the bead all over his head. Ooh, seems Dirk felt like being vocal today.

Without warning, Jake enveloped the length in his mouth, encasing it in tight heat. Dirk full out moaned and rocked his hips shallowly. Jake bobbed his head slowly, using one hand to stoke firmly at the base. He had Dirk groaning out louder than usual, and he basked in pride with the fact.

Regardless, he wanted to tease. He grabbed a certain object from his pocket... then removed his head with a light pop and swiftly slid on a cock ring, settling it at the base of his dick. Dirk nearly screamed in frustration and he relished the sound.

"God fucking dammit, it's Christmas! What else do you WANT?" Jake chuckled softly, but didn't respond; he knew Dirk couldn't hear through the headphones.

He kind of wanted to unload his pockets and just cut to the chase. He'd been teasing Dirk enough, and his pants were getting insanely painful. But on the other hand, he wanted to torture Dirk...

He wanted to tease him right to the edge, and stop. Give him hell up to the last second, then let him down again. He wanted to build him up until neither of them could take it and make him come like fireworks.

Jake cleared his mind and put his thoughts into action. He'd got the separator, the handcuffs, the blindfold and the ring. What could be used next? Hmm... He reached his hand into his pockets, searching around He felt a small ball, a remote, and a pill-shaped object. Ooh.

Dirk grunted quietly, squirming in his place. Poor guy couldn't hear or see anything, not mention the fact that he could barely move. Jake loved it.

Yet, he crouched down beside his head and lifted up one ear of the headphones to speak to the blonde. "How do you want it?" He whispered softly, surprising himself at the lust in his own voice.

"Nngh.. Fuck. Just, anything, Jake," Dirk cringed inwardly at the crack in his voice. "Please."

"As you wish my love." Contrasting every kinky, hot thing he'd done today, he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his cheek before fixing the headphones again.

He took a moment to evaluate what he wanted to do, mind still hazy from lust and alcohol. There was a vibrator in his pocket; he could use that. They also had plenty of lube, as well as condoms, but he knew both of them had a kink that involved not using one of the objects. He also had the option of just pleasuring Dirk, but why would he when he's so painfully hard?

Of course, he could do a mixture of the three. Yeah. Tease him, tease him, tease him... Then, give him what he wants: fuck him senseless. That sounded like a good plan.

He considered whether or not to use the gag while he fished up with the vibrator. On the one hand — he pushed the little pill up against his entrance — he wanted Dirk to be loud. On the other — he pushed it in a few inches — hearing him moan around the ball was intoxicating.

He flicked the vibrator on its lowest setting and watched the blonde squirm, opening his mouth in a gasp. After a hazy cloud of lust passed his mind, Jake leaped into action with the gag in hand, pushing the ball into his mouth and tightening it around his skull.

God damn, there had to be more toys than just that. He honestly couldn't tell if Dirk was in Heaven or Hell, but he wanted to put him in both.

Jake trailed his fingers down his body, tracing shapes over pale skin. He lightly grasped Dirk's head, brushing his thumb across the tip, and relished a moan that was louder than ever before. He took a gentle lick at the smeared precum, judging the taste. It was a bit salty, but not all bad. He shifted in his spot and took a second to consider sucking him off, but small weight in his pocket that he'd missed before suddenly stuck out like a sore thumb. He released his grip around the blonde's length and dug into his pocket to find a small remote. Oh right, the vibrator. He grinned wickedly and turned the knob from three up to seven, listening to Dirk's loud yelp. He wondered if the neighbors could hear, then decided he didn't give a fuck. Teasing Dirk was more important. Speaking of teasing... He turned the knob again, lowering it down to two like the sick fuck he is. The whimper of loss he got was like ecstasy.

Jake continued the process until he get bored, to say the least. Just turning the knob and listening to the sounds released wasn't enough to sate his mind. So he left the vibrator on five, just enough to keep Dirk trembling, and took a lick at his tip again before enclosing his mouth around the head and sucking lightly. He took more of the length into his mouth over time, lathing over it with his tongue, sucking softly, running his hands along the length... until he noticed that the blonde's moans were increasing even more than before and that his breathing had increased. He was whispering sweet nothings and rocking his hips to maximize his pleasure. His stomach muscles were clenching and his breathing hitched. And just at the last moment, when he was about to blow, Jake pulled away with the most devious grin managed and turned the vibrator off. Dirk actually screamed in frustration, so close to climax he couldn't take it.

The look on his face drove Jake absolutely wild. It made him want to cut to the chase and just take him. But he couldn't, not right then. Dirk would spill over in a moment's notice and it wouldn't be as great. So he waited for Dirk to relax with a hand on his shoulder, however angry he was, to remind him that he hadn't left. Once he'd slicked up, and once Dirk had calmed down, he reached for the remote in his pocket and turned the vibrator on to one, with a quiet squeak from the blonde. It occurred to him through a mild drunken haze how painfully hard he was from neglect. It was worth it. To relieve the pressure and continue on with their session, he started to strip down. He started with his shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it to the side. He put the vibrator up another notch. Next, his shorts. They joined his shirt to form a small pile. Another level on the vibrator. Dirk whimpered. Finally, he stepped out of his boxers, finishing the heap of clothing. He stood fully exposed, even though Dirk couldn't see(or hear, or move much), and turned up the vibrator one last time. Whoops, that was two. Or three. He relished the groan.

Finally, Jake grabbed for the lube and popped open the cap. He dribbled the cold liquid onto his fingers and spread it over himself. He knew Dirk didn't need any stretching because they did this almost every night, just... not this hardcore. Once he was lubed up enough, he slid himself on top of Dirk, lifting his legs up on his shoulders, and relieved him of the gag. Immediately Dirk was hissing strings of profanities at him.

"Fuck, fucking SHIT oh my fucking god JAKE. Don't you dare stop now because I swear to god if you do I will murder you in your sleep and make sure you burn in FUCKING hell."

Someone was excited.

Jake was about to retort with a steamy response, until he remembered the headphones still blasting in Dirk's ears. He wondered how many songs had gone by since they started.

"Jake just fucking take me already." There was more than a hint of need in his voice. He certainly couldn't deny Dirk when he sounded like that. So Jake leaned up to capture his lips softly, just for a moment. He let his hands slide down his sides, down to the inside of his thigh. He prodded around softly until he found his entrance, not looking for the sole purpose of teasing the blonde just a little bit more. Then he lined up and slowly pushed in, enough to make Dirk rock his hips and beg him to move faster. He had mercy on his poor soul, sheathing himself completely. He felt something small vibrating at his tip and he flushed a bright red. The vibrator was still on.

He didn't care; he wanted Dirk to beg him to mov- "Jake, please! Fuck, just go.."

That was convenient. He rolled his his hips smoothly, then pulled out to the tip. He listened for a sound, and when he heard none, he thrust back in quickly. That got a reaction. Dirk moaned out loudly, any of his pride that might have been in tact before torn to shreds. Jake rolled his hips again, and Dirk arched up into him.

The pleasure was inexplicable. It was all Jake could do not to moan out himself, after all that time without any stimulation. But he found himself slipping as Dirk urged him to speed up, felt himself losing control by the second. Even if they hadn't been going for a long time it was still amazing just to be inside him. His breath sped up considerably as Dirk lifted his hip to meet the thrusts, and it was heaven. His thoughts had all deteriorated, and he finally let out a moan. It was short and quickly stifled, but he still felt embarrassed. At least Dirk couldn't have heard, anyway.

He sped up considerably after some time, skin slapping against skin erratically, searching for the one spot that would drive Dirk crazy. He'd decided not long into their session that the blonde would be coming like fireworks and screaming his name like he was a god, and that was the only way he'd have it.

Dirk was already sounding like he'd lost his mind, moaning out like a porn star. He rocked his hips in time, and Jake could see his stomach muscles tightening. Not moments after the observation did Dirk try to speak, barely forming a breathy sentence.

"Jake... Fuck, I'm so clo-OH!"

Jake rammed into him particularly roughly, tearing a loud cry from Dirk. He knew he'd hit the one spot that would drive him mad, so he aimed to brush past it again. He watched Dirk's muscles tense, teetering right on the edge, about to spill over... But it only took one more pound to send himself over, moaning out his lover's name.

It was, well, orgasmic. Dirk was screaming out his name, even if he could barely hear it, and it mixed with his own cries. His eyes were squeezed shut as Dirk tightened, blowing his load only seconds after. Even if he couldn't see him coming like a firework, like he'd wanted so badly, he could feel it splatter against his chest, and damn, it was hot.

They rode out their highs, shaking lightly and rocking against each other. Finally, after the pleasure had faded, Jake pried open his eyes. Dirk was still lying beneath him, still bound and blindfolded, and music was still blasting through his headphones. He reached up to remove them, then the blindfold and his binding. Dirk sat up, however exhausted he was, and scowled at Jake.

"Right as I came, smooth jazz turned on. You sick, sick fucker. You had to have planned this." He looked equally annoyed and amused, with more than just a hint of satisfaction on his face.

Jake shrugged. "I thought that was your iPod."

After a moment of silence, the blonde just shrugged and pulled him in for a chaste kiss. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Dirk."

"The vibrator's still on."